lostsunsets Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Write your thoughts out and read it to him. That way you can say exactly what you want to and can focus on the letter instead of him. Then let him respond. Bring an ice chest full of ice when he punches you in the nose, as this will help with the bleeding. But hey you deserve it. The punch will make you feel one hell of a lot better.
Author Julian45 Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Mark won't punch me because he's far too cool for that, if he did though I'd happily take it and buy him a beer afterwards. Of the two Helen is much more likely to punch me. She's done it before more than once.
2sunny Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 when do you tell him? and have you lined up a few dates yet so you can forget about Helen easier?
Joe Normal Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 So let's say that I tell Mark about the whole thing and come clean. Please explain how this is going to benefit them and their relationship. This is the bit I can't get my head around. How is confessing all the Mark going to help them? If I could clearly see the benefits of doing so then I would tell Mark all about it. It will help Mark by letting him know the truth about his marriage. Imagine if there is a business, and one of the partners is defrauding the company. Can you see the benefits of telling the defrauded partner what is going on? Obviously anyone can see that it is essential to tell the victim in this situation. It is no different if it is a marriage. Being cheated on without knowing it is like being defrauded or stolen from by someone you trust without knowing it. You need to know if your entire relationship is built on a total lie - if you are blissfully unaware, then the relationship is a sham. The "benefit" to Mark is that he gets to avoid spending the next X years wasting is his life by committing to and being faithful to Helen under completely false pretences. Another benefit is that he finds out he needs to get tested for STDs because he might have caught something. He also learns that he can't trust his wife, and should only have sex using a condom with her in future. So, plenty of reasons to tell him. The only reason *not* to tell him, is that you will feel uncomfortable about it because it means you have to admit to doing something bad. But I thought it was Mark's reasons you were interested in? Or maybe you're just interested in the benefits to yourself of telling? Well, the benefit to yourself is that you get the guts to start being an honest person of integrity, instead of a backstabbing marriage-wrecker and betrayer of friendships. Wouldn't you rather be a good person of integrity than a despicable backstabber? If so, then you know the first necessary step to take.
Author Julian45 Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 when do you tell him? and have you lined up a few dates yet so you can forget about Helen easier? Tell him asap. Dating; not a chance at the moment, I feel emotionally messed up at the moment and have done for about 3 months now. I just don't feel the least bit inclined to date. I wake with thoughts of Helen, go to bed thinking of her and contemplate stepping under a train from time to time.
carhill Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 The good news is, once you resolve this in a healthy way, it will never happen to you again. The tools will be in place. Some other penny will get squished on the tracks.
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