sweetiesuzy Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 My husband had an affair with a woman that I knew. He told me about the affair two and a half years ago. This was after he had been with her for over a year. He moved out when it initially happened and then I forgave him and let him come back. This was because she told him that she didn't want to be with him anymore. We have four children and I felt that it was in the best interest of them to make it work. Problem is that this many years later it isn't working. I have grown to despise him for lying to me and our family. I can't stand being around him and I have grown bitter, miserable and more depressed then ever. Because he supports us financially, I stay. I guess it is co dependancy. I am just hating my marriage so much. I never thought that my life would end up like this. Is there anyway that I can get over the affair and learn to love him again? Help!
kevinm1019 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 My husband had an affair with a woman that I knew. He told me about the affair two and a half years ago. This was after he had been with her for over a year. He moved out when it initially happened and then I forgave him and let him come back. This was because she told him that she didn't want to be with him anymore. We have four children and I felt that it was in the best interest of them to make it work. Problem is that this many years later it isn't working. I have grown to despise him for lying to me and our family. I can't stand being around him and I have grown bitter, miserable and more depressed then ever. Because he supports us financially, I stay. I guess it is co dependancy. I am just hating my marriage so much. I never thought that my life would end up like this. Is there anyway that I can get over the affair and learn to love him again? Help! I would suggest having a talk with your husband and helping him understand how you are feeling about the marriage and the betrayal but your desire to try to love him again and explain to him what you need. It is important to be honest and open even if it hurts him or causes some pain because that is what needs to be addressed in a healthy and proactive manner. Many people may suggest leaving or having a revenge affair but it will only make things more difficult. You need to be exact, unwavering and descriptive about the emotions you are feeling and express those emotions to your husband. In addition, I suggest counseling and a couple of books regarding recovering from an affair.
kevinm1019 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I would suggest having a talk with your husband and helping him understand how you are feeling about the marriage and the betrayal but your desire to try to love him again and explain to him what you need. It is important to be honest and open even if it hurts him or causes some pain because that is what needs to be addressed in a healthy and proactive manner. Many people may suggest leaving or having a revenge affair but it will only make things more difficult. You need to be exact, unwavering and descriptive about the emotions you are feeling and express those emotions to your husband. In addition, I suggest counseling and a couple of books regarding recovering from an affair. I have experienced this in my relationship and took the gloves off and shared my heart, my feelings, my apprehensions and concerns. Ultimately, I advised her to get her act together because if she did not... I was going to leave her because I was not going to have my life and our family treated in this manner. She began to realize the error of her ways and stopped acting foolish, saying foolish and inconsiderate things and started to grow up and accept responsibility for her actions. Only time will tell....
jnj express Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 The visions and memories may never go away---and your dark recesses of your mind, see your H., with the OW----It's never easy If you are staying for the kids----DON'T----A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE IS THE ATTENDING PED. AT A MAJOR hOSp. HERE IN sO. cAL.----SHE WOULD TELL YOU KIDS ADAPT, ADJUST, AND ARE MUCH BETTER OFF IN SPLIT HAPPY HOMES, THAN IN A TENSION FILLED, HATEFUL ATMOSPHERE SUCH AS YOU DESCRIBE KIds, know----you shouldn't fake it till you make it--specially if it is hurting you, yourself----you need to be healthy, and become carefree again---that can only be thru D., by ridding yourself, of the source of your hatred---in this case your H.
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