shiftedblue Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Three and a half years of "good night" and "I love you" at night before I went to bed.. and calls throughout the day. Today, 23 days post-being-dumped.. and no contact except the one pretend-apathetic email I sent two weeks ago. I just feel so alone. My ex and I were everything to one another. It wasn't a healthy relationship.. he has anger problems and I have depression. But I still can't reconcile the absence in my brain. I just keep waiting for him to call me...
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Shifted, you will be fine I promise. Of course it hurts and you're lonely. You miss the good nights and the I Love You. That's NORMAL. As humans we crave be loved and cared for. You said it yourself, it was not a good relationship. So. You need to get out, go exercise, go out with GFs, take up a hobby, go on a couple of casual lunch dates, spend time with your family and stay busy. It will help with your depression, loneliness and missing him. Hang in there Sista!
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Don Ho is correct. It's difficult after a breakup to remember the bad things. You know it wasn't healthy and it's completely normal for your to miss things. In time this will get better. I'm right there by your side. I have been feeling the same way. It gets better. Especially if you know it wasn't good for you. Make a list of the cons. Tape it to your bathroom mirror. That way, each time you go into the bathroom you will read it. Eventually, you will think of the list on your own. One day you will take the list down because you won't need the reminder. I've found it helps to stay at a friends house, that way you're not alone. Have you tried this? I'm sure you have a friend who will let you sit on their couch and just watch t.v. alone if that's what you prefer. Or a friend to watch t.v. with you and not talk about anything. Or perhaps a friend to sit and talk with until you fall asleep. There is comfort in knowing someone who cares about us is a phone call or a room away.
Username37 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Three and a half years of "good night" and "I love you" at night before I went to bed.. and calls throughout the day. Today, 23 days post-being-dumped.. and no contact except the one pretend-apathetic email I sent two weeks ago. I just feel so alone. My ex and I were everything to one another. It wasn't a healthy relationship.. he has anger problems and I have depression. But I still can't reconcile the absence in my brain. I just keep waiting for him to call me... I know how you feel. My ex and I use to text and call "good night" and "i love you" to each other every night. I couldn't sleep until I get that text or call. It helped me fall asleep every night knowing that the person who loves you will be the person waiting to see you the next day. My ex and I had problems too. The last day before we broke up, we fought. And reconciling looks so unlikely. It feels like she doesn't care anymore. LS is the comfort. I wish you luck and I hope we get through this
Buccaneer55 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Three and a half years of "good night" and "I love you" at night before I went to bed.. and calls throughout the day. Today, 23 days post-being-dumped.. and no contact except the one pretend-apathetic email I sent two weeks ago. I just feel so alone. My ex and I were everything to one another. It wasn't a healthy relationship.. he has anger problems and I have depression. But I still can't reconcile the absence in my brain. I just keep waiting for him to call me... For 6 years me and her talked on the phone every night before we went to bed usually between 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes we couldn't get our phone calls in, like if one of us was out of town and staying with other friends, but we'd send each other good night texts those nights, and I almost always woke up to good morning texts as well. I've started to get use to not getting these messages anymore, and I no longer check my phone in the morning to see if it's there waiting for me. Sometimes I feel like I can give good advice but I can't seem to follow it myself. All I can say is time will eventually make it better. We're all struggling for the most part with a break-up on LS, and I find it comforting being able to spill my feelings out on here, and helping other people who are going through the same thing. Keep your head up. You'll get there.
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 ShiftedBlue, I am sure everyone here on LoveShack has been dumped at least once. And everyone will tell you it hurts and it will keep on hurting for a while. But remember: everyone will also say it WILL get better and you WILL find someone else! Good luck with that! Yes, Shifted you will be all right, that's true. I have been dating and in relationships for 30 years. I have been dumped several times. Yes it hurts, will hurt for a while and it will start diminishing. You will have your wave of emotions and your good and bad days. As time goes on you will find the pain lessens and the bad days (or hours) come around less often. So it will get better. Despite the fact that you're probably not ready or willing to see it, as the saying goes, "there is always another bus coming around the corner". The funny part about humans is that as time goes on, we seem to forget how much it hurt and we venture out to find love. You will meet someone and fall in love again. Hang in there.
Author shiftedblue Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Thank you to every one...it really helps to hear that others have been through it and made it out alive and probably better for having experienced the pain of loss. Renewal comes from this I'm sure.. for now it's just a lot of work to become involved with people (not just romantically) because for however long the relationship was (3.5 years in my case) I've been inattentive to other relationships with friends etc. But I know things will get better. Ranting here in moments of weakness and receiving so many kind replies is really awesome. Thank you all again <3
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Shifted, please continue ranting here .... that's what we're here for and it's MUCH better than you contacting your Ex. Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Cee Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 It takes such a long time to get over someone. But while you are getting over someone, you grow into a stronger person. Changing yourself takes time though. After 15 years of serial relationships, I decided to go cold turkey from men. I took a 4 year break from dating. The isolation and sadness lasted for a couple of years for me. I was a lot like the Bill Murray character in Groundhog Day, especially the part where he got depressed and killed himself 100s of times. I remember for several months, I ate pizza and ice cream on Friday and Saturday nights. I put on 20 pounds. Then a couple of years into being single, I went out dancing alone and liked it. And I took an improv comedy class and liked it. I made a bunch of new friends and started really living. For the first time in my life, I was really happy. And I became a more whole person. I have been dating for the past two years, but still haven't had a boyfriend in 6 years. I miss being in a relationship sometimes, but I am so proud of how independent I am.
whatadeer26 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 It's been 2 1/2 months for me. I still have trouble if I "stumble" (maybe I look for it) into pictures of her looking good and happy. I have my ups and downs, feeling sad that I don't think I will find someone as pretty as she or as much fun. Remember if you did it once you can do it again. Allow time to overcome your "addiction" and become more independent. I made the same mistake where I relied too much on her for happiness. As Don Ho said, "there is light at the end of the tunnel" just don't let that light be a mack truck trying to push you back from your progress. Don't call him or "stumble" into information about him. You were fine before him, with him and you will be fine after him.
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