undisclosed Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My ex emailed me asking how I was doing & to to tell me that he felt he had to tell me that it is hard for him not to think about me everyday... I did reply & was just friendly, but didn't profess my undying love or anything. We broke up about six months ago. Basically, he broke up with me stating he loved me, but he couldin't see himself ever being married. This was not an issue in our relationship. He's in his mid-twenties so I just figured that after an almost four year relationship, he just wanted to see if the grass was greener. I forgave him & am in no way angry. I've spent my time focusing on priorities. Been on a couple dates & just hung out with friends more. In the last few months he's contacted me via email or text at least once a month. Most of the time his attempts were on what was supposed to be our anniversary. I had ignored him, maintaining NC till last month when I finally caught up with him over the phone for about 5 minutes. The truth is I still love him & think about him everyday too. I've been focusing on moving on though. My question is: should just tell him how I feel? Should I just ask him to coffee or something & decide from there? I really don't know...I just don't want to regret not telling him & would like serious objective opinions. Thank you!
westrock Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I just don't want to regret not telling him There's your answer. My ex emailed me asking how I was doing & to to tell me that he felt he had to tell me that it is hard for him not to think about me everyday... This is a start but he needs to show more. Should I just ask him to coffee or something & decide from there? I agree with this. If he declines, then you have your answer that he is not interested. If he accepts then when you meet up with him, ask him what are his intentions because he is sending you mixed signals.
Nappeal Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 If YOU feel you're capable of having no emotional pulls...ie you won't be upset if nothing further happens,I would agree to give it a shot. What's the worse that could happen? He doesn't talk to you?! If ever you feel you're going to regret not doing something, then you probably will. I say its an ok thing to do if you believe you can.
Author undisclosed Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 okay, after my last post. I ended up calling my ex. I wanted to feel things out and we caught up for a bit, then as I was planning to ask him to coffee or something, he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with him. I agreed and he picked me up. It was a very comfortable reunion. We laughed alot, got along like before, reminiced, caught up on some new stuff, and flirted the whole time. At the end of the night he hugged me several times. He held me very tight and our faces me several times, but we did not kiss. He did kiss me on the forehead and cheek. He also told me he's missed me. I just told him it's been tough. He ended by saying "talk to you later" and I said okay. Where should I go from here? Should I wait for him to initiate or should I just ask him out the next time? would it hurt to send an email telling him it was nice seeing him & that my mom asked how he was doing? He asked if she hated him.
EthanH Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 I'm happy for you! But I'm also scared. Thing is, you said that he left because he was scared of getting married. It was him who left, so in a way, I think he owes you, to at least tell you why he thinks things would be different. At the same time, I think in this situation it is important not to get petty. I don't think it really matters if you contact him or not. You both clearly like each other. I often think the awkwardness is your worst enemy in such a situation...if you start acting in a certain way, he will react to that and you end up behaving in a way which is nothing like how you both feel. You ever watched the movie 'the last kiss'?
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Yes, I'm with Ethan. Getting back together would have to mean that either one or the other of you has moved on from the mind-set you were in, when you last split. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm wondering, if you get back together with him - what's the end-game plan? Are you looking for a dedicated and long-term commitment, or are you quite happy to date casually and see where this takes you, even if there is no definitive aim to commit to one another for a long time? Has his stance on marriage changed? What would he want out of the relationship? What would he like to build up, and what would he like to build it on? Words are wonderful. They're so expressive. The English language is one of the richest, fullest, most poetic and expansive languages on the planet. But no word in the English language means a thing at all, if it's not backed up by some kind of action.
Don Ho Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Where should I go from here? Should I wait for him to initiate or should I just ask him out the next time? would it hurt to send an email telling him it was nice seeing him & that my mom asked how he was doing? He asked if she hated him. Good for you! Finally a good meeting between Exes. No, I would NOT contact him and I would not email. Let him come to you and chase you. Leave your Mother out of it for now. I also think you need to contemplate what Tara said above and figure out what you want. That said, maybe this thread from Nuala will be helpful, read the first page many times: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190782/
Author undisclosed Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Hi, My ex and I went out on a theme park date yesterday. it was an early day so he asked me to a movie too. We had a great & thanked each other at the end of the night. I texted him to make sure he got home safe and say thank you again! he insisted to pay for everything. on the drive home he asked what I was doing the next day, likely small talk, but i just said I didnt know. He was very affectionate throughout the day, although we didnt actually kiss. Its the next day, and I know he will be off early. Is it okay to go ahead and ask him out to dinner?
Ajax Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm glad things are going well for you. As for asking him out, I'd wait on that. He's showing interest in you but hasn't made his intentions clear at all. Don't put yourself out on a limb only to have him cut it off. It sounds like he's trying to spend time with you and feel you out to see if you'll make the move for him. But he's the one who left you, so he's got to come forward and tell you what he wants.
lunita Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I think things seem to be going pretty well. Remember to try and not discuss the relationship and enjoy the ride - no pressure. I think its good you are letting him know you care but don't be overly zealous. Let him work a little since he's the one that broke up with you. Keep on with the updates!!
Don Ho Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Hi,My ex and I went out on a theme park date yesterday. it was an early day so he asked me to a movie too. We had a great & thanked each other at the end of the night. I texted him to make sure he got home safe and say thank you again! he insisted to pay for everything. on the drive home he asked what I was doing the next day, likely small talk, but i just said I didnt know. He was very affectionate throughout the day, although we didnt actually kiss. Its the next day, and I know he will be off early. Is it okay to go ahead and ask him out to dinner? You spent way too much time together that day. You should not have gone to the movies too. It's too much and how are you suppose to be interesting and a challenge when he knows you have nothing going on and you just go along with his "day long" date. You should not have texted him at the end of the date either. NO it is not ok to ask him out to dinner and NO you are NOT to accept if he asks. A woman that values herself will not accept a date after Wed nite for a Friday or Saturday. Geez!! Do you not have any clue about how to be a challenge and not so available? Give it a rest for 4-5 days. HE can ask you out for next week. Let him stew on you a bit. Tell him you have plans this weekend, but next week is good. Come on Sista, get with the program!
lunita Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Don Ho, way to say it like it is. lol. I agree with him though....chill out a little. Let him stew for a bit.
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