bentnotbroken Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 They probably have practice after dealing with the fury of the OW. Mine does for sure. Her fury was nothing compared to what I am capable of or the BS I know.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) If if it were in response to her thread, why should it bother anyone if you are offended. OF thread nor Sparks has anything to do with you. There are people here reading and want to know how Spark and her spouse are making it happen.....sometimes things happen without thought to how you should feel about things or even thinking of you at all. It is life you know. Sparks...honestly I am going to be the first to agree and say reconciliation sex is off the hooks. While these ow seem to think they play a role in that..whateva is all I can say. Like I've said in a million posts before...if he wanted them he could've chose them..period. No need in beating around the bush and find it all so OTT as some seem to think its weird that a married couple of 29 years have a hard time of getting in on better then they did 5 10 or 15 years ago...or hell even prior to the affair. I guess some can't get over it..thats their weakness to deal with. Either way I'm exstatic for you and YOUR husband...PERIOD! Edited August 22, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
seren Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I don't think there are enough posts that show that reconciliation is possible. Or that it can be cathartic to shout it from the rooftops when it all goes good. Just as there will be people hurting, there will also be people who need hope that it can be done. Do we always have to shoot people down if they are happy? For some of us in reconciliation or have reconciled, it is about rediscovering what we thought we had lost and being so dammed happy that we are where we are, happy, in love, lust, like and all the trimmings that a loving happy marriage brings. We don't forget the heartache, it is because we remember that we are just so happy that it is no longer a feature of our lives.
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Her fury was nothing compared to what I am capable of or the BS I know. You obviously don't know me!
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I don't think there are enough posts that show that reconciliation is possible. Or that it can be cathartic to shout it from the rooftops when it all goes good. Just as there will be people hurting, there will also be people who need hope that it can be done. Do we always have to shoot people down if they are happy? For some of us in reconciliation or have reconciled, it is about rediscovering what we thought we had lost and being so dammed happy that we are where we are, happy, in love, lust, like and all the trimmings that a loving happy marriage brings. We don't forget the heartache, it is because we remember that we are just so happy that it is no longer a feature of our lives. Your the best Seren! Thats exactly right! Seems like people can;t see past the affair ...whats even funnnier is its usually the OW posting the negatives after the affairs...meanwhile they are the ones inserting themselves into that particular lifestyle to begin with. If you can divorce after an affair..that just tells you there were major problems in your m prior to it..and well the A kind just made things easier to escape it. No we never forget the heartache of the A...but at the same time..its not something we live on either. We deal with what happened to our M prior to the A..and what led up to it. If you can work on that alone..your connection and relationship can and will become stronger then it has ever been. Nobody's perfect...hell I've done things where I thought damn how did he forgive me for that...but hey love conquers ALL!
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I don't think there are enough posts that show that reconciliation is possible. Or that it can be cathartic to shout it from the rooftops when it all goes good. Just as there will be people hurting, there will also be people who need hope that it can be done. Do we always have to shoot people down if they are happy? For some of us in reconciliation or have reconciled, it is about rediscovering what we thought we had lost and being so dammed happy that we are where we are, happy, in love, lust, like and all the trimmings that a loving happy marriage brings. We don't forget the heartache, it is because we remember that we are just so happy that it is no longer a feature of our lives. It is how you present it, Seren. I am so happy for you and your husband that things are going so well!
Snowflower Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Are you saying that the best sex requires that one partner to have an affair, in order to have reconciliation sex? What happens in 10 years or so, when the affair is no longer a driving force in your relationship? Less fulfilling sex? Could you explain this more? Are you saying that relationships need to require some pain in order to provide great joy? I'd respectfully disagree. Well, there is pain in the death of a deeply loved one, but pain in life is not necessary to fully appreciate the joy. xxoo, I wanted to go back to your question because I thought it was a good one. I'm guessing that you have not experienced infidelity and therefore are very lucky. I guess it is like anything, sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it. My pre-affair marriage pretty much sucked in the intimacy department, sex included. I always felt like I was too busy with kids, job, house, building and upgrading our lifestyle as a married couple to give it a lot of thought. My H had always been there for me, a good guy, my faith in him was absolute so why would I ever think that something different would happen?! :sick: Once it appeared that the marriage was over, my H and I both felt it's loss very keenly and in different ways and at different times for each of us over a period of 4-5 months. When we made the decision reconcile, we talked a lot about what the loss of our marriage meant to each of us. It was (and still is to some extent) very bittersweet. We've come out of this as a better couple and better individuals--painful experiences tend to do that. I do believe that deep pain makes the joy and the sweetness of a relationship all that much better. I know what it is like to experience loss and what it would be like to live my life without my husband. It makes me appreciate my marriage, my husband and my life so much more. Not sure if this answers your question.
BB07 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I'm happy for you Spark and you also Seren. You also Snowflower.
bentnotbroken Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 You obviously don't know me! Nor you me. I have said on here more than once. I could never cheat, but physically harming some one doesn't bother me so much.
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Nor you me. I have said on here more than once. I could never cheat, but physically harming some one doesn't bother me so much. Oh, I knew that already. That is obvious from your posts. You are right, I am not capable of doing as much harm as you are. Thank God.
freestyle Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Spark..... Thanks for sharing this , it's great to hear a success story in the midst of a lot of painful stories.It's good to have a counter-balance. And I don't believe you were ott at all........I regard you as one of the most level-headed and fair posters here.
Distant78 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Oh, I knew that already. That is obvious from your posts. You are right, I am not capable of doing as much harm as you are. Thank God. Yet, a relationship with a MM is "true love?"
Silly_Girl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Can the thread jackers take it elsewhere?! This is Spark's thread, and an important one for her, I'd surmise. No need for it to turn in to a bun fight.
bentnotbroken Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Oh, I knew that already. That is obvious from your posts. You are right, I am not capable of doing as much harm as you are. Thank God. Yes, Thank God.
White Flower Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Nor you me. I have said on here more than once. I could never cheat, but physically harming some one doesn't bother me so much. Oh, I knew that already. That is obvious from your posts. You are right, I am not capable of doing as much harm as you are. Thank God. Yes, nobody but nobody can break the unbreakable bentnotbroken, especially when she is wearing her pink super-hero suit of armor!!! Bent knows I love her (even though I fear her).
kuma Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 And I now believe affairs need constant fueling of texting or sexting or cell calls.....You need to keep the fantasy well-oiled, well-fueled, IMHO. People who are confident of their intimacy, do not need 13 needy texts or sexts a day. We speak maybe three times a day, and when he gets home, if either of us is so inclined, we head up to the bedroom before dinner. Then again after. If my H calls/texts me 13 times a day, I'll be annoyed! J/K:laugh: Anyway, Congrats on your recovery, Spark! Nice to hear good news for a change.
xxoo Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 xxoo, I wanted to go back to your question because I thought it was a good one. I'm guessing that you have not experienced infidelity and therefore are very lucky. I guess it is like anything, sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it. My pre-affair marriage pretty much sucked in the intimacy department, sex included. I always felt like I was too busy with kids, job, house, building and upgrading our lifestyle as a married couple to give it a lot of thought. My H had always been there for me, a good guy, my faith in him was absolute so why would I ever think that something different would happen?! :sick: Once it appeared that the marriage was over, my H and I both felt it's loss very keenly and in different ways and at different times for each of us over a period of 4-5 months. When we made the decision reconcile, we talked a lot about what the loss of our marriage meant to each of us. It was (and still is to some extent) very bittersweet. We've come out of this as a better couple and better individuals--painful experiences tend to do that. I do believe that deep pain makes the joy and the sweetness of a relationship all that much better. I know what it is like to experience loss and what it would be like to live my life without my husband. It makes me appreciate my marriage, my husband and my life so much more. Not sure if this answers your question. It does answer my question. I'm wondering, though, if this thread is about reconcilation sex, or simply healthy relationship sex. I can see that the relationship may have become healthier through the reconciliation process (deepening appreciation and commitment), but relationships don't need infidelity to have deep appreciation and commitment! Lots of experiences, before or during the relationship, can result in that level of intense appreciation (a partner's illness being one example). That is the part that confused me a bit (the title, mostly).
bentnotbroken Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Yes, nobody but nobody can break the unbreakable bentnotbroken, especially when she is wearing her pink super-hero suit of armor!!! Bent knows I love her (even though I fear her). :lmao:No need to fear the bent. You have been nothing but kind to me. Anybody you want me to beat up for you?
White Flower Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 :lmao:No need to fear the bent. You have been nothing but kind to me. Anybody you want me to beat up for you? Trade in that pink suit of armor for some street clothes and I won't fear you anymore. Hmmm, let me pull out my s*** list and I'll get back to ya.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Spark..... Thanks for sharing this , it's great to hear a success story in the midst of a lot of painful stories.It's good to have a counter-balance. And I don't believe you were ott at all........I regard you as one of the most level-headed and fair posters here. Thank you! I realized how much pain if presented on these boards and wanted to display the other side. There is great joy. I could not have survived the pain without the joy.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Our success stories are very similar... especially the "hot love making." What really struck me was the part about when you get angry, and you wake up with him caressing you, whispering words that you are the only one he loves, etc. That has been my exact experience too, and it takes a brave man to go near a sleeping bear. Thanks, now I've got coffee all over my screen. We had great sex before, but I think they tend to step up their game after R, when they realize who they almost lost. kwim? Yes, yes I do.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 It does answer my question. I'm wondering, though, if this thread is about reconcilation sex, or simply healthy relationship sex. I can see that the relationship may have become healthier through the reconciliation process (deepening appreciation and commitment), but relationships don't need infidelity to have deep appreciation and commitment! Lots of experiences, before or during the relationship, can result in that level of intense appreciation (a partner's illness being one example). That is the part that confused me a bit (the title, mostly). Well. xoxo, some people do not appreciate what they have, what they truly feel, until it is walking out the door. Maybe is doesn't take an affair to realize that. Your suggestion of illness is a good example, I think. But during the painful process of reconciliation, where the outcome can be unknown for a very long time in that you frequently doubt either one of you will have the courage and fortitude to overcome the betrayal, the desire to be physically intimate with one another CAN BE a great indicator of your success. You can't fake desire, especially if you are a man, IMHO.
xxoo Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 But during the painful process of reconciliation, where the outcome can be unknown for a very long time in that you frequently doubt either one of you will have the courage and fortitude to overcome the betrayal, the desire to be physically intimate with one another CAN BE a great indicator of your success. It isn't uncommon for desire to peak in times of relationship instability. The concept of "make up sex" comes to mind, and the couples who thrive on it. Horribly disfunctional couples can have crazy hot sex, at least until one partner gets tired of riding the roller coaster. I'm not arguing that hot sex after discovery of an affair is a bad thing--not at all. I'm just not convinced it is a great indicator of success. It certainly is an indicator that the reconciling couple has the sexual chemistry piece of the puzzle necessary for success, but for a lot of couples, that is the "easy" part. There are vital pieces that require real effort and sacrifice still to be filled in. It sounds like you and your H now have all the pieces for a great marriage with a great sex life, and that, imo, yields the best sex ever
Author Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 Just so you know, sometimes those emails are read aloud to the OW. And the responses too. Not saying that was the case for you two, but it was for us. My MM's email to his wife was just dripping with lies. Oh no. I wouldn't email him when he was still in contact with her. I refused to respond to any of his emails without my "unwavering hostility." :mad:. I refused to discuss "us," because there was no "us" to discuss as far as I could tell. But since reconciliation, I have hundreds, both angry, painful, loving and heartfelt.
Author Spark1111 Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 It isn't uncommon for desire to peak in times of relationship instability. The concept of "make up sex" comes to mind, and the couples who thrive on it. Horribly disfunctional couples can have crazy hot sex, at least until one partner gets tired of riding the roller coaster. I'm not arguing that hot sex after discovery of an affair is a bad thing--not at all. I'm just not convinced it is a great indicator of success. It certainly is an indicator that the reconciling couple has the sexual chemistry piece of the puzzle necessary for success, but for a lot of couples, that is the "easy" part. There are vital pieces that require real effort and sacrifice still to be filled in. It sounds like you and your H now have all the pieces for a great marriage with a great sex life, and that, imo, yields the best sex ever Yes, through a long and painful and joyous process, we have learned that we are each other's very best friend; we have overcome one of the most difficult assaults on a marriage; infidelity. And we are very, very happy.
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