wheelwright Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I want to say sorry. I am glad you are happy, but I sometimes find it hard, because I am not. Good luck in your continued and successful reconciliation. It is legend status here on LS.
Author Spark1111 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 WW, thank you my friend. Well, why aren't you happy? That's the key. That has always been the key to any successful relationship. First, we must be happy with ourselves. I have worked hard on that, and have had some of that naturally. I am luck, I know. My H has had to work even harder to find inner happiness. I have supported and applauded his every step in that direction. It has not been easy for him. And how goes it for you?
Author Spark1111 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I understand this Spark and it is good he is successfully reconciling. I guess I am turned off by the usage of the word "whore." Again I don't know his story, maybe it was a one night stand. If there were feelings involved then for him to call his OW "whorish" is just done in bad taste. I affaired down, but I do not think of my xOM as a man-whore:laugh:. He was a nice person, very talented and smart. I feel no need to degrade him. I'm the one who made the poor choice, but I am not name calling my xOM because of it. But I understand where you are coming from, I was probably taking it too personally. I am sure My husband and I felt the same. I just don't like when people degrade another to make their situation feel better. Why would someone want to sleep with a whore unless it was NSA sex. Most A's are more emotional than that. Just trying to understand why the need to degrade. Most affairs are deeply emotional for the women participants! We need that connection to have one! Maybe your affair had an element of an emotional connection on both your parts! But not all are like that....Or, not all AP respect each other after the A, or think less of each other, for whatever reason. It's okay. In hindsight, in ANY relationship, we make think LESS of a person we once thought we were deeply enthralled with....or, we may not. It's okay. And NO different than many OW, who after being jerked around by their MM, sometimes for years, now call him an idiot, jerk, jackass or manwhore.
White Flower Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 WF, why are you taking this personally? You do not usually do this. Maybe, just maybe, thomasb's OW was a classless whore he did and now regrets it. We don't know his story. But his story is NOT your story. And his OW is not you. And you know that better than anyone. Or at least, you use to. So I am surprised. This is a happy reconciliation thread and he is now happily reconciled. It's okay. And not personally meant to offend anyone. So why take offense? It is not like you. Is everything okay? I am concerned.Thank you for asking. I'm fine. I am not taking this personally, I just find his post ugly and offensive to all women everywhere. I think Seren said it better than I did, and had I waited a little longer on posting I would have just applauded hers. Now SHE is a class act! I am truly glad Thomas B that your marriage is back on track, also for everyone who has weathered the storms of an A. BUT, I don't like the ANY woman in an A is whorish, granted many MM feel this way after the A, and in a contradictory way, many feel they want to be with someone they can trust, and many feel they wouldn't trust someone who they could have an A with. But it doesn't make the OW a whore. I know there are a lot of generalisations about BS, I hate that, equally I dislike women being labelled whores, it is a derogatory term, hell I even hate sex workers called whores. It is a comment my H made about the OW he had an A with, it is unfair and I pull him up on it. Sorry for the T/J, and I am happy for any successful reconciliation story - not enough are posted IMO, especially on the Infidelity board. I understand what Thomas B is saying, and no, not all OW are in love, not all WS are in love during the A, for some it is what it is, but please, no whore stuff.
seren Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) Why thank you WF, although if you could see the new red satin lingerie I bought today with H coming home Friday in mind, classy is so not the look, (if I didn't hate it so much I ight use the W word) I am aiming for :-O Reconciliation sex has lasted for such a long time .... yay!! I have also had a new tattoo (another) on the nape of my neck that says - wouldn't you agree, baby you and me have a groovy kind of love. Tis a line from our song and is hidden by my hair, so only he will see it. Hoorah for great smoochy times ! Edited September 16, 2010 by seren a bit of extra
White Flower Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Why thank you WF, although if you could see the new red satin lingerie I bought today with H coming home Friday in mind, classy is so not the look, (if I didn't hate it so much I ight use the W word) I am aiming for :-O Reconciliation sex has lasted for such a long time .... yay!! I have also had a new tattoo (another) on the nape of my neck that says - wouldn't you agree, baby you and me have a groovy kind of love. Tis a line from our song and is hidden by my hair, so only he will see it. Hoorah for great smoochy times ! Hey, as long as you're a lady on the streets you can be a Wh... in the bedroom, right? You both deserve it and I'm glad you're M is back on track as well as Sparks. Reconciliation sex doesn't just happen in Ms, but it's still great when it does. Kudos to you both.
jennie-jennie Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 It's okay. In hindsight, in ANY relationship, we make think LESS of a person we once thought we were deeply enthralled with....or, we may not. I've never understood this. How you can renounce the person you once loved. It's okay. And NO different than many OW, who after being jerked around by their MM, sometimes for years, now call him an idiot, jerk, jackass or manwhore. This is as awful as calling a woman a whore or other names. No different.
thomasb Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I did not mean to offend. OW's actions when I broke it off and told my wife the truth are what caused her to earn that name. Not only in my mind but all of our freinds and my family. She became a threatening stalker bitch to my wife who had no hand in the affair. And no, my wife would not call her that. She uses a different nickname for her that our 17yr old dubbed her.!
White Flower Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 It appears the offensive post has been removed. Thomasb, if that is what you really think your exOW was I am sorry she turned out to be that way. It just sounded like you were painting all OW that way, and that just isn't fair. Thank you for clarifying that you were talking about her, and her alone.
wheelwright Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 (edited) WW, thank you my friend. Well, why aren't you happy? That's the key. That has always been the key to any successful relationship. First, we must be happy with ourselves. I have worked hard on that, and have had some of that naturally. I am luck, I know. My H has had to work even harder to find inner happiness. I have supported and applauded his every step in that direction. It has not been easy for him. And how goes it for you? I buy into being happy first. I don't know how to work on that, but maybe it will come! I find the very point at which I have the most unhappiness, and the point where I have to resolve my feelings about xMOM, meet. And beyond that, I just want to have peace of mind, but I don't know where it is. Edited September 18, 2010 by wheelwright ok, I am proud, but I said sorry eventually!
WalkInThePark Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I did not mean to offend. OW's actions when I broke it off and told my wife the truth are what caused her to earn that name. Not only in my mind but all of our freinds and my family. She became a threatening stalker bitch to my wife who had no hand in the affair. And no, my wife would not call her that. She uses a different nickname for her that our 17yr old dubbed her.! Sorry but maybe her stalking behaviour was triggered by the way you ended the affair. If like a lot of cheaters, you lied a lot to her, then it is understandable that once you ended the affair, she did not feel to just walk quietly away. Most people hurt when a relationship ends but how much depends a lot on how decent the break-up was done. If you had told her negative things about your W to make her believe that your marriage was over and all of a sudden you choose for your W, this must have been very hurtful. And if by stalking your W, you mean that your OW went to your W to give her her own version of the facts, then you cannot qualify that as stalking. No one, also not an OW wants to be depicted in a wrong way or get all the blame for the A.
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