Allright Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Dear all, This is my first post on the forum. I will try to make it short so as not to bore you all with the details... Many thanks for your read and any feedback. So here is my story: I will start from the end. I got married a month and a half ago to a woman I met 5 years ago. I am 35, she is 31. After getting married and a week into the honeymoon, I started to feel heaviness, sadness and sort of suffocation. I had bouts of anxiety, clammy hand, tiredness, kind of a mild depression. Everyone around me and some readings I have done spoke about being depressed after the wedding (but mainly for the bride!) and going through an adjustment period. I thought this might be normal and it would pass. Now, a month and a half into it, I feel heavy, sad, entrapped, depressed, maybe three times a week. I feel an underlying tension and sadness. There is guilt, fear that I made a mistake and all what you can imagine comes with being in such a situation. Background: I met my wife 5 years ago. At the time, I did not really want to get married or have a serious relationship. But it was passionate and we fell in love etc... The relationship was stormy. We used to fight a lot. We were both hard headed (with big egos) and this created significant fighting. We got engaged after two years and stayed engaged for a year. Three weeks before the wedding, we broke up due to fighting. For the last two years, we still had feelings for each other so we saw each other maybe once a month or once every two months for a weekend or so. That dragged for 1.5 years or so but during that weird, there was no fighting and we blended well to the point where we got back "full time" for half a year before we got married recently. But before this last going back full time,when we use to stay together for the 4-5days, I felt heavy and bad like I am feeling today and that is why it took 1.5 years of this to get to the "smooth" period 0.5 year period. For the smooth period and till today, there is zero fighting and we have a good life. But I feel this heaviness, sadness, like I want out and this happens 2-3 times a week. I care a lot for my wife as a person and I love her. But these feeling are just over powering. Then of course, you get the guilt and the whole nine yards. She is amazingly understanding and asked me to share so I am, while being very gentle and loving..... This is where I am at and it is eating me up. I just want the earth to swallow me because I dread where I am at. I tried to give the context....Please let me know what you think....And if there are any questions I can answer that would help frame this. Many thanks, Allright
You Go Girl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Imagine you leave her. Now what are you feeling? What do you think would happen? Probably that you would get back together in short time? It sounds like the two of you really love each other. So why the flirtation with disaster? Are you afraid of committment on a deep level?
BlackLovely Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 What did you and your wife fight about? What were your reasons for getting married? If you ask yourself these questions, it could start you on a path to healing. I also agree with You Go Girl.....think about how you would feel if you weren't with her. My fiance and I had a tempestuous, stormy relationship until he worked out his commitment issues and I set limits.
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