All's Fair In Love And War

[herenow]

I think you (Lilybart) are giving yourself more importance than the BW might. Go for it, tell her. IMO, the sooner the better. Why wait for their anniversary? You may be the only one who cares about their anniversary.

 

In reality, many couples who survive something like this create new dates of importance. They renew their vows. The old anniversary date can become a symbol of the old marriage that they no longer want. It's the new and the better that they celebrate.

 

Or, if you do tell them and they do remain together, it can be a celebration of the end of the bad and beginning of the new. So, like I said go for it. The sooner you are out of their lives, the better. Even if they wind up getting divorced, it will be better for both of them and you will be out of both their lives. Happy days to come. Do it now!

Edited August 25, 2010 by herenow

[Dexter Morgan]

at the idea of someone reveling in the misery of a person who hasn't done a thing to harm them.

 

 

exactly! well said

[seren]

Seren, unless you enlist as a soldier or volunteer as a guerilla or a mercenary, you typically do not get the choice of whether or not you will be involved in a fight. In many cases, if war is declared, those fit and able are conscripted, and those at home are subject to enemy attack - none of it by their choosing.

 

Which is pretty much like love, if think about it.

 

H is in the military and has a book called rules of engagement, this tells of when it is allowed to shoot the enemy. There are three warnings before the trigger is pulled and a variety of scenarios, are they facing you? running away? pose a risk? all this to process before actually pulling the trigger. So while those who are in th military have to fight, before they do, they have to ensure they follow the rule book to ensure fairness. So, even in conflict, there are set rules, similarly, in a relationship where there are agreed rules. (bear with me, getting there) and terms of engagement, an agreement of what is right. The unfairness lies when one member of the alliance is sneaking off behind enemy lines, one of the original alliance being attacked covertly, despite both agreeing to inform the other if the terms have been broken.

 

As for those staying at home, well, the attraction for those who keep the home fires burning is nearly always what those engaged in war long for after a skirmish. This is why my old Quaker roots always keep at heart that to be a non combatant is the best way really.

Edited August 25, 2010 by seren
tidy up post

[ladydesigner]

Nope - I'm not looking for a catfight with the BW. Wouldn't be much of a fight if I DON'T WANT the MM and the she DOES, would it?

 

As for inflicting "pain" on the BS - like I've mentioned before - I would NEVER do anything to physically harm the BS or do something considered illegal.

 

But if I'm going to make my exit, why shouldn't I let her know what she's been turning a blind eye to all these years? I have YEARS of phone calls, texts, emails, voicemails, trips, vacations, etc. Stuff that cannot be gaslighted away by the MM.

 

I certainly don't feel sorry for her and I'm not sorry for what I did/am doing (ie. having an A with her H) - so if that's "offensive and disturbing" well, *shrug*.

 

If you're offended and disturbed that I said I'm thinking of dropping the D-Day bomb on their anniversary, well, I can see why people might be disturbed. But hey, I think irony is funny.

 

And since this is a public forum, I should be allowed to express my own opinions, yes?

 

So is letting the BS know now considered being a bunnyboiler?

 

To each his own, or her own I guess in your case. I really liked herenow and seren's posts. You couldn't have said it any better ladies. I haven't really seen an OW like this on this board, but we all have our own agenda and you have yours. Good luck.

[seren]

If I ever decide to get out of my A with my MM, I will choose a way to cause the most amount of damage possible to the BS before I exit. Why not? All's fair in love and war right? Why shouldn't I leave my mark?

 

Jeez LilyBart what are you? a Ninja? leaving marks, droping bombs, sounds like my puppy. What you will likely do, is make them circle their wagons, he will wonder what the hell he was thinking seeing someone who, even after understanding it was for sex (didn't you say that) felt compelled to blow his wife's world apart, for what? spite? they will likely struggle while they reconcile and, having a common enemy, be stronger for it.

 

I hope you find peace.

[LilyBart]

Jeez LilyBart what are you? a Ninja? leaving marks, droping bombs, sounds like my puppy. What you will likely do, is make them circle their wagons, he will wonder what the hell he was thinking seeing someone who, even after understanding it was for sex (didn't you say that) felt compelled to blow his wife's world apart, for what? spite? they will likely struggle while they reconcile and, having a common enemy, be stronger for it.

 

I hope you find peace.

 

Ah - see, you really don't "get it". Sex is only a part of it. What MM and I share is the BDSM experience, which is something I don't expect you to understand. Of course, right now he's getting all needy on me which I don't appreciate.....

 

The "dropping the D-Day bomb" was a reference that looped back to the OP and said tongue in cheek. War/Love, bomb....get it?

 

Boy, people are really flipping their lid over something that hasn't even been DONE. Talk about being convicted before committing the crime!

 

As for "blowing the W's world apart", what gives? Time and time again I read how people think the BS should KNOW. And if I choose to do it, WHY SHOULDN'T I "enlighten" her?

[Darth Vader]

That's cause the Vietnames taught us about ambush warfare.

 

Nice thread PIH, I'm liking all the input.

 

 

That's why they make Nukes! Nuke'em, problem solved! No more country, but, problem solved! You can't make a cake without breaking a few eggs!

[White Flower]

That's cause the Vietnames taught us about ambush warfare.

 

Nice thread PIH, I'm liking all the input.

 

That's why they make Nukes! Nuke'em, problem solved! No more country, but, problem solved! You can't make a cake without breaking a few eggs!

Did I really mispell Vietnamese? Jeez...

[Darth Vader]

Did I really mispell Vietnamese? Jeez...

 

 

Afraid so!:lmao: It happens!

[White Flower]

Afraid so!:lmao: It happens!

And nobody but nobody corrected me. I'm feeling like the teacher's pet.

[BlackLovely]

No, I don't think affairs destroy families....unless the BS lets it.

 

If the BS fights hard to keep the M intact after the A, chances are they’ll get to keep the M. The M can be preserved for all intents and purposes.

 

Whether it’s a good/better one than before or whether the two parties in the M are actually happy is debatable - my point is the “façade” of the M can remain, thus preserving the “family”.

 

If I ever decide to get out of my A with my MM, I will choose a way to cause the most amount of damage possible to the BS before I exit. Why not? All's fair in love and war right? Why shouldn't I leave my mark?

 

Good thing he keeps me happy.

Can you say "sociopath"? There's no sense in trying to talk someone like this out of their horrifying cruelty. We can only hope that her actions come back to bite her ass.

While I don't judge people for having affairs, I do judge those that simply love to wreak havoc and hurt others-especially when the others have done nothing to them.

[OWoman]

Can you say "sociopath"? There's no sense in trying to talk someone like this out of their horrifying cruelty. We can only hope that her actions come back to bite her ass.

While I don't judge people for having affairs, I do judge those that simply love to wreak havoc and hurt others-especially when the others have done nothing to them.

 

 

Uh Guys.... As LB has repeatedly said, it's a fantasy.... The same way that anyone who might fantasise following a break-up - only, she's fantasising in advance of a possible break-up. Chances are, if they break up, the anniversary would be some time away anyway and by the time it came round, she'd have moved on so far she wouldn't even remember.

[OWoman]

You mean like when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor and we retaliated? Oh, wait. Someone DID do something to harm us first.

 

More like Iraq, I'd guess...

[donnamaybe]

More like Iraq, I'd guess...

Oh, no. Try to spin it any ol' way, but it takes TWO people to have an A. When both know there is a M, BOTH are participating in a hurtful act towards the BS.

[Owl]

Oh, no. Try to spin it any ol' way, but it takes TWO people to have an A. When both know there is a M, BOTH are participating in a hurtful act towards the BS.

 

But the phrase "all is fair" makes this ok.

 

That's the bottom line of this thread.

 

Since it's "love"...it's completely ok and acceptable to ignore the impacts to anyone else and pursue that "love".

[donnamaybe]

"love"

Yup. Quotation marks, for sure.

[donnamaybe]

But the phrase "all is fair" makes this ok.

And if that truly is the premise, then I no longer want to hear any OM/OW whining about retalitation by the BS. All's fair, after all.

[jennie-jennie]

Yup. Quotation marks, for sure.

 

That is insulting, Donna. What if I said something like that about the emotions you have for your SO?

[donnamaybe]

That is insulting, Donna. What if I said something like that about the emotions you have for your SO?

I'm sorry, JJ, I would never insult YOUR feelings for your SO. I feel you are a very genuine person.

 

I am merely of the belief that a man or woman playing two people so they can have them both at their beck and call are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

[OWoman]

And if that truly is the premise, then I no longer want to hear any OM/OW whining about retalitation by the BS. All's fair, after all.

 

Ah -but there's the rub! Very few OWs believe the "all's fair in love and war" thing, and those of us who do - well, no BS would be so foolhardy

[woinlove]

Uh Guys.... As LB has repeatedly said, it's a fantasy.... The same way that anyone who might fantasise following a break-up - only, she's fantasising in advance of a possible break-up. Chances are, if they break up, the anniversary would be some time away anyway and by the time it came round, she'd have moved on so far she wouldn't even remember.

 

LB is fantasizing about revenge (Hiroshima level in her own words) against MM's BS because LB is thinking of possibly dumping her MM since he has become needy in the last few days. Hands up, anyone else, who might have these kind of fantasies if your MM became needy? Anyone?

 

If this MM ever wants to dump her, I hope he never does it directly because who knows what kind of revenge she would be thinking about then. Instead, I'd suggest he do something indirect ... like show her he has a need or two.

[OWoman]

Oh, no. Try to spin it any ol' way, but it takes TWO people to have an A. When both know there is a M, BOTH are participating in a hurtful act towards the BS.

 

Hmm - I've never denied participating in a "hurtful act towards the BS" - but I have denied (and will continue to do so) that I owed her any loyalty and ought thus to have not done so.

[Silly_Girl]

Hmm - I've never denied participating in a "hurtful act towards the BS" - but I have denied (and will continue to do so) that I owed her any loyalty and ought thus to have not done so.

 

I don't feel guilty that I am having a relationship with the wife's husband. I feel wrong that lies are being told... Not sure whether that makes sense.

[donnamaybe]

Ah -but there's the rub! Very few OWs believe the "all's fair in love and war" thing, and those of us who do - well, no BS would be so foolhardy

I'm sure there are many potential or current BS who are capable of getting their desired results in creative ways. I mean, I seriously doubt that every BS is automatically intellectually inferior to every OM/OW. In fact, I know it.

[donnamaybe]

I've never denied participating in a "hurtful act towards the BS"

My point exactly. Thanks!