Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 lots of people just do hot/cold by how they feel at the time. This isn't the right way to do it. You want to act cold/disinterested when they are at a peak/chasing, and act hot when/chasing when they are at any other time. It's generally used in conversations though not for setting up dates. You get her to a peak/she spikes in interest or attraction then you act disinterested or go cold. Sort of difficult to explain and not something I can actively implement (yet! ).... Is this some kind of PUA game? If you like playing games, keep working on it. If you would like an actual relationship, try being real. Sounds like a very empty waste of time to me. There are a lot of wonderful things to learn and explore in this world. Why study and practice manipulating people?
phineas Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 lots of people just do hot/cold by how they feel at the time. This isn't the right way to do it. You want to act cold/disinterested when they are at a peak/chasing, and act hot when/chasing when they are at any other time. It's generally used in conversations though not for setting up dates. You get her to a peak/she spikes in interest or attraction then you act disinterested or go cold. Sort of difficult to explain and not something I can actively implement (yet! ).... I have to agree with Chaucer, that's a huge waste of time & energy. I'm 38. I don't have the stomach for that type of behavior from a woman. I do however have the stomach to enjoy my own company & forgetting about said hot/cold women.
dispatch3d Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Is this some kind of PUA game? If you like playing games, keep working on it. If you would like an actual relationship, try being real. Sounds like a very empty waste of time to me. There are a lot of wonderful things to learn and explore in this world. Why study and practice manipulating people? If it turns her on and she gets good feelings out of it then I'm game. Put me in for "playing games" if doing something that gets her aroused is called that.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Yep, and I keep thinking - what if I cut my losses now and things would have worked out if I just hang in there? As in, what if I looked at the big picture and maybe we are just having a rocky start? Maybe he will get more interested if he gets to know me better etc etc. Ugh. It is so hard giving up on a guy you are really into. That's the problem I have with guys that string us along. If they just told us "I don't want to see you anymore" or similar - I would have no problem letting go. But they keep the hope alive I agree, that's the way I am. I always think 'but maybe if I give it a bit more time, he'll come around', normally they don't. But unless they outright state they aren't interested, I keep going, and hoping. Why can't they just be honest? It'd save an awful lot of time and heartache. I know many people advocate the line 'He's just not that into you', and I've said it to my friends myself, but when it comes to me, I can't just say give up as easy as that. In my mind, he can't be into me one minute and not the next. Why can't men only go for women they are fully into? Instead of going for the ones that they are half-hearted about and just end up stringing along.
phineas Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 If it turns her on and she gets good feelings out of it then I'm game. Put me in for "playing games" if doing something that gets her aroused is called that. Well, your in college if I remember. Your not looking for a long term relationship. Your looking for a GF for right now. Women your age do respond well to that type of stuff. Women my age do also, their just not quality women in my own opinion. If I was just looking for a fling instead of a serious relationship I probably could stomach the games. I'd just have to find my abb muscles again in order to find enough women to work into a rotation so I didn't get bored. LOL! I actually do have a divorced friend that did this for a while he got tired of it real quick though.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 If it turns her on and she gets good feelings out of it then I'm game. Put me in for "playing games" if doing something that gets her aroused is called that. See, I think that's where you're mistaken. Women do NOT enjoy feeling like this, we like to know where we stand, we want to know we're wanted, maybe not to the point of the guy being all over us, but it's not a 'turn on' to feel like you may be getting the hot/cold treatment, and given the run around. Put it this way: you like a girl, you play all these games with her, then she finds someone who doesn't play games with her. Who is upfront, honest, consistent and you're left alone all because you chose to come across hot/cold in hopes of arousing her interest. I'm not saying you should lay yourself out on a plate, but consistency and honesty are good qualities to have. I do like a guy that leaves a little mystery, sure, i.e not always being available for me, having his own life, not texting back straight (but will do later on) etc.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Wanting and finding yourself dreaming about someone you don't know why you've come to idolize but know it can't be is one of the most wonderful feelings I think there is. It just comes over ya and suddenly every appearance she makes melts you into a quivering lovesick puppy. "Having" can be not so pleasing a thing as this state of infatuation. I'm reminded of that Phil Collins song "Invisible Touch" where he sings: "...when she gets under your skin, you're never quite the same...". Those spells of heartthrob are precious and something which offsets some of the scars on one's heart. They are icons of love one takes to the grave--still immaculate and exceptional and on the pedestal deep somewhere in the experience which has made you you. Donna S., Rosa J., Mary-Ellen M. will never age in my my soul.
gypsy_nicky Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 yes I believe the statement 'wanting what you cant have' to be true. because on average most average people will tend to have a more inflated sense of themselves (I'm not trying to say extremely self centered, just that people will look for positives more than negatives in themselves). This presents some problems. One being, people make false starts in choosing a partner who is above them (looks wise, status etc), who will in fact reject them. The second being, since they think of themselves in a more flattering light, the partners at par with them are rejected. I think the word 'settling' is fitting for the OP's thread in that we tend to weed out the bad ones for us, but at the same time we find someone who is at most times on par with us.
dispatch3d Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 See, I think that's where you're mistaken. Women do NOT enjoy feeling like this, we like to know where we stand, we want to know we're wanted, maybe not to the point of the guy being all over us, but it's not a 'turn on' to feel like you may be getting the hot/cold treatment, and given the run around. Put it this way: you like a girl, you play all these games with her, then she finds someone who doesn't play games with her. Who is upfront, honest, consistent and you're left alone all because you chose to come across hot/cold in hopes of arousing her interest. I'm not saying you should lay yourself out on a plate, but consistency and honesty are good qualities to have. I do like a guy that leaves a little mystery, sure, i.e not always being available for me, having his own life, not texting back straight (but will do later on) etc. you're projecting. I didn't say do any of the things you listed. I also said if it turns her on then I'm down for "playing games". What you describe would not promote my end goal enough, hence I wouldn't be doing any of the above.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 If it turns her on and she gets good feelings out of it then I'm game. Put me in for "playing games" if doing something that gets her aroused is called that. Well, I happen to be a woman and I know lots of other women ... I cannot think of a single one who would be "aroused" by a stupid game such as "playing" hot and cold. Yes, you might pique the interest of some girls and it won't last. Women who are attracted to the unavailable or unattainable man are going to perceive quickly if you are just some boy who has been diligently studying his PUA manual. Your game will become transparent quickly. PUA stuff has nothing to do with women and what women like. I do think it is probably an empowering deal for insecure guys and that it helps them launch into the daunting world of dating. NOT a turn on, though.
MrNate Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I agree, that's the way I am. I always think 'but maybe if I give it a bit more time, he'll come around', normally they don't. But unless they outright state they aren't interested, I keep going, and hoping. Why can't they just be honest? It'd save an awful lot of time and heartache. I know many people advocate the line 'He's just not that into you', and I've said it to my friends myself, but when it comes to me, I can't just say give up as easy as that. In my mind, he can't be into me one minute and not the next. Why can't men only go for women they are fully into? Instead of going for the ones that they are half-hearted about and just end up stringing along. You can have me.
lofi_tokyo Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Simple inquiry here, which I hope will evolve into a deeper conversation: When it comes to romantic relationships, do you believe people want what they can't have? Why/why not? I think that an element of the grass is greener will always linger in a lot of individuals minds. Is it enough to make them unhappy in their current relationships? Perhaps, but from what I can tell, most of the time the answer is no. Sure, we want we can't have. To want something is to desire to have something, right? If you already have something, you can't really want it, because you already have it. You can appreciate having it, but to want it in the instant you have it doesn't really make sense to me. So yes, people want what they can't have. It only makes sense. If you're asking if that want makes people unhappy - the answer I believe is yes and no. It depends on how badly you want that certain something, and how satisfied you are with your life in not having it.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 you're projecting. I didn't say do any of the things you listed. I also said if it turns her on then I'm down for "playing games". What you describe would not promote my end goal enough, hence I wouldn't be doing any of the above. I'm not projecting, just telling it how it is for most women. You are saying that some girls get aroused by the hot/cold game guys play, but this is usually short-lived, and only partial, deep down, the thrill of the 'chase' wears off and is scary. How would you know if that behavior turns her on exactly?
harmfulsweetz Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 You can have me. Deal. We're sorted, if only we could work out this long distance thing.
MrNate Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Deal. We're sorted, if only we could work out this long distance thing. 'Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby...'
dispatch3d Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Well, I happen to be a woman and I know lots of other women ... I cannot think of a single one who would be "aroused" by a stupid game such as "playing" hot and cold. Yes, you might pique the interest of some girls and it won't last. Women who are attracted to the unavailable or unattainable man are going to perceive quickly if you are just some boy who has been diligently studying his PUA manual. Your game will become transparent quickly. PUA stuff has nothing to do with women and what women like. I do think it is probably an empowering deal for insecure guys and that it helps them launch into the daunting world of dating. NOT a turn on, though. I happen to be a man who hits on a lot of women and has a lot of woman friends. It works. Glad we had that arguement.
dispatch3d Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I'm not projecting, just telling it how it is for most women. You are saying that some girls get aroused by the hot/cold game guys play, but this is usually short-lived, and only partial, deep down, the thrill of the 'chase' wears off and is scary. How would you know if that behavior turns her on exactly? search cajun keys to the vip. He does it if you watch his pickup really closely. You probably won't pickup on it (Pun!!!) until the 2nd or 3rd watch. At one point she gets excited and he looks away slightly. He does it nonverbally......
Mad Max Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 If you have to resort to playing games to get a woman, you'll never find a high quality one. This hot/cold BS, I don't have the time or patience for it. Granted I'm only 22, but I need someone that is mature and doesn't play games. Probably not going to find that with college age girls.
fltc Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 When it comes to romantic relationships, do you believe people want what they can't have? Why/why not? When I was in high school, every guy in the school was madly, passionately in love with a girl who was madly, passionately in love with some other guy, that's how it works and I've no idea why? With luck, we should grow up but it seems that a lot of folks are stuck in the high school mentality well into their senior years.....
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