Out of step

[SlevinKalebra]

I hate to write a whoah is me thread, and hate to whine, but... feeling kind of lost right now. I hope someone can relate. I can't sleep, cant eat, and despite the horrible past actually almost drunk emailed my ex. Luckily, came to my senses and decided to vent here. Lucky you:rolleyes:

Just filed the final papers t-77 days till finalization. while we were married my every movement was controlled (fought like cats and dogs trying to maintain some sembelance of control over my life.), her kids claimed I abused them (while calling me every name in the book most of which they copied from her and pushing me over the edge.), she'd insult and degrade me whenever possible, treated my son increasingly horribly (definite abuse which is finally what made me end it), treated me horribly for ever being nice to him (which she called babying him), said everything I did was wrong from how I walked down stairs- to how I made love- to the music I listened to when she was not even around.

She trapped me into marraige "my pill stopped working." and refused to go to counseling from the beginning to work it out. Cut me off from my friends except one who's as stubborn as she is.

I could go on for hours, litterally, but you get the idea. Anyway, for as miserable as I was, I can't help think to myself is this better? I am back living with my parents at 32. Going to school, trying to work as many hours as I can while trying to keep my daughter with me as much as possible because I don't want her to be around her son with more issues than the psychologists that he has been seeing since first grade could diagnose. Who wrote in his journal "I will never ever innapropriately touch my baby sister again" as a punishment of sorts for whatever he did. I believe (pray) he has not done anything to her (he is very confused about boundaries and appropriate behavior.) But social services can't do anything because lack of evidence.

It was three weeks after we separated and she is now with another guy. Honestly I don't care about that per se, but I feel like I am a good guy, whose being run through the wringer and am definitely hanging on by a fraid rope. I feel completely alone. The friends I still have are married and have thier own lives, my family is great but I feel like a burden even being in thier home, like a bumb. I'm trying to meet people but I feel like the odd man out no matter where I am and usually end up fading into the background watching others have fun. I don't know how to find a foot hold anymore

[You Go Girl]

"woe is me".

 

It is going to take some time to adjust to living with your parents again, being single again, etc., as you are now on the "rollercoaster" of emotions. If what you wrote was true, then you know you have made the right decision to leave.

So don't second guess yourself. Just plug along everyday, knowing that it gets easier. There are up days, down days, and inbetween days. But over time, it will get easier. This too shall pass.

Come here and write whenever you think about contacting her. There's a thread somewhere--I think in the coping section--entitled "post here instead of contacting your ex".