I Need Some Guidance [Long Story]

[Exodus Paradox]

I am in desperate need of advice right now. I have thought about my situation many, many times, and I still do not know what to do exactly. That is why I am here - I seek you guys' advice.

 

I guess I'll start at the beginning, so hunker down because this is a long read, and there is no tl;dr

 

I love playing video games and games in general. I have been playing video games since I was about nine years old. Of course, when you have been intertwined with others that play video games and video games themselves, you soon become active on the Internet through video game forums and websites.

 

As I have become more and more experienced and active on Internet forums, I have met some really awesome people from different countries. Meeting others from foreign countries is a great experience that everyone should get to know because you become more aware of those outside of your home nation.

 

Anyways, with the Internet comes Web-browsing games where you can meet anyone from anywhere, all from the comfort of your home. Sometimes you meet jerks, and sometimes you meet very cool people that you would like to hang out with more in said Web-browsing games. My situation ignites from the latter.

 

My cousins introduced me to an awesome browser game in March 2009. At first, this game wasn't very interesting, but as you get more and more familiar with it, you soon realize how fun it is. So after months of just casually playing, I decided to become hardcore player of this game.

 

Then I met her.

 

In December 2009, a girl joined the clan I was in. Her name is Lily, and she's from Australia - the Land Down Under At first, I didn't really pay attention to Lily; I thought she was going to just play casually and not really be active within our clan. Of course, I was wrong, haha. Still, I didn't pay attention to Lily because I am not one for an Internet relationship and thus do not hit on girls over the Internet.

 

Late February 2010, our clan was involved in a battle that lasted for around a month. During this time, I had to stay up until about 3 A.M. Since Lily lives in Australia, 3 A.M. for me is the afternoon for her, and she would be in our clan's chat room during those hours. Now seeing as I did not want an Internet relationship, I paid no attention to Lily.

 

However, on one of the latter days of our clan's battle, Lily was saying that she was having trouble with another member of this browser game who was on the opposing team of our battle. I decided, since she and I were pretty equal in strength, that I would help her eradicate this person. That's when we first had a real conversation.

 

After that day, Lily and I would be up until 3 A.M. beating down this opponent of ours and chatting. As days turned into weeks, we became friends. And as those weeks turned into months, we became close friends. And in one or two months of actually conversing with Lily, I began developing feelings for her.

 

I knew I shouldn't develop these kind of feelings for this girl. I kept telling myself, she's not worth it. She's probably ugly. Despite the things we had in common, I refused to fall for this girl. I knew it would not work out.

 

Alas, Cupid always gets his way.

 

Lily and I would talk every day for hours on end. Never tiring from our conversations. We talked about everything and anything. I would ask her questions about her life, what she liked, what she didn't like, her interests, hobbies, etc. As I said before, Lily and I have A LOT in common; I can name at least 20 things she and I have in common right off the bat.

 

I tried, guys. I really did. I tried to keep myself from developing feelings for her, but I lost. Horribly. Months into our friendship, I was very attracted to this girl's personality. I didn't care if she was ugly. Her personality made up for it, ten fold. Besides, if she was pretty, her looks would inevitably diminish later on in her life.

 

In May 2010, I decided now was the time to see what Lily looked like. I brought the question up one day; she told me she wasn't very fond of putting her picture on the Internet. I told her I understood, and that she could trust me. At this point, she did trust me, so once she found a camera, she posted a picture of herself and showed me. I was dumbstruck.

 

I now know how beautiful an angel is.

 

I told her how beautiful she was, and that I had never seen a more-beautiful girl. She denied these things I said about her. So finally, I told her to stop telling herself that. I told her I was not lying and how beautiful her eyes were. She smiled and thanked me - this warmed my heat to the core.

 

Throughout these months that I have had feelings for Lily, I have always flirted with her. By June, I knew she knew I liked her, but she didn't say anything. I'm telling you, guys: I could not let this girl go without seeing how much I had fallen for her. I expressed my feelings for Lily in every way I possibly could.

 

Every so often, Lily would flirt back with me by being playful, giving me a rare hug, and saying flirtatious comments. Once, she even kissed me on the cheek--I asked her why she did that the next day, but she would not tell me why. I was sure she had at least a minuscule amount of attraction to me. I finally decided it was time to openly state how I felt about Lily.

 

In the middle of June, during Lily and mine usual conversations, I began by telling her I needed to tell her something important. It was time. Obviously, I was very nervous, but I knew there was no way out, so I told her.

 

I started out by telling her that we had known each other for a long time, and that I knew she was a special girl when I first met her. As I went on, I'm sure she began to realize what I was getting at, but she was respectful and let me finish. I told her that I that I really liked her, and that I loved all the times that I talked to her. I commented on beautiful she was, and that I had never seen anything more pretty. After my speech, I said I hoped she felt the same way, and that if she didn't I would understand.

 

Finally, she responded.

 

As I read her response, my heart began to drop like a rock. Falling. Falling. Crash. Essentially, she said that she trusts me and likes me but only as a friend. Lily then told me she was really sorry, but she doesn't feel the same way. I was heartbroken.

 

I will be honest with you guys: I cried that night. I cried and cried. I just didn't understand. I was confused and sad. The next day was no different. I cried pretty much all that day. My cousins knew I liked Lily, so when they saw that I was crying, they knew why. I told Karen, as she told me I could vent to her or celebrate with her. I told her how I had never felt something so strong, and that I thought she liked me the same way. What was wrong with me that made Lily not possess the same feelings I had for her? Was I ugly? Was I a bad person?

 

Karen comforted me and told me I was not ugly or a bad person. She said everyone faces rejection, and that this is just a learning experience; I would find that special girl one day. I believed I already had, though - I have liked a lot of girls, but what I felt for Lily was on a whole different level. She is beautiful, honest, caring, nice, funny, understanding, entertaining, expressive, spontaneous, smart, and wonderful in general.

 

After I told Karen that I wanted Lily, she said go for it, but do not ruin what I have already. I know what I have with Lily is special already, and I wouldn't trade it for the world; I want this friendship to expand.

 

Because of this, I began searching for guides on how to get out of the 'friend zone'. There were a lot of guides, and I was going to follow a few of them. I showed Karen, and she told me all of those, except one, were ridiculous and would not work. With that advice, I set out to win over Lily.

 

I didn't really follow the guide, though - I merely skimmed and used the very basics of the guide. I like what friendship Lily and I have, and I thought by being her friend; showing Lily how much I cared for her; and was there for whenever she needed someone to talk to that I could win her over.

 

As I used this plan, I refrained from flirting with Lily and tried being her friend. However, after a couple of weeks in, I began flirting with her again. I could tell Lily was trying to prevent me from thinking she had a thing for me so I would not get my hopes up. If I flirted with her, she would change the subject or casually shoot down my attempts.

 

After I told Lily how I felt about her those weeks before, our friendship was certainly different. It was no longer flirtatious, but moreover that she and I were strictly friends and nothing else. This hurt me inside because I regretted telling Lily how I felt about her. I just wanted our friendship to go back to what it was before. Over the next few weeks, my feelings for Lily were kept on a leash; it felt as though pressure was building inside of myself because of how I felt about her. Eventually, that pressure erupted.

 

Lily and I were about to play chess. I made a "*sigh*" comment, and she installing latched on to that sigh. Lily began asking me what was wrong. I told her it was nothing, but she refused to let it go. Over a course of a few minutes, Lily kept telling me to tell her what was wrong. That's when it came out again. I told her that I had never felt something so strong with another girl. I told Lily that I wanted our friendship to go back to what it was before, and I could not understand why she didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about her. I asked her what was that made it so she didn't like me as more than a friend. Was she not attracted to me? Was it because we lived nearly 16,000 miles away from each other? Was it because she did not want to become more than friends?

 

Lily responded by saying it was a combination of those things; she didn't want a relationship with such a large distance gap; and she didn't want to give up her life in Australia.

 

I asked her if she was attracted to me as more than a friend, even if I lived there near her. I also asked Lily if she could ever see as more than a friends, no matter if I lived there or anything else.

 

She responded by saying that she was not attracted to me as more than a friend, and she now felt guilty for giving me the wrong ideas. As for the second question, she said no, she couldn't, and she was sorry.

 

I told Lily that I though we would develop something because we had no much in common, and we "clicked," for a lack of a better word.

 

Unfortunately, said she did not feel the same way, and that was really sorry.

 

After this conversation, I decided enough was enough, and I should give up my feelings for Lily. I created a schedule where I would not talk to Lily for a few days and then talk to her one day, and I would repeat the process. I kept my options open. This entire plan lasted for about three to four weeks. Throughout this time that I had done this process, I was constantly reminded of Lily.

 

Every day, I would be reminded of Lily in some way. Usually, I would hear her name, or I would hear and see things that reminded me of Lily, such as Australia. This was brutal. Every day I faced this torment. And I knew I had to brush these references off because they would only cause me grief.

 

No matter what I did to avoid these constant reminders of Lily, they always caught me. I couldn't fight them. I felt as though my decision to give up my feelings for Lily was a stupid one. And honestly, during the time that I tried to give up my feelings for Lily, I realized it was not working; in fact, it only strengthened my feelings for Lily.

 

And now here I am today: confused. I do not know what to do. I want to continue to pursue Lily. I feel as though it was destiny that I met her, and that I am supposed to be with Lily. But I don't know if that is true. I want to pursue Lily. I refuse to give up these feelings for Lily. However, I am not sure if this decision is the right one.

 

I would really appreciate it if you guys could give me some advice and insight. Albeit, if no one unfortunately does not, I still am thankful that you guys read my post. It really helped me to type this whole thing out. However, I still feel the same about my situation as I did before I typed this post out.

[CycleOfLove]

well, first of all I think you are a little confused this is a site for people who are in a long distance relationship, or were in one. you met a girl online who thinks of you as her friend and you like her. you are in the wrong site I think. But i`ll try to help as much as I can.

So, I understand you fell for Lily but she see in you just a friend. not a lover not a bf and she does not love you. I understand you want her and you love her and you dont understand what you did wrong,because all your convos were fun and long and never boring. But to her you were always been a friend. unlike you, you fell for her. Also you didn't mention how old are you guys? If you are young it will make everything so much harder. If you guys still in high school it means you have few more years before you can live together,or even meet in person. it will make everything much more harder EVEN if you were happen to be in a relationship with Lily. If you are in high school you most likely to young for a job. you have to have money to be able to go and see her in Austrelia. besides,she is very clear about her feelings, She says she dosnt love you and likes you as her friend,which baiscly means nothing will ever happen between you two.

Long distance realtionships are SO VERY MUCH hard to deal with, So how will you deal with a long distance relationship when the other partner isnt intrested in you? I hope you see what im trying to say,and you got my idea.. take a little break off that online game. I think best for you is to just try to forget about her and move on with your life. Yes, I know this might take some time maybe weeks maybe months maybe a year! to forget about her. but trust me you`ll thank yourself at the end. when you find a nice girl who is local and you wont have to deal with the long distance heart ache,escpialy if you are to young and the person you love isnt intrested in you.

 

Good luck!!

[Exodus Paradox]

Oops, I forgot to mention that bit

 

I am 20 years old, and Lily is 18 years old. I hope that helps

[hoping2heal]

I think you need to stop deluding yourself. You have no way of confirming anything about this person. People send fakes photos all the time - it's a real photo of someone..just not THEM. People also, live double lives online. Set with a whole second personality and such. It can be easy to let your guard down and be vulnerable when you don't have to look at the person across from you - moreover - when you feel like they aren't looking back and judging you. This is why so many "deep" bonds end up being formed online. The walls we put up in everyday life come down online. Unfortunately, what comes next is not always truthful or real.

 

In your situation, wether she is or isn't who she says is irrelevant. She may be indeed everything she represents herself as, she still has no desire or intention of being romantic with you. Those feelings are not there, and for you to sit around harboring on the words of someone you haven't verified is telling you the truth - who regardless doesn't want to go there with you - it's ridiculous.

 

I know I must come off as harsh, but throw a glass of water on your face and wake up.