LostInTurn Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 (edited) It all boils down to lies. He was a liar. He was not real. He was fake. He cared too much about what other people thought. He a 'one upper'. He's selfish. He always had to 'be in the know' and enter the conversation. He always had to have a 'buddy' and story about ever freakin' city someone would talk about. He expected to be waited on hand and foot (my fault, I would do that). He took advantage of my niceness. He was always right. He would twist things to make me feel guilty. And... he lied, about LIFE! Whatever! I hate him! Hate is a strong word, but... it's true. Never in my life. So, yesterday was horrible. My friend saw me and said I look terribly thin and said they were concerned. I haven't had an appetite, so that makes sense. This morning I woke-up at 5a.m., couldn't go back to sleep. Was vomiting at 8:30a.m. I kept myself occupied most of the days thus far. All I can think of is how terrible he is. I cannot think of the 'good' things anymore because I just don't know if there was any good. I cannot be sick over this. I want me back! I have a bowl of pierogies, right here waiting for me. I will have them. I cannot do this cr*p anymore. You're all wonderful and I appreciate all the support, but NONE OF US SHOULD BE ON HERE BECAUSE WE DON'T DESERVE THIS!!! They should be the ones writing here daily for advice and pain! Sorry, I'm angry! For those of you who feel as I do. I'm sorry. I wish I could take all the pain away and fix it all. I don't know how it's humanly possible to allow someone to go through such an experience. Edited August 23, 2010 by LostInTurn
bboy Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 It all boils down to lies. He was a liar. He was not real. He was fake. He cared too much about what other people thought. He a 'one upper'. He's selfish. He always had to 'be in the know' and enter the conversation. He always had to have a 'buddy' and story about ever freakin' city someone would talk about. He expected to be waited on hand and foot (my fault, I would do that). He took advantage of my niceness. He was always right. He would twist things to make me feel guilty. And... he lied, about LIFE! Whatever! I hate him! Hate is a strong word, but... it's true. Never in my life. So, yesterday was horrible. My friend saw me and said I look terribly thin and said they were concerned. I haven't had an appetite, so that makes sense. This morning I woke-up at 5a.m., couldn't go back to sleep. Was vomiting at 8:30a.m. I kept myself occupied most of the days thus far. All I can think of is how terrible he is. I cannot think of the 'good' things anymore because I just don't know if there was any good. I cannot be sick over this. I want me back! I have a bowl of pierogies, right here waiting for me. I will have them. I cannot do this cr*p anymore. You're all wonderful and I appreciate all the support, but NONE OF US SHOULD BE ON HERE BECAUSE WE DON'T DESERVE THIS!!! They should be the ones writing here daily for advice and pain! Sorry, I'm angry! For those of you who feel as I do. I'm sorry. I wish I could take all the pain away and fix it all. I don't know how it's humanly possible to allow someone to go through such an experience. 1. If he's a dork = congratulations. You shouldn't spend your life with one. It's better without. 2. If you're angry at him = Imagine how angry the one who's going to spend their life with him and realize he's a dork. 3. Then there is a big "IF". Don't count on that he's going to have someone spending his life with. Self occupied people tend to live just like that - self occupied. They'll be single pretty soon again. 4. Don't under estimate pierogies. They're darn good! 5. If you can't sleep, I bet 110% it's because you're pissed and still argue. Cool thing that can work is to setup a time in the morning where you are allowed to do this. Say from 7 to 7.30. Then you know you can do this at that time and don't need to do it now... Oh... I can understand that you're pissed. You have the right to be. But start counting. How many times did you feel better today than last day. THEN WRITE IT ON THE FRIDGE! How many days since you last relapsed into your old relationship. THEN WRITE IT ON THE FRIDGE! You'll notice that you're making progress. Not really mentally yet - but in reality you do. I also bet 100$ that if I revive this thread in a year - you probably have forgotten it. Take Care and if you feel it sucks. Come in here and write. Let it out. It's totally OK.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 You'll notice that you're making progress. Not really mentally yet - but in reality you do. I also bet 100$ that if I revive this thread in a year - you probably have forgotten it. Take Care and if you feel it sucks. Come in here and write. Let it out. It's totally OK. I hope it's progress. This morning I felt like I was back at day 1. Please revise this thread in one year. I hope you're right that I won't remember it. Hopefully it's all a distant memory. Not even a thought. I hope I am consumed with a total lack of feeling nothing for him that it's whatever to me.
bboy Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I hope it's progress. This morning I felt like I was back at day 1. Nope.... You're not at day 1. That's a difference we all know. And.... I'm sure you can name ONE thing that you've made progress in. So you're making progress. Progress is made subconsciously. So don't expect to consciously see it. But it's there, slow.. but there.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Nope.... You're not at day 1. That's a difference we all know. And.... I'm sure you can name ONE thing that you've made progress in. So you're making progress. Progress is made subconsciously. So don't expect to consciously see it. But it's there, slow.. but there. You're advice is amazing. I don't think I know your story, but if you are going through something similar you are doing an amazing job. Thank you.
bboy Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Thanks! We're both walking through h*ll at the moment. So lets keep walking - because I don't like it here!
Nappeal Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 After a relationship, its always easier to feel anger or hatred. Those are more productive emotions.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 After a relationship, its always easier to feel anger or hatred. Those are more productive emotions. I agree. I tried to hate him from the beginning. When he first broke-up with me he said 'You'll need to hate me to get over this. Move on. Find someone else...' He supposedly said all those things out of 'anger'. Yea right. I genuinely have negative feelings toward him. I'm not sad about feeling anger towards him. Not at all. I didn't do this. I thought I looked like a pathetic fool calling and texts. No, I was only being honest with my feelings. He's the one who lost, not me.
freckles3131 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I genuinely have negative feelings toward him. I'm not sad about feeling anger towards him. Not at all. I didn't do this. I thought I looked like a pathetic fool calling and texts. No, I was only being honest with my feelings. He's the one who lost, not me. Wow... This is where I'm at right now too! How long has it been for you? I'm at the 3 month mark. I feel sick, pissed, done, angry, and like "Who the hell is he? I don't even know? Did I ever after a total of 8 years?" Eff him for lies, hidden truths, playing mind f#cks because of HIS insecurity!!
Author LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Wow... This is where I'm at right now too! How long has it been for you? I'm at the 3 month mark. I feel sick, pissed, done, angry, and like "Who the hell is he? I don't even know? Did I ever after a total of 8 years?" Eff him for lies, hidden truths, playing mind f#cks because of HIS insecurity!! One month this week. It's terrible. Today I woke-up and was literally sick to my stomach. I think that may have been my turning point (I hope I'm still in this mindset tomorrow) As I was standing there, sick, I kept thinking that this was not happening and how did I let this happen to myself. I laid back down, picked up my black berry, signed on LS and posted a thread. I just kept thinking to myself how that's not ok. That it's not my fault, and that cannot happen again. I was deceived as well. Someone in another thread posted that their ex was like night and day. Mine too. The best way I can put it is a sunny summer day to a cold terrible hail storm night. My ex had so many red flags that I chose to ignore, I don't know why. I think it's because in the beginning he was normal. Mind games are an understatement after the break. Ridiculous.
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