freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 So my ex is dating someone new (3 weeks after we broke up) Of course he is doing everything I have suggested for him/for us over the past 5 years. One: Why don't we join a pool team and be on a league together..It will give us a nice couples night out. What does he do? Week 4 with new girl...joins pool team with her How about we go away for more weekend get-a-ways? What does he do? Takes her on 3 weekend get-a-ways thus far How about you join Facebook, it'll be fun? What does he do...just joined Facebook All these things for a girl he just met, and has only been dating 3 months. WTF!!! What causes a guy to do this? After my trying for 5 years for the sake of our relationship and this new girl (the ugly, town slut...fat, ugly, crude, rude..I know bc a friend of mine used to date her) He says, "She's told him about her past and this is how he knows he can trust her...bc she was so frank. And that she wants to change" and that "She treats him good" Now I feel this is a rebound in every sense of the word. He is VERY insecure, this girl is unemployed at the moment and has mucho free time to dote on him and make him feel like he is the hero... BUT....WTF!! Why does she get to reap the benefits of all my hard work?? On top of that he is on Facebook and "in a relationship" with her and they are all lovey dovey on their pages... (part of me thinks he is trying to make me jealous, like "See how good things are going, see I didn't make a mistake by "jumping right in" (it's his pattern) So... I blocked them both. But boy.....does this whole scenario burn me up!! I know I'm better off..I mean, do I want to be with someone that would overlook her promiscuity, her cheating on her last 2 boyfriends, that not one, not ONE family member of his had not one good word to say. I know once the newness wears off..I know that one day he will wake up and be like "what was I thinking" But, to do...EVERYTHING...that I asked him to do while with me and this slam pig gets all of it. Fricking burns me up!!!
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Ok, ok. Take a step back for a minute. I don't even know where to begin because thinking about it kicks up memories in my mind and I'm so happy with the progress I've made today in 'Hatesville' Listen, Facebook. No one cares. Stupid. You blocked them good. Forget it. Doesn't matter what they post, no one cares. It's a stupid website for people who just need to know what's happening every minute of everyday. As for the pool league. Don't worry. Your suggestion, I understand. He obviously isn't creative enough to think of these things on his own. The same goes for the weekend trips. My ex and I went away a bunch. In the beginning, his idea. He planned it. Well, no I don't think he can say he planned it because he was unemployed and I always booked the hotels to see his friends. Anyway... my point. They should take the initiative to plan these things without us constantly asking. I went to Florida twice with my ex. He suggested the trips, but getting him to look at flights, etc was like pulling teeth. The second trip was terrible, by the way. The minute I was on the plane I wanted to open the emergency exit and run like h*ll. I didn't, I wish I did! But I didn't. Your ideas, thoughts, love, etc. You will get all that back. You obviously have a warm heart that you wear on your sleeve. You sound a lot like me. Always thinking of the next fun thing to do. You will find someone who reads your mind. Who calls you on a Friday afternoon after work and says 'pack a bag, we're going away for the weekend'
Username37 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My ex hooked up with some stoner, drinker, party clown 3 weeks after our break up. She's now one of them. They do that because they don't want to be reminded of you. And if they rebound, it shows that they are needy and cannot handle being lonely.
Buccaneer55 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My ex girlfriend of 6 years hasn't actually started dating this guy, but she hangs out a lot with him. Our situation is we are BOTH christians that go to church, and I thought both of us were trying to follow God. (Sorry not trying to make religion a thing for those who don't practice it) Anyways, this guy likes to party, go out to bars, already has a 5 year old girl (He's 23), and he's not a christian, and he rarely ever goes to church! I don't know why people make those types of decisions to try and date the extreme total opposite person than what they had before. I look at it as it's her decision and if she wants to make bad ones, I'm no longer in a place to tell her she's messing up.
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Skydiveaddict: FYI, I almost sent my ex that Shinedown song you posted in another thread, but I kept it together.
PegNosePete Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 My ex hooked up with some stoner, drinker, party clown 3 weeks after our break up. My ex hooked up with some stoner, drinker, party clown 2 weeks before our break-up!! On the original topic though, it could just be for a change. I know that when I start looking for someone else, she will not be anything like my ex. I want something different.
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I get the whole "I want to date someone totally different" but my issue here or question, is why would you want different when it's 100% not healthy and not what most would quantify as a "good choice" I.E. I was faithful, honest, never cheated,attractive,about average in body weight,not heavy into the bar scene, independent, have hobbies/activities I do, was never a slut/one to sleep around, well-loved by his friend/family, outgoing, thoughtful, caring, etc...(not to toot my own horn, just making a point) The "different" girl is: Unfaithful, dishonest, a cheater, sleeps around,very overweight,rude, into the bar scene, unliked by all his family and friends, loud,selfish etc..etc.. Why would a guy even consider dating someone of so many negative qualities? It's totally all against what he is looking for. He says, "He sees the good side of her" How does a guy even wrap his mind around the fact (she self-professed) that she slept with every guy in town and cheated on her last 2 boyfriends and think it's a good "prosect" and be walking around like she is the greatest thing on earth??
bboy Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 In moments of stress, the human mind goes into defensive behaviour and stress related syndroms activates. Ya'll know the answer already. "****, this is tough to handle - but there is someone handy around. Let's start believing this person can fill the void that my ex left and stubbornly see the positive sides. I'm sure the grass is greener on the other side. I mean, I ended it because I thought it was. It must be!" Well well.. Go ahead then. Find it out for yourself. Temporary solutions to block out the pain. Enjoy the grass. This side will not serve you anymore anyway.
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Yeah, I'm at the stage where the whole sh#t show is actually fueling my fire to move on and say to myself "really""wow". Man, he is a mess. And, I'm much better off...I took the hard way, he's taking the easy way (for now, till it bites him in the @ss) LOL!
bboy Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Yeah, I'm at the stage where the whole sh#t show is actually fueling my fire to move on and say to myself "really""wow". Man, he is a mess. And, I'm much better off...I took the hard way, he's taking the easy way (for now, till it bites him in the @ss) LOL! :) Thank you for the compliment. You might have taken the hard route - for now... But fast forward a year or two and you'll have an ex who struggle with inner motions or even worse. Settle for a pathetic attempt relationship. (Personal note: Ouch, that must suck. Stuck in an emergency solution - yewwww!)
BeagleGal Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 bboy, I'm liking these words of wisdom you have! I know my ex is now married to someone opposite of me to some extent: She's controlling, over ambitious, uptight/anal. However, like me, she totally has been swept off her feet by my ex and probably thinks she hit the jackpot with him. And believe you me, he is no prize. He had it good with me, whether or not he's realized it or ever will shouldn't concern me anymore as he is and will no longer be a part of my life. Good riddance to bad rubbish. In moments of stress, the human mind goes into defensive behaviour and stress related syndroms activates. Ya'll know the answer already. "****, this is tough to handle - but there is someone handy around. Let's start believing this person can fill the void that my ex left and stubbornly see the positive sides. I'm sure the grass is greener on the other side. I mean, I ended it because I thought it was. It must be!" Well well.. Go ahead then. Find it out for yourself. Temporary solutions to block out the pain. Enjoy the grass. This side will not serve you anymore anyway.
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 :) You might have taken the hard route - for now... But fast forward a year or two and you'll have an ex who struggle with inner motions or even worse. Settle for a pathetic attempt relationship. (Personal note: Ouch, that must suck. Stuck in an emergency solution - yewwww!) That is the bestest ever! Right on! Boy this should be highlighted and bolded and posted on Page one of this website!
BeagleGal Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I second this - bboy put out a book or something! That is the bestest ever! Right on! Boy this should be highlighted and bolded and posted on Page one of this website!
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Hmm...I don't know. Ultimately what we see in others is subjective. Even if they seemingly have no redeeming qualities; they must see something positive in them. I don't know the details of what my exes new girl looks like or is like, I just know that there is a new girl. But it seems he was trying to force the idea down my throat about how special this girl is and how he can trust her, when he has deep-rooted trust issues. It makes you wonder if they mean what they say or are just trying to convince you and themselves.
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Freckles, I sent you a private message on here.
Author freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Hmm...I don't know. Ultimately what we see in others is subjective. Even if they seemingly have no redeeming qualities; they must see something positive in them. It makes you wonder if they mean what they say or are just trying to convince you and themselves. I don't think they can be "subjective" when they are jumping into something new 2-3 weeks after ending a relationship. Even if they had one emotional foot out the door, one still could use some time of reflection away from the whole situation. I think when they "jump" the quicker the jump the deeper the pain/hurt/disapointment that the relationship didn't work out and the bigger the need for a "band-aid" So when one walks in, sits on their lap and oohs and ahhhs all over them it's like "See I AM a great person, a great catch, I am not gonna take a good hard look at my contributions to the demise of the relationship bc that sucks and makes me feel crappy. THIS new person....makes me feel "good" so lets just shove everything else aside and roll with it. So yea, I think they ARE def trying to "convince" themselves and us that they know what the hell they are doing. 1
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