Grappling with a Gremlin

[breaking_bad]

So I’ve been reading this book called Taming your Gremlin. I won’t go into the entire thing here but just to say that I think it’s great to anyone that find themselves having long, agonizing, weeks long dialogues and analysis with themselves about any particular subject. I’ve noticed I’d been doing it a lot lately, and note that a lot of people seem to do it here about this particular OW/OM subject, or just relationships in particular.

 

I had a typical end of the line with a MM recently, and found myself as a result literally talking to myself. Hyper-analyzing and getting myself stuck in this ridiculous self-dialogue about my situation, what it meant, what it didn’t mean, why I was in this situation in the first place, why didn’t it work, what if, what now, will it ever work, will we ever be together, will we not, why not, blah blah blah.

 

My epiphany to all of the questions above is frankly, do I even care what the answers are anymore? Does it even freaking matter? I had just spent weeks literally grappling with my gremlin, the voice in my head that would like nothing more than for me to be in a figure 8 with my own thoughts so I don’t have to change, to start something new, or venture past my own mind and into the world. All this energy I’ve spent discussing things with myself so I don’t see that there’s a perfectly good world going on outside that I should actually become a part of.

 

I am all for a good post-mortem if it’s done in the context of improving and moving on, but I see a lot of people here (me included) that seem to want to stick ourselves in the analysis trap just because it is more comfortable to live in the realm of mind where we’re comfortable and have history vs. live in the realm of the real world which means change or growth, because that’s scary stuff.

 

There are things out there for us. We will survive and thrive regardless of whether these relationships work out or don’t, if he is a jack** or not, a coward or not, a narcissist or not, or if he leaves or not. None of those things about our AP should dictate us getting on with our lives instead of sitting here reliving the past and waiting to react to something someone else will or won't do. There is nothing you lose by looking out and forward, vs. in and backward, and everything to gain.

 

We love these people, but that shouldn’t stop us from saying “who cares” to all of the Gremlin chatter, and it shouldn’t prevent us from starting to observe life, and deciding things that maybe we would like to do, say, try, find, explore.

 

It has been a big struggle for me because I engaged my gremlin in a massive and neverending conversation and I've been in it for a week. He’s going to tell you why you can’t change, why you can’t move on, why you are an idiot, why that is, what happened to you in the past to make you this way, and why you need to continue to analyze it. And it is going to get you nowhere – but it seems that this is his point.

 

So anyway, just wanted to share that in case someone else has found themselves in circles and stuck talking to themselves for a rather unhealthy period of time, with rather disappointing results

[Fieldsofgold]

So I’ve been reading this book called Taming your Gremlin. I won’t go into the entire thing here but just to say that I think it’s great to anyone that find themselves having long, agonizing, weeks long dialogues and analysis with themselves about any particular subject. I’ve noticed I’d been doing it a lot lately, and note that a lot of people seem to do it here about this particular OW/OM subject, or just relationships in particular.

 

I had a typical end of the line with a MM recently, and found myself as a result literally talking to myself. Hyper-analyzing and getting myself stuck in this ridiculous self-dialogue about my situation, what it meant, what it didn’t mean, why I was in this situation in the first place, why didn’t it work, what if, what now, will it ever work, will we ever be together, will we not, why not, blah blah blah.

 

My epiphany to all of the questions above is frankly, do I even care what the answers are anymore? Does it even freaking matter? I had just spent weeks literally grappling with my gremlin, the voice in my head that would like nothing more than for me to be in a figure 8 with my own thoughts so I don’t have to change, to start something new, or venture past my own mind and into the world. All this energy I’ve spent discussing things with myself so I don’t see that there’s a perfectly good world going on outside that I should actually become a part of.

 

I am all for a good post-mortem if it’s done in the context of improving and moving on, but I see a lot of people here (me included) that seem to want to stick ourselves in the analysis trap just because it is more comfortable to live in the realm of mind where we’re comfortable and have history vs. live in the realm of the real world which means change or growth, because that’s scary stuff.

 

There are things out there for us. We will survive and thrive regardless of whether these relationships work out or don’t, if he is a jack** or not, a coward or not, a narcissist or not, or if he leaves or not. None of those things about our AP should dictate us getting on with our lives instead of sitting here reliving the past and waiting to react to something someone else will or won't do. There is nothing you lose by looking out and forward, vs. in and backward, and everything to gain.

 

We love these people, but that shouldn’t stop us from saying “who cares” to all of the Gremlin chatter, and it shouldn’t prevent us from starting to observe life, and deciding things that maybe we would like to do, say, try, find, explore.

 

It has been a big struggle for me because I engaged my gremlin in a massive and neverending conversation and I've been in it for a week. He’s going to tell you why you can’t change, why you can’t move on, why you are an idiot, why that is, what happened to you in the past to make you this way, and why you need to continue to analyze it. And it is going to get you nowhere – but it seems that this is his point.

 

So anyway, just wanted to share that in case someone else has found themselves in circles and stuck talking to themselves for a rather unhealthy period of time, with rather disappointing results

 

Yep, that's exactly what I've been doing lately. About my business, and everyone else's business. Thinking, re-hashing, mulling over, analyzing things that won't change and don't really matter.

 

It IS easier to live in my head, than to let it go and move forward into RL. I was thinking about that a lot recently - have I suddenly become afraid of change? I used to just jump into the fray and wade through. Lately, I've gone introspective about everything.

 

I think the episode that brought me here has maybe shaken my confidence a lot. I thought I was smarter, sharper, if nothing else OLDER than to get had the way I was had. I need to shake it off and move on, but I keep looking for the clues I missed, the lessons I still need to learn . . . sigh.

 

Timely post. Thanks!

[dragonwave]

It has been a big struggle for me because I engaged my gremlin in a massive and neverending conversation and I've been in it for a week. He’s going to tell you why you can’t change, why you can’t move on, why you are an idiot, why that is, what happened to you in the past to make you this way, and why you need to continue to analyze it. And it is going to get you nowhere – but it seems that this is his point.

 

Excellent post and timely. COnsider yourself a wise sage if you can be rid of your gremline in a week, its been bugging me for months. We all have the "gremlin" (kind of like that name, better than mother &*!@#) voice and some days its on a huge soap box while others its been sedated most likely by a red chianti. Seriously, I struggle with it to and while we learn from our experiences, it does take courage to change and move beyond our comfort zones. Not only to say "who cares" but to mean it, really mean it with action. Afterall, life is about living as opposed to existing or sometimes in the case of OW/OM, "waiting".

Someone said to me "bet on yourself, always". While the gremlin may tell us otherwise, in reality, who else should we bet on if not ourselves. I say lets place bets on all of us for happier and peaceful mind and hearts along with a good chianti to say "here, here".

[Fieldsofgold]

Excellent post and timely. COnsider yourself a wise sage if you can be rid of your gremline in a week, its been bugging me for months. We all have the "gremlin" (kind of like that name, better than mother &*!@#) voice and some days its on a huge soap box while others its been sedated most likely by a red chianti. Seriously, I struggle with it to and while we learn from our experiences, it does take courage to change and move beyond our comfort zones. Not only to say "who cares" but to mean it, really mean it with action. Afterall, life is about living as opposed to existing or sometimes in the case of OW/OM, "waiting".

Someone said to me "bet on yourself, always". While the gremlin may tell us otherwise, in reality, who else should we bet on if not ourselves. I say lets place bets on all of us for happier and peaceful mind and hearts along with a good chianti to say "here, here".

 

"Bet on yourself, always." I like that a lot!

[freestyle]

This is an excellent post....and it really can apply to many areas of life, not just affairs.

 

I know my needle gets stuck when something's bugging me. (for those of you under 30, it's a reference to record players...)

 

it's a good reminder to come up for air every once in awhile..........

 

I've also heard that gremlin referred to as "the internal saboteur"...

[OM1]

Just wanted to chime in and say to breaking_bad - thanks! Love this post too. Timely for me as well. I'm going to check out that book.