AlwaysConflicted Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I've been NC with my ex girlfriend for almost 3 months. 2 days ago, I boxed up her rollerblades and mailed them to her apartment. I didn't include a note. I'm thinking I did it for a couple of reasons. 1.) I no longer want her skates and didn't want to toss them in the trash and 2.) I was hoping for a response. Is it fine that I didn't include a note? I didn't want to include one because I thought it would come off as me trying to be her friend. Anyways, I feel like I expected something... although I'm not entirely sure what.
USMCHokie Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Of course you expected something...whenever you break NC for any reason, whether it's to say hi, say happy birthday, or return some stuff, you aren't doing it without some inkling of hope of a response...if she wanted her stuff back, she would have asked for it...the fact that she didn't ask is basically her way of saying she doesn't want the stuff anymore... Although I'm sure you weren't intentionally looking for a response, this was just an excuse to reestablish some sort of contact with her...perhaps she'd send a quick email thanking you for returning her stuff...who knows... I wouldn't worry about it...keep doing what you're doing...
9Lives Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 You did it right. You wanted a response cause you still care about her. What you just did was kept your thoughts quiet like she has. That is good. You returned her skates and let that be it in your mind. It is better to think that way than to be pinning over the phone, text, email, blah blah blah waiting for some lame response. It will only screw up your mood and emotions right? I know you dont want that!!! Just let it be was it was...returned the skates. thats all
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 if she wanted her stuff back, she would have asked for it...the fact that she didn't ask is basically her way of saying she doesn't want the stuff anymore... That's not always true. Sometimes people are too proud to ask for something they want back. She loves to skate. I'm sure she wanted them back but didn't want to establish contact with me to get them. You did it right. You wanted a response cause you still care about her. What you just did was kept your thoughts quiet like she has. That is good. You returned her skates and let that be it in your mind. It is better to think that way than to be pinning over the phone, text, email, blah blah blah waiting for some lame response. It will only screw up your mood and emotions right? I know you dont want that!!! Just let it be was it was...returned the skates. thats all Yeah, it didn't mess me up emotionally at all. I honestly didn't want to throw them away. I do still care about her. Sending a note would have been bad and I recognize that fact. I'm not entirely sure I did expect anything worthwhile. I mean seriously, what can she say? "Thanks for my skates." Like that does anything for me. Oy, relationships are a pain in the arse.
USMCHokie Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 That's not always true. Sometimes people are too proud to ask for something they want back. She loves to skate. I'm sure she wanted them back but didn't want to establish contact with me to get them. Eh, I tend to think of the world in black and white...makes things a hell of a lot easier...she didn't want them back badly enough to put aside her pride...that's not your problem...in the end, she didn't want them back...
9Lives Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 That's not always true. Sometimes people are too proud to ask for something they want back. She loves to skate. I'm sure she wanted them back but didn't want to establish contact with me to get them. Yeah, it didn't mess me up emotionally at all. I honestly didn't want to throw them away. I do still care about her. Sending a note would have been bad and I recognize that fact. I'm not entirely sure I did expect anything worthwhile. I mean seriously, what can she say? "Thanks for my skates." Like that does anything for me. Oy, relationships are a pain in the arse. Yeah they are. If she really really really wanted her skates...she would have asked. She didnt want the hassle so she is fine without them. Yup it sucks but she wasnt thinking about them skates. You were! At the end of the day, dont over -analyze this small gesture unless you feel like going crazy. You returned the skates now let your mind do something else. That is why I gave my ex his shirts so I wouldnt have any excuses and neither would he. Just cut and dry. So, it done....you gave her her stinky skates....you dont have to see them anymore..and THATS IT! Finished, done, no more excuses. Now go watch a movie or something.
9Lives Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Eh, I tend to think of the world in black and white...makes things a hell of a lot easier...she didn't want them back badly enough to put aside her pride...that's not your problem...in the end, she didn't want them back... Your right USM.. she didnt want them back..she really didnt!
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 You're right, this is so silly. Oh well, at least it was a nice gesture. Nothing wrong with that. Thanks for the responses, I appreciate it.
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 (edited) She sent a text. Her: Hey (me) thanx for sending me my blades. Me: You're welcome I can't tell you how much I want to write more like: So how are you? or want to grab coffee? I shouldn't right? Even if I want her back. It comes off as desperate? This is the first real contact in 3 months. Is it odd that she didn't ask me a question? or is she just being polite? Edited August 21, 2010 by AlwaysConflicted
skydiveaddict Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I shouldn't right? Even if I want her back. It comes off as desperate? This is the first real contact in 3 months. Is it odd that she didn't ask me a question? or is she just being polite? Yes you are right. Dont contact her. Stop wondering about what she is doing or thinking. If she wants you back she will say so. Do yourself a favor and move on.
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 I guess my concern is that she's not really the type to ask for me back. She's traditional and expects the man to come after her. Although I wonder if that applies to a breakup. Regardless, it seems interesting to me that she chose to text me. I deleted her phone number, but she never deleted mine. I actually didn't even recognize the number, but knew it was her from the message. Why would you keep an ex's number in your phone? (She dumped me) Well at least I like my response of "You're welcome" because it comes off as very nonchalant.
skydiveaddict Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 It doesn't matter what "type" she is . She dumped you right? That means she doesnt want you. So move on. If any move is going to be made, it is up to her. Don't put yourself through this, let her go for good.
Iselia Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Why would you keep an ex's number in your phone? (She dumped me). Ex kept my number too. And pictures of me/us. She still professes to love me. But guess what? She doesn't want me back. She has told me over and over again that she doesn't want me back. It is a mind f*ck. Just keep moving on.
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Alright, I guess I'll just move on. I kind of feel bad that I didn't even say hello back to her... crap what is wrong with me?
skydiveaddict Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Alright, I guess I'll just move on. I kind of feel bad that I didn't even say hello back to her... crap what is wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with you. the hell with her
Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Alright, I guess I'll just move on. I kind of feel bad that I didn't even say hello back to her... crap what is wrong with me? Nothing wrong man. You have feelings for her still. Remember the text message thing and birthday card thing with me? Yeah I still feel bad about that. But NC is the only opinion we have.. AC man, I'm with you. Moving on is tough. But they don't want us anymore. We're trash to them man. As painful as it is, it's true..
Nappeal Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 There's nothing wrong w you! You deep down somewhere wanted a response, so you sent blades she obviously didn't care for. You did right tho by leaving no note. She text you 'thank you'...you got what you wanted. You love(d) this chick, so of course you'd want to continue a conversation w her! But you KNOW you're only going to hurt yourself by making something out of nothing. Let your brain take control of your heart right now. \
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 Yes, I did/do love her and I got what I wanted. A thank you response. I was holding onto those skates for a while. It was the last piece I had of her and I thought she would ask for them back at some point. So now there is nothing, but to move on. It sucks. I keep remembering all the good times and funny inside jokes we shared. I think about those jokes and then I think...how can she leave that? It was hilarious stuff. We had some bad times, but also some great times. Give a man a 2nd chance, right?
bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Yes, I did/do love her and I got what I wanted. A thank you response. I was holding onto those skates for a while. It was the last piece I had of her and I thought she would ask for them back at some point. So now there is nothing, but to move on. It sucks. I keep remembering all the good times and funny inside jokes we shared. I think about those jokes and then I think...how can she leave that? It was hilarious stuff. We had some bad times, but also some great times. Give a man a 2nd chance, right? AC, You did the right thing a sent her the skates. Those were not yours, hence you return them. Completely normal for an adult to do this. If she would like to go for a coffee, she would ask you some sort of opening question in return. If a woman wants a guy - she makes herself available. I know this sucks to hear, because she just wrote "thanks". However, the worse thing to happen is if you go grab a coffee and she starts talking about how her life has developed for the last three months completely without you. It will sting at this moment to hear this. I think you pushing her out of your life, so you can give yourself a mental rest is the best way to go.
Username37 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Give a man a 2nd chance, right? I believe in second chances. But my ex, not so much. She's the "everything happens for a reason" kind of person. It's not up to us. It's up to them to make that choice, and right now, it's not looking good for the both of us.
bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 it's not looking good for a second chance for the both of us. Fixed it for you. In total, it could be better than you would imagine..
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 There's nothing else to do really. I have to try to move on which I've been trying to do. I think she would be pleasantly surprised if she actually agreed to go to coffee with me. However, I don't see it happening, at least not any time soon. It's odd because her family loves me...you'd think she would listen to her family's opinion and agree to at least meet up with me. I'm not asking her to marry me...just a drink and conversation. I can think of worse things in the world. She's made up her mind. I'm not the right for her and that's that. Good for her, bad for me.
bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 There's nothing else to do really. I have to try to move on which I've been trying to do. I think she would be pleasantly surprised if she actually agreed to go to coffee with me. However, I don't see it happening, at least not any time soon. It's odd because her family loves me...you'd think she would listen to her family's opinion and agree to at least meet up with me. I'm not asking her to marry me...just a drink and conversation. I can think of worse things in the world. She's made up her mind. I'm not the right for her and that's that. Good for her, bad for me. Family usually backs up their own family. So they should respect her decision. If one doesn't want to continue, it is not good for neither of you. This wouldn't be a relationship you would enjoy. I think you know this...
IfiKnewThen Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 these experiences are hard to deal with. sometimes for me, these posts are so hard to read. we are a lot of us in the same boat. and reading the post...lets you know you're not alone in these experiences (heartache) even though our personal heartache is a solo flight. but it still pains me to see everyone else pain, through loss, and rejection... or being made to feel like you could be so easily forgotten. you did what you had to do or felt compelled to do. made an attempt and hoped for a response of some kind to go on. but this was a win win situation in the sense that...you did what you wanted to do by sending her the skates for some kind of an opening...and stopped allowing her to dictate your life based on what if's..... what id she rejects me or doesn't respond....AND even though her response was terse........you still were able to get he skates out of your life and give away yet one more memory in your presence. to everyone who is suffering out there....they made us feel like garbage...but most of us are at least better people now ourselves. and as much as we love them, i dont think they are as good as us anymore we surpassed them. we are more humbled..that's all i can say. and just a ps. i enjoyed reading this quote: "Let me ruin your life, let me break your heart, then I'll ask you why we can't be friends. Let me rip your world into little pieces, let me destroy who you thought you were, and then I'll ask if we can be friends." <---priceless.
9Lives Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 well I'm glad she responded but the truth is...it didn't chg anythg. nothing at all. that is why we encourage each other to not reach out to the ex if they dumped you. look at the results...ZERO she could have said what u doing or how are you or can I see u...she said THANKS.....thats it okay. so what does that tell you? pls don't make me spell it out cause I don't like hurting peoples feeling but u know the answer. now your left trying to pick up the pieces again. break ups are hard enough. don't add fuel to the fire by popping up into the ex life. she said thank you for the skates. NC means no NEW pain and it has a time limit. you havd been thru enough trying to get over her. do yourself a favor and let her come to you. in the meantime..get going on doing things that make u happpy.
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