Buccaneer55 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 For those of you who don't know my story here's a a really short version of it http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242885/ She keeps telling me she wants me to get over her, but then she still talks to me. Last night we were suppose to meet one "final" time but then she backed out b/c she had been sick all day. However, she said she wanted to meet me Wednesday night, to still talk but not only that but she wanted us to go to church together Wednesday night.... I of course being an idiot said yes, because I really want to talk and see her one more time, before my strict NC goes into effect. I wish she didn't have such a strong hold on me. She continues to tell me she wants me to get over the relationship, and then be her friend, but then she still does small things like this. We'll go a couple of days without talking, but then something always happens. We technically had this ended 2 months ago, and I think we've only gone 4 days at the most without talking at some point. I hate being so vulnerable to someone, who is doing the same thing she did to me 3 years ago. By that I mean she said we would never get back together then, and within 3-4 months we were just as serious as we had ever been. I hate this.
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I of course being an idiot said yes, because I really want to talk and see her one more time, before my strict NC goes into effect. It's like a drug. You want just one more hit before you give it up. Then one more... and one more... you're addicted to her just like heroin. The only way to give it up is cold turkey, starting RIGHT NOW. Cancel the meeting and begin NC immediately. The sooner you begin, the sooner it'll be day 2... day 7... one month... then you lose count, then you're healed. The sooner you begin, the better.
Raybork Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Hi Buccaneer55, Both of you are still so emotionally attached to each other, you can't just let go. When is your strict NC going to come into play? I'm not sure you really want it to, yet. You may hate being so vulnerable towards her, But it's because you care so much. Love hurts!
lilbunny Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I came out of a 5 1/2 year relationship at a similar age. We had broken up once before for a few weeks about 2 years in and got back together. I found it hard to adjust and accept it. I knew it was over months before it finally ended. With the benefit of hindsight I think a lot of what happened after we broke up was to do with wanting the comfort and security back. We had a house, car, both had decent jobs and a good income/lifestyle as a result. I also had to adjust to the adult world of being single and dating. The last time I had been on my own I was a school girl and that is a very different place to be. It was scary to be in that position and again it made me want to run back to the safety of the relationship. We dragged things out for a few months, I stayed at the house sometimes at weekends (I had to move out), share takeaways and have a drink, he would come and pick me up if I was stuck somewhere, much like when we were in the relationship. It took a long time to fully let go of the comfort and habits for both of us. Things only really changed when he moved out of our house and I started sharing a house with a friend rather than crashing with my parents (a bit of guilt on his part about that perhaps). We totally lost contact after about a year and I haven't heard from him or seen him in about 5 years. I still hear from his mum at Christmas and things oddly enough, and I kind of have an idea what he is doing. I know you aren't me, but I can see similarities and wonder if any of this struck a chord? If I had my time again I think I would have made clearer boundaries and stuck to them. Good luck to you, if it is over then it does get easier and there is a lot of life left to live to start over. ((hugs))
smk Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Dude trust me all of us here know that feeling, we think that meeting them that one last time may turn things around, that she will come back to you... Trust me it won't - the longer you maintain contact the harder you make it on yourself... I know I went through 9 weeks before I finally got around to telling her that I couldn't move on so long as she was still in my life... It was a scary moment for me, and yes I do still think of her and sometimes miss her but each day it goes get just a little bit easier... Heck somedays you may even fall down but it will be easier to pick yourself up and continue living your life... Be strong and cut that cord, be honest with her and tell her or don't it's upto you, I had to tell my ex to stop contacting me and she did, just goes to show that she never was going to come back... Be strong buddy we know exactly what you are going through...
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