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Great nights out with mates at the weekend, but when its all over your left alone :(

BigProc

By BigProc
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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BigProc Established Member

BigProc

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Hey everyone, just an update on how i,m feeling regarding my other thread. Also after other peoples thoughts and input if they can relate to it. I'm not going to go into my situation as its all in my other thread if you need updating. Iv had 2 great nights out on the p**s with my mates. I'm not ready to start dating or going with other girls at the moment because i'm still madly in love with the ex (does that make me a pussy? lol:laugh:). The problem i have is the sunday mornings. I feel lonely, bored, unmotivated and to be honest damn right depressed. Does anyone else feel like this? Is it normal or an unhinged feeling? All my mates are coupled up so i find myself on my own. I miss the relaxing sundays just lazing around with somebody you love. The nights out are purely hanging with mates and having a laugh, they dont involve other girls because im just not ready to go out on the pull. Also my self esteem is rock bottom. I know alcohol doesn't help as it is a depressent. I just wish i could have a night out and other than the hangover just feel generally happy the following morning.

DSM2709 Established Member

DSM2709

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Yes, I do know how you feel. I feel like that now. When you go out with your friends for a day or two, then you come home to nothing it sucks. I feel like nobody cares of enough about me. I work during the night, so when I go to bed and get up in the afternoon, I look forward to see if anyone called me when I turn the phone down. And when nobody calls me, I feel like ****. I am trying to keep myself busy too, I miss my ex like crazy, and I sent her an e-mail the other day, and I hope she replies. I guess I have abandonment issues and I always feel like I need to be with somebody, maybe because the way I was raised. Yes, I do know how you feel my friend, and it down right sucks. Keep your head up, and stay strong, one day at a time.

jon3105 Member

jon3105

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I feel exactly the same way. I've made an effort to go out with mates for a few nights, and have a bit of fun, but then it hits 3/4am and I realise that I'm going back to an empty bed on my own and waking up the same.

 

Whats worse is that my ex always goes out in the same town and frequents the same places, so im scared to go out now incase I bump into her and her new guy friend(s). Seeing her dancing away or kissing someone right now would destroy me and any progress I've made.

Fruitpunch Established Member

Fruitpunch

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Firstly guys. Dont get wasted. You dont want to be drunk and out.

If you dont pull it will start getting you depressed and then no girl will be interested, you will become angry, and then believe that this is all because of your ex.

Go out, as much as possible, with as many friends as possible.

Have a couple of drinks if you must, and make sure you go talk to some new people every time you are out.

Don't stand at the bar with your friends, go talk to some girls.

 

If you are stuck as to what to say ask for an opionion on something.

 

"Hey my friend broke up with her boyfriend tonight and i want to ask your opinion on this....is kissing cheating?"

 

Blah blah blah, or whatever else you can think of. Something that opens a conversation up.

I guarantee if you were going home to a 10 every night you wouldnt be pining over your gf, so learn how to be better with women

 

Dont be the bar douchebag ho gets drunk, grabs asses and then ends up in a angry fight

9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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I feel exactly the same way. I've made an effort to go out with mates for a few nights, and have a bit of fun, but then it hits 3/4am and I realise that I'm going back to an empty bed on my own and waking up the same.

 

Whats worse is that my ex always goes out in the same town and frequents the same places, so im scared to go out now incase I bump into her and her new guy friend(s). Seeing her dancing away or kissing someone right now would destroy me and any progress I've made.

 

I think you have to change up your routine for a while. envite people over or do something else instead of what u normally do until your emoations calm and u feel comfortable being by yourself again. that's all. its still part of the phase we are in.

Username37 Established Member

Username37

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I know that feeling.

 

I hung out with friends, don't get me wrong. But when it's over. Who can you share your fun experience with? Who can you cuddle with and share your day with? It's so depressing...

Fruitpunch Established Member

Fruitpunch

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Get some NEW women.

I have had so much fun since i got dumped and put myself first.

There are millions of eligible women out there who are way better than your ex.

All you have with your ex is emotional memory. Ignore that, get out there and open a conversation with a group of girls, it makes you feel 100 times better

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
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Hey everyone, just an update on how i,m feeling regarding my other thread. Also after other peoples thoughts and input if they can relate to it. I'm not going to go into my situation as its all in my other thread if you need updating. Iv had 2 great nights out on the p**s with my mates. I'm not ready to start dating or going with other girls at the moment because i'm still madly in love with the ex (does that make me a pussy? lol:laugh:). The problem i have is the sunday mornings. I feel lonely, bored, unmotivated and to be honest damn right depressed. Does anyone else feel like this? Is it normal or an unhinged feeling? All my mates are coupled up so i find myself on my own. I miss the relaxing sundays just lazing around with somebody you love. The nights out are purely hanging with mates and having a laugh, they dont involve other girls because im just not ready to go out on the pull. Also my self esteem is rock bottom. I know alcohol doesn't help as it is a depressent. I just wish i could have a night out and other than the hangover just feel generally happy the following morning.

 

First props for being mature enough to know your not over your EX and not ready to date someone else. That is not being a pussy but having courage to true put yourself first. For those who would go out and avoid the healing by jumping into dating are the ones who lack respect for themselves and the people that date. So be proud of yourself.

 

Second, even though you had a good time you are right the alcohol is kicking your a$$. How about telling your mates just that and for the next month schedule some activities for the weekend that will keep you away from it. As your mates for their help. How about a mountain bikes weekend, camping with no booze, hiking trip.

 

Finally make sure you working out, helps with depression and esteem.

 

Remember even when you doing everything right, it still takes time so do not be too hard on yourself.

 

 

 

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BigProc Established Member

BigProc

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Thanks everyone, all excellent helpful posts :).The main thing is i'm well into nc, other than an unavoidable blip other week where i owed money and she just turned up. Its true that you do start to feel better. I still feel down about it, however you will find your appertite comes back, then next thing you don't really get that sick feeling when you know shes f***ing sum1 else. In stages like that you notice things are starting to get easier. Everyones advice on here gives you the strenghth to carry on if you are willing to listen. :):)

whatadeer26 Established Member

whatadeer26

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Buddy, I am the same way. I try to stay busy during the weekend by doing things I would never do. I am lucky that all of my friends are single so we are always "on the pull". (I always like getting expressions from other countries. I am going to use this term.)

 

If you're a Pus then I'm a Pus. I do not feel ready to have any sort of serious relationship.

 

In my self reflection I have concluded that the reason I miss her so much is that I feel I can not find another girl as pretty as she was. As much as I know that it is not true I can't shake that feeling. My ex was not the best girlfriend nor was she perfect, but my mental image of her shows her as such.

 

My advise to you would be to try and figure yours out so you can work on a way to help yourself overcome it.

Sambo Established Member

Sambo

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Weekends are hard for sure.

 

This is common after a break up and it doesn't get any easier till you are in a relationship again in my opinion.

 

So the answer is to heal and as soon as you feel your ready to love again your weekends will be filled again.

 

;)

Sambo Established Member

Sambo

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In my self reflection I have concluded that the reason I miss her so much is that I feel I can not find another girl as pretty as she was. As much as I know that it is not true I can't shake that feeling. My ex was not the best girlfriend nor was she perfect, but my mental image of her shows her as such..

 

be happy your not in your mid 40's lol

 

My ex was outstanding for her age and I have to date much younger women if I want one as pretty.

 

For you my friend I highly recommend working on your own self confidence.

 

Seriously :)

  • 2 weeks later...
leftfield Established Member

leftfield

Posted
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Thanks everyone, all excellent helpful posts :).The main thing is i'm well into nc, other than an unavoidable blip other week where i owed money and she just turned up. Its true that you do start to feel better. I still feel down about it, however you will find your appertite comes back, then next thing you don't really get that sick feeling when you know shes f***ing sum1 else. In stages like that you notice things are starting to get easier. Everyones advice on here gives you the strenghth to carry on if you are willing to listen. :):)

 

Hey dude, I know this thread had started to go a bit cold but I noticed you posted something on my thread about drunk-mailing your ex on Facebook a couple of days ago. Any response from that yet? It would probably be better if there wasn't one actually wouldn't it. I hope you've forgiven yourself for your error of judgement anyway, it's easily done.

 

I completely deactivated my Facebook account, because I know that I would not be able to resist looking at her profile. Also, on the occasions I have spoken to her recently she keeps asking if I'm back on Facebook yet. I thought that was a bit odd actually, I mean why would she care, but I'm guessing it's related to all this partying and whatever it is she's doing. She probably wants me to hear all about it. But as you know, I gave her a prime opportunity to do that over the weekend.

 

With regard to the subject of this thread, I also hate that come down you get the day after the night before. It is an utterly deflating feeling. I live on my own too, and work for myself - from home - so it's not as though I have anywhere to hide from the loneliness. That's why I'm on here all the time I suppose. I should be working now but I'm feeling so s*** I can't muster the motivation to do anything.

 

I keep thinking about what she said about that other guy. I hate that there is someone else in her life. She knows what my life consists of, it is a pretty poor excuse for existence at the moment. It must feel pretty great being her right now.

 

It's in all those empty moments, particularly after going out with friends, that my mind retreats to a desolate place, devoid of all colour. A big desert of sadness where an oasis of happiness pops up on only the rarest of occasions.

 

I've just re-read what I've written and I sound like a right downer don't I! I am a bit of a mess today actually, but I've been through worse things so I'm sure I can get through this. Let's just continue to carry one another through the desert, it must turn green again eventually.

Edited by leftfield
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BigProc Established Member

BigProc

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Hey dont worry about it. My exsitence is pretty pathetic right now. I'm unhappy from the moment i wake up, to the moment i go to bed, due to the fact i hate my job as well. Nope she never emailed me back, which like you said is probably a good thing. To be fair to her she has done absolutely nothing to make me think we will get back together. She hasn't contacted me in weeks and i know she is seeing her ex boyfriend. Thats what makes it even more annoying, we havn't had any contact in weeks, she clearly isn't interested in me and yet i can't use this to my advantage. At moment my self esteem is rock bottom and i'm wondering if im now suffering with depression. I'm sure people in my situation would be coping better than me. Its not as though i'm being led on merry go round, because i'm not. Oh well all i can do is carry on and hopefully the pain will ease :). I didn't think it would have knocked me back emotionally but i was wrong. Its made me think more about her and upset me that she hasn't even got the respect for me to reply, even if i didn't like the responce.

leftfield Established Member

leftfield

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Posted
Hey dont worry about it. My exsitence is pretty pathetic right now. I'm unhappy from the moment i wake up, to the moment i go to bed, due to the fact i hate my job as well. Nope she never emailed me back, which like you said is probably a good thing. To be fair to her she has done absolutely nothing to make me think we will get back together. She hasn't contacted me in weeks and i know she is seeing her ex boyfriend. Thats what makes it even more annoying, we havn't had any contact in weeks, she clearly isn't interested in me and yet i can't use this to my advantage. At moment my self esteem is rock bottom and i'm wondering if im now suffering with depression. I'm sure people in my situation would be coping better than me. Its not as though i'm being led on merry go round, because i'm not. Oh well all i can do is carry on and hopefully the pain will ease :). I didn't think it would have knocked me back emotionally but i was wrong. Its made me think more about her and upset me that she hasn't even got the respect for me to reply, even if i didn't like the responce.

 

Let's be honest, you don't need or want a response from that message. It will not do anything to help you. If she tells you her life is great and she is a little too busy to see you at the moment, that's not going to help.

 

If she tells you she it's probably not a good idea because she is back with 'X', that's not going to help you either.

 

It might not have anything to do with a lack of respect for you, but rather a respect for her current situation that she doesn't want to see you, and maybe, just maybe, she knows that a negative response might hurt you, so she's taken it as a drunken gesture (which it was) and decided not to respond.

 

The reason she hasn't responded doesn't really matter, it's good that she hasn't and you need to hold it together and not do it again, for your own peace of mind.

 

I don't know if it will help you, but after reading one of Don Ho's fairly blunt responses to someone else's post, I've decided to use my own strengths (and perhaps even weaknesses) to my advantage. I'm just going to be a stubborn b****** and think to myself, well I don't want to be a weak, rejected mess of a man - because that's not a man. I can't stop feeling hurt and upset that she left me, but so f***. I will not be defeated.

 

Depression can creep in when something like this hits you, I've been there before myself, and I was worried that it might come back after she left. Alcohol doesn't help, so if you're 'drowning your sorrows' a little too often I would suggest you be careful, you are risking messing yourself up more. It doesn't affect everyone to such an extent, but I know it affects me, I get really low after a bout of heavy drinking so be careful if you're prone to that.

 

Trust me, you are coping just as well as everyone else, but you do have more control over your state of mind than you think you have. Feeling sorry for yourself opens the door to low self-esteem, depression and lots of other negative emotions. You are no worse off than any other dumpee on here, everyone hurts. Like you say, the pain will ease, but it will be easier if you try to consciously reject it and say "f*** this, I am not going to be consumed by this". You might fail, things will get on top of you, but keep your chin up lad, you're a man not a muppet. Pull your own strings.

 

I've been on this forum on and off for most of the day instead of actually doing any work. I'm hurting like you, but I have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I will continue to tell you an everyone else that until we can all see it. We will pal, we will ;)

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BigProc Established Member

BigProc

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I love your posts leftfield :)

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