Bipolar and Herpes. Lovely combo.

[hydorclops]

Can someone tell me why this hurts so bad?

 

1) You were judged negatively. That hurts

2) You were judged negatively by someone that you liked. Hurts worse.

3) You think he might be right. The biggest hurt of all.

 

Maybe it's some kind of combination of the above. If number 3 is true for you, you can change it.

[carhill]

Can someone tell me why this hurts so bad?

My *guess* is you feel unfairly judged and abandoned for something you have no control over. When I was younger and women 'judged' me for being bald, I often felt the same way. My genetics were outside of my control. I learned that such judgments were good information and to accept them. I processed the hurt to a neutral place. Other people really aren't that important. After all, their judgment of me (and you) shows that we weren't/aren't that important to them. Balance

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Yes, I do feel like I was judged and it hurts. I don't think he's right about me, he doesn't know me, ya know? I do need to get to a neutral place with it, which usually I am ok, but this last situation threw me for a loop.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I really appreciate everyone's input I feel a lot better.

[alexlakeman]

Good luck, you can make it happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I dated a bipolar lady, but she didn't take the meds.. .that was a mess..

 

An ex g/f of mines (we broke up 1Q10) had Herpes... when we started going out , and it got serious, I told her for both of us to get tested... we did, and she came back positive, I freaked.. .but researched and went along... so if you find someone that really wants you, loves you or wants to love you, they'll work it out... doesn't mean they are desperate,, good luck:cool:

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thank you. I think there's someone out there for me. Somewhere.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Although the more I think about it this whole situation really bothers me. It bothers me because I think he was ignorant and it hurts me that he didn't give me a chance and just judged me. I know I shouldn't care but I do.

[Jilly Bean]

MLo - FWIW, I think you come off as extremely likeable, classy, self-aware, intelligent, cute, sensitive and all over very warm and endearing.

 

I think even in your short post, the personality you project is so much more appealing and attractive than the negatives you perceive.

 

I cant imagine any guy not digging you.

 

BUT, I would suggest hiding the meds in the future.

 

These things will be a hindrance in your dating life only as long as you view them as barriers.

[carhill]

OP, here's a little take-home test..... when you hear a stranger out in the world talk up some negative shyte about BPD and HSV, how do you handle that? Do you feel the need to 'educate' them? Take it personally like they're talking directly about you? Don't care? What? Think about the relative health of your answer for yourself compared with cognitively understanding the significance of that stranger in your world and in your life and what you might say to another person asking you for advice. Me, I'd just get angry and tell them to f*ck off and feel better, but that's me.

 

Apply what you learn to the men you date. For a good while, in some cases a long while, they are largely strangers. Perhaps, like myself, you invest emotions, not love but emotional care, into these dynamics and, when something like this happens, hurt is felt beyond what you know cognitively is healthy and appropriate. It's something to work on. We're all working on something. BTW, these tests and what I've learned from them have helped me immensely dealing with stbx during our divorce. I'm proud to say I haven't told her to f*ck off once, though there was a period when I sewed my lips shut

 

It'll all work out. Make some beignets with powdered sugar like I just did, fresh out of the hot oil, and nothing will bother you

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Awww. Thanks you. You're absolutely right, I need to be more positive about these things. I was doing okay until this last few weeks when two different guys rejected me. Which is weird because before that I've rarely been rejected because of these things. I find it interesting. Thanks SO much for the compliments.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Carhill: I usually tend to educate people about these things but I would be remiss if I didn't say that I do take it personally when I am rejected because of these things. I have been struggling with the fact that my reactions aren't appropriate in regards to the time that I've known people. You're right, though, these people are strangers virtually at the time so when all is said and done they really should have no importance in my life.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

So he texted me today wondering why I deleted him from my facebook page. I told him that I thought I would never hear from him again and all that. He then told me that his ex wife was bipolar and left he and his son and so his "experience dictated his actions". I can understand that to an extent but I went on to say I wasn't her and that he was afraid to take a risk. I also said I am not the type to leave and he said, "That's what my ex said until she left us." and so to that I basically said I will not beg him to date me and such and that if that was his decision to not date me. It really bothers me that he made a stereotype of all people with BPD although he said he wasn't. He then said, "You're nice and I would still like to be friends." Does this seem insulting to anyone else? I take it like, "You're nice enough to be friends with but I won't date you because you're crazy." Ouch.

[carhill]

d!ckwad....block his texts too

[Loquacious Miss L.]

I am not planning on texting/calling/being his "friend." I think that he is a pansy using a pansy excuse. At the very least he could have been nicer about it. I think that it's really weird that he was seeking me out on FB and wonders why I deleted him yet doesn't want to date me? I mean, really? And then to say, "well you're nice though, so I want to be friends, don't worry I won't hit on you..." kind of hits below the belt.

[carhill]

I thought I was having a flashback seeing your avatar until I figured it out..... Lea Thompson in Back to the Future.

 

Hey, his loss....

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Ya I've been told that from time to time. Thanks. Yes, his loss.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Mighta taken me a bit but someone that closed minded doesn't deserve me:)

[carhill]

Just think of him as one whetstone honing your people-picker to a razor sharp edge

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Hey that's a great analogy. I'm still sorta "Wow" about the whole situation. And not a good wow....a bad taste in my mouth wow.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Now he keeps texting me wanting to be "friends". What the heck is this?!!?

[carhill]

It's called an education

 

When you graduate, just block his number. I'm thinking you have enough credits right about now.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

That's fantastic! However who's more educated, methinks I am....so yes you're right I need to get my diploma from BPD University and move on;)

[alphamale]

you should wait until someone gets to know you before revealing your maladies

[marsle85]

I applaud your honesty, kudos to you.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

You're absolutely right, in regards to the BPD, well the meds were out and I wasn't going to lie about it, otherwise I would have not told him for awhile. It was just a really weird situation. Oh well you live and learn. But for the most part I would agree with you that waiting is the smarter thing to do unless someone is overly inquisitive about your meds whilst using your bathroom.