purplepixie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Hi There, Im new so if this is in the wrong place I apologise. Just looking to see if im the only one this happens to! My BF & I have been together for a while now & weve lived together for 5 months now. Now, weve always had a great sex life & Im always willing to give & please. I regularly dress up for him & will try new things with him. About a month ago he lost his job & since he's home alone most days i've noticed he watches alot more porn. I have no problem with this, except weve been having less sex. Anyways, so when we have had sex, its been...different. He wants to do it like the pornstars do..always. I have no problem with this, I'll try anything & I love a bit of dirty rough sex as much as the next person. But Im tarting to feel abit..objectified. He always wants me to go down on him, have anal & come on my face. I don't mind trying these things as i'd do anything to please him, I just miss the sex where you feel the connection & can tell each other 'i love you' instead of 'suck my cock you dirty little bitch'. He used to be able to seperate porn from out sex life, and yes, I do enjoy a little rough sex. I just don't want that all the time, but he does. Starting to feel like i'm not quite enough for him as I am. I've never been a fan of 'vanilla' sex, but i'm starting to miss it! haha. Sorry I've went on a bit here. Does this happen to anyone else?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 It sounds like he is venting his frustration and anger over losing his job through sex. The sort of sex he is having with you is not about intimacy, it is about control. I suspect that right now he feels that he has lost control over his life and is struggling to regain control - and the way he apparently has found it easiest is through 'porn' style sex with you. Until he can overcome those feelings of inadequacy and loss of control, you may not get very far with him in trying to guide him into having more intimate sex. That would represent losing control over even sex for him. Is he actively looking for work, or seeing a career counselor? It might help tremendously if he can get his feet back under him. Once he has control over his professional life, he will more than likely relax the need for having such rigid control in the bedroom.
Author purplepixie Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 Hi, thanks, that makes alot of sense. He is looking for work & is going to hear about a job tomorrow so hopefully that'll ease things abit. Maybe part of the 'control' thing is about the fact that financially im providing everything at the moment. & thats the man's job, to provide, isn't it?
blair08 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Hi, thanks, that makes alot of sense. He is looking for work & is going to hear about a job tomorrow so hopefully that'll ease things abit. Maybe part of the 'control' thing is about the fact that financially im providing everything at the moment. & thats the man's job, to provide, isn't it? Its not just a mans job to provide, IMO it should be a shared thing. Also I have feeling even if he gets another job, thats probably not going to lessen the fact that he likes to have sex with you the way he sees it porn, if anything this will become what he truly likes and will probably change even more once he becomes bored with what he has been doing from the porn videos. You'll need to decide at some point if its what you really like or not as well.
NYCmitch25 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Hi There, Im new so if this is in the wrong place I apologise. Just looking to see if im the only one this happens to! My BF & I have been together for a while now & weve lived together for 5 months now. Now, weve always had a great sex life & Im always willing to give & please. I regularly dress up for him & will try new things with him. About a month ago he lost his job & since he's home alone most days i've noticed he watches alot more porn. I have no problem with this, except weve been having less sex. Anyways, so when we have had sex, its been...different. He wants to do it like the pornstars do..always. I have no problem with this, I'll try anything & I love a bit of dirty rough sex as much as the next person. But Im tarting to feel abit..objectified. He always wants me to go down on him, have anal & come on my face. I don't mind trying these things as i'd do anything to please him, I just miss the sex where you feel the connection & can tell each other 'i love you' instead of 'suck my cock you dirty little bitch'. He used to be able to seperate porn from out sex life, and yes, I do enjoy a little rough sex. I just don't want that all the time, but he does. Starting to feel like i'm not quite enough for him as I am. I've never been a fan of 'vanilla' sex, but i'm starting to miss it! haha. Sorry I've went on a bit here. Does this happen to anyone else? Since we know nothing about him, about how he feels about women in general, and so forth, I'd say we can't answer your question. However, we know what "normal" is and it seems obvious to me that he's exhibiting abnormal behavior. I would read up on sexual addition and so forth and go from there .
Eeyore79 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 He always wants me to go down on him, have anal & come on my face. I tend to regard these things as fairly normal everyday sexual activities. My bf and I go down on each other virtually every time we have sex, and I'd say that almost half of the sex we have is anal. The only reason he doesn't cum on my face more often is because I can't be bothered re-doing my makeup and washing my hair after every sex session. Maybe he just has a different sexual drive to you?
cesar13 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 You lucky punks and getting sex. Have a talk and let him know how you feel. If he respects you he'll understand.
You Go Girl Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Sex isn't about pleasing him, it's about pleasing both of you. Ok, once in awhile, it's only about pleasing your partner, and taking pleasure in doing exactly that. But regular sex in which it is about acting out, is just a road down down down to that place where, what is left to do? Then it's a 3-some, swinging, orgies and then all that's left is animals and unmentionables. Seriously, rein this guy in while you still have a chance. As for me, sex is beautiful, a little kinky sometimes, but always dignified. That means I never demean myself. What your definition of demeaning yourself is, is up to you. But if you ever feel used, dirty, or other negative feelings afterwards or during, you need to decide just what YOUR sexual boundaries are.
Author purplepixie Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Its not just a mans job to provide, IMO it should be a shared thing. Also I have feeling even if he gets another job, thats probably not going to lessen the fact that he likes to have sex with you the way he sees it porn, if anything this will become what he truly likes and will probably change even more once he becomes bored with what he has been doing from the porn videos. You'll need to decide at some point if its what you really like or not as well. Sorry, I forget that my sarcasm isn't always well portrayed in text. Everything we do we half. I don't like being paid for. It's that macho thing that's decade's out-of-date to be the 'bread-winner'.
sweetjasmine Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 It sounds like he is venting his frustration and anger over losing his job through sex. The sort of sex he is having with you is not about intimacy, it is about control. I suspect that right now he feels that he has lost control over his life and is struggling to regain control - and the way he apparently has found it easiest is through 'porn' style sex with you. This sounds about right, and if I were OP, I'd be concerned that his way of taking control of his life involves taking control of her body to make himself feel better. IMO, that's dysfunctional and worrisome. That being said, OP, have you actually talked to him about it? Does he know how you feel? If you haven't, he might think you're enjoying it every time. He can't read your mind, and since you're willing to do it every time to please him, I doubt he has any idea what's going on unless you've said something.
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