officegirl7 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Hi i'm new to this but going through a really emotional time at the moment and struggling to deal with it, i'm hoping writing it all down here will help so here goes... I met a guy on Match.com in about July, we went on a date and got on really well. We live about 30 miles apart and so planned to do something the following weekend. I mentioned the seaside and that idea turned into a weekend away. I did fear that this was too soon for a 'mini break' but it felt right so I went with it which is totally unusual for me. Running up to the weekend we exchanged tons of texts which were really gushy and nice, he'd put kisses at the end of his messages and I felt really positive about how things were going. The weekend itself went well and we had fun, we also slept together for the first time that weekend too. After that he wanted to see me again on the Tuesday, only a few days later, so I went to his place and stayed which was nice and everything seemed to be going well. After that though, something seemed to change, I really can't explain it but he just didn't seem to be as keen as he was, and I assumed he wasn't interested. Thing was, I liked him and hoped this wasn't the case. We did speak and text, but they became more infrequent and the kissed dropped off the messages. Then, a few weeks after we'd gone away, I'd missed my period, and so did a pregnancy test which came back positive. My world was upside down, i'm 29 so not so young anymore, i'm single at the moment but would love to have a family so this was a dilemma for me. I rang him straight away and told him. In fairness to him he took the news really well and has been supportive. That same day he came to my house and we talked everything through, basically deciding that the most sensible thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy. We weren't in a relationship, or married, things that we both felt were important for any child. I want my child to have all that I have had and that for me means a family unit. What followed this was lots of doctors appointments which I did on my own. At first they couldn't detect a heartbeat because i was only a few weeks gone, but 2 weeks later I had to get rescanned and there it was, 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant. I was booked in for a termination 3 weeks later, which happens to have been this Monday just passed (2 days ago). I haven't wanted to tell my parents, so have only told the father and a couple of close friends. My friends have been really supportive and the father has been available on the telephone but not really in person through the time running up to the termination. He did pick me up from the hospital and took me to his house to look after me for 24 hours though. I very much like this guy, and i'm not sure what went wrong. Through asking questions I have managed to find out that he got a bit freaked and felt that everything had felt a bit rushed when we first met, which he put down to the distance that we lived apart. Now though things have gone from early mini breaks to an abortion in only a couple of months really. I'm very much hoping for a relationship with this guy, even after everything that has happened. When we're together we have fun, laugh a lot and have good banter, and when in his company I feel happy with the decision we made and I feel secure. But then, like right now, he brings me home and I feel really alone and very down. I'm so emotional. At the moment i'm living with my parents and trying to behave normally, and not give any true feelings away. In my bedroom and around the friends that know what's happened, i'm an emotional wreck and can't stop crying. We've talked about going away for a couple of weeks in September. I'm not sure if that will happen or not, but I could do with a break. I know that I will hope with all my heart that this will be an opportunity for us to start a proper relationship, but deep down I fear that I'm only setting myself up for disappointment. Yesterday we were chatting on the sofa and he said 'you got rid of my baby yesterday' - I told him that that was an awful thing to say, and asked him what his true feeling were about the baby. He said that, like me, he felt guilty about our decision but that his sensible head told him that it wasn't the right time for a baby. These were my feelings too, although I did struggle with the situation all the way through, even up to the operation I wasn't sure but knew it was the most 'sensible' thing given the situation. I then said that, ideally, I'd want to be married and then have children, and he said 'if you'd chosen to keep the baby I would have..' but I had to stop him right there, I couldn't cope with what he might have said and I honestly don't know what he was going to say but now i'm such a mess, I feel so depressed it's unbelievable. I don't know what to do, or how to deal with my feelings. I guess I need to stop hoping that a relationship will develop, not after all this. But how do I start to move forward from all this when I feel so broken? Please help.
mickleb Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Sorry to hear you're dealing with this difficult and sad situation. From what you've said, I think you made the right decision. My advice would be to focus on your recovery from this traumatic experience and not on this guy in your life right now. He doesn't seem especially reliable. I've looked for websites/helplines that could offer you some more specific advice but the ones I've found in the US all seem to be a bit Christian, so I'll post a link to the following UK one, as I think, impartial advice is more useful, at this time. I'm sure they'll be able to advise you directly and give you some info on unbiased organisations in your area. http://www.careconfidential.com/ I also think you should try posting in the Preganancy forum here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f55/ Focus on taking good care of yourself first, then you can think about rebuilding your life. x
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