Nappeal Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I called my him pretty much out of the blue last night...I need to know what participation he plans on having w the baby. I had a whole script for what I was going to say over voicemail. To my surprise - he answered. BUT he was fkn drunk w his friends and acted like a total douche. The call was pointless and made me angry afterwards. The call ended w him saying 'hey can we talk about this tomorrow?' I said 'I'd like to, but I don't think you will'. He answeres back w 'want to come over?' I told him that I'd prefer to do it in person so the phone wouldn't 'accidently' lose service or so that things weren't taken out of context. I'm now SO nervous about what probably won't be a meet up...how often does it happen that they say they wanna meete or whatever, but flake out @ the last minute? I am SOOO sure I'm going to get 'I'm busy' or something like this. I have to push it tho. Things aren't going to work w us...I KNOW this, but I need to get some peace of mind about the baby. I have to push this, right? I do love him, but deep inside, I don't want to have a relationship. I'm going going to send a reminder text this morn, I'm just so negative about the response. I have to share. Hope you all are having a good Monday
Author Nappeal Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Ok... He did exactly what I knew he was going to do - first it was that he meant 'call', not come over, then work 'came up', then he suggests maybe next weekend. I told him it had to be done today. He asks to do lunch, and we did. I didn't accomplish much but missing him evern more. I tried not to talk about us, and I did pretty good. Until he dropped me off. I've sent a text about how the meeting messed me up since I"m trying to get over him...he acted the whole fkn time like we were still together. I'm realllly confused about this. I wasn't ready. He DID mention how he hasn't missed me...it was a boo hoo to hear, but like now I know that I need to forget about it.
Don Ho Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Sorry Nappeal. I would have told you not to meet him. That's what usually happens when you're not ready or over them. Typically it's not a good outcome. It also sounded like he wanted you to come over the night before cuz he was drunk and figured you'd be his booty call. Glad you didn't do that! You would have had sex, he would have been a real prick and you would have felt worse. Don't fall for that one. He said he didn't miss you!? WTF. Sorry, but that tells you it all. You need to cut all contact with him unless absolutely necessary for the baby. BTW, do not use your baby as a pawn or excuse to see your Ex or have contact with him. Matter of fact, there are a lot of single parents out there and I would do not even contact him about the baby unless you need a kidney for the baby or something serious. Hang in there and go back to NC.
Author Nappeal Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I know DonHo. I wsa NOT as 'over it' as I thought. I went in w more confidence then I had. IDK tho, I'm left a little confused...when we broke up a little more than a week ago it was a whack as$ 'it won't work' and then no follow up. Today @ least he humored me w actual answers that all I can do it respect. It was a bit of closure - granted not closure I wanted - but still now I know more then I did a week ago. NC is definitely the way to go, for sure. I have no questions in my head about whether or not he's thinking of me (obviously not) and I no longer have a reason to romanticize us getting back together cuz it just ain't gonna happen. I feel ok now; a bit @ peace but w a bitter taste in my mouth. I will eventually get over it, and him. He's made it clear he wants to be involved w the baby, and so I have no intentions on shutting him out completely, but absolutely any contact will be baby related and baby won't be used as a pawn. I am embarassed that I did truly have the intention on only talking about the baby but eventually turned it to us but I'm glad it did. The next few weeks and months will be trying for me, but hopefully I'll be more @ peace.
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Yep, that's what usually happens. People think they're "ready" to see their Ex and they're not. They think they can handle the emotions of actually seeing their Ex and keeping it cool but they can't. I don't think you have to be embarrassed, the majority of people would end up saying something about the relationship. A few people can really control their emotions and not bring it up (correct approach). Well you did get some answers and another dose of reality. Hopefully that will help you heal. Your call on the baby, you're the Mother. You have to be the one to decide if you want or need him in your life and the baby's life. Keep us posted.
Author Nappeal Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I did get answers...its crazy what you're mind can create when it doesn't know bounderies; and its sad how much you allow yourself to believe what you mind makes up. You know, my honest opinion is that kids don't give a fk about the cost of anything in their lives...they just don't. Everyone of us can recall the times our moms stayed up w us when we were sick or when our dad fixed our broken bike, but hell if we can remember how much those Reeboks from the 5th grade cost. What I mean is that its more important that he's physically around for his baby as opposed to child support - but don't get me wrong, that's important too If he wants to be around, nothing will keep him from the kid, and I know by the time the baby does come, I WILL be more capable of dealing w him w out emotions.
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