TeenMovie Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) My girlfriend and i broke up recently because she is having a hard time handling her stressful life. I am worried about her because she broke up with me thinking that i contributed to it. our relationship was troubled for sometime but it was because of the stress she carried on her back. should i call the parents, who i have a good relationship with, or the brother, who i also have a good relationship with, and say that i am worried? she went on a date and slept at the guys apartment 2 days after she broke up with me. i dont want her getting confused with what really makes her happy. she needs to figure out her stresses and understand that it wasnt us that made her confused. maybe if i call the parents then they will see how much i care for her and maybe show her that was she is doing is lying to herself and she needs me more now, then ever. I've initiated NC since i last saw her Tuesday after picking up my stuff. I am afraid that her infatuation for this new guy will blind her and she will pretend to be happy with him long enough that it turns into something. i have a feeling like she is lying to herself and i have a chance to make her see that before its too late. Edited August 20, 2010 by TeenMovie
cookie2 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 You've split up. It's not your business any more. Stick to the NC, that includes her family members.
denise_xo Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 No, you don't. The two of you have just broken up. You are not the right person to interpret and tell her what she needs, and in any case she probably doesn't want your advice right now. Also, she is likely to get really pi#sed off with you (I would be, if my ex called my parents after a break up to explain to them what I needed and tell them I was sleeping with another guy). Unless this girl is 14 and suicidal or something along those lines, then back off and treat her like an adult. Sometimes you have to let people go and figure out their own issues, by themselves.
Ronni_W Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 No, you don't call her parents, her brother...or her priest. Your "concern and caring" is actually your wanting to have a say in how she's doing her life now that you're not in it. I KNOW that it feels like "just trying to be helpful" and "just showing my caring and concern"...but it isn't. It's getting involved in something that is absolutely not your business; it's trying to have control over her but indirectly, through her family members. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Deal with your own feelings and the healing that you have to do. And just keep reminding yourself that she gets to make her own decisions and her own mistakes, and she's no longer your business. i have a feeling like she is lying to herself and i have a chance to make her see that before its too late. You do not have the insight, knowledge or wisdom to make such an assessment about her (or anyone else.) You do not know a thing about their karma and life lessons and soul purpose, and you do not have a crystal ball...so you can't possibly know what is "good" or "bad" for them to do and not do. My sense is that you're still fairly young, so you can be forgiven for your attitude. But, if you carry this kind of notion about your own "power and significance" in other people's lives into adulthood...well, you're likely to hear terms like arrogant, ignorant and control-freak applied to you. Your current view and attitude will lead to that, I mean. But you do have THIS opportunity to make some changes. Best of luck.
whatadeer26 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 When my ex first dumped me I thought it was all the stress in her life. I have come to realize that in the begining I was trying to rationalize everything. I thought I was best for her. I tried to sway her feelings and explain what she was thinking. In the end we cannot try to convince them that. They have to figure that out by themselves or it will never work. I miss her horribly, but sometimes you need to let go. I know how hard it is. Whenever I see a picture of her my heart sinks in my chst. You need to let her go and figure her life and stress out by herself.
Author TeenMovie Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 The thing is, is that when She was happy, we were the happiest people in the world. I know it isn't me making her unhappy and that it IS all those external factors. Do you think once she is happy again she will start missing how much happier she was when were together and start realizing she messed up?
denise_xo Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I know it isn't me making her unhappy and that it IS all those external factors. How do you know?
Author TeenMovie Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 When we took space she called me 5 days later and hysterically crying explained that after thinking and talking to her mom, who agreed with me, that it was all those other external factors. She told me herself in complete honesty and said she would work on being more open and honest with her stress. We also fought usually avout same things over and over because it was easier for her to walk away. But when we weren't fighting, everything was perfect. Not fake. But real genuine like how it was before all that baggage.
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