miserab Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Hi all, just stumble into this forum few days ago. I broke up with my gf almost 2 months ago from more than 2 years of relationship. Here is my full story (and it's a really long one, bear with me). I met her about 2 years ago. She was the one who approached me. At first I wasn't interested in her due to our 10 years age difference (I was 31, she was 21). But she was quite persistent chasing me. And when I really get to know her, I started to really like her. At that time, she was on her lowest point of her life. Her parents went bankrupt a few years before, unable to support the family, leaving her as the sole bread earner for the family. I symphatized with her situation, she's very dedicated to her parents. She even sacrificed her health so that the family could eat. A few months later she came to desperation. Tired and clueless on how to earn money, she planned on killing herself and sold her organs so she could leave a large sum of money for the families. She even already had the papers prepared. Of course I wouldn't let that happen. At that time we weren't in the relationship yet, we live in different cities. So I took her in for 3 months (it was her semester break), I settled her family's debt and support them for several months. That 3 months had been hell for me. She was having quite a nervous breakdown. Suicidal, mentally unstable and all. She ruined my sleeping and my working time. But I kept holding on because I knew, if I let her go, she will die. She has no one else to support her, or even just to share her troubles. She has difficulty getting close to people. Has no close friends. Can't tell her problems to her parents also because she didn't want to make them worried. After several months, I managed to fix her emotional problems. I help set them a business so they can earn more financial income. She became a much better person, and my love for her grew more and more each day. We had such a great chemistry. Even after two years people who saw us always thought that we're just getting into a relationship because we're so into each other. However, I never feel really comfortable with her. I have my doubts if I'm gonna be happy with her. She's emotionally very high maintenance. She drained me financially. There are some of her attitude and behavior I really don't like. But I keep holding on because I saw she loved me a huge deal. I was the whole world to her. So I thought well, what could go bad, if she loved me that much she'll do anything for me. Apparently I was wrong. So fast forward to 2 months ago, she had graduated and work in the same city with me. We live together and everything went so well. Until one day, she woke up early but went to the office late. She didn't even touch her breakfast. I was wondering what was she doing in her computer. And so I checked it (which I never did before because I trust her very much), and I saw that she was chatting with someone, consulting about this guy she met at work who made a move on her and she feel something for this guy. She was confused cos she didn't want to hurt me but she can't help liking this guy. I was so shocked. I couldn't believe after everything I've been through, how can she considered me with someone she met for just a few days. So I confronted her, she admitted it. Then I broke her up. For several days she begged me to take her back, but I already lost my trust in her so I told her that we'd just stay friends. Less than a month later someone else made a move on her. Things apparently didn't work out with that previous guy or the break up just turn her off. She told me about this new guy and I suggested that she tried with him. He's nice, wealthy and she was already on another financial trouble, was a mess, even resorted to drinking. She hesitated about being with him mainly because of his look. She is an 8+ while this guy is only a 5. I told her he's the best option for now, and maybe she'll get used to his look later. And so they officially get into a relationship a week later. Until now she still can't let me go. I always be the first one to run to whenever she had problems. She even told the new bf that she doesn't consider me as her ex. I dunno why he can stand all this. I thought I would be happy seeing her moving on. Turns out it just hurts me. They went to the places we planned before but I still can't afford yet. He bought her stuffs I knew she wanted but I can't afford yet. I still love her and care for her very much. But I no longer want to be with her anymore. Why is it so difficult for me to let her go? I knew I should start NC a long time ago. But I don't have the heart since I am the only one she can tell her problems, she's always lost without me. But watching her moving on progress is just hurting me more and more. This past few days I felt she became more distant than usual, so I thought maybe I'll start NC today. My sleep has been so horrible these last two months. There were days when my mood was high, but every morning I always go back feeling miserable. She's always the first thing on my mind everytime I'm awake. I don't want her back. But I miss our wonderful time together very much. I also feel afraid that I won't be able to get someone else who can love me that much and have chemistry that great.
PegNosePete Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 You should stop being friends with her. Stop talking to her. Stop contacting her. She is bad for you. Yes you should definitely start NC today. I would also suggest a book "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. You definitely sound like a Nice Guy and this will help you move on.
Author miserab Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 Thanks Peg, yes people told me I'm a nice guy. I'll try and get that book, thanks for the suggestion. Just got back from the gym, I felt a bit better there, but now that I'm home I'm feeling low again. Everything here just reminds me of her.
BiAxident Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Sorry to hear about your situation my friend. It is amazing, isnt it, what people will do to you after you've been so good to them? At any rate, it probably doesn't matter that you don't want her -- if you are still in love with her, then NC is the only way to go. There is another book out there, "How to break your addiction to a person", which might help you a bit. Also, if you just need to talk, we have a chatroom the people gather in at various times throughout the day: http://tinychat.com/myrelationship
Author miserab Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Thanks BiAxident, will look for that book also. The 1st day of NC went well, I feel better than usual the 1st night. But now I woke up feeling as miserable.
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