How do I handle this situation?

[TeenMovie]

I apologize for the long post but the background is very important.

My ex is 2 years older then I am. We met when I was a freshman at college and she was a junior. At that time, she had a boyfriend, but the two of us really hit it off. Then we spent that summer in nearby towns. Come that next semester for my sophomore year, we basically dated. When things started to get real serious, I found out I had to leave college and transfer to another school. We talked periodically, she even came to visit me at home and we told each other we loved each other. That summer, she got a boyfriend and still asked me to come celebrate her birthday with her. We didn’t talk for an entire year after I found out she was dating someone. The next summer, she asked me to come visit her. The moment we saw each other, I got that same feeling I got when I first saw her and we knew that we had to date.

 

Before getting into it, we knew damn well that I had another 1-2 years of college left. But we wanted to do the distance thing anything while I was at school and she was working in a different part of the country. We had an amazing beginning of our relationship until she started carrying some baggage.

 

The baggage I am talking about is our constant fighting and disagreements. I would be lying to myself if I said i didn't know what she was talking about because I completely do. At times, I thought breaking up was the answer and that I couldn't take the fighting anymore. What kept me around was how unconditionally I love this girl. I wanted to figure out how two people who share the strongest of feelings and emotion can one day just fight and resent each other.

 

So I came up with a few things that could explain it. First, the elephant in the room was me finding out how much longer I was going to be at school, and in turn, keeping her and I away from each other. Next was her transitioning from a work place that she LOVED, then home for a few months, where everything was quiet and relaxing to the busy hustle and bustle of NYC; everyone knows the city is a stressful place for most people. Then her new job and having more responsibilities (then the promotion). She also had to pay her own bills when she moved to the city, and buy food and drinks, and go out for dinner and things like that... And all of this piling up at once made it tough for her.

 

Around this time, I saw a change in our relationship. It wasn't as relaxed at it was during the summer/fall/winter, and we fought a lot. I wasn't happy that she wasn't opening up to me and talking to me about work, and when I would ask her what was up, she would say nothing even though I could tell by her tone or actions that something was bothering her. She also wouldn't let me express my emotions because she immediately got offended and thought I was attacking her and she thought I was mad about things when all I honestly wanted to do was talk about it.

 

This got bad because she was keeping so much to herself and it was naturally building a void between us. Because I loved her so much, I wanted to help her and be there for her more than anything in the world. Then I came home this summer and instantly, we were still carrying on all those problems from the Spring.

 

We fought a ton this summer instead of taking advantage of the longest time we had physically together. We fought a lot which made us resent each other for hours at a time. And this whole time, I felt like she was dragging the relationship further down and it was getting harder and harder each day to get her to open to me. But I couldn't leave her. I just care so much about her. There is honestly no way to explain the way I feel about her. I wanted to support her no matter what and I was trying to show her that I was.

 

A few weeks ago she broke up with me, and it just didn't feel right. It felt like she was blaming her stress and all her problems on this relationship and me. But for me, I wasn't going to give up fighting for her. I gave her the space that she asked for and it turned out that after self-reflection, she understood how complex her life had become and that dealing with it wasn't easy. She told me that she understood she couldn’t take her stress out on me, but that she needs to learn to talk to me about it. I always told her that I want to be a part of her stress, that I'll take some of the load. She told me that she never felt better about the two of us and that everything was going to be amazing from here out.

 

We had an amazing 2 weeks before I left for a 10 day vacation, except for a few fights, which I want to include, I think that us drinking and being tired and stressed was a bad catalyst for most of the fighting we did. So while I was on vacation, she booked a flight to go on vacation with me and my family. Also, I guess she got time to think about the whole situation, without us talking and being with each other. She told me that, maybe because she was busy a lot of the weekend, that before I came home, she didn't really miss me too much. That in addition to the fighting that was happening a lot, she made her not into the relationship anymore.

 

Now here I am. It's been 2 days since I saw her last, and 2 weeks since I really spent time with her. I miss her. I've really cared about Her since the moment I met her and she's been the only person I've really cared about for the last 4 years. The way she makes me feel and the person she makes me is lightyears beyond what anyone can do to me. I know, that when things were good between us... There was NOTHING better in this world. To say that the bliss we experienced before is completely gone, would be giving up. There were multiple times throughout all of this negativity that reflected what we really are. Again, to say that Her and I should not be with each other, is not something I am willing to understand.

 

I’m really confused about what to do now. I want her in my life and I want to be a part of her life. We really do make each other happier then ever and it’s possible that it has gotten lost in all the confusion that she is going through right now. I believe, and its not me being selfish, that she needs someone to help her now. She cant keep burying this stuff and replacing it with temporary patches. I have a gut feeling that it is still there and that we just need to get over the hump that is making us resent each other.

 

I love her, and I miss her in intangible amounts. I’ll never forget about her and what she did for me. But the reason for all this nonsense to you, is I want to know if this is what’s actually best for her. Is this honestly what is going to make her happier? People keep telling me that I don’t need to be treated this way and that I don’t need to be there for her to figure **** out and get hurt in the meantime. The thing is that I never felt that way. I know the love we had was real because I WANTED to be there for her no matter how far down the rabbit hole we went.

 

I am willing to give her all the space she wants, but I cant help thinking that I am letting her get away by doing that. There is no way that she doesn’t miss me and doesn’t think about me. I also found out that yesterday, 1 day after we broke up, she went on a date… at a restaurant we eat at, showed him her apartment, and then they went to his place where the made out and she spent the night there.

 

Do I do the NC? It seems like she is forcing herself to not want to be in this relationship. Is it only a matter of time before she understands she messed up? Maybe she will realize that she needs to figure out her life and that I was so special for wanting to be there for her while she did it. The goal is to get her back. Will NC make her want me back? Or will letting her keep lying to herself make her actually not want to be with me? I leave again for school soon too.

[ShannonMI]

I feel for you. I think it's probably best to just step back from her and your relationship together. I know it hurts you to do it, but it's probably for the best. That doesn't mean you will never talk to her again, but right now you shouldn't. Let her figure out what she wants to do. If she want to be with you, she will let you know. It's agony when you love someone so much and you want to be with them, but it isn't really working out. It sounds like you guys fought a lot. Is it worth being in a relationship where all you do is fight? Even if you love her like crazy? It's so hard, but the best thing right now is to not have any contact with her.

[thrownaway]

I don't see how she could move on to other men so quickly. Unless it's her way of forgetting about you. But then I remember you in the beginning of the post writing how she had a boyfriend when you met her. ("At that time, she had a boyfriend, but the two of us really hit it off").

 

I am thinking you are wasting your time on a woman who is slightly lacking in the morals department. You seem to have always been aware of this because you said "BUT the two of us really hit it off"! Sounds almost like you were making an excuse for her. - maybe I am wrong.

 

I love the idea of being in love, I absolutely love being in love... and I am sure you do too. But there are other people out there who would be much more deserving of your time and dedication. Trust me on this one!

 

You should start focusing your mind on other things... when she comes to mind, give yourself a ready picked subject to change your thoughts to. Try different things to see what works, but no matter what, do it.... she doesn't sound like she is worth your time. Sorry. But if she didn't go from guy to guy to guy.... my answer would be different.

 

Even if you have to hang your head low and drown yourself in sadness, go with it and consider it a humbling experience. Learn something from it. I used to tell myself that I should take away at least one learned experience from each crumbled relationship, otherwise that time would have been a complete waste for me, and nothing learned at all... even thought it may have been a complete waste of time anyway, it helps me to point out the things I can't tolerate in the next relationship... or maybe what I should do differently next time. For you, it could mean stay away from ladies with boyfriends... perhaps?

 

Think about it.

[BiAxident]

Yes, you initiate NC and you worry about the upcoming semester. She wont communicate with you, told you that she didnt miss you (I know how that one goes), and has a history with three other guys that overlap her time with you. Not to mention the fighting?

 

I know it hurts, I know you wont listen to those who tell you that just maybe you arent meant to be together, but it seems to be the case. Sorry man.

[Jeff M Stevens]

Listen, BELIEVE IT NOW. You didn't mention if she was dating you while she was in other serious relationships. If that is the case, then if she did it to them, she would do it to you.

 

I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was free and clear while dating you.

 

Here is the deal. Women do NOT break up with guys they are in love with.

 

You talking about her stress and other factors are just RATIONALIZATIONS on your part.

 

I am not trying to hurt your feelings here and I feel for you man, but this girl has told you in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you are not #1 with her.

 

I doubt you even cracked her top 25.

 

Women, when they are in love with you, HELP YOU be around them.

 

That is the bottom line/reality factor that no one can change.

 

You seem like a great guy that deserves a great girl.

 

She might SEEM like the one for you but she DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME level of affection that you feel for her.

 

Remember, women that are in love with you, help you be around them.

 

Period.

 

Please move on to another adventure. You deserve a wonderful woman that will be sweet, supportive and not fight with you all the time and make you wonder whether or not she will be with you or not.

 

Good luck

[9Lives]

NC is not for getting someone back. NC is not for gettingsomeone back. NC is not for getting someone back.

 

I said that 3 times cause you MUST understand that. NC is no new pain and to get on with your own life period. PLease understand that.

 

with that being said, this chic opening her legs to another man is a very bad sign for you. She is on to the next one. I'm a woman and when we love someone, we want to give that person our love not someone else.

 

you had a AMAZING love together at one point but ITS NOT THE SAME RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE. She changed your relationship. so she is not 'ms sweet lips' anymore. she is 'ms fk another when things get rough'. Two different people okay.

 

so decided what is best for YOUR life. do you want someone who will work thru problems or someone who will tell u I don't miss u and hop in bed with another man. the choice is yours.

 

if you do NC, remember it is not to get someone back.

 

I feel for u cause I had amazing love that I didn't want to let go of and it got worst and worst. I learned the hard way. when another person enters the rel..its time to move on to a better place than where I am.

 

respect comes befor love now.