love languages

[Meadow Blue]

Has anyone else noticed if their partner uses their "love language" to hurt you also?

 

For example, if your SO shows their love primarily through words, do you think that they also hurt you primarily through their words?

 

If his/her love language is acts of service, does s/he withhold that when they're mad at you?

[quankanne]

If his/her love language is acts of service, does s/he withhold that when they're mad at you? I guess that's an easier one to see, when someone who shows you they love you holding back because suddenly, there's a lack of kind/thoughtful deeds.

 

my first thought on your original question – words as weapons when they're normally tools of love – was to say no, but after realizing how easy it is to withhold "love" in whatever style you share it, suddenly, it's not out of question for someone to use those words to harm. Like being sarcastic with what's normally an endearment ...

[You Go Girl]

It makes sense that people who show love in their particular way when not feeling that love would not show it in the same way, doesn't it? That's how they show their love. If they're not feeling it, then they won't show it that way.

But I don't like the word "withholding". It sounds like when we refuse a child candy, and is the word used by the whiners.

For example, I often read the complaint that W's withhold sex. Are they really withholding, or is it really, that they don't feel that kind of love, so they don't express something they're not feeling right then? To have sex when a person isn't "feeling the love" would be to be faking it for the other person's satisfaction only.

Why would anybody do that, no matter what their love language is? Fake it, and give it anyway? It wouldn't be logical to do so. It's logical to thine own self be true, not go against what one is feeling.

Same goes for whatever method is used to show love, sex just being the one that I hear so many complaints about, as if it should be doled out anyway, in some charitable manner.