OrchidRain Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I have been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. You can read the whole thing here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241264/ but the short version. We met in college (he came here out of state) and have been together four years. We fight all the time (and it is usually over something stupid) and I’m not happy. My main issues is that he never touches me just to touch me. It is always like, an prelude to sex. No matter what. I could go to hug him and its like, hug for two seconds and then his hands always seem to snake their way to my T&A. Don’t get me wrong, I love him touching me like that, but I feel neglected in every other form of physical affection. Also, in our entire relationship, he has never told me that he loves me. I have told him on four separate occasions. I held back beyond those because it hurt like hell to have him basically just stand there and stare. We’ve talked about it and he’s blamed it on everything from his ex to his lack of a job to not feeling comfortable here (even though he lived here for 5 years), to money. I know he has a lot of stress, but after four years, you would think I would in some way break past that, right? Anyways, he moved home recently. We are now 1,200 miles away from each other. He moved because I wasn’t ready to commit to living with him again because I am not happy and I haven’t been for a while. I just had a gut feeling. So we agreed to a LDR. But now am questioning my feelings. Part of it has stemmed from him not being able to tell me. If he can’t tell me, is it there at all? I guess I have a lot questions. He has been pressuring me to come up and visit him. First, I have a job and he doesn’t. Granted, I am taking a sabbatical of sorts in two months to take some time for myself, but he wants me to just up and leave and fly up and see him for a week in a week and a half. He's looking for a job so he has free time now and he isn't sure what kind of schedule he will have when he gets one. I guess he figures that since I’m leaving anyways, I can just go whenever I want. I wanted to go up there for our anniversary which is in the beginning of October and stay for a week. He doesn’t want to wait that long. He was looking up flights for like two weeks before I was planning on going up saying we could celebrate early and that he just misses me too much. When I try to explain that I want to go up later he gets frustrated. He can’t wait two more weeks? I know friends in LDRs where they don’t see each other for months! Is this reasonable? Am I being selfish? If he continues like this, I can’t take this extra stress. I wanted time to really evaluate where I stand and what/where we are, and this constant pressure is starting to break me. I can’t think about me because he won’t let me! I guess my last big question is this. If it comes to it, I don’t want to break up over the phone, but do I have another option? I want to give him the respect that he deserves and I want to do it face to face. The only problem with this is the distance. I can’t justify flying up there to tell him just to turn around and leave. And I feel like going to spend time with him (especially for something like our anniversary) and it’s either pretending to have a good time and doing it at the end (awful) or being upfront and telling him and then trying to have a good time (impossible).
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I can relate to a lot of what you're going through, and without going into my details (too complicated and long), I will tell you a few things. 1. Leave 2. breaking up over the phone is not the end of the world. Why waste your money seeing someone you no longer care about? 3. He misses you for sex, and is getting demanding of it 4. Yeah, the 'love' thing. I never got it from my LDR ex. But he never got it from me either. If you're not getting it, go get it from someone else! 5. Notice how he expects your life to revolve around him? Not okay. You deserve better. Any more specific questions, please ask. But please...let him down gently, and let him know that the time you spent together, you enjoyed. Lord knows I never got that, and I would have loved it.
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