White Flower Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 It's not like this is english class. I'm guessing you had a thing for one of your teachers? That may explain the feelings of a teacher's pet. Ah Darth, funny you should mention that. I think I was in love with every English prof I had.:love: Even funnier, I got a call just yesterday from a customer whose last name was the same as my last English prof's. I asked her what her H's first name is and sure enough, it was him!!! I told her she had the best darn English-prof-of-a-husband and she put him on the phone. He was so happy to make a call to pay for something but get all these compliments out of it! It made their day. He made me fall in love with literature. But no, it never went beyond a true love for learning. Sorry for the T/J. I did happen to learn a lot about love and war from this professor.
White Flower Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Is this morphing into the BDSM forum ? Love AND war in the bedroom? tee hee:cool:
TOWinNYC Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I'm nowhere near finished reading this thread yet, but what is the point of arguing with Lily (or is it TOWinNYC)? Lily has already told us she is seriously into BDSM (sorry if I got the acronym wrong). Isn't the whole point of BDSM that one person likes to inflict as much pain and humiliation on another as possible? Isn't the pain-inflictor Lily in this case? She is just showing that these characteristics translate to her other interactions with the MM including his other sexual partner, his wife. For all we know hurting the wife is part of their whole master-plan. Whoa Sid- TOW here! Just checked in on this thread and I must comment since my name popped up. I think I'm a lot of FUN in bed (not bragging here) but BDSM????? Not my cup of tea..... In my book, sex/pleasure should not equal pain.....
SidLyon Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Whoa Sid- TOW here! Just checked in on this thread and I must comment since my name popped up. I think I'm a lot of FUN in bed (not bragging here) but BDSM????? Not my cup of tea..... In my book, sex/pleasure should not equal pain..... Sorry TOW my mistake - I already apologized. I'll just say somebody else suggested it first.
BlackLovely Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 You can't make someone see something if they refuse to open their eyes. You can't make someone feel regret/remorse/guilt if they refuse to accept responsibility. Great post. As much I as understand Dexter's anger, we cannot force others to adopt our beliefs.
BlackLovely Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 nope, I ALWAYS support telling. What I find despicable is wanting to inflict pain and thinking of ways to inflict the most. put on the spot? nobody asked her to come here and tell us how she really wants to put the hurt to a betrayed wife. besides, she isn't backing down. trying to fool us maybe, but backing down...nope I concur. If you can't take the heat, get out the kitchen. Don't post your business here if you can't handle people commenting on it. When I read about OW's/OM who don't feel guilty, I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones betrayed. Food for thought.
BlackLovely Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 But see, that's crossing the line. You can't do something ILLEGAL like killing somebody. But telling the BS her H hasn't been faithful and having proof to back it up? Happens all the time! So if something "happens all the time", it's okay? And telling someone else that they are "crossing the line", when you relish hurting people as much as you can.....wow.
Summer Breeze Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I concur. If you can't take the heat, get out the kitchen. Don't post your business here if you can't handle people commenting on it. When I read about OW's/OM who don't feel guilty, I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones betrayed. Food for thought. Food for thought-I was betrayed years before I was an OW. The OW to my exH had nothing to do with him choosing to go outside the marriage. She could have begged and pleaded and laid down naked on the road in front of him and it's still his fault. Who he slept with makes no difference at all. I felt that from the start and I feel that way now. As an OW I keep with that. What difference does it make that he cheated with me? He cheated and that's the issue in their M. If people want to blame shift and do all they want so the WS gets less blame then good on them. Doesn't work with me. Spouse cheats, spouse is guilty.
BlackLovely Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Food for thought-I was betrayed years before I was an OW. The OW to my exH had nothing to do with him choosing to go outside the marriage. She could have begged and pleaded and laid down naked on the road in front of him and it's still his fault. Who he slept with makes no difference at all. I felt that from the start and I feel that way now. As an OW I keep with that. What difference does it make that he cheated with me? He cheated and that's the issue in their M. If people want to blame shift and do all they want so the WS gets less blame then good on them. Doesn't work with me. Spouse cheats, spouse is guilty. I never said the cheating spouse is not guilty. I was just commenting on those who said another poster was "put on the spot". That's all.
jennie-jennie Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I concur. If you can't take the heat, get out the kitchen. Don't post your business here if you can't handle people commenting on it. When I read about OW's/OM who don't feel guilty, I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones betrayed. Food for thought. Many of us OW currently in affairs have been the BS in earlier relationships. We know how it feels. I didn't blame the other women then, I don't feel guilty now. That's being consistent in my opinion.
Silly_Girl Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 When I read about OW's/OM who don't feel guilty, I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones betrayed. Food for thought. I was betrayed, many times. I NEVER blamed the OW, though I doubted their self-esteem and pitied a couple. I ALWAYS blamed my SO 100%. The only OW this didn't relate to was when it was my best friend. She's the best friend I ever had, still is. Took a while to get past that. She owed me respect and consideration.
Summer Breeze Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I never said the cheating spouse is not guilty. I was just commenting on those who said another poster was "put on the spot". That's all. I was responding to your lines asking what the OW/OM would feel if they were the one betrayed. I read back through and still read it the same way. If I'm misunderstanding I apologize. Silly Girl you're right on. If my BFF had done that to me that is a separate betrayal and yes it would matter then. Someone who has a relationship with the BS is committing their own betrayal.
You Go Girl Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I suppose an OW/OM feels that without a direct relationship with the BS, they are not betraying anyone. I disagree but... IMO, they are betraying honesty, justice, loyalty, fairness, and probably a few more things that haven't jumped to mind. It's not just about betraying a person. Betraying honesty, as an entity or force in itself, is definitely a betrayal of right and wrong.
Summer Breeze Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I suppose an OW/OM feels that without a direct relationship with the BS, they are not betraying anyone. I disagree but... IMO, they are betraying honesty, justice, loyalty, fairness, and probably a few more things that haven't jumped to mind. It's not just about betraying a person. Betraying honesty, as an entity or force in itself, is definitely a betrayal of right and wrong. You'll never change my mind. My exH betrayed me not his OW (now W). If he'd wanted to cheat he was going to cheat. Who it was with didn't matter. I didn't betray my exMMs W he did. I always offered to give her a call and let her know about the A but it was his choice not to. When she did call me during the DDays I told her the truth and told her if she ever wanted to know if he was back in touch I'd be honest with her. I never lied to her about a thing and I didn't participate in the lies to meet. I used to post photos and status updates on facebook and our friends knew we were seeing each other and they had photos on as well. I had nothing to hide he did. Sorry I disagree but that's my thought process and it stems from first being a BS.
donnamaybe Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Apparently with certain people, THINKING has now become a crime......Actually, in the case of someone being charged with a crime, THINKING about doing something prior to doing it plays a HUGE role in how they are charged. Ever hear of the word "premeditated?"
donnamaybe Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 When I read about OW's/OM who don't feel guilty, I wonder how they would feel if they were the ones betrayed. Food for thought.I think most of them ARE being betrayed. They just won't know it until D day.
Owl Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 The OW does not impinge on the beliefs of others. If the MM held that belief (in monogamy, faithfulness or whatever) he wouldn't be in the A. So, by his actions, he's declaring his beliefs to be in accordance with the OWs. If the MM changes his beliefs from prior belief in monogamy (with the BW) to a later belief in sexual non-exclusivity (or, sexual exclusivity with a woman other than his BW), then it is between him and the BW to renegotiate any contract between the two of them. It is not incumbent on the OW to do or not do - that is a separate R with a separate understanding. The MM's freedom to change his mind is between him and the OW, and him and the BW, separately. The OW is not impinging on anyone's beliefs by conducting a R in which another person participates freely of their own volition. As an OP you are apparently not impinging on the MP's beliefs, since he/she is having an affair with you. It could be said that the MP is impinging on the BS's beliefs, but that is not to do with the AP. And should in fact the BS's beliefs impinge on the OP's beliefs to the degree that the OP should be considered not to have the right to have the relationship he/she wants? Not in my opinion. Thus: Everything wrong with believing in marriage and using that to justify your participation in the destruction of someone else's existing relationship and in their emotional devestation. Nothing wrong with not believing in marriage and using that to justify your participation in the construction of a relationship and the subsequent emotional bliss of the participants. Nothing wrong with believing in marriage and using that to justify your participation in sustaining the marriage and the subsequent emotional bliss of the participants. This is where I'm going to have to agree to disagree with both Owoman and Jennie-Jennie. The choice to be an OW absolutely impinges upon the BS, and making that choice is an intentional decision that directly impacts the BS and impinges on THEIR belief system.. You can try to sugar coat it and avoid responsibility for your choice...but again...IMHO...that's just rationalization in action. I realize that you both will undoubtedly feel the exact opposite. We'll just have to agree to disagree I guess.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Food for thought-I was betrayed years before I was an OW. The OW to my exH had nothing to do with him choosing to go outside the marriage. She could have begged and pleaded and laid down naked on the road in front of him and it's still his fault. Who he slept with makes no difference at all. I felt that from the start and I feel that way now. As an OW I keep with that. What difference does it make that he cheated with me? He cheated and that's the issue in their M. If people want to blame shift and do all they want so the WS gets less blame then good on them. Doesn't work with me. Spouse cheats, spouse is guilty. And don't think any of that was the issue of what we are talking about. The issue is "all is fair" and a particular poster in this thread actually WANTING to cause the married man's wife as much pain as possible and putting her down as well.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 The OW does not impinge on the beliefs of others. If the MM held that belief (in monogamy, faithfulness or whatever) he wouldn't be in the A. So, by his actions, he's declaring his beliefs to be in accordance with the OWs. but this is about "all is fair". So do you, or would you, as the other woman seek to intentionally cause the wife of a man you are sleeping with pain? Not talking about simply informing her of the affair, I'm talking about actually relishing causing as much pain as possible and finding a way to do it?
Dexter Morgan Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I agree. I don't know if I feel "put on the spot" since my responses were to the OP. And it's not something I'm planning on doing per se - but I'm thinking of doing if the situation should be pushed that far. Apparently with certain people, THINKING has now become a crime...... its not about thinking. its a character issue of someone that wants to cause someone innocent, that has done nothing to them, pain. you still don't get it.
herenow Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 And don't think any of that was the issue of what we are talking about. The issue is "all is fair" and a particular poster in this thread actually WANTING to cause the married man's wife as much pain as possible and putting her down as well. Well maybe (I said maybe) the OW is blaming the BW for the fact that the MM isn't doing what it takes to be with her (the OW). Maybe the OW feels that the BW is in the way of her happiness and she (the OW) wants the BW to feel the pain she (the OW) is feeling. I know it's sick, but maybe it's true. If it is true, the OW should stop blaming the BW and start blaming the MM and/or herself.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Well maybe (I said maybe) the OW is blaming the BW for the fact that the MM isn't doing what it takes to be with her (the OW). so what? she is married to him, not the OW. if the above is the excuse, that just shows a higher level of vindictiveness. Maybe the OW feels that the BW is in the way of her happiness and she (the OW) wants the BW to feel the pain she (the OW) is feeling I know it's sick, but maybe it's true. again, so what?
herenow Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 so what? she is married to him, not the OW. if the above is the excuse, that just shows a higher level of vindictiveness. again, so what? I didn't say it was right but maybe, in a warped sick kind of way, this OW thinks the BW is in her way and wants to cause her pain. I know it's wrong and twisted, it's just a thought. Why else would an OW want to cause a BW pain?
donnamaybe Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Why else would an OW want to cause a BW pain?I can't understand it either, but why do kids ride down the streets on their bikes and bash mailboxes with baseball bats of people who've never done them any wrong? Why do ANY people do awful things to people they don't even know? So many questions, and no answers.
herenow Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 I can't understand it either, but why do kids ride down the streets on their bikes and bash mailboxes with baseball bats of people who've never done them any wrong? Why do ANY people do awful things to people they don't even know? So many questions, and no answers. Ok, I guess its just one of those things we many never get an answer for.
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