Thierro Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 (edited) I’ve been posting here some time now but never actually post a message up here on the LDR section. I would love some thoughts from the experts here. So basically I had a LDR for a couple of years with a lovely girl. We met, we got along with each other and before we knew it we were in a great relationship. We had an amazing time together. BUT I suffered from a few problems though; I was VERY insecure. I had my reasons. Once I was faking it till I made it in the whole PUA scene. I learned how to be good with women and it really worked for me. I became popular with the guys and especially the girls. For me it was the only prove I needed that love didn’t exist, BUT on a clear sunny day I met ‘the’ girl online. She was wonderful. Truly breathtaking in every sense of the word. She threw my previous believes out the door and I started to trust “real” love again. This came with a price though. During the relationship I was afraid that I would lose her because of a ‘natural’ PUA. So, whenever I saw a good looking guy with those ‘natural’ skills I would get intimidated and insecure. I would tell her this A LOT. But I had faith in us that, even though I knew my insecurities would push her away, that we could work it out together. During our relationship we shared a lot of time on MSN. The downside to MSN are the miscommunications. We had a lot of them the last 2 months of our relationship. We decided that MSN was the irrational source of our miscommunications and that we shouldn’t let it come between us. It went well for a while, but after a week or so, a next miscommunication was inevitable (always about small stuff). It seemed that this moment changed it all around. She needed time to think and after a week of thinking she send me a Word document while she was on MSN explaining to me that she is breaking up with me. “It isn’t you, really! You are the SWEETEST and HONEST guy in the world. I just want NEW things, want to learn NEW people. I want to know what life is about” Clearly I was too sweet; so I smothered her. I was indeed 100 percent honest. Because we build a relationship on trust. She was very cold and distant. (two weeks before the break-up we met up and had a crazy lovely time together.) I have a hard time letting it go, because I believe it was my insecurities that pushed her away even though I showed her that I was working on them. I just needed more time. If I smothered her, she could have told me this, because I would let her get some air to breath. I always liked to do stuff for her. Taking care of her; carrying her to bed, giving her a cup of water and her toothbrush, washing her in the bathtub, cooking dinner for her, massaging her whenever she felt like it ETC. ETC. She just needed to tell me it was TOO much so I would stop it. Maybe it was because she got scared of the future. Because we were going to live together in April. We were already discussing the kinds of soap we wanted. How could someone change everything around while it seemed that we both wanted it so much? I know people change.. Btw; Even though she always told me she had a wonderful time together, after the break-up she told me she was just kidding herself and that she actually wasn't happy. Like what...? She was happy, I know that for sure. I saw it in her eyes. ...And maybe she needed more variation. We would meet up sometime and go to an amusement park, the cinema or a chique restaurant. But during the weekends we would always spend our time in our rooms and in our beds. We would watch a ton of movies (sometimes she insisted on watching a whole season of series in one run, so I don't believe that variety was the issue here.) Edited August 21, 2010 by Thierro
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I'm confused how could you massage her and wash her/cook for her if it was a LDR? I'm guessing your talking about the times you spent together? I think it sucks that she couldn't even give you the respect to break up in person seams like maybe it was all a fantasy to her...
Author Thierro Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 I was still editing my post because of the grammar and some slovenliness, but too late to fix it. Yes, I was talking about the time together. Funny that you mention it: She always told me, after a weekend being together, that it felt un-real; like a dream. It was TOO good to be true?
CycleOfLove Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I don't consider myself as a pro, but i`ll do my best to try and help you. Maybe she is just worried about the future and knows she have to do this long distance "thing" for few more years, and she feels like she just can`t handle it. you said she told you she is young and life is short, I think she wants you around but when you apart she is hurting,and waiting and missing and her life just pass by. I think the best thing to do is to meet up in person and talk things out, is it possible to go and see her in person any time soon? If she claims she is having so much fun with you and its too good to be true and her feelings are real as she claims,she will agree to talk about it face to face rather than just breakup online. Good luck! keep us updated
Author Thierro Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 I appreciate all the input I can get. Well, as I mentioned; we were planning to go live together in April. So maybe it was all too soon for her. But this wouldn’t have been a problem if she told me she wanted more time. I guess she felt locked up and needed to get the hell out of this relationship. We’ve been over 2 months NC and I haven’t heard a thing. After the break-up I spend some days looking at her FB and saw that she was flirting with other guys. I don’t understand the 360 degrees turnaround. She does things she has never done before; she goes out a lot, meet new people, flirts with tons of guys. She couldn’t handle the thought of us being together for years to come. But I still find it weird.
lordWilhelm Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 First off, I'm also confused. Were you guys purely an LDR that met only once? Or did you start dating in person, then had to LDR, and then were going to move in together? But regardless, look, if the problem was that you smothered her with too much attention but the feedback that you got from her was that she liked it, she did not properly communicate what she wanted from you. You can't mind-read her, you can only take her clues and what she tells, and if she wanted more space she should have said that. As for the moving together, that's something that you should have talked more in detail about how you felt about, rather than what colour of soap you're gonna get. Maybe it was all too much, too soon but the way I see it is that it shouldn't have come out of the blue from her that she doesn't feel ready for this step. It's mainly her fault for not communicating these things properly in the first place, and your part of the fault lies in not having had these discussions in the first place.
Author Thierro Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) We met online a couple of years ago, we met at her place 2 weeks after that and basically started a relationship from there on. We decided to live together, a year ago, after we finish school (april 2011) We are both still in school, so we would see each other as much as possible. 1 to 2 weekends in a month and sometimes we would skip school and meet somewhere private. And every holiday we had, we would spend the free days together; longest was three weeks in a row (summer holiday). It was great. So we had a lot of time IRL together. She didn’t mind me being insecure about things, because she could relate to it. Once a month I would do my own status update. I talked about our relationship, if the things between us were ok if she was still happy. She would always tell me it was perfect. If she needed things to change, I would listen to her and try my best to change it. I don’t get where it went wrong. It seems she is just a quitter. She lacked effort? Edited August 22, 2010 by Thierro
CycleOfLove Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 from reading this, i think you sound like a great guy, who is willing to do everything for his girl. Maybe, she can not handle the distance and want a bf that is always there next to her.. She is flirting with guys now,and more out going because she probably felt "trapped". I think she`ll go out and have fun with friends and maybe she`ll actually miss you and realize she wants you back. but then the choice will be in your hands, to take her back or just move on. In the mean time focus on school,work,get busy with yourself watch movies hang out with friends,play online games,spend time with family,maybe go to the gym. do anything possible to keep you busy,and take your minds off of her for some time. Who knows?maybe by the time shes back you`ll realize you deserve better than this! Good luck, will be nice if you update us!
Author Thierro Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 I don’t think she will ever contact me again. I bet she changed too much for me to love her again. I don’t know. There’s still hope left, but I also know that she really messed things up and that I shouldn’t accept her behavior. She showed her true colors. I even doubt it if she still thinks about me or misses me. I deserved better from her. You seem very sincere. Thanks. I hope you are doing well.
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