What is the next step? ex gf me

[wawa]

Hello everyone, I am new and have read a lot of valuable information in this forum. A lot stories and advice has been applied to my life. I really want my ex back but only if its truly going to last. And for that second chance to happen correctly, I believe this "get her back period" must be done right. so heres what happened...

 

My ex girlfriend is older than me by a year so she was first to graduate college. We went to school in the same state but she is now going to law school in a different state. Before she starts in the fall, she went to a different country for a job. When she got there everything was fine for a while but then for four days i lost connection (phone/email) with her. After the four days she calls me to break up. So I didnt know how to handle it so I begged. She said harsh stuff to me like Im going away cause im trying to get away from you and stuff like that. But the next day she called to say the harsh words were false and that she just doesnt see it working out. so i said okay. and NC started. I quit drinking and smoking, intensely studied for my mcat and started working out. I was 186 pounds but I am 149 and got my first six pack ever! I really took the time to dedicate it to myself.

 

A month later I noticed a missed call from her but did not call her back. She called me again and told me she called me cause she missed me. I Kept it casual and hung up. But after that she called me at least once a week for 3 weeks. I still kept it casual and short and the calls were never initiated by me. Finally I was feeling I needed to do absolute NC and was feeling confused as to why she kept calling me so I told her that this is our last conversation. After we hung up, I really thought she would never call again but she called me first thing in the morning next day (picked up cause didnt check caller id) crying saying "I cant do this" but when I asked what it is she couldnt do, she wouldnt say. (was I supposed to reach out for her then? because I didnt). Then that week she called me everyday and kept talking about what we did in the past. Throwing in sexual innuendos, asking me if I was gonna come visit her (of course not or should i?), and telling me she would come to me if i didnt. She said alot of I miss us kinds of things and even said "now that I think about it I was very wrong in my actions." But still I didnt reach out for her because I didnt feel she was fully reaching out for me.

 

that was the last week she was in a different country. She didnt call me before she left. she called me once she arrived back in the states. I thought she would call me again but the calls stopped. I messaged her once but she kept it short and seemed like she didnt want to talk. So I decided to go into NC last week but last night she calls me. I ignored it but then she starts blackberry messaging me. I dont know if you guys know but if you read the messages, the sender can see that it was "received." So she knows i read her messages but i did not respond.

 

My question is what is the next step? How long do we have to do this NC tango? When is it appropriate to reach out for her if ever? Should I keep in contact with her? Do i stroke her ego by replying or should i keep quiet? She knows I blatantly ignored her (thanks blackberry) but should i message her back?

 

thanks for reading!

Edited August 23, 2010 by wawa

[Don Ho]

My question is what is the next step? How long do we have to do this NC tango? When is it appropriate to reach out for her if ever? Should I keep in contact with her? Do i stroke her ego by replying or should i keep quiet? She knows I blatantly ignored her (thanks blackberry) but should i message her back? thanks for reading!

 

Wawa, I think you have played it well (assuming what you're telling us is accurate and complete). It sounds like maybe she was lonely and was using you as a crutch. The next step is the same: let her do all the contacting and you respond at your leisure and keep it light. It is never appropriate for you to reach out to her, let her come to you. Stroke her ego?? I think you can reply occasionally but keep it casual. Yes, you will have to keep playing cat and mouse for a while. I think if you chase, she will run. Go read the first page of Nuala's thread about 5 times a day: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190782/. Hang in there bro.

[pickle1]

I agree. She was in a new country, didnt know anyone, she felt lonely, and needed someone. Good job and being strong about it. That would of been hard for me. Your doing the right thing.

[Billie The Puppet]

I have a non-relationship related question

 

What diet/ exercise have you done to get your first 6 pack ever?

 

It's something I've been wanting myself for quite some time and have read that working the ABS IE crunches, sit ups etc only build the muscle behind the belly fat not the shape the abs. I think it's also essential to eat fat burning foods such as vegetables.

 

I know people will say jump onto google and look it up etc but I am sick of just getting hits for products to sell.

 

Now to add to the relationship portion If you feel casual contact and keeping it light will help in your situation do so but do not respond immediately or to everything you have to make yourself busy or at least appear busy.

 

Breaking NC should always be in the hands of the Dumper but if you can handle rejection try yourself at maybe 6 months. (If the dumper hasn't broken contact by then) Your case already seems different.

[Don Ho]

Billie, you thread stealing prick!

 

On the diet? Cut your carbs to below 80 grams a day, protein over 200 grams. Go read Atkins. Lots of people think it's BS, but it's very similar to diets bodybuilders have used for years to get contest ready. Cardio at least 45 mins a day.

[Billie The Puppet]

I don't have PM yet

 

So my hidden agenda is to steal threads!

 

Back on topic! ha ha

 

 

And thanks, I'm on a modified scarsdale at the moment

[wawa]

Hey billie thanks for the advice

 

The diet I went on was cutting carbs and eating bananas to curb my hunger. So usually I would eat about three bananas a day. A protein shake in the morning. I did alot of swimming because I sprained my ankle so I could not jog. I just started out doing like 5 laps and eventually got to about 25 laps. I didnt lift weights and just did push ups and pull ups. For my six pack, the cardio from swimming definitely helped and also did 8 min abs (on youtube its awesome do it!!) everyday. Quit smoking and drinking. Stuck to a pretty strict schedule and diet. I stopped eating beef and switched to pork. I ate grilled pork belly for dinner on occasions. Hope that helps let me know

 

Also a little update on my situation.

She wished me luck on my mcat and which was less than 2 weeks ago. I think I am going to travel 5 hours and go see her. Not solely with the intent to catch her but i think i just have to. i just do not want to regret later in life.

Please let me know what you guys think

[Don Ho]

I think you should focus on your MCATs and not go see her. Your regret later in life will be that you wasted a trip to see someone that wasn't into you.