Standard WTF post about possible unreasonable jealousy.

[Wicked Child]

The planets were aligned perfectly the day we met 2 months ago. before I met him, I couldn't really put my finger on exactly what I expected my soulmate to be...Now I know. The issue at hand is the past. He seems to be wary of everyone and everything. I know that he's been hurt and lied to in the past, as have I, but i feel like he makes me suffer a little more than I should for it. He despises Facebook, claiming that it ruins relationships. I responded that it happens only if people let it and play into the drama. He disagrees. I think we are above and beyond the days of teenage drama and have the ability to overcome the "societal influence" he's so afraid of. Sometimes, I wish he'd put as much energy into getting past the past as he does in hating society and the government...He doesn't believe in girls or guys night out. the way he sees it, we shouldn't want to spend time with anyone but each other. Which I can agree with in a way, and It's not like I'd hit the bar with my girlfriends and ogle men all night...I'm well past that (we're both 30) and don't dig the scene anymore. Not to mention, that things like that WILL faze themselves out as our relationship continues to grow...but having the ability to be able to go do something by myself if he's at work or something without getting the 3rd degree for it is really all I need. I've told him I would never ditch him to hang out with someone else, but that i don't want to sit around twiddling my damn thumbs all day while he's at work, just because he may get mad if I go see a friend (male or female) without him. It feels like he's just totally unaccepting that i had a past and that I existed before we met...I try to tell him that past relationships are PAST, that without that past, I wouldn't be the person i am today. I've expressed my distaste for some questionable parts of my past (which I'm sure we ALL have) and boy did that seem like the wrong thing to say, because now it's always "why do u hang onto your past if you hate it so much?" kinda stuff...I'm a social person, something he doesn't really understand...I talk to people all the time, have a handful of close friends and tons of acquaintances, and enjoy human interaction. I'm still in my honeymoon phase where I want to show him off to everyone I know, regardless if we talk on the regular. I have an insatiable curiosity for the human condition that is only satisfied by interpersonal interaction. I tried to explain to him that when he gets mad about stupid stuff like a guy he doesn't know posting a comment on my facebook, or random STUPID things like that, it makes me feel like he has no trust in me...To which he responds "I trust you, I don't trust everyone else, guys only talk to you cos you're hot." Then when I thank him for objectifying me, I get laughed off. Plain and simple, he gets riled up at things I think are completely ridiculous and retarded, but he thinks they are really serious matters. We can't seem to come to an agreement on anything to do with social lives, and circles of friends. I know I can shut down and shrug stuff off when I feel like I'm being attacked, and resent him for things that he doesn't directly do, and I give him credit for consciously trying to approach me in a mild manner about things that bother him (you come at me with aggression, you'll be met with aggression, and nothing gets resolved) and he's really making headway in that respect..but damn does it irk the hell out of me when he gets so mad about stupid facebook comments!!! i offer him the ability to check my emails, phone, facebook,(which I don't think I HAVE to do, but I WANT to) because there is absolutely nothing I have to hide from him, and he just tells me "there's a delete button, so checking anything doesn't matter." point taken, but damn, I wish he'd give me a little credit. He's never outright accused me of anything ever, nor do I think he would...but I think this is a little extreme and a little early on to behave like this. I realize I may just need some time to adapt (4 years of single lonliness, thinking I'd never find someone, and doing my own thing changed overnight and I'm still adjusting to the new routine) and need to prove that i'm not like the lying biotches in his past, but he gets so cynical and heated that it heats me up the same and we just end up yelling at each other. Any tips??

[John Bigboote]

This is not something you should have to "adapt" to. The stars might have been aligned the day you met, but he is undermining the relationship today. At best, the two of you are not compatible; but the problem is really that he is unable to deal with his insecurities. You're already deeply resentful of him, and he appears to be unwilling to deal with his baggage.

 

He is behaving in a deeply disrespectful way towards you, and not working on the core issues of his own insecurity. This is not a healthy relationship unless he gets some serious counseling now.

[meerkat stew]

OK, so how is this person your soulmate? I ask because he seems like an insecure child, not a man. Decide your boundaries, express them to him, and then stick to them. He is way over the line with some common boundaries that people have in relationships.