witabix Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 He deceived her to get her to move in with him. She has stated herself that her choice would have been different had she known all the facts. That's a red flag for future deception potential, in addition to knowing that she now cannot fulfill her dreams and life desires until these other people play their moves, and their moves may or may not happen for years. She was put in this position unfairly. Without the OP actually endorsing this view, I would agree with You Go Girl, although I also lean towards Simon Attwood's view. He is not actually protecting his daughter, he is protecting his contact with his daughter. From what I have read here he has no need to protect his daughter. It can be very difficult to explain properly to a new partner the situation with an ex that you have a child with. I know this to be true. It does seem to me that the OP has either been misled, or at the very least not in possession of the full facts. She should have been. It is her choice what she does about that now.
NayWinter Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not. Some men are better equipt to handle these types of situations with their ex's and some just aren't. IMO, it sounds like to me, that your bf is one of those men who will submit to anyone and do anything "for the sake of the child". If I were you, I'd turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Good luck to you!
tornandmarried Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 seems like people grow up believing marriage is some fairy tale fantasy...when u get into it your love life becomes a whole legal mess....a friend of mine once said, marriage ruins perfectly good relationships...i know of a couple that was together for 30 years before they got married and theyre happy as can be.....do u really want to marry him cuz he is proven worthy of a life long partnership, or cuz of the fairy tale fantasy....give him time to get it squared away, cuz its not very easy especialy with a child involved...doesnt sound like hes having an affair, they split up and moved on, it only exists on paper (which does help him a great bit with his daughter)...its up to you what to do, but if hes really the one u want to, need to spend your life with youll do it with or with out marriage...you wont be able to walk away
witabix Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not. Words of wisdom above. It requires a mettle that a lot do not have to say to someone "Enough, there is the line, do not cross". To add a dimension from my experience this attitude of 'it is all about the child' hid a bigger lie. The R wasn't done with, the child was used as a pawn between the parents and to deceive me. I lost count of the times they had phone conversations that always devolved into a dissection of why they split up, never about their daughter. The care of their child was a pretext for communication about their feelings for each other. I developed a great 'father/daughter' relationship with the child and had to deal with separating that as well. Be careful around the child, she is innocent in all of this.
NayWinter Posted October 3, 2010 Posted October 3, 2010 A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not. Some men are better equipt to handle these types of situations with their ex's and some just aren't. IMO, it sounds like to me, that your bf is one of those men who will submit to anyone and do anything "for the sake of the child". If I were you, I'd turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Good luck to you! Not sure if anyone is reading this thread anymore or not, but I need to correct the first part of my post. It was pointed out to me in another thread. I said "I'm married to a man...." I meant to say that I married a man.. I'm not married anymore which is why I gave the advice that I did. Just wanted to clear that up for the future because by the time I realized that I mistyped, it was way too late for me to edit the post. Anyway to the OP, I wish you the best of luck.
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