Gattica Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I go dutch all the time with men I am on romantic dates with. I have yet to state I will be doing so before the date, but I feel more comfortable going dutch.
hopesndreams Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 C'mon guys, there is a HUGE difference between ponying up your half when the bill rolls around and emphatically wanting to convey the understanding beforehand that she intends to pay her own way. There are only two types of women that I personally know of that do that sort of thing: The kind that feels the need to overemphasize how 'independent' they are at every given opportunity and those who want to make it known before anything transpires that this is NOT a date. Neither type bodes well for the OP. Independent women scare many men off.
meerkat stew Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 The point isn't really going dutch, IMO, which is fine. The point is making it an issue immediately upon being asked out.
jthorne Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I think it's a test to see if you'll say no, you'll pay. Avoids those awkward moments when the gentleman receives the check and is afraid to ask the lady to pay half. I haven't read the rest of the thread, but that's my opinion.
kdark Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Independent women scare many men off. Not me. I love em.
jthorne Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Ok, had a minute to skim through, this is what I think. You ways pay for your dates, if you're uncomfortable with Dutch but still want to see her, call her back and say, let's go, but I insist on paying, yada yada. If the date doesn't go well, then what have you lost but a few bucks you thought you were gonna spend on the date anyway. Point is, if you agreed to Dutch and it was a test, then you've already failed. If you had stuck to what you really are and said no Dutch, you'd already be off to a great start. You will never strike out with a gal by offering to pay. You can when it comes to Dutch. Be who you are.
alphamale Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 so ladies & gents, to "go Dutch" is this likely a friend gesture or a romantic one? she does not want to be indebted to you so its friends
lso802 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Me too. I love women who can hold their own. Just not condescending ones. I think OP should just go out with this one and really see in person what the level of interest is. Watch out for other red flags of disinterest instead like her not showing up.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Is this that chick who you wanted an FWB situation with in your other thread?
tami-chan Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Actually in this context I really think what she means is she wants you to show up to the date wearing wooden shoes. Some chicks are kinky this way. They want to "go Dutch" or sometimes when they get really excited they'll say "Do me like a Dutchman!" It means they want you to strip naked wearing only your wooden shoes and then...well, you know what comes next. Hmmm...this is a different take...how about it , OP? Maybe this is what the girl meant? ....payment plan... :lmao:! But I would just go OP, maybe you have not swept her off her feet but might "see" you in a different light after dinner-hopefully from an angle that benefits you.
theBrokenMuse Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Independent women scare many men off. It's not independence that I was referring to, it was the insecurity of some women who feel compelled to shout it from the rooftops at every opportunity because they have a fear of being perceived as weak or inferior.
redmelon Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 she does not want to be indebted to you so its friends she showed her interest by saying she would go on the date. thinking that she isn't interested because she wants to pay for her meal seems absurd to me.
somedude81 Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 LOL, it's amazing how nobody took the time to read over all the OP's posts. Everybody assuming this is a dinner date is wrong.
hopesndreams Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 It's not independence that I was referring to, it was the insecurity of some women who feel compelled to shout it from the rooftops at every opportunity because they have a fear of being perceived as weak or inferior. How dare they!
D-Lish Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 The problem is not with her wanting to go Dutch. But she said it before the date even took place as if to let the guy knows that its not gonna be a date. Normally even if the woman wanna pay for the date she will offer to pay at the end of the dinner, not long before. Agreed. If someone asked me out on a date, I probably wouldn't suggest up front that I'd split the bill- unless I wanted to convey the message that "it's not a date..." I'd just offer to go dutch when the bill came. I always do this anyway- offer to go dutch...But I never suggest it up front.
zengirl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I probably already know the answer to this one, but I'll throw it out. I met a girl through some mutual friends, I flirt, and we talk/ text probably daily (5 or so texts total). anyway, I tell her we should do dinner sometime and suggest a time and place. she says: "that sounds great, let's go Dutch" implying that we'll split the check - not my style; I always pay for my dates. is this girl not seeing this as a date? I'm considering bailing on her because, frankly, I could be investing my time elsewhere with someone who has actual romantic interest in me. so ladies & gents, to "go Dutch" is this likely a friend gesture or a romantic one? I don't think it means she doesn't view it as a date as the words "Go Dutch" to me imply dating. If I were simply paying for my part with friends, I wouldn't call that "Going dutch." It would just be. . . dinner. My friends don't generally pay for my food. I do think it's odd. Not that she wants to pay her own way, but that she stated it. . . but I have ANOTHER opinion of what it could be that I haven't seen here and that is that she had some run-ins with a fellow who complained about always paying for her, so she's overcompensating with any new men. That happens too. Women go along la-di-da not noticing a man is getting upset about paying for everything (maybe they aren't offering as much as they should or insistently, but depending on how the gal was socialized, this can be ignorance and not really greed) and then said man gets all uppity about it (usually as he begins to lose interest in her anyway and the cost becomes more noticeable than the benefits; my male friends are insist-to-pay types and they do this to girls all the time, though they don't usually blow up) and then says something or maybe even blows up about it. Said woman is then overly defensive about pay issues. It could also be that she's not sure about you, and thus wants to make sure you don't pay for her. It could also be that she is testing you, and seeing if you will insist to pay anyway. I don't see why you need to bail on her pre-date if you like her. Just go in and assess the situation as it falls. If the date isn't a date or goes badly or it turns out there's something wrong with her, if you go dutch, you won't even have lost the money for her meal. You can always insist to treat her to the second date if you like her. Most gals who like you won't turn that down, even those who always pay their way on the first date. (They might, on the other hand, buy you the third date if they feel really strongly about fairness in this way, but why would you turn that down?)
jamesum Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Yeah I think turning down a first date just because a girl wants to pay is like the dumbest and most sexist thing. But then again, insist-to-pay-everything men tend to be as bad news as never-pay-anything men. Maybe I think its also best for her not to get with you.
theBrokenMuse Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 (edited) How dare they! People can do whatever they want to do - It's simply every bit as annoying and at times obnoxious as other forms of obvious overcompensation due to rampant insecurities. Edited August 21, 2010 by theBrokenMuse
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