freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Yep! My b-day is coming up and I KNOW I will be getting some form of birthday email or text. Gonna ignore the sh#t out of it. Gonna do the complete opposite of what he expects which is for me to reply some sort of cute, happy reply and thus all will be right with us. NOT! Screw him and his pathetic birthday wishes. I deserve WAY more than a pathetic text message or email I'm not even going to give him the time of day or the satisfaction that he might think that he "made my day" by remembering my birthday. HA! And boy is it gonna feel GOOD!
Username37 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Ahh the birthday message from the ex. I remember when my birthday rolled around. I totally expected her to give me something. She did. And you know what she got? Nothing but a face full of NC.
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I thought about my birthday and how I'll handle it. Wait, he's blocked. BAM. Nothing. Username: Nice with the 'face full of NC'.
bestrong Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Oh I remember mine too! She asked me what if she still like me, what would I do and simply made me open up the wound for her to put my salt into it! And said " I'am sorry and HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
Jabez Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I'm not expecting anything, but then again she's got a day to cone to her senses :\
bboy Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 (edited) Um.... guys/girls.... I'm not really sure this is a good way to handle stuff. Seriously.. NC is to make sure you feel good. Not that your ex. feels bad. You are REacting and not acting. In other words, you're actions are pure results of what your ex does or doesn't and you're out for revenge. It's good that you let the anger out, but don't let it ruin your morals and let you become a prick. My suggestion is that any birthday gifts or so, you simply return a text message with "Thank you for the nice card" or something like that and if they ramp up the communication - you just cool it down again. And if seriously, if you're intention is to harm the other person. This is the major blow you can give them. Unpersonal thank you without any intentions to pick up contact. Otherwise you insult them and feed their anger and they also get more hostile and return into a loop that you're a major a-hole. Are you really a-holes? Edited August 24, 2010 by bboy
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Okay, I get your side of the coin. But.... a paltry text message? I don't know... On the other hand...I sent him one (his b-day was 2 weeks post-break up) and HE never replied with a thank you to mine. Like, some people say, "Do you reply thank you to each text message/FB post etc.." Hmm...thinking.... I see the point of being "cordial" shows more to them that you are happy/moved on. Yes? I suppose the fear is they will start texting/communicating. The other fear is that they will get their ego fed and be like "She's fine with the break up....we're "friendly" now....life is good and I must not have been that much of a d#ck afterall..." Catch 22.
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 They will get their ego fed and be like "She's fine with the break up....we're "friendly" now....life is good and I must not have been that much of a d#ck afterall..." Catch 22.
bboy Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I doubt that. I broke up with an ex once and texted her on her birthday. First no answer - my reaction was "Oh, she's still upset.. must have had an impact on her" Then came a late answer the day after with "Thank you, don't we all enjoy getting older? ;)" That's when I knew she was totally over me... But I would never send a card to an ex. Maybe a text message, depending on how it was ended.
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 BBoy, I don't know. I'm a very nice person. However, when someone who supposedly the nicest person and was 'mr.awesome' because terrible and I find myself literally sick over it, I kind of want to be an a**shole. He doesn't give a sh*t about how I feel. Why should I care? All I did was care, and for what? Obviously, nothing.
bboy Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 BBoy, I don't know. I'm a very nice person. However, when someone who supposedly the nicest person and was 'mr.awesome' because terrible and I find myself literally sick over it, I kind of want to be an a**shole. He doesn't give a sh*t about how I feel. Why should I care? All I did was care, and for what? Obviously, nothing. Exactly. And it's that person who you are that you are supposed to love. Not a reflection of someone else. It was nice with the card. And this is all you need to reply. "Thank you for the card". You're not giving this person your heart. You are just living up to your standards. This is not breaking NC. This is being who you are. A nice person. Be a nice person and care about yourself. I do understand where you come from and the anger and damage you've recieved. If you feel this is not you, replying to the card - then don't do it. Just make sure you are acting as you think is the right way. Not the pathetic way nor the bitter way. Neutral. If you would be indifferent to a person who sends you a birthday card, what would you do?
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 (edited) QUOTE=bboy;2958729]I doubt that. I broke up with an ex once and texted her on her birthday. First no answer - my reaction was "Oh, she's still upset.. must have had an impact on her" Then came a late answer the day after with "Thank you, don't we all enjoy getting older? ;)" That's when I knew she was totally over me... Yes, this is the side of the fence I have been on. But, I think alot depends on where you are in your healing process as far as any contact goes (birthday or otherwise) I was on this school of thought (same as yours....simply replying...and not doing any follow up texts or respond to theirs...) shows that you are over them more than ignoring the text. I felt that ignoring it would say. "I am still hurt/angry/pissed/upset/ etc..." esp since it is unlike me to "ignore" a text. The key is to reply, politely and be done with it but only if you are far enough along. Person #1) Replies to a text from ex. It resonates all day. They hope now that the lines of "communication" are open they will hear more from the dumper Person #2) Replies to text and is actually HOPING that's that, bc they really don't care to "chat it up" they were merely doing the cordial/mature thing and aknowledging they received it and not anything more, that the DON'T hear anything more from the dumper (that's me) I think it shows a very, very strong message to simply reply light-heartedly. I know alot of our ex's will "expect" us to send follow up texting now that the lines are open(and especially so if they are insecure and need ego boosting...) and won't they be more than suprised to see that is not the case..... My gut was the above mentioned perspective, but after reading other posts about this most say to "not respond" Now, I'm back to my original perspective...of respond simply, and nothing more (which "something more/more communication since the door is "open" is exactly what I KNOW my ex will expect....) And won't it just be so rich for me....to not be "that Edited August 24, 2010 by freckles3131
VeveCakes Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Funny, my ex bf specifically asked me for no contact which I understandab ly have respected. Then I hear about him ranting on that I never wished him a happy birthday. Why would I? We broke up, he's not my bf anymore and he ASKED for no contact. Jeesh, some people.
Author freckles3131 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 So...my birthday came and my birthday went with no text, no email and no call. 3 days after my birthday (last night) I get the following text: "Happy belated birthday. Didn't forget about you, but if I sent it that day it would have caused issues. Sorry I didn't man up. Hope you understand. No need to reply to this message" So I reply: "It was a great birthday weekend, Thx!" He replies:" ???" I reply: "Meaning it was a great weekend, literally. No sarcasm intended. Again, thanks for the belated b-day" Now....first thing. Yes, I did reply *insert "Boo's here However...the "old" me would have been all up in his **** about not be able to "man up" to someone he has only been dating for 2+months. The "old" me would have said something in regards to "it causing issues" and the old me would have said, "well, u could have sent an email instead if a text would have caused issues" But.....lord have mercy. Didn't go that way...now did it. (much to his suprise, I'm sure......on top of me not contacting him in any way for over a month now) I think he sent to alleviate himself of any guilt or being looked at as a complete a-hole. I think he forgot...saw someone who reminded him and sent it to not look like a jerk. Also...I know from mutual friends that his life is kind of crappy all around right now, so he could also be getting in that stage of "comparision" and melancholy. But......here's the deal. Now that the lines are "open" per se, I really don't want any more contact unless he can pick up the phone and has something of value to say. If I was a betting woman....I would say I would put down $500 that I will get another text in the next 2 weeks, even as early as tonight. (we both play on 8-ball pool league and he will be tempted to text to see how I played, as pool league is a "trigger" So my next question.... when he does text, and he will...... I would like to respond in a way that will not show anger, unresolved issues, hurt from my end...rather a person that is happy and moving on. So texting something simple like "Please don't contact me anymore" send the "wrong" message. So anybody got a good reply for me when the time comes? Something confident, happy, not bitter etc...
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