Jilly Bean Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I've been reading so many posts lately of people having one date, it not working out, and then the poster being flipped out by the perceived "rejection". I find this curious for many reasons, and a few questions come to mind on this topic: 1 - why do people feel their self-worth is wrapped up in the opinion or feelings of someone they barely know? 2 - do most people really carry such fragile egos that one date, with one person, is enough for their self-esteem to plummet as is often evidenced in these stories? 3 - why are people over-investing so much with strangers? Is it the notion that the "fantasy" aspect of dating is safer or less threatening, so they spend too much time in the pre-qualification stage?
USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 1 - why do people feel their self-worth is wrapped up in the opinion or feelings of someone they barely know? This may have something to do with our highly conformist society, especially for the younger generations. Your place in society depends solely on how others judge you, so people will value how others think of them more than how they think of themselves. Therefore, if a person is rejected by a date, then he can't help but see that as society as a whole rejecting him. 2 - do most people really carry such fragile egos that one date, with one person, is enough for their self-esteem to plummet as is often evidenced in these stories? Look at the power of repetition. Elite athletes train with repetitive motions to build muscle memory and increase stamina and refine technique in their sport. Bottom line is that repetition works. Now look at it in the realm of dating. People who are successful in dating as evidenced by repetitive success will have confidence that is sky high...repetition simply builds that confidence. Now look at those who are not successful and see repeated rejection...repetition is just as powerful and can potentially destroy a person's self-esteem... 3 - why are people over-investing so much with strangers? Is it the notion that the "fantasy" aspect of dating is safer or less threatening, so they spend too much time in the pre-qualification stage? Media and popular culture might have an effect on this...look at modern TV shows, movies, and celebrities...they feel like every date should have the fire that you often see in popular media...that every date should end up happily ever after...so they over-invest emotions early on in hopes that they will live that fantasy that you speak of...no one wants to wait for their fairy tale prince or princess...so they stay with someone much longer than they should, especially early on when a sane person should know that it wouldn't work out...unfortunately, real life doesn't work that way...
carhill Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I typed a number of responses and rejected them.... Blah.... I will opine emotional immaturity.
Recommended Posts