9Lives Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I have been dating a little and I'm starting to wonder is sleeping with someone on the first date real common? Cause I'm not doing it! I just don't where this is coming from. what's up? are women giving it up that fast now?
carhill Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Can't speak for other men, but that's never happened to me and the over-50's ladies I've dated while separated are no exception. I don't do sport-f*cking or serial sexual or FWB so don't move in those crowds so my anecdote may not be relevant. I can't say I've ever met a woman I'd want to f*ck on the first date. YMMV
meerkat stew Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Yes, once their buttons are pushed, they want it there and then and get annoyed or flat turned off if they are put off. To answer the question directly, 20% of my first dates over the last three years have included sex, and another 50-70% could go that way if I hadn't bowed out before things got there. I'm a normal average guy, not very tall, average to above in looks, not rich. Can only imagine what it's like for those types. The women I'm talking about are generally at my level lookswise, or a notch or two better looking than me. IME, women have much more sex today than they let on. This is the product of sex being overemphasized in our culture. The term "oversexed" originated in the 50s I believe, and on that scale we are "hyper-warp sexed" today.
Author 9Lives Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Yes, once their buttons are pushed, they want it there and then and get annoyed or flat turned off if they are put off. To answer the question directly, 20% of my first dates over the last three years have included sex, and another 50-70% could go that way if I hadn't bowed out before things got there. I'm a normal average guy, not very tall, average to above in looks, not rich. Can only imagine what it's like for those types. The women I'm talking about are generally at my level lookswise, or a notch or two better looking than me. IME, women have much more sex today than they let on. This is the product of sex being overemphasized in our culture. The term "oversexed" originated in the 50s I believe, and on that scale we are "hyper-warp sexed" today. dang that is part of the fun. what's the rush???? once u get the honey it like..on to the next one in MOST cases but I guess some women like it that way too. I love sex a lot but can I get to know you a little bit?
Crazy Magnet Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I personally don't have sex on the first date. Otherwise I'd have slept with way more men than I'd ever be comfortable with. Yuck. I'm sure some women do. It depends on their personal attitude towards sex.
bobdole Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 My last 2 LTR started with sex on the first date. The first which lasted 3.5yrs was in college and she flat out asked me "Wanna have sex?" as we were sitting on her couch. I guess I was going to slow for her tastes. The other was what we both thought to be a random hookup on the beach as the sun was rising (ahhh... memories) but ended up together for 3 years. Everything else before, between, and after - none resulted in sex on the first date and its not what I aim for really
EYECANDY000 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 To each its own. some people see it as just sex.. and with that said they dont want to date for weeks or months to find out if they are compatible with some one sexually.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I have been dating a little and I'm starting to wonder is sleeping with someone on the first date real common? Cause I'm not doing it! I just don't where this is coming from. what's up? are women giving it up that fast now? Yeah it happens allot sadly prob because people have a mass lack of self respect these days. What I always find funny is the guys who think its awesome when a women dose it and are happy to "bag" her. But there usually the same guys who admittedly "wouldn't want a gf like that" Go figure! lol..
bac Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I do not understand why a normal emotionally mature woman would do that. But, I assume that if a woman is very immature and naive she would do many new things just to try what it is. Also, I can understand that if a woman is out of emotional balance for any reason she can do those things as well. There are plenty of women who are out of emotional balance i.e. depressed, the bipolars, the borderlines, on drugs/alcohol.
zengirl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I have some friends whose relationships started with sex on the first date. I have a friend who slept with her husband on the first date; they've been happily married for 3 years (together for 7) and just had a baby. I've never had sex on a first date---I require too much in the way of a connection to have sex very early at all---but I imagine it happens in all sorts of situations. I don't know how "common" it is. Even my friends above aren't people who had sex on loads of first dates, so far as we've discussed (and there's no reason to hide it from me, and we do discuss these things). I don't think it's any more unreasonable to have sex on the first date than to view the 3rd or 10th or whatever as some magic "It's okay to have sex now" number. Certainly, you can't know much about a person on a first date in most cases, but arbitrary deadlines are just as stupid. Then again, some people know each other really well before they ever go on a date (friends for awhile, same social network, worked together, etc). . . but I'm presuming we're talking about closer-to-strangers.
Knittress Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I haven't and probably wouldn't - not that there's anything wrong with it.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I think the bottom line is sex use to have more meaning in it then it dose today it use to be a way to "connect" on a deeper level with a partner. Something you did once you were already in a loving relationship with some one. Now a days its seen as so much more casual something done for "fun" rather then to help cement feelings for one another. Wither or not thats a good or bad thing I'll let the readers decide but I will ask them to think about the following.. All the people out there with admittedly "low self esteem" and mental illness issues. Sky high divorce rates maybe due to a lack of "connection"? Sky high STD rates I'de bet one in at least 5 people now a days have some form of STD wither or not they want to be honest and admit it. And lets not forget and the high unwanted pregnancy rates even more alarming among young teens..
beatific Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I haven't and I won't ever but many of my female friends have had sex on first dates. And many of my male friends refuse to wait any longer then 3 dates for sex, probably because they know they can get it right away from someone else. Whatever floats your boat.
Lady vs Panda Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I do not usually have sex on a first date or even the legendary third date, but I'm completely disinterested in conforming to any "rules" or expectations. I have sex when I feel the right connection and when I think it will be hot, whether I am looking for a fling or an LTR. When the passion flares bright, it's the right time.
ascendotum Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I would say it happens more so with gen Y than gen X and much much more so than in my parents day. It terms of the extent this happens across the female population, its hard to say for sure. …depends on the girl, at what stage in her life she is and also how good looking the guy is in my opinion. Most guys would love to sleep on the first date, though if they are really into the girl they would not have a problem waiting, but if they are horny and the girl presented the opportunity then they’ll go for it, absolutely! In observing my friends (and other guys I’ve known) over the years I can say that the better looking the guy is the quicker the women will sleep with them. In my own life, that has been reflected. When I have been thin/skinny, sleeping with the girl came after having known her for a while (number of months) and or having gone out with them for a number of dates. When I put on weight all the girlfriends I got made it clear they were up for action before or by first date. Likewise this exact scenario was experienced by my mates who used to be ‘chubsters’ who then lost weight and did better with attracting girls but also loved the fact that there was no drawn out uncertainty over whether the girl was into them (unlike previously), as the girls slept with them on the first date. A good looking guy I know told me that he estimates close to 90% of the women he has been with in his life have had sex with him on the first night or on the first date. Another guy I work with claims 70% of the women he has met on-line date sites have slept with him on the first date. He’s not a bad looking guy + has a muscular build. Most of the good looking guys I have hung out with over the years picked up women really easy. They don’t have to wine and dine women. Having seen them walk out the door with women they only met an hour or 2 ago many times or been handed phone numbers/ business cards with a cheeky look from the women I don’t doubt them when they say the majority of women they have had sex with has been by the first date. Some of these guys think its hilarious when women say ‘I don’t normally do this’ when they sleep with them on the first date (and for less handsome exs that could likely be true). When it comes to their LTR girlfriends or wives I suspect it is a bit of a different story from what I observed but don’t know for sure. This links in a bit with the other post here concerning girls being passive. The guys that don’t get much action would love to have more women take the initiative. They are not turned off by it in the least as to them it shows that the girl is really into them. When it comes to the good looking guys with lots of options though, I get the impression a woman who sleeps with them on the first date is nothing special, she does not enhance her long term prospects with the guy. It is totally understandable the desire to want to have sex with someone who you find sexy, though I do have the impression from over the years that some girls will f**k a guy (good looking or above their league) very quickly to beat out the competition/try and win him over.
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I have been dating a little and I'm starting to wonder is sleeping with someone on the first date real common? Cause I'm not doing it! I just don't where this is coming from. what's up? are women giving it up that fast now? I don't keep statistics but I'm certain that I slept with more than half of my first dates (not counting the ones where there's no mutual interest).
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 dang that is part of the fun. what's the rush???? once u get the honey it like..on to the next one in MOST cases but I guess some women like it that way too. I love sex a lot but can I get to know you a little bit? For me, there has been no correlation between sex on a first date and length of the relationship. I think it's because I don't see sex as a goal. It's not something to accomplish, not a notch on my belt. I enjoy it for its own sake but I don't mind waiting either.
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yeah it happens allot sadly prob because people have a mass lack of self respect these days. What I always find funny is the guys who think its awesome when a women dose it and are happy to "bag" her. But there usually the same guys who admittedly "wouldn't want a gf like that" Go figure! lol.. You're suggesting the only reason a woman sleeps with a man on the first date is because they lack self respect? I've dated a lot of women and there is no difference between those that do on the first date and those that don't. It's a personal choice based on their level of comfort with the idea. I get what you're saying about the double standard though and it's true of some men. For me, I really like sex and I'm always cool to do it on the first date. I'm not a hypocrite so if the woman I'm with has the same point of view, I don't condemn her for that.
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I do not understand why a normal emotionally mature woman would do that. But, I assume that if a woman is very immature and naive she would do many new things just to try what it is. Also, I can understand that if a woman is out of emotional balance for any reason she can do those things as well. There are plenty of women who are out of emotional balance i.e. depressed, the bipolars, the borderlines, on drugs/alcohol. Maybe, just maybe she does it because she wants to? Maybe she's with someone who is non-judgmental, romantic, and makes her feel attractive? Women don't have to be bipolar, insane, or on drugs to sleep with someone on a first date. People are adults and they make choices based on what is right for them. Rational people in full control of their faculties can make a choice to have sex with someone they just met. I don't understand where your judgment of the way other people choose to live their lives comes from?
Philetus Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I think the bottom line is sex use to have more meaning in it then it dose today it use to be a way to "connect" on a deeper level with a partner. Something you did once you were already in a loving relationship with some one. Now a days its seen as so much more casual something done for "fun" rather then to help cement feelings for one another. Wither or not thats a good or bad thing I'll let the readers decide but I will ask them to think about the following.. It's both. Sex doesn't have to be one thing, fulfill one role. "Sex: It's not just for procreation anymore." Meeting somebody for the first time, getting caught up in a moment, and winding up in bed together is incredibly thrilling. It's fun. It's fun whether you're a man or a woman. Of course it isn't for everybody, we all have different tastes. That's why they make chocolate and vanilla ice cream. All the people out there with admittedly "low self esteem" and mental illness issues. I don't understand your point. Sky high divorce rates maybe due to a lack of "connection"? Assuming this is true (which I don't believe) wouldn't religious people who are more likely to wait have a lower divorce rate? Yet, religious people divorce at a higher rate than secularists. Sky high STD rates I'de bet one in at least 5 people now a days have some form of STD wither or not they want to be honest and admit it. One word - condoms. And lets not forget and the high unwanted pregnancy rates even more alarming among young teens.. This is irrelevant and has more to do with poverty, sex education, etc. Again, areas in the world where 'abstinence' is preached have much higher rates of teen pregnancy that areas of the world (or the US) that have more liberal values towards sex education.
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yes, everyone's psychology and perspective is different and, as with other issues of preference, equally valid. People who enjoy sex with other people on first dates (or quickly in general, if not dating) should pursue that path. If not, different path. I avoid those paths because my path tends to be annoying to them, or so I've been told. Fair enough. Lots of paths in life
hopesndreams Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 women giving it up that fast now? Men are too, so why is that considered acceptable?
somedude81 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 women giving it up that fast now? Men are too, so why is that considered acceptable? Because for some reason when men have sex it's apparently meaningless. When women have sex it's super important. Men aren't the ones making all these rules about when and why they have sex.
denise_xo Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Lots of paths in life Amen. For a while there I thought I was bipolar, on drugs, an alcoholic, depressed, and having some borderline personality disorder without actually realizing.
carhill Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 LOL, I thought that too, and then stbx filed for divorce and it all went away. Tranquility. Healthy boundaries have returned.
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