Are a lot of women sleeping with guys on the first date?

[tigressA]

I've had first-date sex on several occasions and it was great. If I feel like having sex when I'm on a date, and it looks like things could head in that direction, I will have sex. And if the guy judges me negatively as a result and doesn't want to see me again, then that's on him. I don't let it affect me.

[ascendotum]

I've had first-date sex on several occasions and it was great. If I feel like having sex when I'm on a date, and it looks like things could head in that direction, I will have sex. And if the guy judges me negatively as a result and doesn't want to see me again, then that's on him. I don't let it affect me.

 

For Tigress, BlackLovely & a_women, I would like to ask you a couple of questions..

When up had first date sex, was it :

A. Because you fell in love with the guy very quickly and assumed (or really wanted) you were going to be a couple going forward...and this is usual way you start out your relationships.

B. Because you had not had sex in a while and were horny and were a little drunk and really didn’t care if a LTR came out of it.

C. The guy was hot looking and came on strong and you thought why the hell not and would not have been upset if nothing eventuated beyond that.

I realize it could easily be all 3 under different circumstances. I'm just curious.

 

One more question..

 

Did you make up your mind to sleep with the guy within the first 5 minutes or did he win you over later in the day/night?

 

Thank you for candidness ladies.

[GoodOnPaper]

During my single days, if all I wanted was sex, it didn't matter how quickly I took a man to bed because I wasn't looking for a relationship. Conversely, if I wanted a relationship, I would show restraint. Men like to judge women about sex, even if they have slept with the whole block.

 

Sounds like you are less attracted to the "relationship guy". Having had that role my whole life, I'd much rather be the guy women want to take to bed right away . . .

[tigressA]

For Tigress, BlackLovely & a_women, I would like to ask you a couple of questions..

When up had first date sex, was it :

A. Because you fell in love with the guy very quickly and assumed (or really wanted) you were going to be a couple going forward...and this is usual way you start out your relationships.

B. Because you had not had sex in a while and were horny and were a little drunk and really didn’t care if a LTR came out of it.

C. The guy was hot looking and came on strong and you thought why the hell not and would not have been upset if nothing eventuated beyond that.

I realize it could easily be all 3 under different circumstances. I'm just curious.

 

One more question..

 

Did you make up your mind to sleep with the guy within the first 5 minutes or did he win you over later in the day/night?

 

Thank you for candidness ladies.

 

For me there's a little bit of all 3 circumstances you listed. When I feel an intense physical attraction to someone, I can never be intimate with them too soon, or too much. This doesn't normally translate to me wanting to be in a relationship with the guy unless we click well in other areas besides sex.

 

Both guys I had first-date sex with, I met online, so there was more buildup as far as communication before we met up in person. In both cases, I had it in my head that we were going to bang the moment I saw them in the flesh, and after the first physical contact (usually a hug) I'd be trying to move things along, playfully upping the amount of contact. Once it got to the point where I knew they had sex on their mind, I let them take control of the situation.

[Philetus]

As for immaturity, remind yourself of how old you and the girls who loved sex on the first date were. My guess the girls are most often in 20s, and you are young as well.

 

Sure, she does it because she wants to, but the reasons are different that males' reasons to want to.

 

How do you know that she is emotionally stable? Many bipolars do not know who they are in terms of their condition untill they reach a breaking point.

Do you think a depressed woman has nothing to do except to report her guy for ONS that the only reason why she is willing to have sex with him is to forget/distract herself from depression and severe emotional pain.

 

As for drugs, I would assume you agree that you can meet those girls mostly in bars or other places where they are drinking alcohol.

 

My judgement comes from my life experience and from being in the shoes of a female. Sure, there are exceptions which are very specific situations when ONSs are super cool, but they are just exceptions.

 

I'm 44. I've had sex on the first date (and ONS) with women in their late 30s and up as well as women in their 20s. I never picked up anyone in a bar and I can't remember the last time I hooked up with someone who was intoxicated or otherwise impaired. Most often, these were professional women with their **** together that I met online.

 

I'm not a woman so I can't speak for WHY they hop in bed with me on the first date. I think they do it because it's thrilling and they're caught up in the moment. That's exactly why I do it.

 

I have found no difference in the people who I've slept with on the first date and those that wanted to wait. So, unless there are a huge number of people out there who unknowingly suffer from emotional problems, I reject your hypothesis.

 

Are there people out there with emotional problems to turn to anonymous sex? Sure there are. However, to class all women who have sex on a first date as somehow 'damaged' is insulting, belittling, and downright incorrect.

 

My opinion is people should do what makes them happy as long as they're not hurting anyone and I reject double standards. I'm very happy to have sex on a first date and I feel no guilt over doing it. If the woman I'm with wants to or doesn't, I'm cool.

 

Maybe that's why so many women want to sleep with me on a first date because they can sense I won't judge them for it.

[JohnP82]

From my experience and observation I would say it's pretty common. I think the guy's physical attractiveness is the most important thing when deciding to sleep with him on the first date. After that I would say what she's looking for and on down the line.

 

However if you've been pigeon holed as the guy girls only want relationships with you're not going to get first date sex, or second...maybe one month though.

[Philetus]

Yes thats exactly what I'm suggesting not ALL women but a high rate that are willing to give it up so quickly do have low self esteem to some degree yes other wise they would respect them selves more thats just MHO on it

 

I'm certain there are some women out there who 'give it up so quickly' because they have low self esteem and need some kind of validation.

 

But to say the majority of women who do it (sex on the first date) are flawed is insulting and wrong.

 

You have a certain POV about sexuality and that's fine FOR YOU. But, not everyone shares your sensibilities on the issue.

 

The majority of women are rational, emotionally stable, and have their **** together. To condemn them for making a choice you don't approve of (or goes against your sensibilities) is odd, IMHO.

 

It's like me condemning you for being 'old fashioned'. I don't condemn you for your choices or your attitude as it pertains to you. I take exception to you assuming other women should make the same choices as you and asserting they have 'low self esteem' if they do not.

[Philetus]

This thread is funny, because there have been a number of women on this site that ADMIT to doing that, yet you dont see them within 5 miles of this thread.

 

People tend to shy away from threads when its very pinpointed and direct.

 

 

.

 

Well, why would they? They'll be accused of having low self esteem or being emotionally unbalanced or bipolar.

 

I'd probably stay the hell away from this thread, too. Who needs to be insulted for making choices that are right for them?

[Philetus]

I'de love to know were your getting your figures from how on earth do you not think that the trend towards super casual sex isent contributing towards teen pregnancy's? that just doesn't make sense.

 

Data is readily available. Would you like to see it?

 

Religiosity correlates strongly with teen pregnancy...

 

"With data aggregated at the state level, conservative religious beliefs strongly predict U.S. teen birth rates, in a relationship that does not appear to be the result of confounding by income or abortion rates. "

 

http://www.reproductive-health-journal.com/content/6/1/14

 

The 'more religious' US's teen pregnancy rate is more than doubled that in Canada and five times higher than some European countries. Since Canadians and Americans share most of the values towards 'super casual sex' does this difference make sense?

 

Why would religious kids get pregnant more often than secular kids? How does that make sense?

You honestly can't connect those dots? Or you would rather not admit it? The adult world directly influences what kids are doing now a days. So yes ide say its quite relevant.

 

I used to be a researcher and what often 'appears obvious' is not always true. You're talking about correlation and making a connection because you believe one influences the other. However, the truth is different from what you believe. Correlation does not equal causation and that's the flaw in your argument.

 

I never claimed that what adults do DON'T affect the choices kids make but the number one predictor of teen pregnancy is the religiosity of their parents. Sorry but 'common sense' is often wrong.

 

[Philetus]

Doing cocaine can also be incredibility thrilling but its not necessarily the best thing for your health or mental welfare. Being permisquiess is a self destructive behavior just so I'm clear here I'm talking about people who do this on almost a regular basis.

 

Not Joe smoe who happed to have a one night stand thats life and I'm sure its happed to us all at least once. But when having sex with complete strangers becomes a regular thing then that just can't be healthy in the long run

 

 

It's a little hard to pin down your argument because at first you said people who do it suffer from low self esteem. Now you only seem to be condemning those that hop from bed to bed to find something.

 

I agree that people (even men) who are hopping into different beds every night should take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror. But that wasn't what I discussing of defending. I'm defending the choices 'rational' people make for themselves.

 

I believe it's every consenting adults right to have sex the way they see fit. Yes, there are some people who abuse sex (men and women) but they don't fit the definition of 'consenting' since their judgment is compromised.

 

 

If a person values themselves they don't go around letting their bodies be "used" in that maner they would see themselves as being worth the wait. IE "if he really likes me he will wait until we form a actual relashionship"

 

Again, you're projecting your values onto other people. You have no more right to do that than I have to project my values onto you. I don't believe any woman I slept with on a first date felt 'used'. They were consenting, willing partners and it often led to future encounters. Four of my last five relationships began with sex on the first date.

 

FTR - yes, I do wait if that's what my partner wishes.

 

 

Do I really need to explain the idea of the wateing for sex? how if your worth it they will wait? And how women or men I guess for that matter who give it up so quickly and to any one may suffer from low self esteem from doing so?

 

No, you don't have to explain it. Again, this is right FOR YOU. Obviously, you would prefer to wait for sex and that is 100% fine.

 

But there are many intelligent, rational and content people out there who make a different determination that is right FOR THEM. They don't suffer any ill effects from their choice to 'give it up'. It's a choice they make with their eyes wide open.

 

I'm not going to make this into a religious debate I'm not a religious person myself so I don't think religion makes anyone more or less susceptible to divorce. Bottom line is look at the divorce rates from before the "sexual revolution" and now and I bet you will see a def noticeable difference.

 

I don't want to make it a religious debate either but you opened the door. You made the assertion that divorce was linked to people who 'give it up'.

 

Yes, divorce rates are higher now than they used to be and there are many reasons for that. The financial independence of women probably being the most obvious. Again, you're assuming a correlation/causation link where has been shown to exist.

 

This is from the Barna Group

 

"

The highest divorce rates are in the Bible Belt: "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people. Nine states in the Northeast (Connecticut, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, and Maryland) have the lowest divorce rates, averaging just 3.5/1000 people.

 

 

 

Barna isn't the only group to arrive at these numbers. Other researchers have also found that conservative Protestants get divorced more often than other groups, even more often than "mainline" Protestants. The fact that atheists and agnostics divorce less often than other religious groups was, however, surprising to many."

 

http://atheism.about.com/od/atheistfamiliesmarriage/a/AtheistsDivorce.htm

 

 

 

Um you do realize that even condoms are not the save all end all of preventing STDs? and def not unwanted pregnancy? besides every ones so "hot to trot" now a days that many will even do it regardless of weither or not they even have protection many still can't resist.

 

Don't believe me? Go have a look at the threads were women are "afraid they are preg" or "I'm afraid I have a STD" And why? Oh because we had unprotected sex, If sex is so common place then people tend to let their guards down after all they think "it wont happen to me I'm good"

 

I think you have a bigger axe to grind than just 'sex on the first date'.

 

It's odd for someone who has a login name that is a euphemism for male masturbation.

[Philetus]

According Bac, you and I are unbalanced and immature!

 

You're also bipolar, depressed and suffer from low self-esteem. That's what I've learned on this thread.

 

Oh, and you're also being judged because your sensibilities don't match up with some people.

 

Have a nice day!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I'm certain there are some women out there who 'give it up so quickly' because they have low self esteem and need some kind of validation.

 

But to say the majority of women who do it (sex on the first date) are flawed is insulting and wrong.

 

You have a certain POV about sexuality and that's fine FOR YOU. But, not everyone shares your sensibilities on the issue.

 

The majority of women are rational, emotionally stable, and have their **** together. To condemn them for making a choice you don't approve of (or goes against your sensibilities) is odd, IMHO.

 

It's like me condemning you for being 'old fashioned'. I don't condemn you for your choices or your attitude as it pertains to you. I take exception to you assuming other women should make the same choices as you and asserting they have 'low self esteem' if they do not.

 

Were both entitled to our opinions no? I never belittled or insulted them I said it wasn't my cup of tea and that I believe that yes SOME of these women do it because they are suffering from low self esteem theres nothing odd about that.

 

I also never said they need to "make the same choices as me" I don't care if they want to have sex with in 5 seconds of meeting a guy as it doesn't affect me in the least.

 

But I would worry about how it would affect them in the long run yes... So please point out were I exactly said they NEED TO MAKE the same choices as me?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

 

I think you have a bigger axe to grind than just 'sex on the first date'.

 

It's odd for someone who has a login name that is a euphemism for male masturbation.

[/i]

 

I have no axe to grind and if you take my user name that way then ok good on ya I actually meant it that way for people to take it as they like I thought it was funny because it can be taken more then one way.

 

You choose to take it in the sexual reference thats your choice but you honestly think I sat at my pc and said "oh I know I'll name myself strictly after "male masturbation" I think not...

[Philetus]

Were both entitled to our opinions no? I never belittled or insulted them I said it wasn't my cup of tea and that I believe that yes SOME of these women do it because they are suffering from low self esteem theres nothing odd about that.

 

I also never said they need to "make the same choices as me" I don't care if they want to have sex with in 5 seconds of meeting a guy as it doesn't affect me in the least.

 

But I would worry about how it would affect them in the long run yes... So please point out were I exactly said they NEED TO MAKE the same choices as me?

 

Of course we're both entitled to our opinions and I only take exception to projecting your values onto others.

 

My evidence is your own words.

 

You judged 'a high rate' of women as having low self esteem if they 'give it up'.

 

Spanks - "Yes thats exactly what I'm suggesting not ALL women but a high rate that are willing to give it up so quickly do have low self esteem to some degree yes other wise they would respect them selves more"

 

You equated casual sex with drug abuse.

 

Spanks - "Doing cocaine can also be incredibility thrilling but its not necessarily the best thing for your health or mental welfare."

 

More projecting your values onto others.

 

Spanks - "If a person values themselves they don't go around letting their bodies be "used" in that maner they would see themselves as being worth the wait."

 

 

We should ask Tigress, BlackLovely, and a_woman to comment on whether they think you're not putting them down. If you accused me of having low self esteem I would take that as an insult.

 

Spanks - "Saying that some one who chooses to sleep around allot may have low self esteem from it is far from "putting people down"."

 

 

You're implying that people need to make the same choices as you because if they don't, you assume they have low self esteem, that they don't respect themselves, they're being 'used', or they're engaging in activity as self destructive as taking drugs.

 

You can sit here all day and say you're not judging them, but you are.

[Philetus]

I have no axe to grind and if you take my user name that way then ok good on ya I actually meant it that way for people to take it as they like I thought it was funny because it can be taken more then one way.

 

You choose to take it in the sexual reference thats your choice but you honestly think I sat at my pc and said "oh I know I'll name myself strictly after "male masturbation" I think not...

 

I think it is a funny name.

 

I don't have any other connotations for 'spank the monkey' though.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Of course we're both entitled to our opinions and I only take exception to projecting your values onto others.

 

My evidence is your own words.

 

You judged 'a high rate' of women as having low self esteem if they 'give it up'.

 

Spanks - "Yes thats exactly what I'm suggesting not ALL women but a high rate that are willing to give it up so quickly do have low self esteem to some degree yes other wise they would respect them selves more"

 

You equated casual sex with drug abuse.

 

Spanks - "Doing cocaine can also be incredibility thrilling but its not necessarily the best thing for your health or mental welfare."

 

More projecting your values onto others.

 

Spanks - "If a person values themselves they don't go around letting their bodies be "used" in that maner they would see themselves as being worth the wait."

 

 

We should ask Tigress, BlackLovely, and a_woman to comment on whether they think you're not putting them down. If you accused me of having low self esteem I would take that as an insult.

 

Spanks - "Saying that some one who chooses to sleep around allot may have low self esteem from it is far from "putting people down"."

 

 

You're implying that people need to make the same choices as you because if they don't, you assume they have low self esteem, that they don't respect themselves, they're being 'used', or they're engaging in activity as self destructive as taking drugs.

 

You can sit here all day and say you're not judging them, but you are.

 

Ok feel free to read whatever you like into what I said I have a feeling any one who doesn't agree with you would get the same sort of response. Again I said SOME women not all I even made exception to ones who have the occasional ONSs. But ok your right I'm wrong case closed your the hero I think your doing quite enough judgement for both of us...

[tigressA]

I find it insulting that people would outright assume I have low self-esteem because I've had first-date sex, and I also take offense at the idea that I "gave it up", that I "let my body be used", that I don't "respect myself more". That's implying that I don't have a choice in what I do, and this is the 21st century, where--correct me if I'm wrong!--people do have a choice to engage in sex whenever, however, with whomever. I don't let my body be used by anyone. I engage in mutually pleasurable sex. The day I let my body be used is the day a necrophiliac gets hold of my corpse.

 

I believe that I would be showing myself disrespect if I denied myself pleasure all for the sake of trying to convince a guy that I'm "worth the effort". A guy who really thinks I'm worth the effort will think that if I have sex with him on the first, second, or tenth date. I've had enough experience so far to realize that.

Edited August 23, 2010 by tigressA

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I said SOME women if Tigress, BlackLovely, and a_woman are totally ok with casual sex then good for them it doesn't affect me in the least more power to them and I wouldent put them down for it.

 

But I know there are SOME women to whome its a very different detrimental thing brought on and perpetuated by low self esteam.

 

You seam intent on lumping all women in the same strong sexually liberated barrel and shame on me for daring to "pick on" them when in all reality I'm honestly not picking on such women.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I find it insulting that people would outright assume I have low self-esteem because I've had first-date sex, and I also take offense at the idea that I "gave it up", that I "let my body be used", that I don't "respect myself more". That's implying that I don't have a choice in what I do, and this is the 21st century, where--correct me if I'm wrong!--people do have a choice to engage in sex whenever, however, with whomever. I don't let my body be used by anyone. I engage in mutually pleasurable sex. The day I let my body be used is the day a necrophiliac gets hold of my corpse.

 

I believe that I would be showing myself disrespect if I denied myself pleasure all for the sake of trying to convince a guy that I'm "worth the effort". A guy who really thinks I'm worth the effort will think that if I have sex with him on the first, second, or tenth date. I've had enough experience so far to realize that.

 

Oh gawd I'm not picking on you please read above ok its clear no one "gets" what I'm saying so before the "tar & feather" begins I'll just go.

 

OK you win absolutely ALL women EVERY SINGLE ONE who has sex on the 1st date is a strong healthy mentally well adjusted person I give up...

[tigressA]

Where did I say that you, specifically, were picking on me? Nowhere. I just took phrases that I saw pop up in this thread.

 

And even I'll say that yeah, some women who have first-date sex/casual sex, etc, aren't the most well-adjusted people in the world. There are some people who use sex as a crutch. It just sucks that they're giving those like me a bad name.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I think it is a funny name.

 

I don't have any other connotations for 'spank the monkey' though.

 

I see a tiny little monkey in a big red sweater named Spanks sitting at their computer desk sipping coffee and browsing LS that was HONESTLY my mental image but thats prob just me.. lol

[meerkat stew]

Why would religious kids get pregnant more often than secular kids? How does that make sense?

 

Because the study is flawed or cooked. I don't have time to read the entire thing and find the holes, admittedly assuming they are there and giant, but studies of this ilk are usually bogus.

 

Moreover, if they wanted legitimate results, they would have used a commonly understood descriptor such as "fundamentalism" instead of the weasel-term "religiousity," which can be infinitely manipulated to produce whatever results are desired by the funding.

 

Disclaimer, I'm neither traditionally religious, certainly not fundamentally so, nor a Republican, just very suspicious of today's academic research machine.

[TaurusTerp]

Oh gawd I'm not picking on you please read above ok its clear no one "gets" what I'm saying so before the "tar & feather" begins I'll just go.

 

OK you win absolutely ALL women EVERY SINGLE ONE who has sex on the 1st date is a strong healthy mentally well adjusted person I give up...

 

Sounds more like everyone understands exactly what you're saying and now you've just been backpedaling.

[Philetus]

Ok feel free to read whatever you like into what I said I have a feeling any one who doesn't agree with you would get the same sort of response. Again I said SOME women not all I even made exception to ones who have the occasional ONSs. But ok your right I'm wrong case closed your the hero I think your doing quite enough judgement for both of us...

 

I took pains to point out multiple times that your values are perfectly fine FOR YOU. I don't judge you or think you suffer from some from self esteem issues because of it.

 

If your assertion is that I have a problem with people who project their values on other consenting adults, then you would be correct.

 

What it boils down to is I believe the MAJORITY of women can have casual sex (even on a first date) and not suffer ill effects from it nor are they 'damaged' if that's the choice they make.

 

Let me ask you this question... do you think the majority of women who repeatedly have sex on the first date are people who respect themselves? I think the answer to that question is "yes". You would say?

[meerkat stew]

This is from the Barna Group

 

The highest divorce rates are in the Bible Belt: "Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five in frequency of divorce...the divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national average" of 4.2/1000 people. Nine states in the Northeast (Connecticut, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Rhode Island, New Jersey, and Maryland) have the lowest divorce rates, averaging just 3.5/1000 people.

 

Is this correlated with religion really? or more likely education, poverty/wealth levels and average age of first marriage? If you look at average age of first marriage in those states, there's the true correlation.

 

One other factor is that where divorces are concerned, there is lots of venue shopping for various reasons.