Horribly Jealous! Need to Stop! Or Am I Justified?

[superman1991]

Ok heres the thing, my gf Ashley and I have been on and off for the past 4 years. So everytime we were "off" we both had someone else, sometimes sexually. But this was all b4 we became long distance. Now we have been steady for like 8 months or so. But she stays in contact with her past guys and I don't with mine. I think to myself, "Would it bother me if she talked to them?" and the answer is "Yes." So I dropped contact. But she hasnt done the same.

 

She is good friends with one, Jason. And said out of all of her past sexual partners, she can truly say he is the one she has nothing for, anymore. They both love running, so they enjoy running together. That gets me all insecure, them bonding like that. It doesn't help that I hate running.

 

When I was around and she would hang out with her guy friends, ex-bf or not, she would never invite me. Granted I wouldn't wanna go to begin with, but she could at least offer though, right? Cuz she doesn't exactly know I wouldn't wanna go.

 

But when I hang out with my chick friends, I offer her to come along and she does. But I wish she would say no.

 

And then the one that took her virginity, Billy, hes going down a path of drugs and she keeps trying to get in contact with him and reach out to him to help him and I hate that of course. Its like one of the worst feelings.

 

Then another guy, Josh, in the past 6 months, came into her life. He tried to kiss her but she rejected it (so she says) because of me. And then she ended up confessing to me that she thought she actually loved him because she was feeling broken inside from our long distance and found security with him. But she cut off contact with him. But now she is trying to talk to him again cuz she feels bad cuz she "left him hanging." How should I handle that situation?

 

My gf actually befriended one ex of mine, Mary, who has been dating Jason's best friend for a while now. Since they were dating the guys at the same time, they became friends, even though they hated each other at first, due to me. Now me and Mary actually hate each other and needless to say, dont talk to each other. But my gf keeps contact with her.

 

She even befriended another ex of mine, also my ex-best friend, Cassie. We dont really talk. She went through some tough times, I told her I'm sorry for whats happening, but thats it. I didnt reach out to help, unlike my gf who is reaching out to Billy.

 

My gf is also religious and she wants to get back in touch with her walk with God, so she is trying to reunite her friendship with another ex, Matt, cuz he is really religious and can probably help her out. I believe in God, but I dont follow His way. So she knows I wouldnt be much of a help.

 

Also one guy is her best friend, but he wants more than that. He kissed her b4, and she kissed back. But it was during our "off" time, and she said she doesn't see him that way. Also, she called him cute on one of his pics on Facebook and that completely pissed me off. But she doesn't know I saw the comment.

 

There are more of my girls, and her guys, but they're kinda out of the picture. But she does flirt with guys all the time. On facebook and in person. Even in front of me. Whether their ugly or not, I can't stand it and I need it to stop b4 I go insane. And one time, we were watching a movie and she said some guy in it was hot, and I acted like it didnt bother me, but in reality I wanted to lose my mind. Idk if she did it just cuz she knew it would affect me, and wanted to hurt me like that, or she didnt think much of it. But personally, I dont see the point in telling ur significant other that u think someone else is hot. Y do that to begin with? Unless u want a rise out of him/her. I have never done that with any girl of mine.

 

She knows it bothers me that she talks to them, but she still does it anyway, irregardless of how I feel, even when I gave up all my exes. I treated her the way i wanted to be treated, but she doesn't return that to me. When I am around, she even talks to the guys in front of me, like on the phone, or texting, or Facebook, even on my computer. Like wtf? Also, if were together, out doing something, like a date, alot of the time she will listen to her ipod, and ignore me. I get jealous of her ipod. She says music is her life. One time, when I tried ending it for good, and leave, but she cried and begged me to stay, and hugged me so tight I couldn't even break her grip. I tried fighting her off for half an hour, while listening to her beg and cry. So I ended up caving. So she wants to be with me, she won't let go of me. But she says I need to stop doubting us, or when I get that feeling just remember I am the one for her and I need to get over it. But I still cant shake the feeling that she is gonna end up finding comfort in some other guy again, with me gone, or even if I was around. I keep feeling like she can do better. And maybe I can too. I love her, but I feel like its not as much as I should. I am just afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, and I have this perspective on the world that there is no such thing as faithful anymore. But I feel like if there is one that would be faithful to me, its her.

 

So my point is, how do I stop being so jealous of her talking to all them? What should I do in each scenario? Or would I be justified in telling her to stop talking to all her exes since I dont talk to any of mine? Should we stay together, or does it look like we were doomed from the beginning? I would just act more like her and flirt with girls more often and all that, but its just against my conscience. I'd feel guilty. I can't do it. And I'd be way too afraid of it actually having an affect on her, leading to her doing that kinda stuff even more, just to get back at me.

 

Also how do I stop being so insecure and stop hating myself? Multiple times on a daily basis, I think about killing myself. I won't ever do it because I'm more afraid of the afterlife. But how do I get rid of these thoughts? I feel like I will never reach happiness in life. To be honest, the one time I actually feel good about myself, is when I'm having sex. Thats when I feel like a man. Thats it. Idky. Someone help me and explain whats wrong with me and how to fix it b4 my whole life goes down the drain. Do I need a certain medication? A professional psychological evaluation? Or can I fix it on my own? Can u recommend something for me to turn my life around?

 

I'm hoping for a lot of replies and lots of help. I will respond back to each reply, if u want to hear my feedback.

Edited August 22, 2010 by superman1991

[meerkat stew]

When I was around and she would hang out with her guy friends, ex-bf or not, she would never invite me.

 

Those of the above who are exes must go, no ifs ands or buts, or you do. This is the one ultimatum I love to give, as I win either way, either lead her into a mature meaningful and respectful relationship, or learn that she has a privileged princess mentality and isn't worth my time.

 

Wouldn't be surprised if more is going on between your GF and these guys, and no you aren't being unreasonably jealous, she is being unreasonably disrespectful of you and your relationship.

[lilyy.12]

well yes u are absolutly RIGHTTT.

i do have a bf thats is jealous but hes dumb.

 

 

bt u my friend i understand.

when im w/my bf & dont flirt & i must confes

i do sotimes talk to my ex but i try really hard of him not to get in teh way of my realtionship because there are times when its tempting.

i know i shoulnt do that,

 

ur gf is really not someone i would trust.

 

anyways hope it help

good luck

 

-XOXO:love:

[NYCmitch25]

Also how do I stop being so insecure and stop hating myself? Multiple times on a daily basis, I think about killing myself. I won't ever do it because I'm more afraid of the afterlife. But how do I get rid of these thoughts? I feel like I will never reach happiness in life. To be honest, the one time I actually feel good about myself, is when I'm having sex. Thats when I feel like a man. Thats it. Idky. Someone help me and explain whats wrong with me and how to fix it b4 my whole life goes down the drain. Do I need a certain medication? A professional psychological evaluation? Or can I fix it on my own? Can u recommend something for me to turn my life around?

 

I'm hoping for a lot of replies and lots of help. I will respond back to each reply, if u want to hear my feedback.

 

Well, I'm sorry to hear your life feels like a mess, this type of thing effects millions of people so you are not alone. Though where you stand out is in admitting that you may have some issues which may manifest themselves in your interpersonal relationships.

 

The insecurity thing is very concerning, on top of it, the more you fret over your girl, the more you beg her to move on in many ways. It illustrates a deep lack in confidence and so forth, I would highly recommend that you moderate this behaviour and determine if you can even stay with this person. She may feel like torture to you, and not be worth it. I don't know her, I can't judge, is she a cheater? Do you even know?

 

I'd say you exhibit behaviours which to me stem from your object relationships, In short, I'd see what options you have to mitigate or put your depression in remission. For a lot of people prescribed SSRIs have helped them, lately a lot of people use escitalopram (Lexapro) out of the 8 major types of medications.

 

I would say immediately, you can do a few things including starting a regular gym routine, this will be hard for the first couple of months, but it will help you release endorphins and feel better about yourself. I would pump iron. curls of 10lbs sets of 3 and so forth. Also stay way from recreational drugs, they have found that dopamine makes you happy in the brain but not directly, so when taking drugs, smoking etc. could actually facilitate depression as it floods your brain with dopamine in more incorrect ways. Lastly, read up things, the Internet is a great place to find out about what makes you tick. Talk it out with someone! Good luck with things.