One of those days...

[BeagleGal]

After a week or so of feeling stronger and a little bit better, the past few days I've slid back to feeling down, lonely and angry.

 

Aside from those feelings, amongst others, I feel f'n bamboozled. My ex talked a good game and was an even better actor. When I think back to the man I thought he was and who he really is now, its like night and day. How did I not pick up on that? How did I allow myself to be swept off my feet and ignore a couple of red flags that I shouldn't have?

 

Don't really want to get into what my situation is, I wrote about it not too long ago, here is the link if you're interested in reading http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236337/

 

I've been beating myself up quite a bit since he broke up with me and although I have been seeing a therapist, which has helped some, I still can't help at times but continue beating myself up for being in this position. I think I'm a good person, I try to do good for others and all I wanted was someone to genuinely love and respect me. And I thought I found it. Boy, was I wrong. I hate that because of his choices, I am the one left suffering. He promised me so much and pulled the rug from right under me, discarded me like trash.

 

I know I am better off, I know he would have screwed me over like this eventually but it doesn't lessen the pain and hurt. And right now, feelings of loneliness and fear are a bit overwhelming. I know it takes time to heal and I have made some progress so I'm happy about that. I guess I am just having one of those days...

[LostInTurn]

After a week or so of feeling stronger and a little bit better, the past few days I've slid back to feeling down, lonely and angry.

 

Aside from those feelings, amongst others, I feel f'n bamboozled. My ex talked a good game and was an even better actor. When I think back to the man I thought he was and who he really is now, its like night and day. How did I not pick up on that? How did I allow myself to be swept off my feet and ignore a couple of red flags that I shouldn't have?

 

Don't really want to get into what my situation is, I wrote about it not too long ago, here is the link if you're interested in reading http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t236337/

 

I've been beating myself up quite a bit since he broke up with me and although I have been seeing a therapist, which has helped some, I still can't help at times but continue beating myself up for being in this position. I think I'm a good person, I try to do good for others and all I wanted was someone to genuinely love and respect me. And I thought I found it. Boy, was I wrong. I hate that because of his choices, I am the one left suffering. He promised me so much and pulled the rug from right under me, discarded me like trash.

 

I know I am better off, I know he would have screwed me over like this eventually but it doesn't lessen the pain and hurt. And right now, feelings of loneliness and fear are a bit overwhelming. I know it takes time to heal and I have made some progress so I'm happy about that. I guess I am just having one of those days...

 

I understand. I had days where I was feeling a bit better and then I felt as though I had gone back in time to day 1 for no reason. I think it's all a part of coping.

 

I know what you mean when you say he's not the man you though he was and how could you let yourself get swept off your feet. I get it. Same here. He was who I thought to be the guy for me. I fell for it. My ex is like night and day as well. Serious night and day. We're talking summer day to cold windy hail storm.

 

There were red flags in my relationship as well; however I, like you, chose not to see them / ignore them / fix them. Whatever the case may be, I understand.

 

I'm sure you are a good person and do good for others. That's why you're beating yourself up over it. If you didn't have those traits as a part of you, then you wouldn't be beating yourself up.

 

Our ex's made choices which put us where we are today. The fear and loneliness, I'm there with you. Don't feel lonely, you're not the only one. I'm here too, even though I'm 'virtually' here.

[BeagleGal]

Hi Lost... oh big hugs to you...

Its comforting knowing there are others who understand how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I do talk to my friends about it at times but they can never understand the kind of heartache I've gone through and still do. Its a betrayal I've never experienced before in my life.

 

What I don't get is now that its all said and done, I have had a couple of my friends who tell me NOW that my ex wasn't always on the straight and narrow. Meaning before he started f*cking around with the girl he cheated on me with (they just got married a few weeks back, they got engaged about 2 - 3 weeks after he left me, she's pregnant too), he was trying to pick up other women when he/we went out and felt no ways about behaving like that with my male friends... I had no idea! Augh.

 

Anyways, I of course, don't want him back or want anything to do with him again. He doesn't deserve to have me in his life after all he's done. Its just a f*cking bummer that someone can be so manipulative and deceitful.

 

I understand. I had days where I was feeling a bit better and then I felt as though I had gone back in time to day 1 for no reason. I think it's all a part of coping.

 

I know what you mean when you say he's not the man you though he was and how could you let yourself get swept off your feet. I get it. Same here. He was who I thought to be the guy for me. I fell for it. My ex is like night and day as well. Serious night and day. We're talking summer day to cold windy hail storm.

 

There were red flags in my relationship as well; however I, like you, chose not to see them / ignore them / fix them. Whatever the case may be, I understand.

 

I'm sure you are a good person and do good for others. That's why you're beating yourself up over it. If you didn't have those traits as a part of you, then you wouldn't be beating yourself up.

 

Our ex's made choices which put us where we are today. The fear and loneliness, I'm there with you. Don't feel lonely, you're not the only one. I'm here too, even though I'm 'virtually' here.

[freckles3131]

"Our ex's made choices which put us where we are today."

 

Exactly....they started by making the snowball which in turn caused the snowball effect.

F#ck em!

[LostInTurn]

"Our ex's made choices which put us where we are today."

 

Exactly....they started by making the snowball which in turn caused the snowball effect.

F#ck em!

 

This sh*t is like a damn avalanche! Damn ice caps are breaking.

 

Seriously.

[LostInTurn]

Hi Lost... oh big hugs to you...

Its comforting knowing there are others who understand how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I do talk to my friends about it at times but they can never understand the kind of heartache I've gone through and still do. Its a betrayal I've never experienced before in my life.

 

What I don't get is now that its all said and done, I have had a couple of my friends who tell me NOW that my ex wasn't always on the straight and narrow. Meaning before he started f*cking around with the girl he cheated on me with (they just got married a few weeks back, they got engaged about 2 - 3 weeks after he left me, she's pregnant too), he was trying to pick up other women when he/we went out and felt no ways about behaving like that with my male friends... I had no idea! Augh.

 

Anyways, I of course, don't want him back or want anything to do with him again. He doesn't deserve to have me in his life after all he's done. Its just a f*cking bummer that someone can be so manipulative and deceitful.

 

If your friends are anything like mine (granted our situations were different) mine knew I was putting 110% to the relationship.

 

You can't blame yourself for not seeing the situation. I think many of us in this forum would agree. I think many of us were blindsided. We cannot own that. We cannot own the pain either.

 

It's terrible how people can be manipulative and deceitful. I cannot explain it. There is no justification for it. Should be illegal.

[BeagleGal]

Mine (the girls) knew as well. They all thought that by this time the ex and I would be engaged because of how well things seemed to be going and how he seemed to be "so in love with me" and "into the relationship". It was my girlfriend's boyfriend (who is also a friend of mine) who told me last week when he and I talked how my ex would want to go and talk to other women while out and about. And my other girlfriend's boyfriend at the time also told her that my ex wasn't what he seemed to be and didn't understand why us girls trusted him so much.

 

I know, I try not to. Like I said, there were red flags that I should have paid more attention to though and I blame myself for not doing anything about them. Oh well, nothing can be done about it now.

 

Agree. It really, really should be illegal to have vile behavior like that.

 

All we can do is move forward and I know that, just at times I can't help but feel a little sad is all.

 

If your friends are anything like mine (granted our situations were different) mine knew I was putting 110% to the relationship.

 

You can't blame yourself for not seeing the situation. I think many of us in this forum would agree. I think many of us were blindsided. We cannot own that. We cannot own the pain either.

 

It's terrible how people can be manipulative and deceitful. I cannot explain it. There is no justification for it. Should be illegal.

[LostInTurn]

You can't blame yourself for not seeing the red flags. You were in a relationship you thought was going to go somewhere specific. You were blinded by things. You cannot blame yourself for that. I spent weeks taking the blame. You shouldn't. Again, I'm sure you're a good person, so any red flag would have flown off the flag pole the minute someone tried to bring it to your attention. I understand though. I'd go back in time too and would have gotten the h*ll out of it all.

 

Sad days. Completely normal! Something else we cannot blame ourselves for. Again, you're a real person who had sincere feelings. You thought you'd be engaged. I thought my ex was going to move in with me. He told me three days before the break that I was the one. It's a terrible feeling. It's terrible to think of all the time and effort we invested. Then we think 'for what?' Who knows. I don't. I know the wrong thing to do is to blame ourselves though. We cannot own this. They did this. We gave our all. We did everything we were supposed to.