Married boss pushes for date

[Silly_Girl]

I'm in my early 30's and my boss is c.15 yrs older. We've always got on well, last year I lost some weight, dumped a nasty 8 yr relationship and was looking forward to throwing myself in to my job. My boss found out about my new status as a singleton and at first was very supportive (I had to pop off for financial separation mediation and later legal appointments).

 

He's probably, in my position, the person I need to have the closest working relationship with. He started mentioning in emails that he'd bring me up to speed with regards X or Y over a glass of wine. Then more pushy, invited me to a couple of work/social events (representing the company). I have mostly dealt with this well, one sporting event I attended, because others were going and I took my son. Other than that we had drinks once, at Xmas, and it went well. He was good company and whilst interested in me as a person he wasn't flirty.

 

He texts me, randomly, when he's stuck in traffic or has travelled the long journey home. Sometimes weekends too. I tend to take a 50/50 approach, ignore some (I'm a busy lady) and reply to some. If I go too quiet he starts checking I'm okay. I really like and respect the guy - he does a fantastic job - but getting a 'you're very quiet, have I upset you?' text made me cringe.

 

My area at work has come under scrutiny, just as a result of commercial conditions. I worked for 3 weeks without a day off, couldn't see properly out of one eye (overdone the excel!) and totally neglected my son to do a good job. My boss is grateful but seems to keep pushing me. Pushing me by phoning daily to discuss things we agreed to review weekly; by wandering in my office to 'chat' when I've no time; by asking for a de-brief (politely demanding actually) when I've been off-site for something and have asked, clearly, for just ten mins prep to check through my hand-written notes and collect my thoughts. These are big numbers and he didn't need to push me, ten minutes later would have made no difference.

 

I feel relieved when he's off and am starting to feel really irked by his less professional texts. My counsellor thinks maybe because he couldn't get me in the sack he's subconsciously grabbing my time and attention where he can, because he can.

 

She thinks I should front it up with him. I think I've managed the situation down very well, i.e. His advances were much more blatant and frequent initially. Also, he can easily shift me out of my job if he lost confidence in me, and not only do I desperately need my job to keep a roof over our heads and buy my nutjob-ex out of the house, I love my job and can't bear to think of going elsewhere.

 

Wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation? Or if there's anything obvious I could try without taking things to a more serious/confrontational level. Thanks in advance for anything!

[lilbunny]

First question I always ask in any work-based situation is are you represented by a trade union? If not please if it is at all possible join one. The advice and support you receive is more than worth the subscription and if it came down to a fight most people could not afford the legal support.

 

If you are unable to do this, most employers have a procedure and this usually goes via the HR department. As a union rep I would never advise anyone to directly confront someone alone, even more so if they have line management responsibilities for you. This is something there is no record of, no witnesses and can be used against you in the future.

 

Initially expressing concerns about your workload, unreasonable demands etc is a place to start. Be polite, but firm. If you have an internal email system use that then it is clearly logged on your network, this covers you in the future.

 

I've never been in your situation so I am speaking purely from a TU point of view.

Hope this is helpful SG.

Edited August 24, 2010 by lilbunny
didn't mean to press submit!

[spiderowl]

I can see your problem. This is really difficult! I think your counsellor is right, though I doubt that it's subconscious. I think he's making a determined effort to get your attention and it's very unfair on you. It is putting you under pressure. The union rep. has some good advice. I was wondering what suggestions I could offer and found it tough to think of anything that wouldn't put his back up and potentially make it more difficult for you. Here are a few though. I have no idea if they'd work.

 

- try to make a clear distinction between work and home by not noticing his texts because you were 'busy', 'decorating', 'had visitors', 'was clearing the attic', generally something that no-one would appreciate being interrupted. This might send him a hint that you have a private life and that his texts have no place in it. Let him know that you are not likely to be picking up work texts unless it's a an emergency as you need a private life too. This will make it clear you consider him 'work' and not as a potential lover.

 

- if you do say anything, then I agree you should put it in an email and keep a copy

 

- repeat your requests if he infringes them, i.e. "I do need 10 more minutes on my own to work through this"

 

- maybe acquire a 'boyfriend'? If necessary, be seen around town with a helpful friend a few times. Mention you have to leave work on time to meet a 'friend'. It might make him take a step backwards. Avoid any discussion about the boyfriend or if you are still with him.

 

I know you shouldn't have to do any of the above. There is a route to formal confrontation but I know you'd want to avoid that. I was trying to think of ways of getting the message across that there is no place for him in your private life and that he needs to respect your time at work too.

 

Good luck. Do let us know how you get on.

[David.]

This sounds like good advice to me.

SG clearly works for a large commercial organisation, given that she's in one area of (how many?). There's bound to be HR. However, HR themselves are susceptible to protecting the management.

 

So SG may need to be cagey in doing something that essentially amounts to reducing her workload, her stress level and then feeling free enough to think about changing jobs.

 

The thing that struck me most was the implied inability to get out of the situation:

Also, he can easily shift me out of my job if he lost confidence in me, and not only do I desperately need my job to keep a roof over our heads and buy my nutjob-ex out of the house, I love my job and can't bear to think of going elsewhere.

This line spells trouble!

 

If you cannot bear the thought of leaving the job, then your boss has got you very neatly in a corner.

 

Therefore, the most graceful and insuspicious tack to take is to have a talk with the company doctor or HR person about work overload and wanting some relief. Say you're feeling conflicted over what to do, since you love your job...

[lilbunny]

This sounds like good advice to me.

SG clearly works for a large commercial organisation, given that she's in one area of (how many?). There's bound to be HR. However, HR themselves are susceptible to protecting the management.

 

 

Therefore, the most graceful and insuspicious tack to take is to have a talk with the company doctor or HR person about work overload and wanting some relief. Say you're feeling conflicted over what to do, since you love your job...

 

Tell me about it! Though when you are 98% unionised and militant enough to down tools when you have to it does a little to redress the balance!

 

I think the second bit is pretty sound advice. I wouldn't raise the issue of the unwanted attention and focus on workload issues. There isn't enough concrete to nail him for it so it is going to be turned round on you.

 

One other thing that applies to anyone, know your contract inside out. Be clear about what steps outside the boundaries of that and what constitutes an 'unreasonable' as opposed to a 'reasonable' request, a favourite get out of jail phrase they often sling in there.

[Zapbasket]

I can see your problem. This is really difficult! I think your counsellor is right, though I doubt that it's subconscious. I think he's making a determined effort to get your attention and it's very unfair on you. It is putting you under pressure. The union rep. has some good advice. I was wondering what suggestions I could offer and found it tough to think of anything that wouldn't put his back up and potentially make it more difficult for you. Here are a few though. I have no idea if they'd work.

 

- try to make a clear distinction between work and home by not noticing his texts because you were 'busy', 'decorating', 'had visitors', 'was clearing the attic', generally something that no-one would appreciate being interrupted. This might send him a hint that you have a private life and that his texts have no place in it. Let him know that you are not likely to be picking up work texts unless it's a an emergency as you need a private life too. This will make it clear you consider him 'work' and not as a potential lover.

 

- if you do say anything, then I agree you should put it in an email and keep a copy

 

- repeat your requests if he infringes them, i.e. "I do need 10 more minutes on my own to work through this"

 

- maybe acquire a 'boyfriend'? If necessary, be seen around town with a helpful friend a few times. Mention you have to leave work on time to meet a 'friend'. It might make him take a step backwards. Avoid any discussion about the boyfriend or if you are still with him.

 

I know you shouldn't have to do any of the above. There is a route to formal confrontation but I know you'd want to avoid that. I was trying to think of ways of getting the message across that there is no place for him in your private life and that he needs to respect your time at work too.

 

Good luck. Do let us know how you get on.

 

This is great advice. Hopefully these cues will make him back off. If he pushes on despite them, then you really must address the situation head on. If he doesn't have your personal email yet then tell him you're not really into texting or have disabled texting on your phone or lost your phone, and tell him the best way to reach you is by email. An allegation of sexual harassment is much less powerful than an actual, documented demonstration of it.

[desertIslandCactus]

 

I feel relieved when he's off and am starting to feel really irked by his less professional texts. My counsellor thinks maybe because he couldn't get me in the sack he's subconsciously grabbing my time and attention where he can, because he can.

 

She thinks I should front it up with him. I think I've managed the situation down very well, i.e. His advances were much more blatant and frequent initially. Also, he can easily shift me out of my job if he lost confidence in me, and not only do I desperately need my job to keep a roof over our heads and buy my nutjob-ex out of the house, I love my job and can't bear to think of going elsewhere.

 

!

 

Your counsellor is probably right about him making things hard for you and being more demanding, because he is not able to get what he wants. Obviously he has been fantisizing about you.

 

I think you are doing a great job, in holding onto your job and not facing him with the truth. Afterall a job is so important, esp in this day when hard to replace.

 

If he squeezes you too much, and taking you from your job - make him feel you are harried, and that you have some promise time with your son.

[Silly_Girl]

I was starting to feel er... 'silly' about this, and perhaps I was being a little immature, (my counsellor convinced me otherwise) so I am thrilled to get some really useful responses! Thanks.

 

First question I always ask in any work-based situation is are you represented by a trade union? If not please if it is at all possible join one. The advice and support you receive is more than worth the subscription and if it came down to a fight most people could not afford the legal support.

 

If you are unable to do this, most employers have a procedure and this usually goes via the HR department. As a union rep I would never advise anyone to directly confront someone alone, even more so if they have line management responsibilities for you. This is something there is no record of, no witnesses and can be used against you in the future.

 

Initially expressing concerns about your workload, unreasonable demands etc is a place to start. Be polite, but firm. If you have an internal email system use that then it is clearly logged on your network, this covers you in the future.

 

I did write an email explaining I was on the verge of being ill and regardless of the impact on the business, if I did not back off soon I would find myself off for more than the one day I was trying to take. The responses were good, supportive, but then he still asked for more and more and more of me!

 

I do try and respond to his texts with a generic 'update' email, so I have more of a trace and to remind him we're in a workplace.

 

I've never been in your situation so I am speaking purely from a TU point of view.

Hope this is helpful SG.

 

Thanks lilbunny. There's no union presence. We're part of a group, my boss is at the top of our division, I'm one of his management team. It would be VERY hard for me to take this forward without it becoming very formal very quickly. We have a group HR function but I'd be going to the top HR guy and I actually don't want to draw that kind of attention to myself. I know if it were more serious I'd have no choice but right now I don't feel quite ready for that.

 

But if my circ's were very slightly different, that's definitely what I should be doing.

 

I can see your problem. This is really difficult! I think your counsellor is right, though I doubt that it's subconscious. I think he's making a determined effort to get your attention and it's very unfair on you. It is putting you under pressure. The union rep. has some good advice. I was wondering what suggestions I could offer and found it tough to think of anything that wouldn't put his back up and potentially make it more difficult for you. Here are a few though. I have no idea if they'd work.

 

- try to make a clear distinction between work and home by not noticing his texts because you were 'busy', 'decorating', 'had visitors', 'was clearing the attic', generally something that no-one would appreciate being interrupted. This might send him a hint that you have a private life and that his texts have no place in it. Let him know that you are not likely to be picking up work texts unless it's a an emergency as you need a private life too. This will make it clear you consider him 'work' and not as a potential lover.

 

Good call, for the texts I do reply to I've started leaving longer before I reply. He texted me from his family holiday yesterday at 5pm, so I replied at 11am today saying I'd been really busy. At that point he'd already emailed me a 'this is what I'm doing on my hols' email!!! But yes, I must work harder to push those away. No reason I shouldn't be able to eliminate them completely.

 

- if you do say anything, then I agree you should put it in an email and keep a copy

 

Indeed

 

- repeat your requests if he infringes them, i.e. "I do need 10 more minutes on my own to work through this"

 

I was at my absolutely breaking point when this (and a couple of other 'showdowns') occurred. I did try, but at the time it was all I could do not to lose my rag/cry. I will definitely step this up, it felt like harrassment. Not nice.

 

- maybe acquire a 'boyfriend'? If necessary, be seen around town with a helpful friend a few times. Mention you have to leave work on time to meet a 'friend'. It might make him take a step backwards. Avoid any discussion about the boyfriend or if you are still with him.

 

He's really nosey about my private life. So I sort of have a rule that he can hear anything and everything about the daft/fun things my son and I get up to. But it stops there. I'll occasionally say a friend and I are taking the kids somewhere, but I try and keep it vague. But yes, I run the risk of him thinking I'm 'hiding' a boyfriend so he doesn't lose interest. Maybe I got this tactic wrong.

 

I know you shouldn't have to do any of the above.

 

I know. But lots put up with worse. I'd really like to be able to manage it myself.

 

There is a route to formal confrontation but I know you'd want to avoid that. I was trying to think of ways of getting the message across that there is no place for him in your private life and that he needs to respect your time at work too.

 

I like your suggestions.

 

Good luck. Do let us know how you get on.

 

This sounds like good advice to me.

SG clearly works for a large commercial organisation, given that she's in one area of (how many?). There's bound to be HR. However, HR themselves are susceptible to protecting the management.

 

So SG may need to be cagey in doing something that essentially amounts to reducing her workload, her stress level and then feeling free enough to think about changing jobs.

 

I'm getting a number 2. Very excited, will make a huge difference to my workload and the type of work I do, it's sort of a mini-promotion. However, guess what that frees me up for??? To spend more time on the road at the big commercial stuff, with my boss. Hhmmmm...

 

The thing that struck me most was the implied inability to get out of the situation: This line spells trouble!

 

If you cannot bear the thought of leaving the job, then your boss has got you very neatly in a corner.

 

Yes. I know. I try to ignore that fact, but anyone I speak to about it sees it a mile off.

 

Therefore, the most graceful and insuspicious tack to take is to have a talk with the company doctor or HR person about work overload and wanting some relief. Say you're feeling conflicted over what to do, since you love your job...

 

I'm hoping I will avoid the work overload situation by getting this additional resource.

 

Tell me about it! Though when you are 98% unionised and militant enough to down tools when you have to it does a little to redress the balance!

 

I think the second bit is pretty sound advice. I wouldn't raise the issue of the unwanted attention and focus on workload issues. There isn't enough concrete to nail him for it so it is going to be turned round on you.

 

It would look petty/messy perhaps.

 

One other thing that applies to anyone, know your contract inside out. Be clear about what steps outside the boundaries of that and what constitutes an 'unreasonable' as opposed to a 'reasonable' request, a favourite get out of jail phrase they often sling in there.

 

I'm contracted to do as many hours required to fulfil my role

 

This is great advice. Hopefully these cues will make him back off. If he pushes on despite them, then you really must address the situation head on. If he doesn't have your personal email yet then tell him you're not really into texting or have disabled texting on your phone or lost your phone, and tell him the best way to reach you is by email. An allegation of sexual harassment is much less powerful than an actual, documented demonstration of it.

 

He doesn't have my personal email and I definitely don't want him having that! Interestingly, lots of us use MSN for quick responses etc. He's not on it. He's the only one at our level I can think of who doesn't use it. I find this to be a good sign because I think it would be an easy way to keep tabs on me and be more informal and jokey (flirty).

 

Your counsellor is probably right about him making things hard for you and being more demanding, because he is not able to get what he wants. Obviously he has been fantisizing about you.

 

I sometimes have had that impression. When he's mentioned after such-and-such that he was thinking about me, or remembered something I wore etc.

 

I think you are doing a great job, in holding onto your job and not facing him with the truth. Afterall a job is so important, esp in this day when hard to replace.

 

Thanks!

 

If he squeezes you too much, and taking you from your job - make him feel you are harried, and that you have some promise time with your son.

 

It is because of my son I nearly quit 2 weeks ago. I can do long hours when it's term-time, but my son being home alone whilst I was working. One Sunday night my boy came to the office to 'help' and we didn't get home until midnight and I was back in the office at 7am. It's the time away from my son that bothers me most. All the guys and gals at my level either have no kids, or a stay at home partner (including 2 women). I'm the only one who can take my boy to the doctors or drop him at his friends, feed him, spend quality time with him etc. I'm pretty resilient and would never use the 'I'm a single parent' card for time off. I want to be judged as an equal. However, when I've been working 10, 11 and 12 hour days and I go home after 9 hours to have dinner with my son, I don't think I should be judged unfairly for that and I do state that I must spend time with him.

 

Many thanks everyone

[David.]

We're keeping fingers crossed for you. Lots of sincere advice on this thread.

 

I like Spider's idea of having a 'boyfriend' or even 'family' start turning up to help create some distance. I understand that there's a tricky balance betwen being 'career woman' and 'having a life', in terms of promotions & stuff, but if thre's one thing that trumps the Boss, it's overinvolvement in a subordniates personal life. HR wouldn't look kindly on that, particualrly as it would reflect badly with the shareholders.

 

Think of the guy at HP who just lost his job by being a bit too familiar with a consultant. People at your firm will be very aware of that. And you can do your bit to 'protect' him from that scenario.

 

Meanwhile, if it's clear that someone else in your life is watching you, and asking certain kinds of questions, you might hint that you've got to be seen to be keeping your distance, as you don't want a prying person to get the wrong idea about what goies on between you. So maybe your sister is dating a news personality....

[Tayla]

Hats off for your honesty and commitment to your career. May I inquire what message you are sending to your child when you allow this behavior from a boss? PLease tell me its not the "just suck it up dear and deal with it" mentality. THat is no way to treat an employee or be treated.

 

No contract says you have to work 24/7..(unless you are of a religious denomination who has committed your entire life to it..) Have you thought of downsizing your overworked schedule? I just question where this entire concept of Maybe if I work harder and do more it will make your entire life worthwhile. Sorry but careers take second seat to any FAMILY . Why are you NOT acknowledging that your family comes first??? It is a FACT and a REALITY. And I applaud any person who can accept that as a part of who they are...not hiding or using it to get out of things, but to be acknowledged.

 

I do hope you'll step back and ask yourself what message as an employee you are sending...that you are a push over to your boss?

[Silly_Girl]

Hats off for your honesty and commitment to your career. May I inquire what message you are sending to your child when you allow this behavior from a boss? PLease tell me its not the "just suck it up dear and deal with it" mentality. THat is no way to treat an employee or be treated.

 

No contract says you have to work 24/7..(unless you are of a religious denomination who has committed your entire life to it..) Have you thought of downsizing your overworked schedule? I just question where this entire concept of Maybe if I work harder and do more it will make your entire life worthwhile. Sorry but careers take second seat to any FAMILY . Why are you NOT acknowledging that your family comes first??? It is a FACT and a REALITY. And I applaud any person who can accept that as a part of who they are...not hiding or using it to get out of things, but to be acknowledged.

 

I do hope you'll step back and ask yourself what message as an employee you are sending...that you are a push over to your boss?

 

Thanks for the bashing Tayla!!! You'll see my post was more about my boss's advances and the dynamic in our relationship and how to manage it.

 

The working hours issue is a very recent one. I've always been very committed to my job and willing to step up, in the office 'til midnight if there's an emergency, spending time on big stuff at weekends. But that's because it suited me. It's give and take. My attitude means that I'm never questioned if I take a half-day to attend my son's assembly, or 'work from home' (it's never a days work in those instances) to be around my lad. Taking 3 weeks off for he and I to visit another continent together. I do take a stand sometimes and simply leave to be with my son, however it is a large responsibility I have and there are serious consequences with regards the financial future of the company if I don't deliver. So I have to weigh it up overall at the time. Which I think is all any of us can do.

 

Some different sets of circumstances occurred all at once that left a lot of responsibility (and graft) at my door and in my position currently I am the only person in the organisation with the skills to do what's necessary. As stated, I'm getting significant help, possibly from next week.

 

As for the role model for my son. He watched me give up my free time for years to study for my professional exams, and be a mum and work full-time. As a result he has a great work ethic and understands that there is virtually nothing he cannot do in the world if he's committed and works hard. He is incredibly proud of me and takes great interest in my work and helps sometimes where he can (his choice).

[desertIslandCactus]

SG, I haven't read it all. Don't like that you will be spending more time on the road with your boss? Did I read that right.

 

Just remember that althought you are holding an important position, and one not occupied by other single parent employees, you son is still your priority. And as a single parent, you are entitled to a 9 hr work day, not more on a reg basis.

 

Is there a way to take any work home. And can you see that your schedule will slightly lighten in the future?

[2sure]

In professional situations with the opposite sex , like it or not, sometimes it just doesnt benefit to be direct and up front...you risk alienating and offending. Men are prone to having their egos bruised and, hey - this is your job.

 

Give him the benefit of the doubt , maybe he feels more comfortable being professional friends with you now that you are single - not necessarily because you are available - just single.

 

To be sure - simply mention once or twice that you have a married male friend who has hit on you and how revolting, tasteless, and reprehensible you now find him.

 

Then see what happens.

[Silly_Girl]

SG, I haven't read it all. Don't like that you will be spending more time on the road with your boss? Did I read that right.

 

Just remember that althought you are holding an important position, and one not occupied by other single parent employees, you son is still your priority. And as a single parent, you are entitled to a 9 hr work day, not more on a reg basis.

 

Is there a way to take any work home. And can you see that your schedule will slightly lighten in the future?

 

I do work at home, evenings and weekends. But want to have to do so less. And today I got my number 2 sorted. I've 4 weeks til she starts but that should transform things for me. I'm very relieved.

[Silly_Girl]

In professional situations with the opposite sex , like it or not, sometimes it just doesnt benefit to be direct and up front...you risk alienating and offending. Men are prone to having their egos bruised and, hey - this is your job.

 

Give him the benefit of the doubt , maybe he feels more comfortable being professional friends with you now that you are single - not necessarily because you are available - just single.

 

To be sure - simply mention once or twice that you have a married male friend who has hit on you and how revolting, tasteless, and reprehensible you now find him.

 

Then see what happens.

 

Glad you understand. And I've been giving him the benefit of the doubt, not in my thoughts necessarily, but certainly in my actions.

 

And yes, I will try that I think. Explain someone's giving me unwanted attention, when the opportunity arises. Thanks.

[stillafool]

We're keeping fingers crossed for you. Lots of sincere advice on this thread.

 

I like Spider's idea of having a 'boyfriend' or even 'family' start turning up to help create some distance. I understand that there's a tricky balance betwen being 'career woman' and 'having a life', in terms of promotions & stuff, but if thre's one thing that trumps the Boss, it's overinvolvement in a subordniates personal life. HR wouldn't look kindly on that, particualrly as it would reflect badly with the shareholders.

 

Think of the guy at HP who just lost his job by being a bit too familiar with a consultant. People at your firm will be very aware of that. And you can do your bit to 'protect' him from that scenario.

 

Meanwhile, if it's clear that someone else in your life is watching you, and asking certain kinds of questions, you might hint that you've got to be seen to be keeping your distance, as you don't want a prying person to get the wrong idea about what goies on between you. So maybe your sister is dating a news personality....

 

I like this idea also and I would always ask about his wife and tell him you look forward to meeting her at the next work related get together.

[Not strong enough]

you need to somehow make him less attracted to you, without making him angry. Because this won't have a good outcome regardless.....

[MissMayhem]

I like this idea also and I would always ask about his wife and tell him you look forward to meeting her at the next work related get together.

 

 

This is exactly the suggestion I was going to make. Take EVERY opportunity presented to bring his wife into the conversation. Ask how she is, what she's interested in, how are the kids, etc., etc. This has worked for me in the past. BE consistent in this.

 

If he tries to say "Me and the wife aren't getting along, blah, blah,." then express your opinions on what a mistake you think it is for people to try to pursue new relationships when they haven't resolved the troubled one they're already in. Stress that he needs to do his best to fix it since you're sure his wife and kids love him very much.

 

Every time he tries to make it personal with you, bring the wife and kids (if he has any) into the conversation. I promise to works.

 

If he still persists, make up a story of a friend who became involved with a married man and the heartbreak that ensued. Tell him something like ".... and I've learned so many lessons from the sad mistakes my best friend made by becoming involved with a married man."

 

PS - I don't mean for you to discuss his personal life in too much detail. You certainly don't want to become his confidant! Keep it short.....

[Norville_Rogers]

I've only read a few responses but the ones I've read seem to recommend that you beat around the bush or try to lay hints down or something. I'm very different in that I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you're feeling and have a professional talk with him. Then document it and then document everything else. It doesn't have to be some long drawn out story that will take you 20 minutes to type out. Just the bullet points to make sure that you can use it if something happens. If it continues after your talk then I would go to HR. That's what they're there for. And if you have the documentation then you ass is covered. I disagree with the one posts that HR is on managements side. Maybe in the past it was like that, but I'm hearing (and seeing) more management being repremanded for their actions more and more these days. Good luck and just know that NO ONE deserves to work in an uncomfortable environment.

[MissMayhem]

I've only read a few responses but the ones I've read seem to recommend that you beat around the bush or try to lay hints down or something. I'm very different in that I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you're feeling and have a professional talk with him. Then document it and then document everything else. It doesn't have to be some long drawn out story that will take you 20 minutes to type out. Just the bullet points to make sure that you can use it if something happens. If it continues after your talk then I would go to HR. That's what they're there for. And if you have the documentation then you ass is covered. I disagree with the one posts that HR is on managements side. Maybe in the past it was like that, but I'm hearing (and seeing) more management being repremanded for their actions more and more these days. Good luck and just know that NO ONE deserves to work in an uncomfortable environment.

 

Unfortunately this can lead to an even worse situation but a particular Sexual Harassment web site suggests doing this very thing, confronting the harasser face to face. I think all situations should be evaluated thoroughly before doing this. If you're trying to maintain a peaceful working relationship, any hope of that will be lost after a confrontation and most men (or women) are gonna be pretty angry afterward. They'll possibly look for revenge or a way to take you down a peg or two. Here's a link to the web site's What To Do page. I don't think taking this action would apply to all situations. It's merely an option.

 

http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/WhatToDo.html

 

Link for the True Stories page:

 

http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/speakupse/

 

Link for the home page of the web site. The OP should check it out. In fact, all women should.

 

http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/

 

 

In my earlier post, I suggested she keep his wife and family in the conversation at all times to diffuse any attempts to make outings or conversations intimate. I've seen this work and sometimes it's safer than confrontation. I DO agree on documenting EVERYTHING word for word along with your thoughts and feelings at the time, no matter how trivial you might think it is. Dates and times included. I wish you all the best.....

[Silly_Girl]

I've only read a few responses but the ones I've read seem to recommend that you beat around the bush or try to lay hints down or something. I'm very different in that I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you're feeling and have a professional talk with him. Then document it and then document everything else. It doesn't have to be some long drawn out story that will take you 20 minutes to type out. Just the bullet points to make sure that you can use it if something happens. If it continues after your talk then I would go to HR. That's what they're there for. And if you have the documentation then you ass is covered. I disagree with the one posts that HR is on managements side. Maybe in the past it was like that, but I'm hearing (and seeing) more management being repremanded for their actions more and more these days. Good luck and just know that NO ONE deserves to work in an uncomfortable environment.

 

I'm 95% certain this would result in a complete breakdown of trust (professionally) and to me being 'managed out'. In a different structure or culture I agree this would work well, but I don't think it's for me. He's the MD, he is a long-term friend/associate of the CEO and it wouldn't be pretty for me. Thanks though.