Yamaha Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Remind her that God gave you and her free agency to choose and she, as a Christian, should give you that right.
Author BubbleFreak Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I'm sorry. You have lost a friend for the time being or for life. You can't reason with her and you can't be seen by her as reasonable. There is no agreeing to disagree with fanaticism. It's not in a zealot's nature to be willing or able to check their premise's. Quote her the following piece of scripture and have her be done with it gently: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV). If you want to leave your door open to her, then do so if you can. I have an advanced degree in this issue as my parents joined a Christian cult when I was in my teens in the mid 70s. Fortunately a cult leader told my parents it was "too late" for me and my sister during an intervention and therefore mostly ended the hell on earth of them trying to convert us day and night. It took just shy of 15 years, their ruined finances and a fully fractured family for them to see the light, that they were being used and controlled by people that didn't have their best interests at heart but they missed so much of life being wrapped up in that group. Again I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Trust me hanging on and trying to reason, argue or plead out your case will do no good. Let her go to God. Wow, I'm sorry for what you've been through in life because of fanaticism. Fortunately for me the religiousness won't have such extreme effects on me because you can't choose your family (and what they become involved in) but I can choose my friends. I'm glad your parents have gotten themselves out of that cult. Thank you to everyone for all your useful responses. I know not all Christians are like this, my boyfriend for one is Christian but he is not a fanatic and loves me and accepts my choices in life. It will be a gradual unfriending most likely as I talk to her less and less and, as another posted suggested, I spend more time with those I actually enjoy being around and who will not tell me "your opinion is not valid". I mean, ouch! Funny that, considering it was only last week I wondered why certain people get special treatment just because of who they are in relation to you, when you wouldn't let that abuse happen to you if it were anybody else doing it. Just because we have basically grown up together doesn't mean we should always have one foot in each other's paths.
vintagecat Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 (edited) Wow, I'm sorry for what you've been through in life because of fanaticism. It has made me who I am for better or worse and truly it's not like some of the horrific stories of abuse that I read on the family board on LS. It was what it was. My experience just gives me an extra bit of insight as to what makes people that go over the edge over religion tick. It's probably best just to quietly cut off contact as you have planned. That's how I normally prefer to end an unsatisfactory friendship or casual relationship where more is not owed (by being busy or unavailable) and if she will leave you alone, all the better. She may after many years decide that enough is enough with a narrow constricted life and with taking things to the extreme and will try to contact you to start your friendship anew. I've seen this as a rule rather than exception with the group that my parents were involved with. It's like they come blinking out of a cave that they've been lost in for years, disoriented, angry and confused. You will have to decide at that time what to do. Good luck to you and sorry for the loss of a good friend. Edited August 24, 2010 by vintagecat
KikiW Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Even a few years ago I would have encouraged using biblical scriptures to counter her behavior - I used to do the same thing when I ran a political blog (used the other side's own words to counter what they are trying to say)... Problem is it will only open up a new can of worms. She will see it as you reading the bible, which means you are savable! Don't bother. It's like feeding a forum troll and is a huge waste of your time. I know exactly what you mean about being friends with someone for so long it seems so ridiculous that you can't work it out. I have been friends with someone for almost 25 years and have discovered what I believe is the end of our friendship. It's sad, but you know what? I don't want to be around her anymore. She adds very little in positives and a WHOLE LOT of negatives. What do I need all that negative crap for? I have little time on this blue marble, I am done spending it with people who bring me down. When you see her, smile sweetly and say how nice it is to see her. If she calls to hang out, just say "Sorry! I have plans already, maybe another time..." and then don't make plans. That way you are not making a huge spectacle about ending the friendship and mutual friends don't have do deal too much with the drama of it.
Leigh 87 Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I had some christian friends, and they NEVER pressured me to join them, or convert... In fact, we hung out and they only mention their beliefs if I ASKED. Which I did, because i like learning about new things, and I like knowing what is important to my friends. But yeah, my Christian friends were very nice people to me, even though they KNEW I was not Christian. THEY TOO lived for god, just like your friends, they were JUSt as christian and every bit as devloted... The difference is, my friends do not harshly judge others who are not christian.
Author BubbleFreak Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 I had some christian friends, and they NEVER pressured me to join them, or convert... In fact, we hung out and they only mention their beliefs if I ASKED. Which I did, because i like learning about new things, and I like knowing what is important to my friends. But yeah, my Christian friends were very nice people to me, even though they KNEW I was not Christian. THEY TOO lived for god, just like your friends, they were JUSt as christian and every bit as devloted... The difference is, my friends do not harshly judge others who are not christian. Yes, that is an important difference.
candymoon Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I had a friend exactly like this. We had been BFFs for 20 years. 10 years into or friendship she was 'saved'. She was SO saved, she became the most possessive & jealous, proud, vain person I had ever know. Pretty much all the 7 Deadly sins--from which she was always trying to save ME. The longer she stayed in church, the more high and mighty she became! Mind you she had issues before--seems like the religion just amplified the areas in her personality where she was weak. By like 100-fold. She is 40 now, can't find a man (never had one longer than 3 years--they all say she is too self centered), no children, nothing... except her church friends and services on Sunday... I had to dump her too. I was underwhelmed with her longevity in being a neglectful and backstabbing friend. I let it fade out, as painful as it was. You would be wise to do the same.
Dazzel Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I can really relate to this. Back in high school (and a couple years after), my closest friend (but not best....I had no friends, truthfully) was super religious. I was shy and couldn't tell someone to back away. All she talked about was her beliefs and God and such. I had to be on my guard around her and I'd go out of my way to avoid her. Sometimes she'd randomly show up at my house and I'd feel so uncomfy. She claimed she cast three demons out of a nearby town. Then she flew the coop and married a man who lives in his truck and they both attend a weird cult that casts out demons. And now they have a baby. Pretty glad she went off, though I still miss her. She got a little more easy going near the end. Funny thing is, my boyfriend is Baptist and I'm Agnostic. He doesn't care at all. He stopped going to his church months ago. I can do without it. I cannot understand Baptists at all, no offense to anyone. I really detest his church. I will say what everyone else does. You don't enjoy time with her anymore. Maybe you could hang out with her occasionally, but not be a full-time best friend. She's being a wee bit hypocritical and probably doesn't realize how off-putting she is. I'd say break off contact gradually. However, that's soooo much easier said than done,and I can't exactly blame you if you don't want to listen to this advice. Best of luck to you.
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