Joe Normal Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If you were married and had an affair, or even were the OM/OW of someone you knew was married - did it bother you at all the possibility of the betrayed spouse taking revenge? I mean it's been known for some of them to injure, harrass, or even kill their SO once they find out about the betrayal. It seems strange to me that people are willing to risk having their genitalis mutilated, getting fired, having their life ruined, or even being murdered by a vengeful ex wife or husband, just for some side action. Cheaters did you consider this and if so what made you decide to take the risk anyway, was the sex that good? Also, did anyone ever suffer a revenge attack from the betrayed spouse?
wheelwright Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If you were married and had an affair, or even were the OM/OW of someone you knew was married - did it bother you at all the possibility of the betrayed spouse taking revenge? I mean it's been known for some of them to injure, harrass, or even kill their SO once they find out about the betrayal. It seems strange to me that people are willing to risk having their genitalis mutilated, getting fired, having their life ruined, or even being murdered by a vengeful ex wife or husband, just for some side action. Cheaters did you consider this and if so what made you decide to take the risk anyway, was the sex that good? Also, did anyone ever suffer a revenge attack from the betrayed spouse? Yep. And the love too. That's why I did it. I believed it was worth it. Absolutely. Otherwise no way. Is that the answer?
wheelwright Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yep. And the love too. That's why I did it. I believed it was worth it. Absolutely. Otherwise no way. Is that the answer? Some people risk getting stoned for it. It must be good eh? What else would you risk your life for?
lilbunny Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I didn't think about reprisals and revenge at all. I gave a lot of thought to the prospect of hurting others, even though I did not know them. I imagine murders and the like are pretty rare incidents, but to be honest if I got punched in the face the first one would be a free sht, I kind of deserve it.
outofthedark Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 When you are in the throws of passion, you aren't thinking about your genitals being mutilated because at the time, they feel very good. Getting caught up in that makes everything seem surreal. Risks.... na.... most dont think they will ever get caught. If you KNEW 100% you were going to be caught, you wouldnt do it. I think most people are already in too deep by the time they start thinking, holy crap someone is going to want to kill or castrate me!
norajane Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Risks.... na.... most dont think they will ever get caught. If you KNEW 100% you were going to be caught, you wouldnt do it. Is that true? Cheaters don't think they'll ever get caught? I disagree they wouldn't do it if they knew they'd be caught. There are plenty of stories on LS where they have already been caught, lie low for a while until the heat dies down at home, and then start the affair again. If they were caught once, surely they know they'll be caught again, especially when their spouse would be far more likely to look for cheating once their eyes had been opened the first time that their spouse was capable of and had been having an affair.
JAGeezer Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I didn't think about reprisals and revenge at all. I gave a lot of thought to the prospect of hurting others, even though I did not know them. I imagine murders and the like are pretty rare incidents, but to be honest if I got punched in the face the first one would be a free sht, I kind of deserve it. It isn't common, but it's not that rare. Serious violence short of murder is far more common. That's one of the things that contributes to the legal term "a crime of passion". It's less common now because society at large has wedded itself to the "the victim is actually the offender" idea, so the poor schlub of a BS knows that they have little recourse beyond a divorce lawyer, or eating **** and forgiving their WS for the unforgivable, and getting on with life. In any event, it's still one of the possibilities on the table each and every time someone cheats. Which is why I'll never understand the cheating mentality. Why would you want that in your life? Why would you want that in the lives of people that you claim to love? I mean I know why they say they do it, but I will never be able to put myself in their shoes. I simply can't empathize with a mindset that toxic and self-centered. JAG
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 It isn't common, but it's not that rare. Serious violence short of murder is far more common. That's one of the things that contributes to the legal term "a crime of passion". It's less common now because society at large has wedded itself to the "the victim is actually the offender" idea, so the poor schlub of a BS knows that they have little recourse beyond a divorce lawyer, or eating **** and forgiving their WS for the unforgivable, and getting on with life. In any event, it's still one of the possibilities on the table each and every time someone cheats. Which is why I'll never understand the cheating mentality. Why would you want that in your life? Why would you want that in the lives of people that you claim to love? I mean I know why they say they do it, but I will never be able to put myself in their shoes. I simply can't empathize with a mindset that toxic and self-centered. JAG It sounds to me like it is the BS who is capable of committing the crimes in the OP who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered".
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 It sounds to me like it is the BS who is capable of committing the crimes in the OP who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered". It sounds to me like it is the WS who is capable of committing an unforgivable act is the one who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered."
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 If you were married and had an affair, or even were the OM/OW of someone you knew was married - did it bother you at all the possibility of the betrayed spouse taking revenge? I mean it's been known for some of them to injure, harrass, or even kill their SO once they find out about the betrayal. It seems strange to me that people are willing to risk having their genitalis mutilated, getting fired, having their life ruined, or even being murdered by a vengeful ex wife or husband, just for some side action. Cheaters did you consider this and if so what made you decide to take the risk anyway, was the sex that good? Also, did anyone ever suffer a revenge attack from the betrayed spouse? Just like another poster stated earlier in this thread, cheaters don't care about the consequences if the were willing to risk everything. Some cheaters did consider the aftermath, but they still went ahead.
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 It sounds to me like it is the BS who is capable of committing the crimes in the OP who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered". It sounds to me like it is the WS who is capable of committing an unforgivable act is the one who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered." See the difference? The law for sure does.
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Just like another poster stated earlier in this thread, cheaters don't care about the consequences if the were willing to risk everything. Some cheaters did consider the aftermath, but they still went ahead. I read about a survey which said that most men would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught. "We asked a number of men who claimed they were faithful to their partners why they had never strayed. The three top reasons, in order, were that they were afraid of discovery, they loved their wives and they did not want to hurt their wives. All these answers were based upon a desire to maintain the marriage and the expectation that it would be damaged or destroyed by the affair. When questioned in more depth, most men admitted that, if they were sure of escaping detection, they probably would sleep with another woman if the opportunity arose. ... Most adulterers do believe that they can escape detection or else know, or presume, that their partners would not react adversely or leave them if the affair was made known. ... So, in summary, and at the most basic level, if the opportunity exists and the potential adulterer expects to get away with it, infidelity is extremely likely when an appropriate and willing partner is found." (King & Hayes: A Guide to Surviving Life as a Mistress)
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 See the difference? The law for sure does. Courts are biased.
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I read about a survey which said that most men would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught. "We asked a number of men who claimed they were faithful to their partners why they had never strayed. The three top reasons, in order, were that they were afraid of discovery, they loved their wives and they did not want to hurt their wives. All these answers were based upon a desire to maintain the marriage and the expectation that it would be damaged or destroyed by the affair. When questioned in more depth, most men admitted that, if they were sure of escaping detection, they probably would sleep with another woman if the opportunity arose. ... Most adulterers do believe that they can escape detection or else know, or presume, that their partners would not react adversely or leave them if the affair was made known. ... So, in summary, and at the most basic level, if the opportunity exists and the potential adulterer expects to get away with it, infidelity is extremely likely when an appropriate and willing partner is found." (King & Hayes: A Guide to Surviving Life as a Mistress) Ok? So you post quotes from a writer who is/was a mistress and expect me to believe that? Seriously, not everyone cheats if the opportunity arises. Some are actually are dedicated to their marriage and will pass up the offer.
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Also, did anyone ever suffer a revenge attack from the betrayed spouse? Never did, didn't 'worry', but I was prepared. Let's just say life away from the city is a bit more feral, in general. No sex was involved. She was getting that from her boss, but H knew he was just a boinker and no threat to their M. I was (a threat). One more reason to not re-visit my 20's
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Ok? So you post quotes from a writer who is/was a mistress and expect me to believe that? Seriously, not everyone cheats if the opportunity arises. Some are actually are dedicated to their marriage and will pass up the offer. So you believe that because someone is/has been a mistress, she/they can not perform an objective survey? Talk about being biased.
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) So you believe that because someone is/has been a mistress, she/they can not perform an objective survey? Talk about being biased. I didn't specifically say that no one can perform a survey. But yes I am biased just like you, and every other human being in this world, if you really want to be technical. Here you have a writer who performs a survey based on her justification to involve herself with a MM, stating that most men will cheat if the opportunity arises, which I know is another complete BS statement. Edited August 22, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OWoman Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 If you were married and had an affair, or even were the OM/OW of someone you knew was married - did it bother you at all the possibility of the betrayed spouse taking revenge? I mean it's been known for some of them to injure, harrass, or even kill their SO once they find out about the betrayal. It seems strange to me that people are willing to risk having their genitalis mutilated, getting fired, having their life ruined, or even being murdered by a vengeful ex wife or husband, just for some side action. Cheaters did you consider this and if so what made you decide to take the risk anyway, was the sex that good? Also, did anyone ever suffer a revenge attack from the betrayed spouse? There is no way someone could get fired over an A in my home country - there would need to be a proper reason (like dereliction of duty) and even so it would need to follow due process - oral warnings, written warnings, etc - with proper union repesentation, so that was never an issue for me. As for physical violence - ha! Any foolhardy BW would only make that mistake once, and she'd better have had good medical aid to cover her injuries, and a very good lawyer to get her bail for unprovoked assault (and to argue mitigation so that she gets a reduced sentence). I know how to look after myself. The closest I came to a "revenge attack" was some time after I ended an A (and was working with my fMM) his BW suspected something and tried to make a big issue of it at work. She got fired, and he got warned. When he failed to prevent her from repeating her unacceptable behaviour, he was dismissed too. As a result of their losing their jobs, their visas were withdrawn and they were deported, and they had to go and stay with his mother (who hated her).
Dexter Morgan Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Seriously, not everyone cheats if the opportunity arises. Some are actually are dedicated to their marriage and will pass up the offer. you aren't going to convince those that cheat or those that sleep with someone elses spouse of that fact. they think that because they did it that everyone would do it if in the same situation. sorry.....it just aint so for everyone. Its an issue of character. Some have the lousy character to do such things, others do not.
Distant78 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 you aren't going to convince those that cheat or those that sleep with someone elses spouse of that fact. they think that because they did it that everyone would do it if in the same situation. sorry.....it just aint so for everyone. Its an issue of character. Some have the lousy character to do such things, others do not. Yea, agreed. I guess some involved in cheating will never learn eh?
YellowShark Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Its an issue of character. Some have the lousy character to do such things, others do not. EXACTLY. An honest moral person does not have an affair. An honest moral person tries to fix their relationship OR leaves the relationship BEFORE they have ANOTHER relationship. Trust is the foundation of all relationships whether they be business or personal.
donnamaybe Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 It sounds to me like it is the BS who is capable of committing the crimes in the OP who has "a mindset that toxic and self-centered". Nah, there have been MANY stories on LS about spurned OW who go all Fatal Attraction.
torranceshipman Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I didn't specifically say that no one can perform a survey. But yes I am biased just like you, and every other human being in this world, if you really want to be technical. Here you have a writer who performs a survey based on her justification to involve herself with a MM, stating that most men will cheat if the opportunity arises, which I know is another complete BS statement. I agree with this...lots of people would not cheat (and many would, given half the chance). Just depends on the person, I guess, but saying all men would cheat, given the chance, is BS. And the same can be said for women.
GypsyRayne Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 When I was a MOW, my bs tried to kill me, so I for one know and believe that it can and does happen. He shot me and he got away with it, meaning that he only served a few months. His charge was assualt with a deadly weapon with intent to kill inflicting serious bodily injuries. He also had a charge of premeditated attempted murder.
Spark1111 Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Nah, there have been MANY stories on LS about spurned OW who go all Fatal Attraction. Actually, the last two nationally publicized triangle murders in the states were OW. The football player who's OW actually believed he would leave his wife and four children to marry her. (Murder suicide) and the teacher who's OW shot and killed his pregnant wife. Convicted.
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