SarahRose Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 My husband keeps bitching and griping about this house, it makes me just want to sell the ****ing thing. I didn't want to buy it in the first place and now he is constantly bitching about the payments on it. He has 5 figures in savings and he will log on to his bank and start bitching about how his money keeps going down and he has no money. Well he should have spent 3000 on a ****ing tv! Let me say that having the house isn't a struggle at all and we can easily make the payments on it. Then I take him to wok each morning and he bitches and complains about his job the entire time. It really gets on my nerves and is making me depressed listening to it. Nobody likes their job and I don't bitch to him at all about anything. I get home from work and I try to be positive and he starts bitching about things. I log on to pay some bills and he keeps complaining about the house that I just get up and went to bed so I didn't have to listen to him. He knew how much this house cost and how much the payments were when we bought it and it seems after we were robbed, he doesn't want the house anymore and complains about it constantly. I'm tempted to tell him to shut up that I am sick of listening to it. We can't sell it as we'd take a loss on it and besides I've moved 4 times in the past 3 years and I'm sick of moving. Should I just tell him to STFU about it?
giotto Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 No sex tonight, I suppose, eh? Yes, just tell him to STFU!
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I think he needs you most right now. To re-assure him he has done a great job supporting you thus far, and you are confident he will in the future also... He is obviously stressed about finances and work - that is not a very pleasant place to be as the bread winner... What you can also communicate to him is that his constant bitching is not going to make anything better, and as a matter of fact it is making your life with him worse! In my opinion, telling him you don't want to hear it from him would be amoung the worst things you could possibly say to him right now.
xxoo Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 How do you respond? Does he just want to vent, or does he want to problem solve? "Babe, I hear you stressing about the house a lot. I'm happy here, and I think we can manage the expenses easily. But your peace of mind is more important to me than the house. What are your concerns? Can we problem solve together?" If he says no, he doesn't want to problem solve or change anything, then you have the right to tell him to stop complaining until he's ready to change something.
Author SarahRose Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 I think he needs you most right now. To re-assure him he has done a great job supporting you thus far, and you are confident he will in the future also... He is obviously stressed about finances and work - that is not a very pleasant place to be as the bread winner... What you can also communicate to him is that his constant bitching is not going to make anything better, and as a matter of fact it is making your life with him worse! In my opinion, telling him you don't want to hear it from him would be amoung the worst things you could possibly say to him right now. lol a little sexist there assuming he is supporting me and is the breadwinner! I'm the breadwinner dear. I make 5 times what he makes.
Author SarahRose Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 How do you respond? Does he just want to vent, or does he want to problem solve? "Babe, I hear you stressing about the house a lot. I'm happy here, and I think we can manage the expenses easily. But your peace of mind is more important to me than the house. What are your concerns? Can we problem solve together?" If he says no, he doesn't want to problem solve or change anything, then you have the right to tell him to stop complaining until he's ready to change something. No he just wants to gripe. He doesn't want to change anything. I told him before if he doesn't like his job to look for something else and he won't.
keane2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Oh boy, this is so familiar in my early years of marriage. Complaining was a BIG problem. I took a couple of approaches. -I told her the first time something is mentioned, it accomplishes something by letting me know its a problem. The second time lets me know its a big problem. The third time, I expect it to be offered with a solution or a request for help, because it accomplishes nothing otherwise. I even told her it's okay to mention it again, but if she respects me, she'll let me know first that she just wants to ventilate. I took these very seriously, so in a case like this, I would ask her what was the best time to set up an appointment with a realtor, and tell her I'll take care of setting up the appointment. - Later, I even started adding complaints to a 'to do' list we keep on the fridge. In a case like this, the item would be listed as 'House sucks- what to do?' On hindsight, I realized the list was probably pretty embarrasing ... but it worked.
Darth Vader Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) lol a little sexist there assuming he is supporting me and is the breadwinner! I'm the breadwinner dear. I make 5 times what he makes. A HOT sexy girl who looks like that in a bikini, who makes 5 times what her husband makes, and HE complains!? What the HELL!? :love:If he don't want you, will you marry me? J/K!:lmao: Shoot lady, I'd appreciate that any day of the week and on weekends! I'd make myself better at sex than he is! LOL! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, what does he have to complain about? You can say to him if he doesn't shut up, you'll be tempted to have an affair(Not really, and I'm not suggesting that you do have an affair, after all there's better ways to handle this!), just to get him to stop Bitching! It sounds like your husband SUCKS! But, what do I know, except there are people out of work, and it's impossible to find a job! You better remind him of that! Edited August 25, 2010 by Darth Vader
Author SarahRose Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Oh boy, this is so familiar in my early years of marriage. Complaining was a BIG problem. I took a couple of approaches. -I told her the first time something is mentioned, it accomplishes something by letting me know its a problem. The second time lets me know its a big problem. The third time, I expect it to be offered with a solution or a request for help, because it accomplishes nothing otherwise. I even told her it's okay to mention it again, but if she respects me, she'll let me know first that she just wants to ventilate. I took these very seriously, so in a case like this, I would ask her what was the best time to set up an appointment with a realtor, and tell her I'll take care of setting up the appointment. - Later, I even started adding complaints to a 'to do' list we keep on the fridge. In a case like this, the item would be listed as 'House sucks- what to do?' On hindsight, I realized the list was probably pretty embarrasing ... but it worked. I think I'll do that the next time he complains about the house. Very seriously offer to call the realtor. I guess he seems ungrateful when he is always complaining. He always had victim mentality and Debbie downer to get attention from people. We are doing very well but he tells people how poor he is. It comes off as ungrateful and insulting to me.
Cobra_X Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 lol a little sexist there assuming he is supporting me and is the breadwinner! I'm the breadwinner dear. I make 5 times what he makes. Which is why your irritated with him. If he was the breadwinner you would be all supportive? Why not take 4 days and be supportive... see how that works for you. Cause right now.... I don't see any difference between him bitching about the house vs. You bitching about him.
Author SarahRose Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Which is why your irritated with him. If he was the breadwinner you would be all supportive? Why not take 4 days and be supportive... see how that works for you. Cause right now.... I don't see any difference between him bitching about the house vs. You bitching about him. You must not have read the thread. He bitches to me all the time. I am not bitching to him. It's not the same at all
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