I don't know !?

[Soysauce111]

I was with my girlfriend for about 1 and a half year. We were very loving and couldn't wait to see each other everyday. About a 2 months ago, it seems like the relationship is going downhill for a little bit. We fight over such small thing that i think is just very stupid. So we both agree to take a break from each other to have some space. Afterward, it was fine again, but wasn't for long till another break. Then, i start to feel like she doesn't find me attractive anymore, because we talk less, and hang out less. On top of all things, she is transferring to a University for 2 years this Fall 2010, that is 2hours away from home and i think that might have put some pressure on her about the distance. We had talked about the distance relationship before and i said that i would drive to visit when i have the chance or she can come back home when she have her chance but i told her that i don't expect her to have to come back to just to see me and i don't want to pressure her. And about a month ago, we talked and she called it quit. At first i did not expect that coming because the reasons that she told me was she wanted some time alone, she wanted to be single for right now, and that she doesn't want to be bother having someone behind at home. I really love her and really want it to work again. I tried to talk to her about getting back together a few times but it didn't work and she said let her think about it, and that she want some space. And we haven't talk for about 2weeks now. She also told me that "how about wait till i transfer to a University too, and we can start talking about reestablishing this relationship." I don't know whether she really mean that or she just say that for me to move on because she think it might take me a year to transfer out and by then i would have no feelings for her anymore. I feel like there is no hope left. I really want her back, but it seems like there is no chance left because i have already talked to her a few times and there is no change in her. At first she was feeling guilty for hurting me, then she realized that it was just guilt and not love. I really love her and i know that its too late now to have anything with her. I find it really hard to move on because i keep on thinking of her everyday.

 

My biggest questions on getting my ex back is:

 

-Why did she want to break up and not go for another try and start fresh?

-Why did she give me hope of reestablishing the relationship in the future, when she has no feeling left?

-I want to start talking to her again but is it too soon? I don't want to lose her as a friend also.

-If we can be friends again, is there a future of getting back with her?

-I have read so many things about re-attracting your ex back to like you, then can you bring her feelings back to you. Is that true? How can i do that? when should i do that?

-Should i give her some space, and try to be friend with her(only when i have moved on) and start over by re-attracting her again?

-I really want to get over it but my love is still strong for her. How can i get over it?

-If i should move on, then can you guys tell me how? I find it really tough to move on even when I'm out with friends i still think of her and I still have strong feelings for her.

[boltsfan17]

I was with my girlfriend for about 1 and a half year. We were very loving and couldn't wait to see each other everyday. About a 2 months ago, it seems like the relationship is going downhill for a little bit. We fight over such small thing that i think is just very stupid. So we both agree to take a break from each other to have some space. Afterward, it was fine again, but wasn't for long till another break. Then, i start to feel like she doesn't find me attractive anymore, because we talk less, and hang out less. On top of all things, she is transferring to a University for 2 years this Fall 2010, that is 2hours away from home and i think that might have put some pressure on her about the distance. We had talked about the distance relationship before and i said that i would drive to visit when i have the chance or she can come back home when she have her chance but i told her that i don't expect her to have to come back to just to see me and i don't want to pressure her. And about a month ago, we talked and she called it quit. At first i did not expect that coming because the reasons that she told me was she wanted some time alone, she wanted to be single for right now, and that she doesn't want to be bother having someone behind at home. I really love her and really want it to work again. I tried to talk to her about getting back together a few times but it didn't work and she said let her think about it, and that she want some space. And we haven't talk for about 2weeks now. She also told me that "how about wait till i transfer to a University too, and we can start talking about reestablishing this relationship." I don't know whether she really mean that or she just say that for me to move on because she think it might take me a year to transfer out and by then i would have no feelings for her anymore. I feel like there is no hope left. I really want her back, but it seems like there is no chance left because i have already talked to her a few times and there is no change in her. At first she was feeling guilty for hurting me, then she realized that it was just guilt and not love. I really love her and i know that its too late now to have anything with her. I find it really hard to move on because i keep on thinking of her everyday.

 

My biggest questions on getting my ex back is:

 

-Why did she want to break up and not go for another try and start fresh?

-Why did she give me hope of reestablishing the relationship in the future, when she has no feeling left?

-I want to start talking to her again but is it too soon? I don't want to lose her as a friend also.

-If we can be friends again, is there a future of getting back with her?

-I have read so many things about re-attracting your ex back to like you, then can you bring her feelings back to you. Is that true? How can i do that? when should i do that?

-Should i give her some space, and try to be friend with her(only when i have moved on) and start over by re-attracting her again?

-I really want to get over it but my love is still strong for her. How can i get over it?

-If i should move on, then can you guys tell me how? I find it really tough to move on even when I'm out with friends i still think of her and I still have strong feelings for her.

 

1.Unfortunately she is the only one that could answer that for you. When the relationship started going downhill, can you think of any reason on why?

 

2.Who knows why she said that. Maybe it was just to keep you on a string or she was trying to avoid hurting you.

 

3.Don't talk to her. You need to continue to go no contact. Let her reach out to you. Trying to talk to her to get back together at this point will push her further away.

 

4.That's a tough one. If being her friend for the sole purpose of hopes to get back together probably isn't a good idea. That would make it too hard on you. If you think you can be friends, you really should wait until you are completely over her to avoid further heartache.

 

5.All those get your ex back books are ridiculous in my opinion. There really isn't a proven formula to get your ex back. I just think the harder you try to get her back, the chances of you being successful are pretty slim, not to mention it will just cause you more pain.

 

6.Yes, give her space. Move on from her first. You never know, at that point you might not even want to be friends. Maybe you will have met someone else.

 

7. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. It's tough, but with time, things will get better. Keep yourself busy. Focus on your education. Don't sit at home alone. Get out as much as you can with friends. Find a hobby or get back into something you maybe stopped doing. I'm sure all of us on LS have been in the same position as you. I know even going out and doing things, you will still think of her. Focus on you, not her. I know it's tough, but you will get through this and you will eventually move on from her. Remember, you are in college. You are surrounded by other women. I know you want your ex back, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. After some time has passed, open yourself up dating again.

 

Bottom line, there really isn't anything you can do. She wants space and you need to give it to her. You have to accept the fact she may never come back to you. Hang in there and you will get through this.

[bboy]

-Why did she want to break up and not go for another try and start fresh?

 

Normal is that she sees a new chapter in her life coming up. So it is easier to leave when this chapter starts.

 

-Why did she give me hope of reestablishing the relationship in the future, when she has no feeling left?

 

She does have feelings left and maintaining the option of getting back together is a comforting feeling for her to avoid relapsing into memories you've had.

 

-I want to start talking to her again but is it too soon? I don't want to lose her as a friend also.

 

You never had her as a friend. You can however become friends with her, but this is not the moment to try to be friends. I suggest if you still have this friends issue with her that you tell her that this is not the moment to be friends. This is a moment where you need to get on with your life. However, whatever the future will do between you and her is unwritten and unknown. So stay away from comments like "We'll never be friends. NEVER!". Just say at this point you need your own space.

 

-If we can be friends again, is there a future of getting back with her?

 

Yes and no. You can only become friends if you don't want her back. Then you might have something that reignites the spark. But false friendsship will only cause you damages and unreal hopes. Hence you should say that the friendship will have to wait for now.

 

It is also good for your EGO. Because you decide the type of relationship you will have.

 

-I have read so many things about re-attracting your ex back to like you, then can you bring her feelings back to you. Is that true? How can i do that? when should i do that?

 

It is basically that you move on and present yourself as the obvious choice. Secure, in control and liberal. You're not going to be like this right away. So cut contact and lick your wounds. The main thing of getting her back is that you need to get yourself back first. In other words, become independent of her.

 

-Should i give her some space, and try to be friend with her(only when i have moved on) and start over by re-attracting her again?

 

No. Not at this moment. Push her away a little and give yourself space. You're still REacting to what she does. You need to ACT on your own will, joy and decisions.

 

-I really want to get over it but my love is still strong for her. How can i get over it?

 

There are several ways to cope with it. First you need to set a state of mind. Make a foundation that this is where I'm heading. Denial and hope is not the answer. Independency and free will are.

 

-If i should move on, then can you guys tell me how? I find it really tough to move on even when I'm out with friends i still think of her and I still have strong feelings for her.

 

It's a slow process. There is no other way to describe it. But it's a process. I suggest you do some reading here on LS. There are plenty of posts/articles that can help you moving on.

 

 

 

I can feel your pain and frustration. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you will not dwell too deep into this.

[Soysauce111]

1.Unfortunately she is the only one that could answer that for you. When the relationship started going downhill, can you think of any reason on why?

I think it might have been the fact that after awhile in a relationship I tends to get lazy about things, slowly get bore doing things with her, show different interests, small little argument and I only see her a lot by coming over to her place to chill. That slowly gets bore also as i come over too often.

 

2.Who knows why she said that. Maybe it was just to keep you on a string or she was trying to avoid hurting you.

I guess so, but my friend was really mad at that because they talked to her on AIM and she said she had moved on and the fact that she told me that before just doesn't match up. They were mad because she is giving me hope and making me hold on to her, and wait for her.

 

3.Don't talk to her. You need to continue to go no contact. Let her reach out to you. Trying to talk to her to get back together at this point will push her further away.

Yea, i already tried talking to her and begging to make it work again but she doesn't want to do it.

 

4.That's a tough one. If being her friend for the sole purpose of hopes to get back together probably isn't a good idea. That would make it too hard on you. If you think you can be friends, you really should wait until you are completely over her to avoid further heartache.

I agree with this, because I will eventually ended up hurting myself even more.

 

5.All those get your ex back books are ridiculous in my opinion. There really isn't a proven formula to get your ex back. I just think the harder you try to get her back, the chances of you being successful are pretty slim, not to mention it will just cause you more pain.

I had given up on reading those get ex back book. I am slowly giving less and less hope of winning her back and try to move on now. I think it will be for the better because if i cannot change her mind then forcing her to get back would just be the same again next week and i will get hurt again.

 

6.Yes, give her space. Move on from her first. You never know, at that point you might not even want to be friends. Maybe you will have met someone else.

Its easy to say than to move on because she is the one that want to break up and her feelings is not the same as mine. I still love her and always remember our fun times together. But i guess she doesn't see it that way and she is determine to move on and start a new life with a new school.

 

7. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. It's tough, but with time, things will get better. Keep yourself busy. Focus on your education. Don't sit at home alone. Get out as much as you can with friends. Find a hobby or get back into something you maybe stopped doing. I'm sure all of us on LS have been in the same position as you. I know even going out and doing things, you will still think of her. Focus on you, not her. I know it's tough, but you will get through this and you will eventually move on from her. Remember, you are in college. You are surrounded by other women. I know you want your ex back, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. After some time has passed, open yourself up dating again.

 

Bottom line, there really isn't anything you can do. She wants space and you need to give it to her. You have to accept the fact she may never come back to you. Hang in there and you will get through this.

 

 

Thanks for the comments, I feel great having to speak my heart out on LS. I love her but if she doesn't feel the same way with me as when we first met then there is no reason to force her to be with me. I know that we have our ups and downs and hope that I could learn my lesson in this relationship to better myself for the future one. I was just feeling hopeless for the pass few weeks because it was all too sudden even though I had the feelings that we are getting apart from each other. I still haven't grasp the idea of this break up yet, but i hope time will be on my side and i can get over her sooner the better.

[boltsfan17]

No problem. I was in a similar situation. As one of my ex girlfriends told me, love alone can't keep a relationship. It happens to the best of us. I got comfortable, lazy at times, stopped doing the romantic things I did often, and she started to fall out of love with me and eventually ended it. Like you said, you have to take this experience and learn from it to better yourself for your next relationship. Once someone loses their feelings for you, it's pretty much an uphill battle you most likely will lose trying to get another chance. It's going to be tough for the time being, but things will get better. Unfortunately, it could take months or so. Hang in there.

[Soysauce111]

She been in a relationships since freshmen in HS and until now with me. Im 21, shes 20. She is transfering to school 2hrs away in a month. And have decided that she wanted to be single, and not having someone behind. I felt really betrayed for the fact of all those things she said to me in the past, how she love me, care and cater for me forever. The more i think about it, it just hurts. I really love her but she said for this time in her life, she wanted to experience the single life, and the independent that she want to get. And sometimes i hope its not for those one-night or quick hook-up thing. Its been a month now since the break up and im doing better each day, but still love her. She told me that she wanted to see me one last time before she leave for school. I said sure but now i think i might not gonna go because im afraid of those feelings will rush back in 1 second and it will hurt me more and make her feel uncomfortable. But in the end, life goes on, no matter how hard or much you want it not to.

[Soysauce111]

Guys i need some help of how to deal with this right now for im so sadd...and angry because she made a fool out of me.

 

So i found out through her best girl friend that she has been seeing another guy and they are practically together now 3weeks after the break up. I also found out that the guy was her coworker and they been talking during our relationship together, and maybe even seeing each other too. During our relationship, when it was going downhill, She invited me to go to Lakehouse with her group of guys/girls friends and i have 3tests coming up the next week so i decline the offer. She then turn around and invite that guy and i was really mad. She said that he has a gf and he is just a friend. I found out at a later time after break up from her best friend that at Lakehouse she was drunk and grabbing that guys arm and hugging. Then called me at 2am in the morning to appologize i didnt know what it was, all i thou was she just saying sorry for not trying hard enough to make the relationship work and want to give us another try. So I try to talk to her after she came back, and it does not seem like she wanted to give me a chance, she said that she love single life and just wanted to be single, and thats why she want to break up. All my friends, and even her girl friends and best friend think that was ****ed up and she was a slutty bitch to done something like that. They all lost respect for her. She told her bestfriend that "he is worth it!" i couldnt believe that and was outrage. I did not treat her bad at all! never hit her, never yell at her, i couldnt think of a reason why she wanted to lie to me about wanting to be single and then got with another guy. Why cant she just straight out with me! And i also found out that he does not have a GF, and she been lying to me the whole time.

 

Anyway, what she did at Lakehouse was ****ed up, on all level. Inviting another guy is ****ed up, grabbing him is ****ed up. She lied to me of him having a gf already is also ****ed up. She lied to me about wanting to just be single and focus in school. I had high trust and respect for her then but all shatter now. Even thou we broke up for 3 weeks, moving on this fast indicates that she has been seeing him and talking to him while putting me on a string. I felt like she used me and disrespected me on all level. I completely cut her off, i never want to see her ever again. I had hope for reconciliation but never in this life time b/c my trust for her are all gone.

[whatadeer26]

Was anyone in the lake house a friend of yours?

 

Also, you don't need that crap. Inviting another guy is wrong plain and simple. You should have cut her off right then and there.

 

She did you a favor.

[Soysauce111]

No they are all her friends but they were like "wtf? that guy is not her bf" ANd i was naive because i trusted her about him having a gf and i trusted her too much to believe that anything would happen. I feel really stupid now. But at least im glad its over. and i hope that Carma is a bitch! I gonna live and find a girl that really care and treat me right.

[whatadeer26]

You are suppose to trust your other half. You are not stupid for doing so. You should be happy she showed her true colors early.

 

What goes around does come around.