marigo Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Hi, some of you might be familiar with my story. Basically ex and i have been broken up 5 months. It was a two year relationship. I talked about checking his and the possibly new girl's facebook all the time and how much i want to stop but cant. It was stopping me from moving on and was hurting me like crazy. Anyway, on Wednesday night, i was crying because I was having a feeling that my ex will change his status either that night or the next morning. Weird huh? But guess what? Turn out i was right. That morning he changed it. I was hurt but for some weird reason, i wasnt as affected. I had that tightness around my chest but after that until now i dont feel anything. I didnt cry. Really i just feel blank about it. Maybe anger once in a while but then i dont seem to care anymore. In a way i feel relieved because i feel like ive been waiting for it for a while. So now i dont know. Have i accepted the break up and his new relationship thats why i didnt feel anything? Or am i just really numb from all the pain to the point where i just dont feel anything anymore? Its almost scary to me. Im scared that what if it just hasnt hit me yet and i will in the next week or month and i start breaking down.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Hi, some of you might be familiar with my story. Basically ex and i have been broken up 5 months. It was a two year relationship. I talked about checking his and the possibly new girl's facebook all the time and how much i want to stop but cant. It was stopping me from moving on and was hurting me like crazy. Anyway, on Wednesday night, i was crying because I was having a feeling that my ex will change his status either that night or the next morning. Weird huh? But guess what? Turn out i was right. That morning he changed it. I was hurt but for some weird reason, i wasnt as affected. I had that tightness around my chest but after that until now i dont feel anything. I didnt cry. Really i just feel blank about it. Maybe anger once in a while but then i dont seem to care anymore. In a way i feel relieved because i feel like ive been waiting for it for a while. So now i dont know. Have i accepted the break up and his new relationship thats why i didnt feel anything? Or am i just really numb from all the pain to the point where i just dont feel anything anymore? Its almost scary to me. Im scared that what if it just hasnt hit me yet and i will in the next week or month and i start breaking down. Maybe now that what you had willed to happen actually did, you can stop stalking his FB. It does sound like you are feeling indifference, but your actions of still having to stalk are not. You will be ok sweetie, just try to move on and concentrate on your own situation, and now that you have nothing else to "look forward to" maybe that will help you get to that point. Good luck
iamenough Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Hi, some of you might be familiar with my story. Basically ex and i have been broken up 5 months. It was a two year relationship. I talked about checking his and the possibly new girl's facebook all the time and how much i want to stop but cant. It was stopping me from moving on and was hurting me like crazy. Anyway, on Wednesday night, i was crying because I was having a feeling that my ex will change his status either that night or the next morning. Weird huh? But guess what? Turn out i was right. That morning he changed it. I was hurt but for some weird reason, i wasnt as affected. I had that tightness around my chest but after that until now i dont feel anything. I didnt cry. Really i just feel blank about it. Maybe anger once in a while but then i dont seem to care anymore. In a way i feel relieved because i feel like ive been waiting for it for a while. So now i dont know. Have i accepted the break up and his new relationship thats why i didnt feel anything? Or am i just really numb from all the pain to the point where i just dont feel anything anymore? Its almost scary to me. Im scared that what if it just hasnt hit me yet and i will in the next week or month and i start breaking down. Gah... facebook is horrific. I completely understand. -- it's really, really bad territory if you're heartbroken. -- I say roll with it girl, if it doesn't hurt right now then, YAY. Don't spend your time thinking about 'what if it hurts later' just... enjoy the fact that it doesn't now!! I'd kill for that feeling! (well not really kill.. but you get me)
lullaby Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Hi, some of you might be familiar with my story. Basically ex and i have been broken up 5 months. It was a two year relationship. I talked about checking his and the possibly new girl's facebook all the time and how much i want to stop but cant. It was stopping me from moving on and was hurting me like crazy. Anyway, on Wednesday night, i was crying because I was having a feeling that my ex will change his status either that night or the next morning. Weird huh? But guess what? Turn out i was right. That morning he changed it. I was hurt but for some weird reason, i wasnt as affected. I had that tightness around my chest but after that until now i dont feel anything. I didnt cry. Really i just feel blank about it. Maybe anger once in a while but then i dont seem to care anymore. In a way i feel relieved because i feel like ive been waiting for it for a while. So now i dont know. Have i accepted the break up and his new relationship thats why i didnt feel anything? Or am i just really numb from all the pain to the point where i just dont feel anything anymore? Its almost scary to me. Im scared that what if it just hasnt hit me yet and i will in the next week or month and i start breaking down. Hi Marigo! sorry I've been away a few days. So he's really going out with that girl? well... you thought that was happening and now it's a reality. I think it's not hurting you that much because you have already been hurt and sad about it when you first suspected of their relationship, remember? you were already mourning because of that. If it hits you, you will get over it again and you'll be fine. You told me the other that you had reached a point of not caring that much, so it's not surprising that you don't care about it now. Just remain strong and enjoy this moment of not hurting.
single Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Well done, sounds like you are moving on. I am in the same position 8 months and she has dumped the guy she ran off with with moved on with a new guy. I just don't feel anything anymore, the last two weeks i have just reached a point where i don't care anymore and have decided to get on with living. Give looking at their Facebook pages a miss it's evil that site, nothing good comes from Facebook when you are feeling like this. I used to do the same as you but blocked them so i couldn't be tempted to look. good luck
jquest1280 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 So now i dont know. Have i accepted the break up and his new relationship thats why i didnt feel anything? Or am i just really numb from all the pain to the point where i just dont feel anything anymore? Its almost scary to me. Im scared that what if it just hasnt hit me yet and i will in the next week or month and i start breaking down. Numb is certainly better than hurting, so there's good progress there. (And the progress will be faster if you stop looking at his FB account, trust all who have been there!) In my case, the pain did come back now and then, especially after I see him or a picture of him or I hear about him - so you see, no hear/see, no contact, means no hurting. But, I did notice that even if the hurt came back, it hurt less than the previous time, and I was over it faster. It's got something like a half-life. Or something like waves from a receding tide, it comes back, but it touches you less and less. (Not that I've ever lived near the ocean or anything, but that's how I imagine it). So yes, you might take a step back, but you will also make more steps forward. So you keep advancing, focus on what's in front of you, don't look back or sideways, just keep going. Yes, I just saw my ex recently (it can't be completely avoided, we have the same circle). And I'm back in Loveshack, looking to feel better by helping others who are earlier into this journey.
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Oh yes, I've been there. Except with me, it wasn't 5 months. It was 1 month. When I saw his changed status, I felt mixed emotions. The thing that hurt more than anything is that he had put any relationship status up on FB. With me, he never wanted to make anything so public, so set in stone. And here he was, 1 month after dumping me doing that with some other chick. Ugh. Then I felt happy. Because my suspicions were proved right, and it wasn't my fault that he left. I felt good because I wasn't to blame. I also felt I'd gotten the closure I needed to well and truly move on. Which was easier said than done. Now, since the day after I saw his new status (and some of the things that she was writing to him until I blocked him 2 days later since the anxiety and tightness in my chest was overwhelming), I have been struggling with questions and thoughts ever since. I wont' go into the questions I've been asking the Universe and thin air, but it's a rollercoaster. I think you will take a similar journey emotionally to me. It will get better, but it'll get much worse before you feel better. *HUGGGGGGGS* because you will need the strength <3
Author marigo Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 (edited) Maybe now that what you had willed to happen actually did, you can stop stalking his FB. It does sound like you are feeling indifference, but your actions of still having to stalk are not. You will be ok sweetie, just try to move on and concentrate on your own situation, and now that you have nothing else to "look forward to" maybe that will help you get to that point. Good luck Hi bonpaw2008, I know its been a month and a lot happened. You're right, the fact that there's nothing to "look forward to" should help me move on. The only reason i kept looking before is that i wanna know what is going on between her and the girl. Now i know the answer for sure and i need to stop stalking. I havent deleted my ex off my fb. But i did block him off my newsfeed so i dont have to see anything. Sadly though, his name and pic always pops up on my "mutual friends" list and not too long ago he finally changed a pic of him and the girl and wow, totally different from how i felt when he just changed his status. It hurt bad to actually see him with someone else. A lot of the things i see still hurt me, but it doesnt consume me anymore. And to be honest, i feel so proud of myself. I feel so strong that even though i get hurt and see things i dont want to see, they hurt me, but after a few hours i will be okay again. Gah... facebook is horrific. I completely understand. -- it's really, really bad territory if you're heartbroken. -- I say roll with it girl, if it doesn't hurt right now then, YAY. Don't spend your time thinking about 'what if it hurts later' just... enjoy the fact that it doesn't now!! I'd kill for that feeling! (well not really kill.. but you get me) Hey iamenough, Well, it did hurt in the end. I mean i posted this about a month ago and i havent really seen or felt anything since. I did get emotional the past few days just because i knew im about to see him again since we're going back to university. A few days ago he also changed his profile pic and i saw that while i was on a friend's page. It hurt, but i got over it. I def agree, facebook is horrific esp when ur heartbroken. but i dont know whats wrong with me and i havent stopped looking. The good thing though is that, i would see something and id feel pain but it doesnt last long anymore. Hi Marigo! sorry I've been away a few days. So he's really going out with that girl? well... you thought that was happening and now it's a reality. I think it's not hurting you that much because you have already been hurt and sad about it when you first suspected of their relationship, remember? you were already mourning because of that. If it hits you, you will get over it again and you'll be fine. You told me the other that you had reached a point of not caring that much, so it's not surprising that you don't care about it now. Just remain strong and enjoy this moment of not hurting. Hey Lull, Sorry for just responding now. Its been such a rollercoaster ride but I missed talking to you dear!! How have you been?? Yeah, ive told you so many times about how i felt that he and that girl are going out. And now it finally happened. In a way i guess you can say im relieved. I dont have to wake up in the morning having to worry what theyre talking about or where theyre heading because now i know for a fact what they are. I did see a pic of them a few days ago and i cried about this one. It was a lot more painful actually seeing a picture of them together. Also, just for an update. I saw him today for the first time after 3 months at work. Of all the places at our office, i saw him while he was going out of the restroom and i was going in. It was the most awkward moment of my life. Last night, i just saw him write on the girl's wall saying "i love you" and its like i got stabbed in the heart. Totally my fault for looking. But i dont know, i think i have anxiety problems. Its better to know than guessing. Im dumb, im sorry. But anyway, after seeing that i know that makes it harder for when i see him today because i know hes already in love with someone else. We were both shocked to see each other and i think we both didnt know what to do. He asked how i was and i did the same and we both just walked away. It was painful. We used to be the best of friends and now, we were worse than strangers. I did cry, not in front of him though. But a few hours later, he did approach me and asked how my summer was and it was awkward at frst. Totally didnt see it coming but things felt normal afterwards. I didnt really gave much detail about my life or my answers werent very detailed whenever he would ask me stuff. This was at work so maybe thats why we couldnt really talk much. We did get cut off though because i had to help someone. I feel like we have an unfinished business since we last talked (before we left for the summer...i remember telling you about it). We had a fight and now we saw each other and there's just way too much tension. I want to ask him to dinner and just catch up. I was gonna do it today but i was stopped by my friends and they said for me to wait it out first. Things are so much different esp with him having a new gf now. I dont want to appear like im chasing him because i just dont want things to be awkward with us. I did appreciate the fact that he came up to me though to talk. Seeing him seriously made me realize how much i miss him and i wanted to hug him so bad but i couldnt. What do you think of having a talk with him one of these days? Good or bad idea?? Well done, sounds like you are moving on. I am in the same position 8 months and she has dumped the guy she ran off with with moved on with a new guy. I just don't feel anything anymore, the last two weeks i have just reached a point where i don't care anymore and have decided to get on with living. Give looking at their Facebook pages a miss it's evil that site, nothing good comes from Facebook when you are feeling like this. I used to do the same as you but blocked them so i couldn't be tempted to look. good luck Hi single, I always feel proud of people like you who has the will power and motivation to block or delete their exes just so they wont have the temptation. Sadly, i dont have that will power. I constantly hurt myself by checking. At the same time though, I do feel proud of myself. In a way, i feel like im becoming stronger like this. Seeing all these things that hurt me and is able to get over them and not having them consume me, I feel happy being able to do that. I have reached a point of not caring, but this rollercoaster ride seriously wont stop. I am back to being sad but I know itll pass. Numb is certainly better than hurting, so there's good progress there. (And the progress will be faster if you stop looking at his FB account, trust all who have been there!) In my case, the pain did come back now and then, especially after I see him or a picture of him or I hear about him - so you see, no hear/see, no contact, means no hurting. But, I did notice that even if the hurt came back, it hurt less than the previous time, and I was over it faster. It's got something like a half-life. Or something like waves from a receding tide, it comes back, but it touches you less and less. (Not that I've ever lived near the ocean or anything, but that's how I imagine it). So yes, you might take a step back, but you will also make more steps forward. So you keep advancing, focus on what's in front of you, don't look back or sideways, just keep going. Yes, I just saw my ex recently (it can't be completely avoided, we have the same circle). And I'm back in Loveshack, looking to feel better by helping others who are earlier into this journey. Hi jquest1280, I feel you about stuff hurting less and less. Like i said above, i keep checking his stuff (yeah, things are SO much easier if i dont) but i feel like i keep doing it because it doesnt hurt me as much anymore. Of course it still hurts me but it doesnt control me anymore. Just like you, i saw my ex today for the first time and it was the toughest thing. My love for him never went away but seeing him, i felt like those feelings just got stronger again. But i cant have these feelings anymore as he has a new gf. I just have to keep fighting and make my way through everyday. He has said "i love you" to the new girl and i feel like the worse is over. I really need to stop checking. I feel like i can handle it better now and thats why i havent stopped but, i need to stop at some points right? I think im contradicting myself from what i said above. haha. im sorry. my brain isnt working right now. its full of confusion at the moment. Oh yes, I've been there. Except with me, it wasn't 5 months. It was 1 month. When I saw his changed status, I felt mixed emotions. The thing that hurt more than anything is that he had put any relationship status up on FB. With me, he never wanted to make anything so public, so set in stone. And here he was, 1 month after dumping me doing that with some other chick. Ugh. Then I felt happy. Because my suspicions were proved right, and it wasn't my fault that he left. I felt good because I wasn't to blame. I also felt I'd gotten the closure I needed to well and truly move on. Which was easier said than done. Now, since the day after I saw his new status (and some of the things that she was writing to him until I blocked him 2 days later since the anxiety and tightness in my chest was overwhelming), I have been struggling with questions and thoughts ever since. I wont' go into the questions I've been asking the Universe and thin air, but it's a rollercoaster. I think you will take a similar journey emotionally to me. It will get better, but it'll get much worse before you feel better. *HUGGGGGGGS* because you will need the strength <3 Hi LoveTruthChaos, I think i definitely have the same journey as you did. Its funny you mentioned about your ex not wanting to put your guys' status up while he does it with this new girl. I recently found out my ex took his new gf to disneyland and i was pretty pissed about that because it did take him 2 years to take me there. I never complained or was bitter about it because i understood that it costs a lot of money to go there, even if i was willing to pay for everything. But its the feeling that it took him that long to take me while it took a month for her? I dont know, it pissed me off. It just reminded me when you said your ex did that for the new girl and he didnt for you. Ive been reading a lot of your posts. How are you holding up?? Edited September 24, 2010 by marigo
Sonolumino Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I fully understand this post. My ex, after a 4 year relationship, jumped into one with the first guy who gave her a second glance 5 weeks later. To be honest, and this is a little sadistic and may not work for everyone, but I immersed myself in it. I checked her facebook and looked for their conversations and "cute" things they'd say. I imagined them having fun, having sex, doing everything we used to do, me seeing them together, etc. I imagined it all the time. That really, really hurt. But it felt good because I was controlling the pain. I finally gained control of something throughout this whole messed up ordeal, and it helped me move on much faster. I don't think the answer is to always go blind No Contact, because if you do that you have a tendency to hide/pretend that your ex isn't really moving on while you pretend everything's ok. Some people I've seen go NC for months and see their ex with another person and be devastated, almost back to day 1. Obviously not contacting them is the best way to go, but you should deal with the pain. You have to strike a balance with it though. Say to yourself that you'll check on them for 2 weeks in a row (or whatever), immerse yourself in the pain, realize it, come to full terms with it, and then after those two weeks let it go. Don't try and fight the pain, because it will build and crash in on you, making it worse. You don't want to do this for months and months, because you don't want to become used to feeling sad. Let the pain flow through you on your own terms, then let it go, and you will honestly feel tired of being sad. This technique worked for me because no longer was I letting my ex "control" how I felt, I was doing the hurting on my own. I told myself that this was what I needed to feel in order to get past it. It was reminiscent of that "lye on the hand" scene in Fight Club. In short, "THIS is your pain". Realize it, deal with it fully, and then you'll be able to let it go. Now obviously don't just torture yourself without changing anything about yourself either. Join a gym, learn a new skill, do all the things you can to improve yourself, but don't let those things take the place of your ex, because that won't work. Sooner or later it will catch up to you and you'll be forced to deal with it, and you'll say "I thought I was over this!" or something of the sort. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. This plan worked very well for me, as I like to be honest with myself completely and fully experience everything that happens to me, good or bad. Just my 2 cents.
TearsofHope Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 Marigo, you need a hug! *HUG* i'm a complete stranger and feel so bad as to what I am reading. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, and although I am not for sure if he is with someone else, I made myself believe it... just like somulino said. I immersed myself thinking of my ex boyfriend taking a girl out to eat, having sex with her, laughing with her.. and its helping me to just deal with the pain. I wouldn't say its gone completely, I wouldn't say I have more good days than bad, but I certainly can handle the pain even when it hurts. The difference is, my ex and I don't have face book and all that. So I really won't know about anything. Infact, we didn't have it b/c of all the drama behind it. I knew his friends well enough that I really didn't need to keep up with him and vice versa thru some website. Sometimes makes me think was he hiding things too.. Just rambling! But I really want to applaud u for ur way of coping thru all this. You deserve a hugs and nothing but support b/c I know! I am sorta worried that my ex has someone else, my mind consumes the thought that he will be bringing her around his friends and everybody will be like.. "hi nice meeting u, (the new chick name).. I dread all of it.. The disneyland thing will piss me off too! U are not alone with that. I think about my ex right now taking her to downtown disney walking around holding hands while I am at home on this computer spazzing out about all this. At the end of the day, if he can move on so quicky.. damn sure you can too. But the difference between us and a man. The man goes out to seek the woman, so we just have put ourselves out there to allow the men to do that. We just so busy dwelling on the past still. Give it some time as I know u don't want to hear "find a new hobby". Oh come on, BS, even if I found a new hobby, that still won't take away my thoughts about him with someone else.. I assume what I would need to find is a "new dude" to eventually get over all this. I mean its only obvious.. we are just missing the companionship, not so much that we want to "explore the world and go travel, dance, all that jazz bs". Good luck 2 u and I hope u get thru this with something positive that can come out of it. Hopefully whether its a new job, a raise, a wonderful man, new friends or even a new you.. u deserve it just as much!
Author marigo Posted September 30, 2010 Author Posted September 30, 2010 I fully understand this post. My ex, after a 4 year relationship, jumped into one with the first guy who gave her a second glance 5 weeks later. To be honest, and this is a little sadistic and may not work for everyone, but I immersed myself in it. I checked her facebook and looked for their conversations and "cute" things they'd say. I imagined them having fun, having sex, doing everything we used to do, me seeing them together, etc. I imagined it all the time. That really, really hurt. But it felt good because I was controlling the pain. I finally gained control of something throughout this whole messed up ordeal, and it helped me move on much faster. I don't think the answer is to always go blind No Contact, because if you do that you have a tendency to hide/pretend that your ex isn't really moving on while you pretend everything's ok. Some people I've seen go NC for months and see their ex with another person and be devastated, almost back to day 1. Obviously not contacting them is the best way to go, but you should deal with the pain. You have to strike a balance with it though. Say to yourself that you'll check on them for 2 weeks in a row (or whatever), immerse yourself in the pain, realize it, come to full terms with it, and then after those two weeks let it go. Don't try and fight the pain, because it will build and crash in on you, making it worse. You don't want to do this for months and months, because you don't want to become used to feeling sad. Let the pain flow through you on your own terms, then let it go, and you will honestly feel tired of being sad. This technique worked for me because no longer was I letting my ex "control" how I felt, I was doing the hurting on my own. I told myself that this was what I needed to feel in order to get past it. It was reminiscent of that "lye on the hand" scene in Fight Club. In short, "THIS is your pain". Realize it, deal with it fully, and then you'll be able to let it go. Now obviously don't just torture yourself without changing anything about yourself either. Join a gym, learn a new skill, do all the things you can to improve yourself, but don't let those things take the place of your ex, because that won't work. Sooner or later it will catch up to you and you'll be forced to deal with it, and you'll say "I thought I was over this!" or something of the sort. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. This plan worked very well for me, as I like to be honest with myself completely and fully experience everything that happens to me, good or bad. Just my 2 cents. Hey Sonolumino, Thank you so much for your advice! And i am glad to know that i am not the only one who tortures myself but at least we get something good out of it. Like you said it is kind of sadistic but just like you, i like to feel the pain and think of all these negative things that could hurt me but somehow it felt good afterwards because the feeling of being able to handle the pain makes me really proud of myself. You put it in a nice way by saying that you finally have control over your emotions and what you do about it. Im glad to know that im not the only one who feels that way. Because people have been telling me to delete facebook and stop checking his facebook and stuff like that. I never listened and i always get the question "why are u hurting urself?" my view is that i dont want to block everything that could hurt me because what if one day i feel that i am ready and i wont be hurt anymore and i decide to check his facebook, then i see sumthin that hurt me. I feel like im going back to square one. I keep thinking im okay and so i check and then bam, everything i worked hard for is gone and i have to start over. Thats why i still keep checking and would rather accept the pain each time because yes, it hurts very much but the pain gets easier to handle and for some things, it wont even affect me anymore. I guess the difference between us is that you set a time when you would stop doing a certain thing while i still keep going. Ive tried doing the setting lets say two weeks and then i'll stop but i feel like its not gonna work on me. But im glad it did for you! And im happy you mentioned about doing activities and stuff for myself. Just this summer, I actually took yoga, dance, and figure skating lessons. I also went to Vegas and Hawaii with some friends. Also, i meant to mention this above but I'll just put it last. Im sorry to hear what happened with you and your ex. How long has it been for you? You sound like a really strong person and i always get inspired by people like you so thank you so much! Marigo, you need a hug! *HUG* i'm a complete stranger and feel so bad as to what I am reading. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, and although I am not for sure if he is with someone else, I made myself believe it... just like somulino said. I immersed myself thinking of my ex boyfriend taking a girl out to eat, having sex with her, laughing with her.. and its helping me to just deal with the pain. I wouldn't say its gone completely, I wouldn't say I have more good days than bad, but I certainly can handle the pain even when it hurts. The difference is, my ex and I don't have face book and all that. So I really won't know about anything. Infact, we didn't have it b/c of all the drama behind it. I knew his friends well enough that I really didn't need to keep up with him and vice versa thru some website. Sometimes makes me think was he hiding things too.. Just rambling! But I really want to applaud u for ur way of coping thru all this. You deserve a hugs and nothing but support b/c I know! I am sorta worried that my ex has someone else, my mind consumes the thought that he will be bringing her around his friends and everybody will be like.. "hi nice meeting u, (the new chick name).. I dread all of it.. The disneyland thing will piss me off too! U are not alone with that. I think about my ex right now taking her to downtown disney walking around holding hands while I am at home on this computer spazzing out about all this. At the end of the day, if he can move on so quicky.. damn sure you can too. But the difference between us and a man. The man goes out to seek the woman, so we just have put ourselves out there to allow the men to do that. We just so busy dwelling on the past still. Give it some time as I know u don't want to hear "find a new hobby". Oh come on, BS, even if I found a new hobby, that still won't take away my thoughts about him with someone else.. I assume what I would need to find is a "new dude" to eventually get over all this. I mean its only obvious.. we are just missing the companionship, not so much that we want to "explore the world and go travel, dance, all that jazz bs". Good luck 2 u and I hope u get thru this with something positive that can come out of it. Hopefully whether its a new job, a raise, a wonderful man, new friends or even a new you.. u deserve it just as much! Hi Tearsofhope, Thank you so much for the hug!! I really need that right now. And like i mentioned to Sonolumino, its nice to hear that im not the only one who immersed myself thinking all these negative things because thats a way for us to cope. Not a lot of people would agree but you know? Things work differently for other people. Although, I must admit though, not could really prepare you for when it REALLY happens. When it's right before your eyes you know your ex has a new person. You would still get hurt, but i think we'll handle it better. I salute you for not having facebook to begin with though. You have saved yourself from the drama even before it happened. Your break up is recent. How are you doing now? How are you coping? I want to give you a hug as well! So *Hugs* As far as finding a new hobby thing. Yeah i never really listened to people when they said that to me coz nothing can really stop me from thinking about my ex. However, when i was finally feeling a bit better about everything though, i did take up some lessons and at first i know i was doing it partly so i can show my ex that i can do all these things now and that im not just at home wallowing all the time. Bad hidden agenda huh? But it benefited me in the long run, because now that im wayyy better than i was right after the break up, im actually glad i took those lessons and i feel proud of myself that "wow, i was able to do that" and im still taking some lessons now and i know for sure that im doing those for myself this time and not to show it off to my ex. Theres something about learning how to do something that makes it so fulfilling. So dear, i want to say goodluck to you too! Once your past the initial stages, you're gonna be doing all these things that will make you be proud of yourself and i believe you can do it! Just post on here whenever you need someone to talk to! We're all here to help!
Sonolumino Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 marigo, Thank you for your kind words as well. I'm glad you understand my point of view with all of this. It seems with most of the people here going NC is that they get into the impression that "it never really happened" or in some other kind of delusional state, which leads to being back to day 1 at some future date. I'm glad there's other people out there who face whatever is in front of them head on. And thank you, it's been 2 months for me, from a 4 year relationship. Like you, I'm feeling virtually nothing towards my ex and the new relationship. I think how she treated me during the last portions of the relationship and afterwards affected my mental state very much, and helped me get over it faster. None of that "heart sinking feeling" and "tightness in the chest" anymore, more like a numbness. I still have a few moments during the day where I think of her, but it doesn't involve an emotion anymore, the thoughts just happen out of habit. It just feels closed to me. I finally understand the statement "the connections we have towards people exist only in our minds". You can interpret data however you want, and I choose to look at this as a part that is officially closed. I'm glad I can inspire you! Haha
Username37 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 It seems like the 4-5th mark of a break up is when the dumper gets into a new relationship....not sure if it's considered a rebound anymore...
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