Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 3 more days everyone. 3 more days until I have to see my ex. Our school year begins that day and I know I'll be seeing her everyday. It feels like my test. My test to see if I learned anything on LS. To see if I can be strong. Just need this thread to prepare myself. To get my emotions in control and to get some good ol advice from my fellow Love Shackers. So Loveshack. Help me out!
lesoiseaux Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 No advice in particular from me, but I'm in the same boat as you! School is starting next week for me as well, and I'll inevitably be seeing my ex for the first time in 8 months...
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 No advice in particular from me, but I'm in the same boat as you! School is starting next week for me as well, and I'll inevitably be seeing my ex for the first time in 8 months... Damn man! 8 months....I haven't seen mine in 2 months. How are you feeling?
Nappeal Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 You'll be fine! Think of her in this context @ school : 'and just who the fk are you?' Go on about your day. And remember, the day before the 23rd is the 22nd...the day after is the 24th - its just another day. Think about it that way.
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 You'll be fine! Think of her in this context @ school : 'and just who the fk are you?' Go on about your day. And remember, the day before the 23rd is the 22nd...the day after is the 24th - its just another day. Think about it that way. I hope! And she is a new person now. Hopefully I can look at her and be indifferent or something.. True, it's just gonna feel weird without her by my side though... What if she brings up friendship? What should I do?
lesoiseaux Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Like you, I hope that when I see him I'll feel indifferent. I would say I'm 99% over him, but there's that lingering 1% that is decreasing very, VERY, VERY slowly. I just want to get it over with and deal with whatever feelings may come up. As for your question, are you ready to be friends with her? Do you want to be? Try not to overanalyze. Go with your gut feeling...put yourself first! Oh yeah, and I'm also afraid I'll want to stand next to him or act like a girlfriend with him purely out of habit. I know no other way of interacting with him! But obviously I'll keep my cool
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Like you, I hope that when I see him I'll feel indifferent. I would say I'm 99% over him, but there's that lingering 1% that is decreasing very, VERY, VERY slowly. I just want to get it over with and deal with whatever feelings may come up. As for your question, are you ready to be friends with her? Do you want to be? Try not to overanalyze. Go with your gut feeling...put yourself first! Oh yeah, and I'm also afraid I'll want to stand next to him or act like a girlfriend with him purely out of habit. I know no other way of interacting with him! But obviously I'll keep my cool Well I can honestly say I'm not 100 percent or even close to being 100 percent. Maybe like...60 percent. Yeah, not good haha And nope I am not. She suggested friendship straight after the break up and texted me "when are we gonna be friends again? " I can't handle second class treatment. I don't know how to tell her this without sounding mean. Because honestly, I'm still seeking reconciliation. I fear that too. I'm afraid I'll be treating her like a GF still. But it's been 3 months broken up, I think I forgot already haha
flyguy23 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I also go to school with my ex, we picked classes at the same time so I will probably see her quite a bit. Not excited for that..
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 I also go to school with my ex, we picked classes at the same time so I will probably see her quite a bit. Not excited for that.. Oh damn, that's not good. My ex and I joined some clubs together. I'm not excited for that. My emotions have been all over the place. There are days where I just want to yell at her for all the **** she put me through.
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 There are days where I just want to yell at her for all the **** she put me through. Now's your chance! :laugh: But seriously though. I honestly don't know how I would react in the same situation, since there's little chance of me ever seeing my ex again. But for the last couple months, I have had to put up with seeing random things on FB almost every day. One day in particular was bad. Three things in a day to do with him! I knew that those 24 hours was my test. Thankfully, I passed. Barely even saw the sting when I saw his name. I guess what I'm trying to say is - you'll never know how you'll react till it happens, and it IS just another day. Don't work yourself up over what could be an anticlimax. YOu might see her in person and grow to despise her even more, rather than love her. Think about all that you ARE looking forward to on that day, focus on that, and to hell with the rest!
bonpaw2008 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 You totally have this Use, and you are going to be just fine. Yea it is going to be weird, and there are going to be people that didn't know that you broke up, etc. so you are going to have to talk about it for the first few days I bet. As for the friend thing, be friendly with her because you have to, but don't put yourself in a situation where you are compromising yourself or your healing just to make her happy. She quit you, she needs to know because of that choice that things are never going to be the same. Good luck sweetie!!!
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Yeah I know it's not going to be the same. She thinks it could be, but over the summer when I hung out with her, It totally wasn't. And the way she looked at me was so painful. There was no love in her eyes at all. She fell out of love so quickly and she looked at me like I was some sort of stranger. I feel pathetic that I'm not over this break up yet. 3 months is a long time. But then again, compared to most of my friends, I had the longest relationship of 1.5 years.
flyguy23 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Yeah I know it's not going to be the same. She thinks it could be, but over the summer when I hung out with her, It totally wasn't. And the way she looked at me was so painful. There was no love in her eyes at all. She fell out of love so quickly and she looked at me like I was some sort of stranger. I feel pathetic that I'm not over this break up yet. 3 months is a long time. But then again, compared to most of my friends, I had the longest relationship of 1.5 years. haha bro I dated this chick for almost four years, and she dropped me like a sack of potatoes. She had been distant all summer, detached and cold. But I thought it would change, man was I wrong. We go back to school next week and I know I am going to see her. We haven't even been broken up for a week but the fact that she hasn't even tried to contact shows me that we are done for good. I don't know how long it is going to take for me to get over her.
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 haha bro I dated this chick for almost four years, and she dropped me like a sack of potatoes. She had been distant all summer, detached and cold. But I thought it would change, man was I wrong. We go back to school next week and I know I am going to see her. We haven't even been broken up for a week but the fact that she hasn't even tried to contact shows me that we are done for good. I don't know how long it is going to take for me to get over her. My ex wasn't like that in the beginning. She was texting me like crazy. I had high hopes and everything. It wasn't until her friend's whore party where she became all distant and cold. I thought I could get her back this summer. All my friends did. Nothing! She contacted me 4 times, but it there were no signs of reconciliation. Just...friendship. I've been told it takes half the time of the relationship to get over them. So....about 8 months for me ...ugh...
lullaby Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 3 more days everyone. 3 more days until I have to see my ex. Our school year begins that day and I know I'll be seeing her everyday. It feels like my test. My test to see if I learned anything on LS. To see if I can be strong. Just need this thread to prepare myself. To get my emotions in control and to get some good ol advice from my fellow Love Shackers. So Loveshack. Help me out! You'll do fine. I wouldn't play any role. Just be casual and relaxed. She may be expecting you to talk to her, to be sad, angry, well, don't please her. Do the opposite. Act as if she is just some other girl in your life, like you don't even care, she's another girl from the bunch and you're over her. If you ignore her, that's a sign right there that you're still hurting. Do you want her to think that?
Author Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 You'll do fine. I wouldn't play any role. Just be casual and relaxed. She may be expecting you to talk to her, to be sad, angry, well, don't please her. Do the opposite. Act as if she is just some other girl in your life, like you don't even care, she's another girl from the bunch and you're over her. If you ignore her, that's a sign right there that you're still hurting. Do you want her to think that? So should I make the first move or her? And I'll try not to ignore her. And I don't want her to see me hurt. She already did once, and that was not good.
lullaby Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So should I make the first move or her? And I'll try not to ignore her. And I don't want her to see me hurt. She already did once, and that was not good. You should see how the situation presents. Don't look for her, but if she comes to talk to you, just be brief and casual so you don't give yourself away. Considering the situation, I think she will come over to say hi first.
csman1411 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 you dont have to see her if you dont want to..how many people go to your school 20k+, your saying you have to be around her all the time but you dont have too, i would try my best not to see her and if you do, act like she is the new person she is act like uver never met her before, i would not bring up the relationship at all and if she asks to be friends i would be very hesitant...VERY...your just gonna hurt yourself more
Thierro Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 When I met up with my ex I thought I was totally prepared. I felt like I was more powerful than Superman and Popeye joined together. But when our eyes met, she was like a big rock of kryptonite and the longing for a good can of spinach, because I felt so hurt and weak. Last thing I remembered was holding her and crying like a mad man. (I can actually laugh about the situation now) It can be very tough, even if you think you are ready. I wish you all the best. Good luck.
Author Username37 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 You should see how the situation presents. Don't look for her, but if she comes to talk to you, just be brief and casual so you don't give yourself away. Considering the situation, I think she will come over to say hi first. I think so too. I'm just thinking of my responses to her. Like what if she says "no hard feelings about the breakup?" or some thing like that. What do I do there? you dont have to see her if you dont want to..how many people go to your school 20k+, your saying you have to be around her all the time but you dont have too, i would try my best not to see her and if you do, act like she is the new person she is act like uver never met her before, i would not bring up the relationship at all and if she asks to be friends i would be very hesitant...VERY...your just gonna hurt yourself more My school is pretty big. But we have a lot of mutual friends. If I see her, I'll try to be chill. So if she mentions friendship, should I be honest? Or say something else?
Author Username37 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 August 22nd. Last Day. Do I want to post this song? Hells to the yes haha
Author Username37 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 - she dumped me over the phone - said she was tired of me and the relationship - rebounds in 3 weeks - gave friendship a try but treated me badly, like I was some stranger - changed her personality so it's not the personality that I known her for. - sends me a birthday card with condelences of a deceased family member (a positive) - restricted me on FB If you were me, would you give friendship a try?
bonpaw2008 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 - she dumped me over the phone - said she was tired of me and the relationship - rebounds in 3 weeks - gave friendship a try but treated me badly, like I was some stranger - changed her personality so it's not the personality that I known her for. - sends me a birthday card with condelences of a deceased family member (a positive) - restricted me on FB If you were me, would you give friendship a try? She is obviously not ready for a relationship. If you can be her friend without any expectations of getting back together then do it. If you are pining for her, expecting her to change her mind after hanging out with you again, you should not. You have made a ton of progress, she is not worth your time because she quit you, do whatever you decide should not make you go backwards. Get yourself strong for the next girl, she will be fabulous and she will deserve you!
AlwaysConflicted Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 - she dumped me over the phone - said she was tired of me and the relationship - rebounds in 3 weeks - gave friendship a try but treated me badly, like I was some stranger - changed her personality so it's not the personality that I known her for. - sends me a birthday card with condelences of a deceased family member (a positive) - restricted me on FB If you were me, would you give friendship a try? I don't know man. That list wouldn't make me want to be her friend. Are you even strong enough to be her friend yet? I've thought about contacting my ex to be her friend, but I can't handle it.
wjg23g Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Hey- being friends with her is a terrible idea. You've said it yourself- you're 60/40 on her. When you get to the point where you can think of her/talk to her indifferently, then you can be friends. If you go back now, you'll a) never get out (even though you think you will) and b) be putting yourself through an unneeded hell. You were strong all summer, now on 8/22 you're ready to fold? Hold on a bit more. You need more time to heal. I can relate to your situation though. The girl I was seeing told me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, over some really insignificant things. We sat next to each other in class 4 days a week, and she'd never speak to me first, only say hello if I said so, and wouldn't even look at me. She had told me she was going to leave her LD bf for me, but changed her mind. Long story short, I apologized for the mistakes I made and wished her well. NC then from end of April to present (3.5 months). This past week, I saw her as I was leaving a school building/she was walking in. She had shades on and I believe was going to walk right past. I said "hello" in a very neutral voice and she said "what's up" in a certain tone. She's a very easy read- when happy, she's quite happy, but when annoyed/wants nothing to do with you, it's another story- and her tone was the latter. Neither of us slowed our walks at all- just kept on moving. Long story short- in your case, I believe you should just be polite when you see her. Chances are, since she's already contacted you, she'll seek you out. When she does, just again be polite and nice. When she brings up the breakup/friendship, tell her either that you don't think it's a great idea or that you aren't ready to trade in your feelings in exchange for platonic friendship. In my case, I'm 99% sure she'll never seek me out. I've been doing a decent job trying to move on, but seeing her was a setback. I think that she & I just had bad timing and that things could be different, but that she's far too stubborn to come to me first. So, I was planning on just saying hello when I see her. possibly engaging her in a conversation down the line, and maybe in a couple months I'll make an effort to talk to her. thoughts? I think the best thing for me to do though is just be friendly & completely let go. I think i'm suffering some oneitis and even 3.5 months later am not really over her. Edited August 22, 2010 by wjg23g
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