Buccaneer55 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 (edited) Me and my girlfriend of 6 years broke up 2 months ago. This last month and a half has been extremely rough and just one giant ride of emotions from such highs to big lows. I spent most of that first month spending as much time as I could with her trying to show her how things could be if she'd be open to it. I continued to let her string me along by saying no, but still wanting to hang out and call and text so much. I've really started to come to terms with it's not going to happen anytime soon and that I need to just let her be. I guess my one downfall still is she wants us to be friends when I "get" over the relationship part of it. I struggle with this, because I can't figure out why I'm good enough to still be a part of her life, but not good enough to love still. Her wanting to try being friends down the road, gives me even just the slimmest of hopes that it could possibly happen, but I know that's not where my focus needs to be. I'm trying to forget all the good times but it's hard. I'm 23 and been crazy about her since I was 17, it's hard to remember a time when she wasn't there. It's hard to believe that my first love is probably gone. It still hurts a lot. Six years feels like such a long time, but I know I can't force someone to be with me. We had our problems I can admit that, but I never gave up on her and it kills me to know she gave up on me. I know time will eventually heal this all, and like I said I am starting to accept it. I just wish it could be easier. Edited August 23, 2010 by Buccaneer55
leftfield Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 You're absolutely right, time will be the healer, and if she was your first love it is bound to feel crushingly difficult at times because you've never experienced this level of intense emotion before. Having said that, you seem to be pretty level-headed about it and dealing with it in and sensible way (writing on here helps), but you will help yourself more by putting some focus back on you and of course, by not contacting her. It does get easier, you know that already because it's easier now than it was two months ago, but it will get easier still as long as you give yourself time. Don't even consider friendship at this stage, you're not ready for it. If you don't know why she still wants to be friends but not anything more, you need to ask yourself, why did the relationship end. Maybe she's given you some indication of that, maybe not, but if you were together for six years from such a young age, it could just be a case of growing up, growing apart, becoming complacent. There might not be one specific reason, women are complicated! The point is it doesn't actually matter, if she still wants to be "friends", then you obviously haven't done anything catastrophic, but nevertheless she still has her reasons for wanting to end the relationship, so unless you can magically change that state of mind you do just have to accept it, which it seems you are starting to. There's almost certainly nothing you can 'do' to change it, so just look after your own future. I wish you the very best of luck
Sambo Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 The first cut is the deepest. Your doing very well all things considered so you should be proud of yourself. I was a total write off after my first love left me. The good news is you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Your going to be just fine. Take your time and heal and get ready to be blown away because your next love is going to be even better although it doesn't feel like that right now. Trust me when I promise you it will. I've been there and done that
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Hang in there bro. Even though it doesn't feel like it now, it will get better. No, I would not be friends with her. Maybe in two years when you have moved on have a GF and so on. By that point, you probably won't care. Don't let her jerk you along. IF she contacts you at some point about being "friends" don't tell her you can't or you're too hurt and so on. Just say "we'll see". You're doing much better at 23 than I ever did with a breakup! You do sound level headed and, even though you're in anguish, like you're moving forward nicely. Hang in there. Don't let her come back to play with your head and heart some more.
flyguy23 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I am in the same boat man, started dating at 17 and now 22, she was my first love and I don't know how I am going to forget her. But I am starting to accept that it is over. She has become someone I barely know so I guess that will help me move on.
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 You guys are both young. I'm not at all saying that to disrespect you or dismiss your pain and hurt. I'm 45. I have been through this many times. Yes you feel like you're crushed, you're in anguish and you think your world has ended. That's normal. It DOES and will get easier. While you can't see it or fathom it right now, you will meet another woman in the future and it will be great. You will probably meet another woman after that one and it will be even better. You will finally meet the woman that "clicks" with you and it will all work out. Hang in there bros, you will be fine.
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