"FW no B" ...is this possible??

[trueluV]

This is about a good guy friend of mine, whom i've posted since 3 years ago in this site.

 

a little about about him and i: he really cares about me, very sincere and open to me about himself. we've been good friends for over 3 years and have slept with each other once 3 years ago. we meet once a while as purely friends and can talk for a whole day. i don't know how he thinks about me, but i have a "crush" on him and i guess he knows too.

 

when he invites me over to his place, we sometimes make-out all night, and sometimes we do not get physical at all. i'm very confused.

 

few days ago, i finally said it out loud to him i have feelings for him and asked him what he thinks about me. he said he likes me and cares a lot about me, but he does not want a relationship/commitment/marriage.

he's a designer and has a unique lifestyle so i sort of understand where it's coming from. but i don't get it when he said ' i want to sleep with you, but i am stopping myself from that because i care about you. you'll get attached to me'. (and he doesn't sleep with other female friends)

but once a while he would loose his control and we make-out (no sex since the first time), but he stops himself intentionally.

but, he is a really good sincere friend to me.

 

how can i interpret this, and is this possible?

i've heard FWB situation, but he's not even benefitting from me!

yet he pays all the time whenever we go out, meets me when i need him, etc. he knows i like him, and i guess he somehow does too, but i don't understand if this can be possible.

 

and is there a way to make him like me or fall for me?

 

thank you,

 

so confused.

[O'Malley]

 

how can i interpret this, and is this possible?

i've heard FWB situation, but he's not even benefitting from me!

yet he pays all the time whenever we go out, meets me when i need him, etc. he knows i like him, and i guess he somehow does too, but i don't understand if this can be possible.

 

He is receiving the benefits of your time, friendship, affection, and what sexual intimacy you do have. Undoubtedly he has feelings for you but they are not enough for him to want a committed relationship. He's made that crystal clear, but unfortunately you've developed an attachment to him. All too understandable, in this case.

 

and is there a way to make him like me or fall for me?

He's had three years to develop further feelings...it would have happened by now if it was ever going to. You have to be the one to establish and adjust to boundaries to protect your head and heart; let him know that you can be friends only. No flirting, kissing or intimacy, no pseudo 'dates' (you pay your own way), not spending as much alone time together. It might be that you have to put this friendship on the back burner until a time when you've moved on from your feelings. Turn your focus towards meeting men who will want to both date you and pursue a relationship with you.

[trueluV]

He's had three years to develop further feelings...it would have happened by now if it was ever going to. You have to be the one to establish and adjust to boundaries to protect your head and heart; let him know that you can be friends only. No flirting, kissing or intimacy, no pseudo 'dates' (you pay your own way), not spending as much alone time together. It might be that you have to put this friendship on the back burner until a time when you've moved on from your feelings. Turn your focus towards meeting men who will want to both date you and pursue a relationship with you.

 

Thanks for your thoughts on this.

 

yes, there was the three years, but i was hurt by him 3 years ago when he told me he doesn't want a relationship and i cut contact with him. we got in touch again few months ago, and the feelings are all back with him. we don't sleep with each other now, and yet there is a lot of physical chemistry, it seems like he stops it and always sends me home.

but he is the sweetest guy to me, so it is very hard for me to have a cool head.

 

very frustrating for me. how can a guy not even want the physical part when i tell him i am all his, and yet he plays the best friend to me.

 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Any chance he contracted a permanent STD either before or after having slept with you the one time?

 

 

Men generally don't DO the "pure friendship" thing with women without secretly being "in line" for their romantic affections (or at least believing themselves to be so).

 

He's not stopping the evolution toward physical because of the size of his manhood, because you've already been initiated.

 

 

Does he seem eternally single and with no ongoing parallel interest in dating anyone else???

 

If you tell me he dates others 5 nights a week then I might lay-off my sense that he is into you romantically, but if there is conspicuously nobody else, then at least contemplate the STD chance in your head.

[trueluV]

Any chance he contracted a permanent STD either before or after having slept with you the one time?

 

 

Men generally don't DO the "pure friendship" thing with women without secretly being "in line" for their romantic affections (or at least believing themselves to be so).

 

He's not stopping the evolution toward physical because of the size of his manhood, because you've already been initiated.

 

 

Does he seem eternally single and with no ongoing parallel interest in dating anyone else???

 

If you tell me he dates others 5 nights a week then I might lay-off my sense that he is into you romantically, but if there is conspicuously nobody else, then at least contemplate the STD chance in your head.

 

this somehow makes sense to me.

 

I am trying to think of a reason why he only wants a "pure friendship" with me yet there is strong chemistry between us. he told me from 3 years ago, that he doesn't want a relationship with a women, (yet he doesn't sleep around) and he hasn't had any girlfriends for 4 years as i know of. (but he's an attractive smart guy!)

and he is not seeing or dating anyone.

(we are "friends" so we do talk about it)

 

i am guessing, as you said, he might have a problem sexually.

i don't know about STD, but i am thinking he might have some kind of sexual issue he doesn't want to reveal to me. we did "try" last time when we met in 2 years, but it "failed". so can it be this issue that he is trying to avoid me? btw, he is in his late twenties.

 

today he wrote to me saying thanks for having feelings for him but sorry he cannot give me what i want, and added he hopes to be my friend forever.

it was heartbreaking for me! i feel he is intentionally pushing me away.

 

 

anyway, your sincere thoughts and advice are greatly appreciated.

 

thank you!

[trueluV]

can you help me here out, please?

 

what should i do, in this case? should i not really contact him, since it can give him pressure? or give him some space and let him contact me when he wants to meet me.

 

any insights would be really appreciated.

I am seriously losing sleep over this guy.

 

[streetsmart]

Hi there,

 

If it were me, I'd wait until the next time you were in his presence, when things got hot & heavy and then ask him. Or at least ask him face to face. I think it's hard for most men to iterate their feelings in the first place, much less over the phone.

 

After this many years, he probably knows how hooked you are, and probably feels bad about that too - in the sense he hasn't taken it forward but knows you're still 'bookmarked' with him.

 

What does he do when you go cold & don't contact him at all?

 

I share in your pain, I found your post before I just posted mine in this section. We can keep one another company.

 

Good luck!