piscis Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Hi!! I cannot take this on my mind. Reading the OW/OM forum and lots of stories we learn that MM almost never leave. Reading the Infidelity forum here and on other web pages we hear stories about a large amount on men who leaves their W for the OW. so is it a character thing mainly that determines who would leave or whou would not? I know all cases are different but what do you think about it?
BB07 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I don't think that you can take what you read here as a true picture of real life. IMO I think it has very little to do with character as to whether they stay or go. It's much more complicated than that, and it depends on why they got into the affair to start with and where it goes from there. Nothing in these situations is ever simple and they are much more complicated than other relationships that are one on one. I think men who get into affairs usually fall into two categories. 1. The kind who just wants to have a fun on the side and never get emotionally involved, maybe is a serial cheater 2. The kind who is lacking something in his personal life, either within himself or his marriage or both. I think women get into an affair more often because of a emotional need, although I'm not saying that women can't just go for a sexual thing, they can and do, but it's less likely.
Confused4Now Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I don't think that you can take what you read here as a true picture of real life. IMO I think it has very little to do with character as to whether they stay or go. It's much more complicated than that, and it depends on why they got into the affair to start with and where it goes from there. Nothing in these situations is ever simple and they are much more complicated than other relationships that are one on one. I think men who get into affairs usually fall into two categories. 1. The kind who just wants to have a fun on the side and never get emotionally involved, maybe is a serial cheater 2. The kind who is lacking something in his personal life, either within himself or his marriage or both. I think women get into an affair more often because of a emotional need, although I'm not saying that women can't just go for a sexual thing, they can and do, but it's less likely.3. The ones who use it as an exiting of a very bad loveless marriage. That was me....
Dexter Morgan Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Hi!! I cannot take this on my mind. Reading the OW/OM forum and lots of stories we learn that MM almost never leave. Reading the Infidelity forum here and on other web pages we hear stories about a large amount on men who leaves their W for the OW. so is it a character thing mainly that determines who would leave or whou would not? why are you concerned with a character thing with regards to leaving the wife, when you should be asking yourself what is the character of a man that lies and cheats.
fooled once Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I don't think that you can take what you read here as a true picture of real life. IMO I think it has very little to do with character as to whether they stay or go. It's much more complicated than that, and it depends on why they got into the affair to start with and where it goes from there. Nothing in these situations is ever simple and they are much more complicated than other relationships that are one on one. I think men who get into affairs usually fall into two categories. 1. The kind who just wants to have a fun on the side and never get emotionally involved, maybe is a serial cheater 2. The kind who is lacking something in his personal life, either within himself or his marriage or both. I think women get into an affair more often because of a emotional need, although I'm not saying that women can't just go for a sexual thing, they can and do, but it's less likely. good post BB07. Also, I don't really think that there are 'a large amount of men' who leave their marriage for the affair partner I think personally many more women actually leave their marriage for a MM, only to find out that the MM doesn't leave his marriage. I doubt there are any real statistics out there on this; what I mean is accurate statistics. Glancing through the OW/OM forum, I would venture to say that the majority of men having affairs do not leave their wives. Some do, but more don't.
pureinheart Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Hi!! I cannot take this on my mind. Reading the OW/OM forum and lots of stories we learn that MM almost never leave. Reading the Infidelity forum here and on other web pages we hear stories about a large amount on men who leaves their W for the OW. so is it a character thing mainly that determines who would leave or whou would not? I know all cases are different but what do you think about it? It happened a lot (MP leaving for AP) where I worked and home town....it's not like they were out messing around a lot with a bunch of different people, they just forgot to get D'ed?
cavedweller Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 99.9% of the MM never divorce their wife for the OW.. They are just looking for a little hot 'monkey sex' on the side.. The MM plays the OW like a fiddle and most OW are too stupid and dumb to see this.. The MM builds them up and makes them feel special and tells them he is interested in their life.. Most OW get bushwacked by a 'charmer' and don't even know it until it is too late. A charmer is a master at sucking them in... It is such a shame that so many OW waste their time and energy with some looser MM when there are so many single guys out there.. It is sad in deed..
jennie-jennie Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 99.9% of the MM never divorce their wife for the OW.. They are just looking for a little hot 'monkey sex' on the side.. The MM plays the OW like a fiddle and most OW are too stupid and dumb to see this.. The MM builds them up and makes them feel special and tells them he is interested in their life.. Most OW get bushwacked by a 'charmer' and don't even know it until it is too late. A charmer is a master at sucking them in... It is such a shame that so many OW waste their time and energy with some looser MM when there are so many single guys out there.. It is sad in deed.. You must not have noticed all the looser single guys out there.
pureinheart Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 You must not have noticed all the looser single guys out there. Tell me about it:(
Meaplus3 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Hi!! I cannot take this on my mind. Reading the OW/OM forum and lots of stories we learn that MM almost never leave. Reading the Infidelity forum here and on other web pages we hear stories about a large amount on men who leaves their W for the OW. so is it a character thing mainly that determines who would leave or whou would not? I know all cases are different but what do you think about it? Honestly. I think the MM who is getting away with the affair knows he has the best of both worlds. Wife at home.. and GF on the side. Why leave the marriage.. when he can have it all? I think that is why most never leave. Mea:)
BB07 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Honestly. I think the MM who is getting away with the affair knows he has the best of both worlds. Wife at home.. and GF on the side. Why leave the marriage.. when he can have it all? I think that is why most never leave. Mea:) I think you have a point in some cases although not all. I also believe for some that really did have a bad marriage, that it makes the marriage more tolerable and allows them to remain less apt to do anything about it. In other words, sometimes the AP is the enabler. Someone who found the situation almost intolerable now finds it's tolerable because they have someone else and all that goes with that. It allows them to divert the attention away from the real issues.
Silly_Girl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I think you have a point in some cases although not all. I also believe for some that really did have a bad marriage, that it makes the marriage more tolerable and allows them to remain less apt to do anything about it. In other words, sometimes the AP is the enabler. Someone who found the situation almost intolerable now finds it's tolerable because they have someone else and all that goes with that. It allows them to divert the attention away from the real issues. As I'm sure you could guess BB, I find this to be really accurate and clear.
YellowShark Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Honestly. I think the MM who is getting away with the affair knows he has the best of both worlds. Wife at home.. and GF on the side. Why leave the marriage.. when he can have it all? I think that is why most never leave. Mea:) I agree that many MM are in heaven with this win-win scenario. On one hand you have a woman at home keeping house, and washing your soiled underwear. And on the other hand you get to bang someone else on the side without any strings attached. I could never use two people like that, but I guess I'm old-fashioned that way. I think you have a point in some cases although not all. I also believe for some that really did have a bad marriage, that it makes the marriage more tolerable and allows them to remain less apt to do anything about it. In other words, sometimes the AP is the enabler. Someone who found the situation almost intolerable now finds it's tolerable because they have someone else and all that goes with that. It allows them to divert the attention away from the real issues. Ya. They get to keep the house, not loose half their money, bang some chick on the side... and not have to deal with the real issues in their marriage. Edited August 22, 2010 by YellowShark
BB07 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I agree that many MM are in heaven with this win-win scenario. On one hand you have a woman at home keeping house, and washing your soiled underwear. And on the other hand you get to bang someone else on the side without any strings attached. I could never use two people like that, but I guess I'm old-fashioned that way. Ya. They get to keep the house, not loose half their money, bang some chick on the side... and not have to deal with the real issues in their marriage. I didn't say that it wouldn't come up and bite most of your ass off at some point in time, but yes I think it will. There are always consequences sooner or later.
BB07 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 As I'm sure you could guess BB, I find this to be really accurate and clear. I hear ya;).............big HUGS to you.
Silly_Girl Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Ya. They get to keep the house, not loose half their money, bang some chick on the side... and not have to deal with the real issues in their marriage. That's about right. I know I couldn't be happy and fulfilled like that.
YellowShark Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I didn't say that it wouldn't come up and bite most of your ass off at some point in time, but yes I think it will. There are always consequences sooner or later. Yup. I really don't think most MM care about the consequences of their affair. And I don't think many OW think about the consequences of their affair with a MM. Yet it is such a roller coaster ride of betrayal, lies, pain and uncertainty I just wouldn't want to complicate my life in such a way. I look at Tiger Woods and Jesse James and laugh.. they had it all, money, respect, fame, a GORGEOUS wife! Yet when the house of cards collapsed because of their affairs they lost EVERYTHING - just to get their rocks off. Seems like a really really REALLY stupid trade to me. That's about right. I know I couldn't be happy and fulfilled like that. I too couldn't live a life where I was using two women and look myself in the mirror. But there are so many men like that - one of which is having an affair with my EX right now during his wife's current pregnancy! How he can show his face in public it a testament to his serious psychosis.
BB07 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 10 character error message........ Yup. I really don't think most MM care about the consequences of their affair. And I don't think many OW think about the consequences of their affair with a MM. Yet it is such a roller coaster ride of betrayal, lies, pain and uncertainty I just wouldn't want to complicate my life in such a way. I look at Tiger Woods and Jesse James and laugh.. they had it all, money, respect, fame, a GORGEOUS wife! Yet when the house of cards collapsed because of their affairs they lost EVERYTHING - just to get their rocks off. Seems like a really really REALLY stupid trade to me. Well they didn't lose EVERYTHING, they still have their money and fame and they still can get the ladies, but I see your point. They lost the most important things, respect and their wives who seemed to be real classy ladies. When you have a entitled attitude like they had/have they don't put the same value on respect they most of the rest of us put on it. They were so spoiled and entitled that they never thought they would get caught, well Tiger was. Jesse is just an idiot. Consequences, it's easy to dismiss them or pretend that they won't happen to you when you are in it up to your eyeballs, but they do come around. I sometimes think I got what was coming to me in my current situation for my bad judgment all those years ago. I too couldn't live a life where I was using two women and look myself in the mirror. But there are so many men like that - one of which is having an affair with my EX right now during his wife's current pregnancy! How he can show his face in public it a testament to his serious psychosis.
Brokenlady Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Hi!! I cannot take this on my mind. Reading the OW/OM forum and lots of stories we learn that MM almost never leave. Reading the Infidelity forum here and on other web pages we hear stories about a large amount on men who leaves their W for the OW. so is it a character thing mainly that determines who would leave or whou would not? I know all cases are different but what do you think about it? I think there's many things that contribute. Ther are many MM who leave their W's, and certainly more than LS would reflect I think than other forums. However, that's not to say it all works out in the end. For men, they have this whole provider image thing keeping them stuck, especially if they have a dependent wife. Also, there's custody issues- men most often lose substantial amounts of time with their kids - a problem MW often don't have problems with. Money is often a more significant factor than we like to admit, because it's almost like putting a price on our heads. But there it is. Other times i think it comes down to personality issues - do they feel entitled to having both women? do they have a need for constant admiration? Is this a long-standing pattern of behavior? That kind of thing...will likely indicate that you have a cake eater on your hands.
Mino Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 99.9% of the MM never divorce their wife for the OW.. They are just looking for a little hot 'monkey sex' on the side.. The MM plays the OW like a fiddle and most OW are too stupid and dumb to see this.. The MM builds them up and makes them feel special and tells them he is interested in their life.. Most OW get bushwacked by a 'charmer' and don't even know it until it is too late. A charmer is a master at sucking them in... It is such a shame that so many OW waste their time and energy with some looser MM when there are so many single guys out there.. It is sad in deed.. I think your stats are wrong... They may be slower in leaving then the women do, but I think if they are truly unhappy, they eventual DO leave.
Gfkr2 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I think some MM are driven out of a M by divorce initiated by the W. i believe this is more likely for the MW whose H is divorceing her for infidelity. Suddenly, one of the APs is "free", WS driven from M by actions taken by the BS are always more likely to end up together, although it is not all their choice. These lovebirds of a feather get FORCED together when a BS decides to end the M.
OWoman Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 99.9% of the MM never divorce their wife for the OW.. They are just looking for a little hot 'monkey sex' on the side.. The MM plays the OW like a fiddle and most OW are too stupid and dumb to see this.. The MM builds them up and makes them feel special and tells them he is interested in their life.. Most OW get bushwacked by a 'charmer' and don't even know it until it is too late. A charmer is a master at sucking them in... It is such a shame that so many OW waste their time and energy with some looser MM when there are so many single guys out there.. It is sad in deed.. Wow - so I'm one of the 0.1% of cavedweller sample that wasn't just a dumb bit of monkey sex? I feel so special...
OWoman Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I think some MM are driven out of a M by divorce initiated by the W. i believe this is more likely for the MW whose H is divorceing her for infidelity. Suddenly, one of the APs is "free", WS driven from M by actions taken by the BS are always more likely to end up together, although it is not all their choice. These lovebirds of a feather get FORCED together when a BS decides to end the M. I don't agree. I think that where the BS dumps the WS, the WS and AP are less likely to end up together - although they may land up together for a while in the immediate aftermath of the D. The WS will not have chosen the AP, and the AP would resent being a default option, and so that R is not destined to last in the long run. Where the WS dumps the BS and chooses to be with the AP, because the WS has chosen, the R has a far better chance of long-term survival IMO and IME.
Brokenlady Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I don't agree. I think that where the BS dumps the WS, the WS and AP are less likely to end up together - although they may land up together for a while in the immediate aftermath of the D. The WS will not have chosen the AP, and the AP would resent being a default option, and so that R is not destined to last in the long run. Where the WS dumps the BS and chooses to be with the AP, because the WS has chosen, the R has a far better chance of long-term survival IMO and IME. I second that motion. Having always felt like I (or his xW) had to hold a gun to his head to get anything moving, it never felt like he chose me. And I resented it big time. And then there were all the other joys that came with that. Ugh. Agreed with OWoman.
TigerCub Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I don't agree. I think that where the BS dumps the WS, the WS and AP are less likely to end up together - although they may land up together for a while in the immediate aftermath of the D. The WS will not have chosen the AP, and the AP would resent being a default option, and so that R is not destined to last in the long run. Where the WS dumps the BS and chooses to be with the AP, because the WS has chosen, the R has a far better chance of long-term survival IMO and IME. I totally agree with that. The man I was having a weird EA (some physical - but no sex) thing with, told me once that he "thinks about how (once his kids are grown up) he'd leave and find me and do everything to get me back" and I told him I found that actually insulting (where I'm sure he thought it was a romantic notion). I told him "If you weren't willing to be with me now, why the hell do you think I would change whatever my life is like years from now to be with you?" and it comes from what you said OWoman, I do feel hurt and resentful that he's choosing to be with baby momma instead of me, and so yeah - I wouldn't be making any sacrifices or changes in my life (years from now) to be with him - F**k him!!
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