User1029 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So roughly 3 months ago, my girlfriend of nearly 4 years told me she needed a break for a couple reasons. The main reason being that she has been in 2 serious relationships ever since she was 14 (she turns 21 in 2 weeks) and she needed time to figure out who she was and not "Lauren and Steve". The beginning of the breakup was rough on me and like many I became paranoid and worried about what she was doing, so I would text her here and there and would get responses until she flat out told me to stop because I am not giving her the space and time she needed. After I stopped texting her, about 3 weeks later she texted me saying "Thank you so much for giving me this time, I really needed it", and later that night we decided to talk on the phone. The phone conversation was going great at first until I brought up the topic of could we ever get back together. She became frustrated and told me to not ask questions because she does not know how she feels right now and cannot begin to explain how she is feeling to me at all. She has wanted to talk on the phone twice (both of these times being about a month or more ago) and both the phone calls did not go well as our relationship was brought up both times. However, she has been keeping some contact with me, asking me how I was doing and feeling because 3 weeks ago I had surgery. About a week ago, maybe less, she texted me bringing up a little idiosyncrasy that her and I have and that initiated a little contact until she said "I just saw it and was like whoa! haha. anyway i'll ttyl". However, I messed up really bad one night when I asked her if she was talking/seeing anyone. She replied "no. but dont ask questions like that please. I dont want to end up where we were and dont want to be frustrated with you and you dont want to worry constantly". I know I should not have sent that text, but something just hit me and I freaked out. I see her at the gym and when I do we talk for a bit then get on our way. Anyway, I am here to ask a question. As I stated earlier, we are going back to school in about a week (both go to the same college). She has made attempts to contact me, but it feels so different each time she contacts me. My mind and heart has been on this roller coaster love ride all summer long and I have been constantly worry about her and our relationship. What do you all think my chances are of getting back together with this girl again?
skydiveaddict Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 What do you all think my chances are of getting back together with this girl again? Virtually none. You got the typical "I need space" speech. It's just girlspeak for "I'm not interested anymore". Cut all contact with her. email, phone #, fb, everything. She's just toying with you. Change your gym time so you wont run into her. If she calls dont answer, same with text and email. dont even read them. If you do run into her in person, tell her to leave you alone. Dont take this crap off of her. you dont deserve it
BiAxident Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I'm currently also giving my girlfriend "space", however it sounds like yours has asked for a lot more! I could see wanting to spend less time together, not talking everyday, taking seperate vacations, etc. But if you have to go weeks where all you can do is exchange text messages with her? Well, she may not know what she wants, but I'm afraid to say it doesnt sound like it is you.
Author User1029 Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Well it seems like a lot of this is true, but I left out some things she has said to me. She is a really big family person and has her family to support her right now while she is home. She said when we go back to school it will be a real "test" for her because she doesn't have very man friends at school and the only person she spent time with the past couple years was me. She is my best friend, and I am her best friend, and she even said "I can see me coming over and watching and movie and rekindling the flame". However, right now she says she has been so busy with her family/work that she hasn't had time to think about the relationship much and when we get down to school she will have a lot more free time. My situation is pretty complicated as for some reason I feel something is still there between us, but she is telling me to wait until school to see what will happen. By the way, this is the second time we split up during our 4 years of dating, the first time was 2 years ago when I broke it off. She knows that if she contacts me it will hurt me because that is what I did to her 2 years ago and she told me how much she was hurting each day I would contact her/tell her something and we were not back together. She has a lot of respect for me, and I know this. She told me "You could be the best person I ever meet, I just really need this right now in my life". I think because we have been talking on and off for 3 months I have still not accepted the reality of breaking up, but for some gut reason, I feel we still have some chemistry left.
BiAxident Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 She has a lot of respect for me, and I know this. She told me "You could be the best person I ever meet, I just really need this right now in my life". I think because we have been talking on and off for 3 months I have still not accepted the reality of breaking up, but for some gut reason, I feel we still have some chemistry left. Yep, I know exactly what you're dealing with. My GF says that she has love and respect for me, but isn't sure that I'm "the one". You probably do have a lot of chemistry left, you might be great for each other. However, the mind of a woman can be very fickle and random. I suppose the fact that she has no other guy friends might increase your odds? I'll be hoping for the best in your situation, stay strong!
bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Hmm..... First of all, if your former GF wants to stay in contact - it's a way for her to keep the door open. You as a man just fell into a classic trap. I say this with experience since I've been there and also helped a few buddies save their relationships in situations like these. What happened is that you just gave her total control of everything and it can only end up in a train wreck. I rather go through a painful break up than stay in a relationship that has the character features you just wrote. Mainly because it will end with you being hurt AND your pride goes out the door. When a girl is in doubt, many times this can be solved with the simple frase "I really appreciated what we had but this open type of "maybe/perhaps/soon/I think"-relationshipis NOT what I am looking for, I don't want to spend my efforts on a woman in doubt. So the best thing would be for us to separate our paths for now". Then you have no discussion about future, friendship or memories whatsoever. Leave it from there and walk away. You can show emotions, but be strong to stick to this message and nothing else. There needs to be no threat about you going after someone else or that she might find someone that makes her happy and so on. Just leave it with the above. The rest she will figure out within 24H and with 72H she realized that she probably lost you. Then the game begins...
bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 P.S Where did you get this "respect from"? Those words were just cancelled by her actions. Doing one thing and saying another is ultimate disrespect and also lack of integrity. It's a cowards game.
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