Are a lot of women sleeping with guys on the first date?

[Philetus]

And even I'll say that yeah, some women who have first-date sex/casual sex, etc, aren't the most well-adjusted people in the world. There are some people who use sex as a crutch. It just sucks that they're giving those like me a bad name.

 

And there are women (and men) who DON'T engage in first-date/casual sex who are not the most well-adjusted people in the world.

 

I've yet to see ANY evidence of a negative correlation between casual sex and ones mental health.

 

There are however, studies that suggest the opposite and I've pointed out two in this thread.

 

Religious folks get divorced at a rate higher than atheists. Mormons and fundamentalists have the highest divorce rates. One assumes that these folks are less likely to engage in casual sex, yes?

 

Secondarily, teen pregnancy rates correlate positively very well with religious beliefs (ie, the more religious the parents, the more likely their kids are to get pregnant.)

 

Maybe it's the opposite. The LESS likely you are to engage in casual sex the more likely you are to have real problems.

[Philetus]

I see a tiny little monkey in a big red sweater named Spanks sitting at their computer desk sipping coffee and browsing LS that was HONESTLY my mental image but thats prob just me.. lol

 

Yeah, that seems likely to belong to you alone.

 

A coffee sipping monkey seems weird. Now, a beer swilling monkey is easier to visualize. But that's probably just me.

[a_woman]

I don't have the slightest issue with people that judge me for being liberated. I just mind my own business and enjoy hanging out with men significantly younger than me who appreciate a good teacher

[Philetus]

I don't have the slightest issue with people that judge me for being liberated. I just mind my own business and enjoy hanging out with men significantly younger than me who appreciate a good teacher

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[carhill]

Hasn't this (quick and early sex) kinda been going on forever and people are just more open about it now? I know it was common back when I was young, though less discussed, and imagine it was so in prior generations as well. In my case, as an example, the guy would meet a gal at the race track and stop at a motel after the race was over. Home was only a couple hours away so I'm sure it wasn't because he needed the sleep.

[a_woman]

For Tigress, BlackLovely & a_women, I would like to ask you a couple of questions..

When up had first date sex, was it :

A. Because you fell in love with the guy very quickly and assumed (or really wanted) you were going to be a couple going forward...and this is usual way you start out your relationships.

B. Because you had not had sex in a while and were horny and were a little drunk and really didnt care if a LTR came out of it.

C. The guy was hot looking and came on strong and you thought why the hell not and would not have been upset if nothing eventuated beyond that.

I realize it could easily be all 3 under different circumstances. I'm just curious.

 

One more question..

 

Did you make up your mind to sleep with the guy within the first 5 minutes or did he win you over later in the day/night?

 

Thank you for candidness ladies.

 

It's B or C. Sometimes I know in 5 minutes, sometimes it's the twinkle in his eye that builds my interest as the evening progresses. I like naughty boys.

 

It's never A mainly because it takes me a while to fall for someone.

[a_woman]

Where are the sacred places for male's sedaction? I would love to put some effort to seduce a man but where to find a man like that.

 

In clubs/bars, there are plenty of men who would do anyone who agrees for a ONS.

On line, there are tons of men who are looking for ONSs.

A pleasant surprise for the guys? I doubt that they are going to be surprised or even thankful. They go to bars/online looking for ONSs with whoever agrees.

Do they need an art of seduction there? I would say they are already horny enough and ready for sex.

I would assume if a girl is 60 y.o, 300 pounds, and with ugly rash all over her body, she might need to use some seduction for the horny men. But, otherwise, she does not need to put any extra effort to screw the guys because they are desperately looking for the stuff.

 

I can't remember the last time I was out in a bar, I don't do that sort of 'drunken selection', don't go to meat markets. I'm pretty social so I meet men in different life situations, some I end up dating.

[Mangomonkey]

i see alot of folks have issues with the sex thing. My only advice to that would be. If someone wanna have sex with anybody. Let them. Not your problem.

 

Me personally. Well. Better for me. I will admit this though. Girls who do it on the first date. I have less respect for then those who wait. Why? Who cares. But hey. Its true. And im pretty sure alot of guys feel this way.

 

Cant sit back and complain on other people promiscurity or whatever. I really dont see that point. Either get with the program or go gay.

[abouttoloseit]

The last two girls I have been with wanted to sleep with me on the night we met. The 1st one I did. The second, I waited.

 

Now I would LOVE, let me repeat...I would LOVE to meet an emotionally stable girl who sleeps with me(someone) on the first date. I can't say that I have met that type of girl yet.

 

The first girl in my situation, did a lot of sleeping around, ONS's etc...as I got to know her, she was bi-polar, on prozac, and depressed and had taken lot's of drugs as a teen inc cocaine and ket. She was 22 when I met her. I thought this girl must be a one off.

 

haha lolz...second girl, again wanted sex on the first date. But I made her wait. Everything seemed fine. She told me she had many one night stands including taking two guys on at once (high five? er...). Then she tells me she spent 6 months sectioned at hospital for severe low self esteem. Was on medication. Her 'number' was her age ... x 2. She is 25 years old. SHe'd cheated on many boyfriends, and hung out with one of the ex-boyfriends, whom she considered her "best friend".

 

Now, I have nothing personally against sleeping on the first date, if the mood is good etc...but when it becomes a regular thing, my opinion is that there is something else going on here. That, or they are incredibly lucky to have good lucks and with that, confidence.

 

Now do you think I have just been unlucky? Or can anyone else see a pattern here? Or is this "normal"? Someone give me some straight answers ffs. lol.

 

And someone show me a girl who has her **** together, not on medication, or has been, suffers from mental illness...etc.

 

[bac]

According Bac, you and I are unbalanced and immature!

 

BlackLovely, you are smth else, no way you are emotionally imbalanced or immature according to me:) I do not judge you at all. I feel envy of you and all those women who can do ONSs and that you have the super ability to detouch your sex drive from everything else.

Also, some women have higher testosterone levels produced in their adrenals and the ovaries, so they think about sex very similar to males.

[bac]

I don't have the slightest issue with people that judge me for being liberated. I just mind my own business and enjoy hanging out with men significantly younger than me who appreciate a good teacher

 

Sex on the first date with a super hot young guy who is much much younger than a woman is a natural exception. Of course, a woman has sex with him on the first date because he is a sexy, wonderful, emotionally safe and passionate thing.

But, what about the older guys who look and taste very differently than a hot younger guy does.

[bac]

I'm 44. I've had sex on the first date (and ONS) with women in their late 30s and up as well as women in their 20s. I never picked up anyone in a bar and I can't remember the last time I hooked up with someone who was intoxicated or otherwise impaired. Most often, these were professional women with their **** together that I met online.

 

I'm not a woman so I can't speak for WHY they hop in bed with me on the first date. I think they do it because it's thrilling and they're caught up in the moment. That's exactly why I do it.

 

IMO If you are not young, you have probably never been married ( at least your marriage has not been longer than 1-2 yrs).

Also, what do you know about the ONS's women?

I do not think that you ever got to know them better because you are doing ONSs and you have never been involved in a serious LTR with your first date sex girls.

You have even never asked them the question why they would do that.

You just use mechanism of defense 'projection', saying that your girls doing ONSs for the same reasons that you do. But, there are the natural biological differences between genders which influence their way of thinking about sex.

Edited August 24, 2010 by bac

[caramel c]

Yes, they are, LOTS of people are doing this apparently. I will pass on sex on the first date. Or second. Or third or fourth or fifth. Wow I must be a prude! lol

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Sounds more like everyone understands exactly what you're saying and now you've just been backpedaling.

 

 

If there is one thing I do NOT do on these boards its back pedal granted maybe I should start as that would be easier then standing my ground as ive done on many occasion. Yeah it would def save me time and energy but no I don't thanks!

 

If people do not understand me then thats different people tend to see what they like what "fits" their ideas when they read on here. I myself am prob guilty of it as well if they want to see a meanie "picking" on people then thats what they shall see no matter what they will not be open to that persons ideas. I know what I was saying and hopefully some one else would as well if not then eh what can you do.

 

Now perhaps a more personal explanation is in order a view of were I am coming from when I was younger in my late teens early 20s I did my fair share of sleeping around with different ONSs but for me its wasn't a healthy experience it was because I was needy I was mentality unwell.

 

I was looking for love desperately and I thought that sex = love witch it dose not as a result my self esteem went thu the floor. So this is the type of women I am talking about not the ones who decide they want to have some fun/excitement on the weekend and have a ONS here and there on occasion.

 

But rather the women who it is a detrimental cycle if I made to broad a statement at 1st then I do apologize for that but I will not back down as to SOME women do experience this cause I know this 1st hand.

[Philetus]

Because the study is flawed or cooked. I don't have time to read the entire thing and find the holes, admittedly assuming they are there and giant, but studies of this ilk are usually bogus.

 

Moreover, if they wanted legitimate results, they would have used a commonly understood descriptor such as "fundamentalism" instead of the weasel-term "religiousity," which can be infinitely manipulated to produce whatever results are desired by the funding.

 

Disclaimer, I'm neither traditionally religious, certainly not fundamentally so, nor a Republican, just very suspicious of today's academic research machine.

 

I linked to the study so you can read it and tear it apart if you like. I can find others. You can also google them for yourself. You can also just look at raw numbers. The US has a teen pregnancy rate twice that of Canada's. Red states have much higher teen pregnancy rates than blue states.

 

Do you dispute that? If you do, please google it for yourself.

 

Religiosity was MY word.

 

I also linked to a study on divorce and 'religiosity' (my word). That research was carried out by a religious group. Check it out.

 

If you choose not to believe evidence in peer reviewed papers, that is of course your right.

[Philetus]

Is this correlated with religion really? or more likely education, poverty/wealth levels and average age of first marriage? If you look at average age of first marriage in those states, there's the true correlation.

 

One other factor is that where divorces are concerned, there is lots of venue shopping for various reasons.

 

The point is that religion, and the values that go along with it, are not protective against divorce.

 

I was responding to the assertion that 'casual sex' was a cause of the soaring divorce rate. Fundamentalists, one would assume, are less likely to engage in that activity.

 

I linked to the study, you are welcome to read their findings. The research was carried out by a religious group. Perhaps their findings are flawed because of the source of their funding?

[Philetus]

IMO If you are not young, you have probably never been married ( at least your marriage has not been longer than 1-2 yrs).

Also, what do you know about the ONS's women?

I do not think that you ever got to know them better because you are doing ONSs and you have never been involved in a serious LTR with your first date sex girls.

You have even never asked them the question why they would do that.

You just use mechanism of defense 'projection', saying that your girls doing ONSs for the same reasons that you do. But, there are the natural biological differences between genders which influence their way of thinking about sex.

 

I was married at 23 and it lasted 19 years. It was a monogamous marriage. Since we were married so young, had kids young, we drifted apart as we grew and changed. It was a very amicable split.

 

I'm a very good judge of people. It is, of course, very possible that someone has 'emotional' issues that aren't apparent to me however,given the number of women I've slept with on the first date, 'emotional' problems must be rampant for your hypothesis to be correct.

 

Additionally, four of my last five relationships started with sex on the first date. I got to know these women very well. None had any history of emotional problems, depression, etc. None were currently on any medications for mental problems. One had a history of drug abuse that ended 5+ years ago.

 

So, all your assumptions about me have been wrong. Maybe the assumptions you're making about why women to have sex on the first date are equally incorrect?

 

I also took pains to point out that I didn't know WHY they chose to have sex on the first date but that it COULD be the same reason I did. That is, because it's thrilling.

[Philetus]

Yes, they are, LOTS of people are doing this apparently. I will pass on sex on the first date. Or second. Or third or fourth or fifth. Wow I must be a prude! lol

 

I don't think it makes you a prude, nor would I use any other pejorative to describe you.

 

You're making a choice that is RIGHT FOR YOU. If you want to wait six months or until you're married to have sex, good on you.

 

My point is people who choose to have sex on a first date shouldn't be judged by the standards of others, or accused of having some kind of emotional problems. In the same way that you should not be judged for choosing to wait.

 

Everybody has different tastes and standards that are right for them. It's why they make chocolate and vanilla ice cream. What's good for me is not necessarily good for you and vice versa.

 

That's all.

 

FTR - if someone accused you of being a 'prude' for your choice, I'd jump in and defend your right to make your choice just as vehemently as I defend the rights of women to make an alternate choice.

[Philetus]

If there is one thing I do NOT do on these boards its back pedal granted maybe I should start as that would be easier then standing my ground as ive done on many occasion. Yeah it would def save me time and energy but no I don't thanks!

 

If people do not understand me then thats different people tend to see what they like what "fits" their ideas when they read on here. I myself am prob guilty of it as well if they want to see a meanie "picking" on people then thats what they shall see no matter what they will not be open to that persons ideas. I know what I was saying and hopefully some one else would as well if not then eh what can you do.

 

Now perhaps a more personal explanation is in order a view of were I am coming from when I was younger in my late teens early 20s I did my fair share of sleeping around with different ONSs but for me its wasn't a healthy experience it was because I was needy I was mentality unwell.

 

I was looking for love desperately and I thought that sex = love witch it dose not as a result my self esteem went thu the floor. So this is the type of women I am talking about not the ones who decide they want to have some fun/excitement on the weekend and have a ONS here and there on occasion.

 

But rather the women who it is a detrimental cycle if I made to broad a statement at 1st then I do apologize for that but I will not back down as to SOME women do experience this cause I know this 1st hand.

 

Yes, I misunderstood your point. You made (what appeared to be) blanket statements like 'women who sleep with a man on the first date don't respect themselves'.

 

I'm sorry for your experience a decade ago. Of course that would shape anyone's opinion on the matter. Yes, I've known women who've used sex to gain acceptance, find love, or feel better about themselves.

 

I pretty much dated women older than that, usually 34+. These women are much more likely to have a strong sense of their selves. They're comfortable with who they are and what they want. In short, they have their **** together just like men in that age group. (Notice I said 'more likely').

[caramel c]

I don't think it makes you a prude, nor would I use any other pejorative to describe you.

 

You're making a choice that is RIGHT FOR YOU. If you want to wait six months or until you're married to have sex, good on you.

 

My point is people who choose to have sex on a first date shouldn't be judged by the standards of others, or accused of having some kind of emotional problems. In the same way that you should not be judged for choosing to wait.

 

Everybody has different tastes and standards that are right for them. It's why they make chocolate and vanilla ice cream. What's good for me is not necessarily good for you and vice versa.

 

That's all.

 

FTR - if someone accused you of being a 'prude' for your choice, I'd jump in and defend your right to make your choice just as vehemently as I defend the rights of women to make an alternate choice.

 

Thank you, and you have a good point about judgement of others. It isn't my place or anyone else's place to judge. We are all guilty of being judgemental, but it gets us nowhere good. I struggle with this myself. There is only one judge and that is God.

 

However, I don't think that it is right or good for anybody to sleep with anybody on the first date. There are consequences to doing so, whether or not these consequences are seen or felt or heard, they exist. I am a believer in waiting.

[Philetus]

Thank you, and you have a good point about judgement of others. It isn't my place or anyone else's place to judge. We are all guilty of being judgemental, but it gets us nowhere good. I struggle with this myself. There is only one judge and that is God.

 

However, I don't think that it is right or good for anybody to sleep with anybody on the first date. There are consequences to doing so, whether or not these consequences are seen or felt or heard, they exist. I am a believer in waiting.

 

I'm an atheist so I believe the only one we have to answer to is ourselves. We are the judges of what is right, or wrong, for ourselves. No one or no Thing else.

 

If I'm judgmental, it is only in my firm belief of that - that rational people who act in good faith are answerable to no one. I also take a dim view of those who project their values onto other people. To paraphrase Jesus, "treat others as you would like to be treated". Would you like people judging you for your choices? You expressed concern that people would judge you to be a 'prude', so I assume you don't.

 

I think promiscuous sex CAN be a symptom of an underlying issue but it is a symptom, not a problem in-and-of itself.

 

CAN there be consequences to first date sex? Of course there can be. But, when rational people have their eyes wide open and engage in an activity of their own freewill, I see little evidence of it.

[caramel c]

I'm an atheist so I believe the only one we have to answer to is ourselves. We are the judges of what is right, or wrong, for ourselves. No one or no Thing else.

 

If I'm judgmental, it is only in my firm belief of that - that rational people who act in good faith are answerable to no one. I also take a dim view of those who project their values onto other people. To paraphrase Jesus, "treat others as you would like to be treated". Would you like people judging you for your choices? You expressed concern that people would judge you to be a 'prude', so I assume you don't.

 

I think promiscuous sex CAN be a symptom of an underlying issue but it is a symptom, not a problem in-and-of itself.

 

CAN there be consequences to first date sex? Of course there can be. But, when rational people have their eyes wide open and engage in an activity of their own freewill, I see little evidence of it.

 

Our own judgment of what is right and wrong is often flawed. That is why we often make mistakes and learn from them. There is no perfect person. Engaging in activities of our own freewill have proven again and again to be detrimental to our whole race as humanity. Sometimes what is good for you is not the easy thing to do. Sometimes it isn't the popular thing to do. Sometimes its just not what you FEEL like doing. Doing whatever you feel like doing is not always the BEST thing to do for your own good or the good of others.

 

I don't know if I am getting any point across...perhaps not. If I think of a better way to put this I'll be back.

[caramel c]

You can look at a big chocolate cake with your eyes wide open and decide to eat the whole entire thing in one sitting, out of your own freewill...but that does not make it right, or healthy, or good in any way for you. The only good thing about it is that it tasted good. For a few min.

[Philetus]

You can look at a big chocolate cake with your eyes wide open and decide to eat the whole entire thing in one sitting, out of your own freewill...but that does not make it right, or healthy, or good in any way for you. The only good thing about it is that it tasted good. For a few min.

 

And where is the harm? You will not do any damage to yourself by eating a cake in one sitting except you might be sick. Does that give me the right to judge someone for doing it because they made themselves sick? How does it impact on me, or anyone else?

 

The problem is not the cake itself but it is the underlying reason WHY you ate the cake. Do you have an eating disorder? Are you obese? Are you addicted to chocolate?

 

I have no underlying issues with food. I'm very fit and eat healthily. If I choose to eat an entire chocolate cake every week at one sitting, exactly how am I harming myself? And, more importantly, what gives you the right to judge me for it?

[caramel c]

And where is the harm? You will not do any damage to yourself by eating a cake in one sitting except you might be sick. Does that give me the right to judge someone for doing it because they made themselves sick? How does it impact on me, or anyone else?

 

The problem is not the cake itself but it is the underlying reason WHY you ate the cake. Do you have an eating disorder? Are you obese? Are you addicted to chocolate?

 

I have no underlying issues with food. I'm very fit and eat healthily. If I choose to eat an entire chocolate cake every week at one sitting, exactly how am I harming myself? And, more importantly, what gives you the right to judge me for it?

 

I am not defending the right to judge. Like I said none of us have that right. Eating an entire choc cake at once has many possible health risks besides feeling sick for one day, including weight gain. Especially if you do it regularly.

 

And if I tell you that eating the whole cake is not good for you, that is not judgement. I understand that it is quite tempting, and perhaps I have done it too myself. I'd just be pointing out that you could make a better decision of what to eat, and that you might want to consider what the consequences might be.

 

Judgment would be attacking your character for it, such as calling you a nasty name or assuming a character or personality flaw. Harassing you over it, telling you what you deserve for doing it, that kind of thing.